118. The Dinosaur Poetry Gap

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Lords:

• Eitan
  • https://www.firehosegames.com/
• Xalavier
  • https://twitter.com/WritNelson

Topics:

• When I was a kid I hated gym class. Now I'm kinda sad that no one forces me to play sports on a semi-regular basis
• How long is it polite to stare at a person before it gets weird for you, specifically (assuming they haven't seen you).
• When asked why some people find her music to be spiritual, Enya explained that "It's the amount of reverb we use."
• "Eighty Million Years Ago," by Bill Watterson
  • https://sites.google.com/site/mrkoofloradale/common-lessons/language/languagemorecalvinandhobbespoetry
• Untrue facts about human anatomy
• Things that have been on your "I'm gonna do it" list for 10+ years, that you will in fact probably never get around to doing
• Why do cows have four stomachs but only one butthole?

Microtopics:

• Space Warlord Organ Trading Simulator.
• As many digits as you can imagine.
• The trope where you change costumes at a party to make people think you are more than one person.
• Your game's extremely long title breaking Steam's web site.
• Petting dogs using a different hand each time.
• A cat person who made a game about dogs.
• A giant person insisting that you go outside and play sports.
• When seagulls are full grown but they haven't realized they're adults yet so they're still begging other seagulls for food.
• A teenager realizing that they are now bigger than their parents and could beat the shit out of either of them at any time.
• Remembering that you enjoyed basketball in grade school and deciding to play basketball as an adult and realizing that the only adults who are still playing basketball are a thousand times better than you are.
• Observing and fearing that you will be observed in turn.
• Trying to predict who will decide you are a creep.
• Deciding whether you are a creep vs. letting others decide.
• Watching an elderly person for as long as they are still alive.
• Staring at someone forever in a nursing home and nobody gives a shit because there's no staring time limit in a nursing home.
• PvP for Perverts.
• Finding white papers to determine how long it's safe to stare at strangers under various conditions.
• Knowing everything you need to know about someone after seeing them for 1/10th of a second.
• Paying doppelgangers to do good deeds so people instinctively associate your appearance with good deeds.
• The Serious Batmans.
• A guy who is the Penguin who was raised by penguins.
• Figuring out how to make everybody feel every emotion all the time.
• Your own voice being very small but the voices you hear being really big.
• Listening from inside the Gregorian chanter's mouth.
• Finding a dungeon in which to sacrifice your goats.
• The Church of Satan asking to put their goat on display.
• Picking the most terrifying name for your rationalist philosophy.
• A 10 year old putting the Transformers movie on hold at the local library.
• A 30 minute toy commercial that somehow got run on television.
• Watching Optimus Prime die.
• A surprisingly queer road trip impacting robot-kind through time and space.
• Transformers: More Than Meets The Eye.
• Chasing after a glowing cube that's going to give you power.
• Edison making documentary about electrocuting an elephant to prove that DC power is dangerous.
• Falling in love with a pigeon with laser eyes.
• The Christmas story where bloodthirsty reindeer are stalking Rudolph and he hides in a closet and they spot the light glowing under the door.
• Giving your child the talk about where Fortnite skins come from.
• The Santa FPS where your gun is all the reindeer and instead of muzzle flash Rudolph's nose glows.
• A ripped Santa Claus running over Peter Parker.
• Fore and aft serrations.
• Dawdling by the candy shop and being devoured.
• The terrible secret of Ragnasaurth's bones.
• Taking back the soul of the nation via Tyrannosaur poetry.
• TikTok? More like "tick tock it's time to write some dinosaur poetry."
• How neurotransmitters definitely don't work.
• The volunteer who proved that if you uncoil all the blood vessels in the human body they will reach the moon and back seven times.
• All your serotonin languishing under a heat lamp because whoever runs the diner in your brain is a real dick.
• How to convey facial expressions via sound effects in an audio medium.
• Gymnasts getting hiccups by rotating too much and having to rotate the other way to cure them.
• Not being old enough to have a bucket list.
• Fried butter.
• Waiting on tenterhooks for when it's ok to eat fried butter again.
• Deciding on your deathbed to take a bath in butter.
• Learning enough about tubes that you can hack the IV bag whenever you want to get more opiates.
• Two-socks McGillicuddy.
• Whether the guy's name is Fried Jesus or Fried Jesus.
• When you saw one set of footprints in the sand it was because you collapsed thirty miles back.
• Loss-leader churros.
• A really ethical company in a sea of Wal-marts.
• The pros and cons of having four stomachs in sequence vs. four stomachs in parallel.
• The cow not being impressed by the extra buttholes you installed at first, but later thanking you when it needs to propel itself around in microgravity.
• How much of your surface area needs to be butthole before you are yourself considered a butthole.
• A 76% butthole being.
• If the new butthole is shaped like a smiley face, does that mean the cow is happy?
• Professional with a capital p.