129. Yet Another Country Where They Don't Pee

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

• Alex
• Shannon

Topics:

• Regional Trash animals
• Dynamic water features
• The Pee Pee Dance is nowhere to be found on Wikipedia
• The Bells, by Edgar Allen Poe
  • https://poets.org/poem/bells
• Recipe essentialism
• Sei Shonagon's Hateful Things are relatable
  • https://www.basicincome.com/bp/hatefulthings.htm

Microtopics:

• Striving to sound like a motor that has just been switched off.
• A very healthy vasovagal response.
• Separating the platelets from the plasma.
• Donating blood to anybody on the street with a needle and some brownie brittle.
• Determining the blood type of this synthetic fake blood.
• Brownies except they shatter like glass between your teeth.
• Trashimals.
• Visiting a new place and delighting at all the local pests.
• Living in Florida and just bumping into crocodiles on the street.
• Monkeys climbing your body to steal your food and break your camera.
• Fairy penguins nesting in your storm drains.
• Scooping rattlesnakes into a bucket, going to a military base and dumping them into the tank cockpits.
• Only realizing that it's weird to have a rattlesnake in a jar on your porch when a Frenchman wants to come see.
• It's a Canyon Thing.
• Finding out that a mongoose is not the size of a goose.
• One of the more hazardous trashimals.
• Looking out the window and realizing that someone forgot to close the garage door and you're just going to have to wait for that grizzly bear to leave.
• The mountain lion who visited downtown Berkeley.
• A regular household goose.
• Turning off Niagara falls at night.
• Seeing behind the veil of the world when Niagara falls gets switched off.
• Going to Hawaii to see the milky way.
• A universal human experience that remains completely undocumented.
• The squeeze and grab strategy.
• Something you wouldn't want to sample in Costco.
• The tiny sommelier in your butt.
• Recipes calling for eggs or milk but not specifying which kind.
• Pee shivers.
• A reading face for radio.
• A sort of runic rhyme.
• The rhyming and the chiming of the bells bells bells bells bells bells bells.
• Edgar Allan Poe as an emo Dr. Seuss.
• The gamut of all the things bells can be.
• Adding more bells to the end of each verse.
• The Jabberwocky rewritten in the style of incomprehensible in-jokes.
• A cake recipe with two ingredients.
• Keto-something something cookies.
• Mashing the crosshatch shape with a fork.
• The Easy Cookbook: Over 100 Satisfying Recipes Made with Four Ingredients or Less.
• Ice cream made from eggs and peanut butter.
• The fourth ingredient is your car.
• Writing a book of listicles in the 11th century.
• The way the snow looks on the roofs of the village under moonlight, and how the plebian villagers can't appreciate it.
• When one is in a hurry to leave but one's visitor keeps chattering away.
• Shameless old people putting their feet up on braziers.
• One's attachment to a man depending largely on the elegance of his leave-taking.
• Trying to maintain all your clandestine relationships in a palace where the walls are made of paper.
• A person who recites a spell after sneezing.
• When one is about to be told some interesting piece of news and a baby starts crying.
• The exorcist staying up too late and falling asleep in the middle of the exorcism.
• All the interesting poetry and prose from a historical era being written by women because the men were expected to write in their second language.
• The Empress receives the gift of a phonograph at the dawn of voice recording, and she turns to and is like "uh, figure out something to do with this."