119. Book 'Em, Dildano


January 31st, 2022

1 hr 3 mins 32 secs

Your Hosts

About this Episode

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  • Jenni
    • @horsewizrd
  • Chris


  • The coming schism between Wordle purists & Wordle metagamers
  • Amazon kindle fantasy best-sellers is ruled by niches that nobody outside of kindle or Royal Road users have heard of
  • In high school I knew a guy who, one time, managed to use up all the ink in a ball-point pen. The ink tube in there was just totally empty, it was astonishing. Nowadays whenever we run out of olive oil I get the same thrill. I did it! I used all the oil!
  • The Tiger, by Nael, Age 6
  • Why can't Wizards or any of the clones figure out how to make D&D fun to play at high levels? Why is this an unsolved design?
  • Zardoz & Barbarella have similar energy except Zardoz comes across as sincere & Barbarella comes across as falsely ironic to hide the sincerity


  • Jim's sip of tea.
  • Making your husband Sleepytime tea so he goes to sleep while recording the podcast.
  • Making a video of yourself arguing with your cooking teacher to post to social media.
  • What is a Wordle?
  • The Wordle sheriff joke.
  • Muting the green block emoji so you stop seeing all the Wordle bragging.
  • How to improve Wordle's psychic damage output.
  • Wordle except instead of five letters it's five abstract concepts.
  • Paranormal reverse-harem.
  • Pricing your paranormal reverse-harem book at $250 and discounting it 99% so users are like "paranormal reverse-harem for $2.50? I can't afford not to!"
  • All the topics you can't sell books about on Amazon and all the coded tags you use to sell them anyway.
  • Whether Amazon will ban your book as containing bestiality if the genitalia is on the human side of the minotaur.
  • A horse with human intelligence with a penis growing out of its back, and whether anyone has sex with the penis.
  • The liminal space between bestiality and reverse-bestiality.
  • Arguing in traffic court that your car is just a collection of atoms and the distinction between those atoms and those of the world it's traveling with respect to exists entirely in our minds.
  • Doing a crime just to go to Horse Court and see that horse judge you.
  • Admitting that you are That Guy.
  • Sending your pens to the pen dimension.
  • Graduating from high school and discovering that the weird lump on the knuckle of your middle finger isn't just you having a weird skeleton.
  • Writing good handwriting.
  • Refilling the salt pig from the salt cylinder.
  • When the sauce is burning and the only solution is to salt it right now.
  • Going to Horse Court to decide which of you bought the pepper grinder.
  • Popular with the robots.
  • Whether the poem works on a third level.
  • Writing the best poem.
  • Viral Poetry Sensation "The Tiger."
  • An "invisibility cloak" which is just an empty hanger.
  • A magic supply store where half the items are just jokes on the purchaser.
  • The adult poetry workshop where you drink a glass of wine and transcribe "The Tiger" by Nael, age 6, then take it home and show it to your parents.
  • Trying to look at the thumb tips your friends are going on about.
  • Braving Omicron to buy a thumb tip.
  • Hypnotizing a napkin.
  • A magic trick where you make a rubber band disappear, but only for yourself.
  • Aging two years while dead.
  • Whether Nethack's difficulty curve is better than D&D's.
  • A weird combination of spells that is broken in a non-numerical way.
  • What the wizard did when the spaghetti-os were on too high a shelf to reach.
  • Letting the players fight Thor even though you know they'll figure out a way to kill Thor.
  • Thor swinging his hammer and killing you without having to roll any dice because Thor doesn't have stats.
  • The Dying Earth series by Jack Vance.
  • Godlike wizards feuding over who took the leftovers out of the office fridge because they ran out of real problems to solve.
  • The Dying Earth series by Jack Vance, except with football.
  • That Insidious Beast by Zack Parsons.
  • Instructions for a fruit.
  • There is no Antimemetics Division, by qntm.
  • Counterfeit Monkey by Emily Short.
  • Sean Connery in a red diaperkini.
  • The big head that floats around and vomits guns and explains how guns are better than penes.
  • When they invented the concept of copies of movies.
  • Your deal with the devil where if you fail to make Lord of the Rings you have to make Zardoz, but you succeed you get to make King Kong.
  • Scantily clad rocket people.
  • Barbarella lying in a thumb harp being yelled at by a dude wearing a Dalek and reading from a piano roll.
  • Learning how to draw by looking at promotional shots from Barbarella.
  • Mario fanfiction through the lens of Cyberpunk.
  • Whether they have sarcasm in Japan.
  • Tom Nook slapping his own nipples for ten hours.
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