hotcoldman@hotcoldmail.com

00:00:00
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01:07:13

December 2nd, 2019

1 hr 7 mins 13 secs

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About this Episode

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Lords this week:

Topics discussed:

Microtopics:

  • False promises about updating a podcast in-place.
  • Finding a creepy lemon hand in the Safeway lying there like a monkey's paw.
  • Finding citrus fruit in the toilet.
  • Finding talking fruit in the toilet.
  • Whether the toilet is a dish or a soup.
  • Accidentally paying $11 for cashew milk.
  • Asking the cashier to remove a weird squash.
  • Distracting the cashier with pictures of missing nuts.
  • The nut abduction clinic.
  • A grape that you have to peel like a shrimp.
  • A grape that is constantly pooping itself.
  • Writing grants for prawn farmers.
  • Draining the entire pond to grab all the prawns.
  • Sound re-use in Super Mario Bros.
  • Tropes that are boring in Japan but still interesting in other cultures.
  • King of the Hill being a relatable honor story about a salaryman.
  • Misutā Supākoru.
  • Imitation concrete pipes that won't roll over and crush you.
  • Being too socially inept to realize you're being excluded.
  • Trying to kill half your friends but only in retrospect.
  • The Goat Simulator stage of baby development.
  • The Goat Simulator stage of game development.
  • Being at the pinnacle of your child body.
  • Realizing halfway through the creative process that you should've been writing a novel.
  • Dying and giving a soliloquy about so dying representative democracy.
  • Having pages of justification for why you're covered with nipples.
  • The story about missing cowboys actually being about North Korea.
  • Not wanting to share your kumquat jokes.
  • Explaining a meme from 2010 to your grandchildren.
  • Sisqo playing a love interest dentist.
  • Replacing the love interest in the sequel.
  • Hangover 2 just having another hangover in it.
  • Making friends with Mexican paramilitary organizations to save the world.
  • Raising your child on a diet of guns and kung fu before the government takes him away.
  • The most woke Shrek movie.
  • Deciding whether you want to hear "All Star" literally all the time.
  • Moving pieces of paper around and not being sure you're making anything better.
  • Being yelled at by your sister to wash potatoes faster.
  • Your yelling sister following you from job to job.
  • A sandwich being well beyond your cognitive load.
  • Ordering a viking at Subway.
  • Eating the devil given physical form every Wednesday for lunch.
  • Writing summoning words in your sandwich order.
  • Thinking of the exact same demon as your guest lord.
  • Writing an entire sentence with no commas at all because commas make you pretentious.
  • Putting a period in your minimalist font because you have to be able to refer to "Dr. Awesome."
  • Agreeing that "UPS" is a one-syllable word.
  • That one Finnish word that Jim still uses regularly.
  • Singing "Finnish Affectation" to the tune of "Wave of Mutilation"
  • Legislature that would force corporations to pay ongoing rent for the space their jingles take up in your brain.
  • Getting scurvy to cure your trench mouth.
  • Trading your oral health for the opportunity to make weird troll games for a living.
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