5. Very Hype About This Apple


November 25th, 2019

1 hr 3 mins 59 secs

Your Hosts

About this Episode




  • Hypothesizing about how much business your internet review gets a small business.
  • A restaurant in San Francisco somehow not going out of business.
  • Reassuring meme carriers that they are still good people.
  • Majestic yet ridiculous muscledudes.
  • Dreaming a GDC talk.
  • Taking the "lord" title seriously because you are probably ruled by literal lords.
  • Our sister podcast across the pond, Topic Senators.
  • Distinguishing lords from non-lords by their shoulder armor.
  • Preppers going from being a joke to an aspiration.
  • Realizing that literally none of your skills would help you in the apocalypse.
  • Drinking pee through a Life Straw and it still tasting like pee.
  • California-branded disasters.
  • Naming your produce via an Internet poll.
  • Produce having a launch date.
  • Lining up at Safeway for produce's midnight launch.
  • Eating berries exclusive to your region.
  • Believing horses still exist because you've seen them once.
  • Being almost sure horses aren't a hoax.
  • Inserting horses into the historical record.
  • Duckbilled platypi being obviously bullshit.
  • Every platypus having been secretly manufactured by the Tyrell Corporation.
  • LA and San Francisco merging because Philip K Dick didn't predict rising construction costs.
  • Finding out that miniature horses can be service animals.
  • Service ponies in the soup aisle.
  • Someone defacing an explanatory sign to make people believe that horses can be service animals.
  • Miniature ponies being grandfathered in.
  • Everyone choosing the mockingbird as their state bird.
  • Being annoyed that trees are the wrong trees.
  • Being young enough for them to just be trees I guess.
  • The sky being the wrong sky.
  • Seeing freeway exit signs for Jupiter.
  • The Golden Gate Bridge getting wrecked.
  • A story being grounded in geography.
  • Stepping out of the movie theater into the neighborhood the movie you saw was set in and feeling like you're still in the movie.
  • Everyone's effective hometown being San Francisco because that's where every movie is set.
  • Getting experience points for taking selfies.
  • The Coit Tower secretly being a giant hologram full of horses.
  • The arbitrariness of what makes a hotel scary.
  • The horror of a hotel room possibly having bedbugs.
  • Not being scared by a movie because you chose to watch it.
  • The cute robot doing all the murders.
  • The TV edit of Robocop somehow being even more traumatic.
  • Sneaking an art house movie into your horror movie.
  • No longer being affected by supernatural horror but being terrified of movies with car accidents.
  • The implicit social contract that horror movies shouldn't address the horror of real life.
  • The ethics of advertising horror movies.
  • The ad that places a horrible idea in your mind and promises closure/the antidote if you pay for the full movie.
  • Buying a tub of baked beans at the concession stand and feeling good for five minutes.
  • Refilling the essential oil cartridge for gunfire.
  • Not wanting to smell Bioshock, or most video games really.
Support Topic Lords