14. Dad Is A Cenobite


January 27th, 2020

1 hr 5 mins 17 secs

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About this Episode

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  • April is a park ranger at @aprilsaur.
  • Danny makes video game documentaries at https://noclip.website/ and is on Twitter at @dannyodwyer.



  • Reading numbers off of a list because topics haven't been invented yet.
  • Giving someone a funny look where the funny part is that you're not looking at them.
  • Cows that are so cute you want to want to put them in your mouth, which would surely kill them.
  • The fuzzy cows only being fuzzy because it's winter.
  • Falling off a cliff being the only way to hurt yourself in Ireland.
  • The song they teach Irish children about American tourists falling off cliffs.
  • Age differences being insignificant when you're millions of years old.
  • Knowing two people but calling them both the same thing because one of their names is too hard to say.
  • Which animals are close enough to a dog to call "dog."
  • A perfect 1960s household but the dad is a cenobite.
  • Not being sure if you have bad luck or if you're just a bad person.
  • Product researchers studying what you like because everything you like fails.
  • Lying to researchers so companies will still make products you like.
  • Eating banana flavored corn flakes while you watch Milli Vanilli music videos on your Betamax player and Ralph Nader is the mayor.
  • Moving to a zip code where all your neighbors have your same contrary taste in products.
  • A wallet the size of four king-sized Snickers bars.
  • Finding paradise in the wrong gender's department at Target.
  • Feeling the thrill of being free of a giant heavy brick.
  • Having to buy an expensive, fashionable watch because otherwise your peers won't take you seriously.
  • Taking a photo of your ID and just showing the cop your Instagram.
  • Getting a non-folding wallet so your dollar bills won't have creases.
  • Explaining to the barista that the last guy put the crease in the dollar bill, not you.
  • Promising the barista you won't fold the coffee either.
  • Getting a note press so this sort of thing won't happen again.
  • Getting to say your cool last name into a walkie talkie at work.
  • Technically not appropriating anything because you're just using culture that's already been appropriated by someone else.
  • A day full of mostly making people happy, for a change.
  • Changing your last name to Ass and owing royalties to Ass owners.
  • An opportunity for some serious synergy.
  • Radio listeners celebrating other radio listeners.
  • Deciding to throw the blue checkmark people in with gen pop.
  • Waiting until you're on your deathbed to watch something to maximize anticipation.
  • The last thing you see before they turn off the dialysis machine.
  • Missing out on pop culture because you always click "skip ad" as soon as possible.
  • Advertising your audience into submission.
  • Trying to explain a slide rule without understanding what a slide rule is.
  • Watching Alien in the theater with a baby strapped to your chest.
  • Evolving to not kill yourself when you head butt a tree.
  • Having an incredibly fancy tongue.
  • Squirrels eating every single bulb from your string lights to humiliate you.
  • A peregrine falcon drowning a songbird in a creek while looking you in the eye.
  • Always being sure to catch the woodpecker with the beak facing away from you.
  • Letting the other kids on the playground do the imagining for you.
  • Deciding whether it's actually "great" to "e-meet" you.
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