111. Put It In A Vice And Squish It


December 6th, 2021

1 hr 6 mins 54 secs

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  • Erica
  • Abby



  • Photoshopping your co-guest's face onto a platypus or maybe it's a beaver.
  • Wanting to depict someone as having a really excellent body without knowing what that means to them, so you photoshop a swimming trophy into their hands.
  • The claw beavers use to comb oil into their fur.
  • An after-dinner lemon.
  • Memorably embarrassing yourself as a mnemonic aid.
  • Playing along with someone's schemes to get them to leave you alone.
  • A cool hacker whose anti-establishment principles drive her to pirate every episode of Digimon.
  • Differentiating between the real world and the cyberpunk dystopian future by the number of Digimon available.
  • Painting the peg of a loose action figure joint with clear nail polish so the peg gets a little thicker.
  • The downtown Los Angeles Gundam shop.
  • Not being permitted, socially, to carry around clear nail polish, so you get a flask and write "man juice" on it and pour the nail polish in.
  • Man Juice, For Men Only.
  • Finding a vice big enough to squish an entire city block.
  • Desperately searching for how to do something and finding a single forum post from fifteen years ago, with a single reply from the same poster saying "never mind, figured it out."
  • Appealing to 60 year old men who need something to put in their basement.
  • When tour wife and kids leave you and your turkey sandwich is dry and lonely.
  • Ancient web forums that aren't getting any more radicalized because nobody is posting there any more.
  • The scum of mold you get on top of your pickling brine.
  • How Koreans deal with moldy kimchi.
  • Transcending all human notions of gender by both using blush to make your Gundam model look muddy and using a soldering iron to make it look like it has bullet holes.
  • The ways The T-1000 is female-coded, actually, e.g. taking on a child care role, but the filmmakers clothe the robot in a masculine skin for some reason.
  • A beaver with a swimming trophy who doesn't want to go in the lake because it's too cold.
  • Eating your lemons and sitting in the dark of the lodge, as the winter will soon be over.
  • Whether beavers get pruny.
  • Why and how to get pruny.
  • Animals that have hands.
  • Otter brains: too bigs for their skulls.
  • Finding out what animals have in store for us.
  • Living in a town built over a big bubble of petroleum and your neighbor's yard having the cutest little oil derrick.
  • Rinsing off with distilled water after you shower so you don't get a rash.
  • Living in a town that has no social scene so on Saturday night you and your friends go downtown and try to track down where that shrimp smell is coming from.
  • Gas fields flaring all around the city.
  • A combined oil derrick/Bitcoin mining rig that you can plug right into the ground and forget about.
  • The ability to voluntarily control defecation.
  • The sixth sense that's just in our butts.
  • Taking care of you butt consciousness.
  • Shitting your pants once and upending all of science.
  • Whether anyone poops in Rain World.
  • A cat who is also a slug who is also trapped on the Wheel of Samsara.
  • Reading a poem and refusing to click on the poem guide that explains what the heck it means.
  • Approaching poems as inscrutable puzzle boxes where you have to crack the code to even figure out what the hell they're talking about.
  • Approaching making art as aN opportunity to bore the shit out of your friends and family.
  • Pulling the theme of a story like a string and the entire story falls open like a sack of grain.
  • Demanding more delicious curds and dawdling wenches at your funeral.
  • Needing a weird cow to anchor your painting of a grassy field.
  • Whether the crowd-pleasers actually have something there. Something other than all the money, I mean.
  • Making a funny reference to a contemporary TV commercial in your poem about a funeral.
  • The King of Carrot Flowers.
  • Busy wrists make for busy minds.
  • Stanislaw Lem's "Solaris" as the basis for every video game except for Rain World.
  • Stalker and S.T.A.L.K.E.R.
  • The mysteries of The Zone and why it exists.
  • The Emperor of Ice Cream of Tarkovsky movies.
  • Experiencing what is like to live in a non-functional economy.
  • Being in the company of a doctor piloting someone through a pandemic-ridden city.
  • Stand-Up Tragedy.
  • The cheapest way to fame.
  • Renaming your PhD thesis "Anal Sampling Mechanism" so your advisor will finally look at it.
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