2. Conjure A False Gobot


November 4th, 2019

1 hr 2 mins 30 secs

Your Hosts

About this Episode

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!




  • Lord enthusiasm.
  • Thinking of Ghostbusters because you can't imagine a firefighter.
  • Foraging for oats on the top floor of a fire station.
  • Installing a pole because your infant son can't descend stairs.
  • Finding a horse in a tree.
  • Playing CLOP to learn empathy for the descending horse.
  • Replacing a spiral staircase with a normal staircase.
  • The entire city burning down because the firefighters can't get past the horse that's stuck on the landing.
  • Becoming a morning person because of your government job.
  • Your child possibly loving the daycare lady more than he loves you.
  • Taking melatonin because you don't have the discipline for not looking at screens before bed.
  • The shitty dreams of melatonin boot camp.
  • Gnawing on the melatonin and leaving it on the nightstand for next time.
  • Your body getting stuck on a particular sleep schedule long past its relevance.
  • Hypothesizing how much long-lasting damage you did with your teenage sleep habits.
  • Focusing better because everyone else is asleep.
  • Working until 4am because you're being so productive.
  • Not knowing how ads work because you have an ad-blocker installed.
  • Finding about how ads work from an 11 year old.
  • Your alternate reality self who enjoys a good advertisement now and again.
  • Maintaining the pace of film trailers for over an hour.
  • Mistaking the trailer before the movie as being part of the movie.
  • Nobody being fooled by your fake trailer because people don't watch movies in theaters any more.
  • Avoiding watching Bandersnatch because you're a completionist.
  • The technical difficulties of adding late choice points to an otherwise linear film.
  • Being nostalgic for old UIs of web services.
  • Finding a web page that hasn't changed in 15 years.
  • Finding a web page that looks 15 years old but also has a mobile style sheet.
  • Editing an innocuous fact on Wikipedia that nobody will bother to fact-check.
  • Asking to view a historical document and sneaking in a quill pen and inkwell to modify it.
  • Citing your doctored document on Wikipedia.
  • Befriending a history professor and asking them to mention your fake Kansas senator in a published paper.
  • Falsifying movie running times just because you can get away with it.
  • Citing an obscure magazine as your source on Wikipedia because nobody will bother to check.
  • Clinging to the scraps of the past that you've salvaged from eBay and garage sale VHS tapes.
  • Poor documentation of pop culture leading to compelling mysteries.
  • Drowning true information with false information.
  • The downside of having a unique Google string.
  • Having repercussions on all levels of nested reality.
  • Dreams as really lazy storytelling.
  • Remembering facts without remembering their origin.
  • Getting stuck opening a door to mask dream loading time.
  • Making up any old bullshit and being convinced it's a Beatles rarity.
  • Desperately fleeing from the "The End" title card.
  • Realizing your dream is actually just the plot of The Neverending Story.
Support Topic Lords