150. Your Honking Monotoe

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September 5th, 2022

1 hr 1 min 46 secs

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About this Episode

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Lords:

Topics:

  • Hot Topic
  • Toe picks
  • Topical medication
  • Groke asks: My friend (who is completely unaware of this podcast and did this apropos of nothing) emailed the Mars chocolate company to find out why the Topic candy bar has that name. "Dear Mr Smith, Thanks for getting in touch about our MARS product. The Topic bar has been a firm favourite since it's introduction in 1962, unfortunately over time the origin of how the Topic chocolate bar came to be called Topic has been lost and now it has become a mystery that we are still trying to discover'. If you need any more information, please let us know. Kind Regards, Nasteha Tiirow Consumer Care Mars Chocolate UK Reference No: 00366098"
  • Test of Proficiency in Korean
  • Topic Records

Microtopics:

  • Who has been on Topic Lords the most often.
  • Plugging a leaky dog.
  • Whether dogs know about consent.
  • A store in the mall that teenagers go to.
  • Stranger Things merch in the Hot Topic.
  • Squeezing the timeline.
  • The goth-emo shift of the aughts.
  • The phrase "big tiddy goth girlfriend" which will far outlast the word "goth" in general usage.
  • Dark Academia: emo but in school.
  • Trying to do actual research in an Elden Ring library.
  • Rustic Dark Academics.
  • Buying a sweet Kirby t-shirt at GameStop and getting a compliment on it from your therapist.
  • Minnesota: the Land of Lakes.
  • Dogehouse Laser Tag.
  • A variety show that shows a variety of Youtube videos.
  • The internet and real life merging, to the detriment of both realms.
  • Everyone's top four toes.
  • Intrusive thoughts about feet, the worst body part.
  • What the guy who runs the nude model sketch thing thinks of your feet vis-a-vis your age.
  • The most awkward encounter of your life until the next day when you run into the same guy again.
  • Sending a picture of your feet to the same friend every year.
  • Putting 720° in a Marble Madness cabinet so that when people can't figure out how to play it and ask you how, you can ask them to show you their feet.
  • Top ten toe beans.
  • Mr. Frito-Lay smelling a dog foot and thinking "I want a chip that smells like this!"
  • Nothin' but thumbs.
  • Whether a horse hoof is just one big toenail.
  • What people would look like if they had the proportions of animals.
  • The indecency of seeing a bird's knee.
  • Medication you're supposed to use topically but it also tastes good.
  • The ester they use to indicate that even though this hand lotion smells good, it also smells like you shouldn't put it in your mouth.
  • Very petroleum-based very fake coconut.
  • Chris Hemsworth answering a question at a press conference when one of his assistants says "it's time for your hourly chicken" and shoves a chicken breast in his mouth.
  • Deep-frying the inedible part of the edamame.
  • Chewing your food as many times as possible.
  • Elaborate traffic jam metaphors for chewing food.
  • Hitting the big four-two.
  • The Box of Celebrations.
  • Describing a Twix bar without ever saying the name Twix.
  • When the moon hits your eye like a big chocolate gravy, that's a mole.
  • Trying to buy just one Andes Mint so you go to a hotel or a steakhouse in 1997 but the host won't let you buy it, they're like "just take it and leave."
  • Triscuit: it's one more than a biscuit.
  • Champion Racehorse Electricity Biscuit.
  • The Shape of Electricity, starring Pikachu.
  • Winston drinking all of your water.
  • Being proud that you translated a sign in a language you're learning, then looking just below that sign and seeing a translated sign in your native language just below it.
  • Sneaking into somebody's room and replacing their diary with their diary translated into Korean.
  • Saloon: just a salon with an extra O.
  • The room where you keep your art collection in a pile on the floor and visitors can come in to dig through it.
  • The podcast where we talk about Robin Tunney.
  • Selling Soviet and left-wing political music by mail order.
  • The Hundred Best Poetry Topics.
  • Why it is so frustrating to be frustrated.
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