238. Talk To Me Like A Doctor Who Gives A Shit

Lords:

• CisHetKayFaber
• Jenni

Topics:

• Interesting/weird foley sounds in games
• Finding out about pop culture when it shows up in ASMR videos
  • CisHetKayFaber, correcting small breast mammography takes: "Mammograms seem to suck for everyone, and my initial take of, 'they just keep going' is correct while later discussion where I used it as an example where 'best effort,' in the healthcare system feels like lack of care wasn't appropriate even if that broader point is generally true."
  • https://www.healthimages.com/how-are-mammograms-done-on-small-breasts/
• Going to see the eclipse
  • https://archive.org/details/canonofeclipsesc0000oppo
• He peels off my clothes like a starving man would peel an orange, by Sharon Cherski
  • https://www.mscl.com/characters/sharon_cherski.html
• Generational punctuation differences
  • https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the-millennial-captcha

Microtopics:

• Plugging the enormous void in your soul by playing Balatro.
• A card game with really good balance and numbering.
• Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel on the Rusty Lake series.
• Giving everybody grace except for yourself.
• Corpse looting foley.
• Looking through a sound library for the sound of a spider dying.
• Buying a chair from an estate sale because you love the sound it makes.
• The Looney Tunes cartoon where some foley artist invented everyone's conception of what a pneumatic tube sounds like.
• Running around outside and deciding to drop a soup can into the pool.
• A school project where you rerecord all the audio for five minutes of television.
• Showing your project to someone and you did such a good job that they don't even notice your project.
• All the clothes that you're wearing making all the clothes noises.
• Watching a porn clip overdubbed with Minecraft noises at just the right time in your life.
• Does two tails mean two assholes?
• Putting an acronym on the Tails experience.
• If you've got a cloaca, it's gotta go in the acronym.
• Only getting horny when an earth, somewhere in the multiverse, is being hit by a comet.
• Two-Tails has two assholes, and I'm one of them.
• Forming the Megazord.
• Lance from all the various things that have Lances in them.
• Who is Lance in love with Voltron?
• Google giving you sports results to make incognito mode more plausible.
• Ironic ASMR.
• Doin' it for the tingles.
• When Dora the Explorer asks you what your favorite part of the show was and she says "I liked that too" except it's a video of a doctor asking you about your health.
• The doctor explaining that this is just what your life is like now.
• Hot dogging it on the blood pressure cuff.
• Changing your blood pressure just to fuck with your doctor.
• Deliberately choosing a femme-presenting chubby doctor.
• Needing to lose about 40 pounds so you get a leg amputated.
• Checking a box on your insurance form saying "do not give me lifestyle advice."
• Carrying around your patient in a folder.
• Doing the Barium test every time.
• I'm in a Barium rotisserie, I need you to work with me.
• Checking the quality of your stomach lining.
• Trying to banter with the person giving you the mammogram and deeply offending them.
• Getting small mouth shame at the dentist.
• Rude Doctor ASMR.
• ASMR videos where the dentist tells you your mouth is big enough.
• Assuming Hugh Laurie is not on Cameo for the purposes of the bit.
• Sourcing an entire podcast through Cameo.
• The most stony-faced magical realism twin assassins.
• Topics episode topics.
• How to personalize a stair.
• Hiring Mike Ehrmantraut to tell you how you're gonna do your taxes.
• Mike Ehrmantraut administering the mammogram.
• Visiting friends who live near the totality.
• A stump that is freshly cut so it's exuding sap non-stop and is covered with bees and flies 24/7.
• Whalefall but on land.
• Chekov's oozing stump coming back in the third act.
• Going to the astronomical society web site to be sure that the eclipse glasses you get are not the counterfeit eclipse glasses.
• Looking at where the sun used to be.
• Looking at something that could only be a visual effect except it's right there in the sky.
• A thousand year old elf working through her emotions about how her human friends keep dying.
• The day you had to be inside during recess.
• Standing up and throwing your potato salad and mint julep on the ground.
• Writing an angry email to Peter Molyneux for designing eclipses badly.
• The cold cement basement of love.
• Media from 1992.
• Borrowing the DVD boxed set of My So-Called Life from your manager at the pizza place.
• Writing poems for your benefactors.
• Poetry written from the point of view of a fake person.
• Poetry that could plausibly have been written by a teenager.
• Do you believe the German mathematician in the 19th century, or do you believe Google?
• A soda can that plays the Amen Break when you open it.
• Texts from your mom asking how is your "boyfriend," is there anything I can do to "help"?
• What it means when someone puts two spaces after a period.
• Growing up meaningfully on the internet.
• Composing some shit very quickly and making sure it is very needs-suiting.
• Taking all day to come up with 350 words because you did not grow up on IRC or forums.
• All the kids discordin' like for real for real fam.
• A much wider variety of emoji than anything you can do with colons and parentheses.
• Sending the semicolon-based winky face to your wife because you cannot be bothered to pull open the emoticon window and find the right icon.
• Asking your dad "what do you think LMAO means"
• Aunts saying "LOL" in funeral announcements.
• Entire generations who have terrible reading comprehension because they didn't grow up texting their friends as their primary mode of communication.
• Missing entire regions of UI because they are vaguely shaped like ads.
• Using a bigger computer to make your bigger purchases.
• Millenial CAPTCHAs.
• Straight for pay.