14. Dad Is A Cenobite

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

• April is a park ranger at @aprilsaur.
• Danny makes video game documentaries at https://noclip.website/ and is on Twitter at @dannyodwyer.

Topics:

• 4:26 Intentionally teaching your child the wrong word for something.
  • Dogtooth. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dogtooth_(film)
  • It turns out the kid's mom was talking to him in English at the same time -- a bilingual household. https://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/news/article/13011269/klingon-as-a-second-language
  • The "I Can Eat Glass" project. https://www.oocities.org/nodotus/hbglass.html
• 14:44 Harbinger households.
  • https://boingboing.net/2019/12/03/harbringer-of-doom.html
• 21:29 Men's wallets.
• 31:45 Quill asks: "I've been planning to change my name recently. The first name that I came up with is 'Quill,' but I can't think of a good last name to go with it. Could you give me some suggestions, or some advice on how to come up with cool names?"
  • We used Hitch Switch to change our names and it saved us a lot of work. (It still involved a lot of work.) https://www.hitchswitch.com/
  • The Aphantasia study. https://www.eugencpopa.ro/wp-content/uploads/Afantazia-.pdf
• 41:17 Shen Yun commercials are literally everywhere.
  • Shen Yun 2019 official trailer. https://youtu.be/7H-kYoczCp0
  • Shen Yun is "essentially, religious-political propaganda—or, more generously, an extremely elaborate commercial for Falun Dafa’s spiritual teachings and its plight vis-à-vis the Chinese Communist regime." https://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/stepping-into-the-uncanny-unsettling-world-of-shen-yun
  • How to use an abacus. https://www.ee.ryerson.ca/~elf/abacus/intro.html
  • How to use a slide rule. https://www.sliderulemuseum.com/SR_Course.htm
  • Baby friendly movie theaters. https://babyfriendlyamerica.com/2016/06/movies/
• 49:50 Woodpeckers can withstand impacts of 100gs.
  • Woodpecker eating. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPhzGpSspSHx1cA1O-FAAtsFu34MZbg-t
  • A weasel riding a woodpecker. https://www.nationalgeographic.com/news/2015/3/150303-weasels-woodpeckers-animals-science-weaselpecker-photos/
  • The best source I could find describing the mechanism of any self sharpening maw: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/adfm.201001546
• 57:24 Being an extremely unimaginative kid.

Microtopics:

• Reading numbers off of a list because topics haven't been invented yet.
• Giving someone a funny look where the funny part is that you're not looking at them.
• Cows that are so cute you want to want to put them in your mouth, which would surely kill them.
• The fuzzy cows only being fuzzy because it's winter.
• Falling off a cliff being the only way to hurt yourself in Ireland.
• The song they teach Irish children about American tourists falling off cliffs.
• Age differences being insignificant when you're millions of years old.
• Knowing two people but calling them both the same thing because one of their names is too hard to say.
• Which animals are close enough to a dog to call "dog."
• A perfect 1960s household but the dad is a cenobite.
• Not being sure if you have bad luck or if you're just a bad person.
• Product researchers studying what you like because everything you like fails.
• Lying to researchers so companies will still make products you like.
• Eating banana flavored corn flakes while you watch Milli Vanilli music videos on your Betamax player and Ralph Nader is the mayor.
• Moving to a zip code where all your neighbors have your same contrary taste in products.
• A wallet the size of four king-sized Snickers bars.
• Finding paradise in the wrong gender's department at Target.
• Feeling the thrill of being free of a giant heavy brick.
• Having to buy an expensive, fashionable watch because otherwise your peers won't take you seriously.
• Taking a photo of your ID and just showing the cop your Instagram.
• Getting a non-folding wallet so your dollar bills won't have creases.
• Explaining to the barista that the last guy put the crease in the dollar bill, not you.
• Promising the barista you won't fold the coffee either.
• Getting a note press so this sort of thing won't happen again.
• Getting to say your cool last name into a walkie talkie at work.
• Technically not appropriating anything because you're just using culture that's already been appropriated by someone else.
• A day full of mostly making people happy, for a change.
• Changing your last name to Ass and owing royalties to Ass owners.
• An opportunity for some serious synergy.
• Radio listeners celebrating other radio listeners.
• Deciding to throw the blue checkmark people in with gen pop.
• Waiting until you're on your deathbed to watch something to maximize anticipation.
• The last thing you see before they turn off the dialysis machine.
• Missing out on pop culture because you always click "skip ad" as soon as possible.
• Advertising your audience into submission.
• Trying to explain a slide rule without understanding what a slide rule is.
• Watching Alien in the theater with a baby strapped to your chest.
• Evolving to not kill yourself when you head butt a tree.
• Having an incredibly fancy tongue.
• Squirrels eating every single bulb from your string lights to humiliate you.
• A peregrine falcon drowning a songbird in a creek while looking you in the eye.
• Always being sure to catch the woodpecker with the beak facing away from you.
• Letting the other kids on the playground do the imagining for you.
• Deciding whether it's actually "great" to "e-meet" you.