107. 27 Kilobytes Of Pure Magic

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

• Ryan
  • https://twitter.com/ryanikecomposer/
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldtX4d5qanA
• Jenni
  • https://twitter.com/horsewizrd/

Topics:

• Video games providing an illusion of competency & how jarring it is when they don't
• Carcinization
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carcinisation
• Manualism
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwxvOKuLUQ0
• Did you ever play "AR games" with your own imagination when you were a kid? What kind?

Microtopics:

• Whether Jim enjoys it when nobody can decide who should go first.
• Whoever can blurt their name out fastest.
• Dog Airport Game.
• Eating pizza around a three year old.
• Wizard With A Gun.
• A song for a trailer where the trailer ends but the song keeps going for years.
• Hiring a team of monks to take turns notes on a church organ for seven hours at a time.
• When one of the monks you hired to play the organ for seven hours at a time dies and keels over onto the keys and it's a cluster chord but we'll take it.
• Jack Pumpkin Skellington.
• What happens when Merlin gets off in space.
• How many wizard/firearm puns we can think of. (2)
• Making a movie about the legend of King Arthur with all the magic removed and Merlin is just an old man who needs a bath.
• The highly relatable legend of King Arthur buying Excalibur from the katana shop next to Spencer's Gifts.
• That time King Arthur lost his wedding ring under the bed and had to sweep it out using Excalibur.
• A collaboration where one person writes the first half of the story and the other person writes a 4chan reference.
• Making paintings with the art skills of a writer.
• The illusion of hyper-competency.
• Moving your thumb a fraction of an inch and your avatar onscreen does a cartwheel off of a robot's face.
• Driving behind Wario and he has that big purple caboose and you just want to slam it.
• Blue Shell pacifists who try throw a Blue Shell without hurting any other drivers
• Whether that skeleton who shoots lasers at you has a wife and kids at home who would also shoot lasers at you.
• Mr. Friendly.
• Having to solve each topic before you can move on.
• Someone trying to pirate your music on Youtube but instead of music you poured vinegar into the tube and when they listen to the other end of the tube they just get an earful of vinegar.
• Flies landing on your psoriasis patches because they ooze a little bit and probably smell like rotting meat or at least oozing meat.
• Going into a psychological death spiral because you just realized that you and everyone you know is just rotting meat, and then coming out of it and letting everyone know that they can just skip the death spiral, there isn't any sweet loot down there.
• Reminding the listener that everyone they care about will die someday but it's okay because Wario's juicy purple butt exists.
• Providing foley for your death just in case in case you die silently while recording the show.
• Writing a song to play at a friend's funeral but they're not allowed to hear it until then so when they die they go into the Great Unknown Mystery of whether your song is any good.
• Whether this 27k wav file that you've been instructed to play at your funeral counts as music, strictly speaking.
• Writing an intricate eight minute sonata with the intention of time-stretching it down to less than a second.
• Meeting crab scientists who talk about carcinization and then turn into crabs right in front of you.
• Transmorphing into a crab and deciding to hold a knife all the time just because you can.
• Finding out about carcinization and then staying up all night wondering when you're going to get your crab claws.
• Finding out whether anyone at Berkeley has designed a musical instrument for after you turn into a crab by googling for "Berkeley carcinization instrument"
• A vent-based apparatus.
• Wrapping your fingers in electrical tape and getting a preview of what making music will be like after we all turn into crabs.
• Chilling with a pile of rotting meat on a beach, like "what's up?"
• Hands feet and they're all around sticking out in every direction so we can just roll everywhere.
• The fate of the Butthole Foot.
• Centaur World, where everything is centaurs.
• The mighty centaur, with the bottom half of a bull and the top half of a cenobite.
• A centaur thing a wrinkle through time flew
• A man with a body of a motorcycle.
• Centaur court, the court where the bottom half is replaced with a horse.
• Gerry the manualist.
• Playing songs on your hands for 52 years.
• Playing AR games with your own imagination.
• Picking a dirty spot on the window to be your avatar and moving your head around to make it dodge obstacles in the background, which doesn't look any sillier than when you play a VR game except that since you don't have a helmet on your can see the people giving you the side eye.
• Imagining that your parent's car shoots missiles out of the hubcaps.
• Tony Hawk with feet sticking out in every direction except from his butthole.
• Doing Christ Air after Christ Air on your way to get some Arby's.
• One professor refusing to judge your thesis because the two of you go to the same school and all the other professors refusing to judge your thesis because the first professor's reason for not doing it doesn't make any sense so the school just gives up and lets you graduate.
• Wanting it until it turns out to have been a bad idea to want it.
• Being a professional for five seconds a week.