83. The Wide World Of Pores


May 24th, 2021

1 hr 1 min 52 secs

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  • The miracle of life on this very special episode of Topic Lords.
  • Fish milk.
  • The pigeon milk t-shirt.
  • Fish lactating out of their heads so the baby fish can swim through the milk cloud to improve their complexion.
  • Photos of proud fishermen holding fish bigger than they are and drinking milk off of their heads.
  • The top ten pores.
  • The defensive pores millipedes use to shoot itchy silk at you like silly string.
  • How if arachnids couldn't eat they'd die and how that's awesome actually.
  • Solid state arachnids.
  • The velvet worm.
  • Painting so many enormous millipedes that your boyfriend goes to the pet shop to get you an enormous millipede to draw from life and he comes back with no millipedes but he does smell like almonds for a week.
  • Creating a listener survey to see how many listeners made it past the topic about fish milk.
  • Not naming the RRS Sir David Attenborough but throwing a bone to the internet by naming its little buddy boat that pops out Boaty McBoatface.
  • Whether they're actually called pilots.
  • Losing a whole boatload of rubber duckies so to this day rubber duckies are washing ashore along with disarticulated left feet.
  • A Twitter bot that just says hello and goodbye to boats entering and leaving the San Francisco Bay.
  • Tweeting at a boat to say "you're killin' it out there, boat" and being immediately suspended by moderation bots.
  • Thousands of boat watchers in dinghies all over the ocean watching boat movement through binoculars and sending updates to vesselfinder.com via carrier pigeon.
  • Birds that are constantly changing their names.
  • How slough and slough are actually two different words.
  • The rest of the boat.
  • How snowplows get their names in Scotland.
  • The top eight snowplow names in Minnesota.
  • All the plow names that didn't make the cut.
  • Plugging a hair dryer into the cigarette lighter and attaching it to your front bumper to melt the ice as you drive.
  • A cop writing you a fix it ticket because your hair dryer cables are too tangled.
  • Superheroes who make house calls.
  • The police being completely unable to apprehend Angle Grinder man when his phone number and web site are totally public.
  • Construction Luigi.
  • Angle Grinder man and Wheel Clamp man both having the same publicity shot of doing a split and grinding the concrete.
  • A mob of masked superheroes descending on you and beating you up while you try to drink a smoothie.
  • Extreme Elvis.
  • A superhero named Bear Man whose superpower is that he only eats salmon.
  • Pouring one out for the Petoskey Batman.
  • Trying to think of how The Safety Dance goes but all you can think of is the Humpty Dance.
  • Getting a taste of Youtube's time-stretching algorithm and spitting it right back out.
  • Really enjoying the tall grass.
  • How to tell if somebody is running, frolicking or fleeing.
  • An excellent prop stone wall with a bunch of old looking rocks.
  • Extreme expressions of joy bursting with love as you walk through town screaming at everyone.
  • Continuously jumping and smiling and not being sure which will tire you out first.
  • S for safety.
  • Putting a lute in the music video when there's no lute in the song.
  • A split second of trenchant-seeming serious political commentary at the very end of this lighthearted music video.
  • Chumbawumba turning out to be serious political artists.
  • Going to genius.com to find out what The Safety Dance is really about.
  • Claiming that The Safety Dance is not a nuclear protest song per se even though you don't really know what "per se" means.
  • Drum hits triggered by popcorn pooping.
  • The popcorn vessel.
  • How all music is food-based if you think about it.
  • How humans have been singing since they had mouths.
  • Using popcorn as both a source of entropy and a tasty snack.
  • Tracking down the source of experimental saxophone music in the subway so you can give them money and it turns out to be a squeaky belt in the escalator.
  • The vegetable orchestra.
  • Powering your synth rock band using a bank of potatoes.
  • How potato-covered audio cables don't sound better than regular audio cables even though they are more delicious.
  • The Gallagher Prime story.
  • The Greek Tragedy of the Gallagher Bros.
  • Hashtag let Leo work.
  • Gallagher and Alf both being popular before we discovered what entertainment was.
  • All the paperwork you need to fill out to put music on Spotify.
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