The Great Mongolian Potato Sack Yak Race

00:00:00
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01:03:11

April 27th, 2020

1 hr 3 mins 11 secs

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Lords:

  • Jesse is @thefringthing on Twitter.
  • Avery has a Facebook somewhere and if you find it you can ask him whether he's playing any live shows.

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Writing a song and realizing that you just wrote Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies by mistake.
  • Not the coolest thing to accidentally be ripping off.
  • Rapidly shutting down the entire idea of introducing yourself.
  • Continuing to talk about about how mysterious Jesse is.
  • The question of whether a problem that has been proven unsolvable is as solved as it can be.
  • Asking two people to simultaneously explain Goldbach's Conjecture.
  • Four followed by more zeroes that would be in a trillion.
  • Determine whether the RDA of Iron is a multiple of two primes while choosing a can of soup.
  • Hitting the last prime number and running out.
  • Paul Erdos' advice for dealing with aliens who request Diagonal Ramsey Numbers.
  • Avery's favorite math proof.
  • Explaining to your bosses that your current task is technically uncomputable.
  • Not being able to elaborate on packing arc segments because biotech analysts might have you killed.
  • Yelling excitedly about graph isomorphism at the gym and tripping the Lunk Alarm.
  • Disappointment that Mr. Potato Head doesn't have an honorary doctorate.
  • Mr. Potato Head's presidential physical fitness award.
  • Potato cannibalism.
  • Most Votes For Mr. Potato Head In A Political Campaign.
  • Everyone who has finished Super Mario Bros. 2 in front of a Twin Galaxies representative.
  • A strange man lurking behind you while you play Mario, writing down your score.
  • The guy 120 Guinness World Records, or 119 if you don't count the "Most Guinness Records Held At Once" record.
  • Potato sack racing a yak across the Mongolian desert.
  • Most Yaks Raced Through The Mongolian Desert. (1)
  • The near worldwide tie of Most Guinness Records Not Held At Once.
  • Walking using shovels as stilts.
  • Most balloons inflated to inches in one hour. (671)
  • Slicing potatoes while hopping on a shovel.
  • Inheriting two shovels from your uncle's estate and trying to figure out what world records you can set using them.
  • Longest distance continuously somersaulting. (12 miles)
  • Whether cartwheeling for 12 miles is more strenuous than somersaulting for 12 miles.
  • Jumping on a pogo stick until your O2 tank is depleted.
  • Sleeping holding a brick.
  • Most Injuries Not Incurred Trying To Break World Records.
  • Trying to remember Fish Ladders but being derailed by the Fish Cannon.
  • Taking a break from counting fish.
  • Not performing any medicine for 10 hours and then in the next hour frantically performing 10x as much medicine as you normally would.
  • Buying a short-range electric car to teach yourself to plan better.
  • Being really confused by the turtle appearing on your dashboard and then the car turning off.
  • A dashboard light that's like the no smoking sign except instead of a cigarette it's a picture of your car.
  • Sneaking onto a billionaire's estate to furtively charge your Nissan Leaf.
  • Looking at security cam footage and seeing that you gave electricity to Doctor Who in a time of need.
  • The incredible variety of charge ports on a Nissan Leaf.
  • Having trophies ready to distribute as soon as you're allowed to leave the house.
  • Ordering yourself a "best attitude" trophy.
  • The gradient of a trophy's meaninglessness.
  • Ordering a bunch of trophies from Crown Awards and subsequently every ad you see being for Crown Awards.
  • Delving too deep into what a trophy is until it loses all meaning.
  • Realizing you could've ordered trophies better and throwing your existing trophies in the trash.
  • Passions being both flammable and inflammable.
  • Words that have changed meanings because of persistent misunderstandings.
  • Having a story about corn husks.
  • Holding a corn husk in the grocery store and saying "Ah! Corn husks!"
  • Explaining to schoolchildren that they used corn husks to wipe before toilet paper was invented but the children don't know what husks are so they assume you mean corn cobs.
  • Not eating the crabs that look like your forefathers.
  • Paying more attention to cats who cry at the same frequency as human babies.
  • Not eating the moths that look more like the soot-covered trees they're hiding on.
  • Sphinx Of Black Quartz, Judge My Vow except for the IPA.
  • Comparing accents visually.
  • Inventing new accents to compensate for accents merging into each other.
  • Having a particularly grating way of speaking and blaming it on being from San Francisco.
  • Your dead relative not listening to this podcast.
  • Whether or not Dragon's Lair is a pun.
  • Yelling like a soda jerk when the order is ready and nobody coming to pick it up because they can't understand what you're saying.
  • The British TV show that Sanford & Son was based on.
  • Memorizing your favorite carnival barker pitch and reciting it unprompted at family gatherings.
  • Field recordings of carnival barkers from the 1950s.
  • Pro Wrestling somehow retaining its weird 19th-century carny-speak for over a century.
  • Channeling the dark energy from your urn while you fight Hulk Hogan.
  • WMAC Masters, the martial arts tournament series with health bars on the screen.
  • If Undertaker and Hulk Hogan were trucks.
  • Hockey except you play it with a basketball and there are trampolines on the floor.
  • Taking basketball and making it extreme.
  • Sitting around until one of you thinks of a way to end the show.
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