111. Put It In A Vice And Squish It

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Lords:

• Erica
• Abby

Topics:

• Scale modeling hacks for broke hobbyists
• Nobody should live here redux: nobody should live here either
• Anal Sampling Mechanism
• Wallace Stevens - The Emperor of Ice Cream
  • https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45234/the-emperor-of-ice-cream
• Andrei Tarkovsky, game designer
  • https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyzFSsNQYoXBo4zjmTmncoA
  • https://www.youtube.com/c/SulMatul

Microtopics:

• Photoshopping your co-guest's face onto a platypus or maybe it's a beaver.
• Wanting to depict someone as having a really excellent body without knowing what that means to them, so you photoshop a swimming trophy into their hands.
• The claw beavers use to comb oil into their fur.
• An after-dinner lemon.
• Memorably embarrassing yourself as a mnemonic aid.
• Playing along with someone's schemes to get them to leave you alone.
• A cool hacker whose anti-establishment principles drive her to pirate every episode of Digimon.
• Differentiating between the real world and the cyberpunk dystopian future by the number of Digimon available.
• Painting the peg of a loose action figure joint with clear nail polish so the peg gets a little thicker.
• The downtown Los Angeles Gundam shop.
• Not being permitted, socially, to carry around clear nail polish, so you get a flask and write "man juice" on it and pour the nail polish in.
• Man Juice, For Men Only.
• Finding a vice big enough to squish an entire city block.
• Desperately searching for how to do something and finding a single forum post from fifteen years ago, with a single reply from the same poster saying "never mind, figured it out."
• Appealing to 60 year old men who need something to put in their basement.
• When tour wife and kids leave you and your turkey sandwich is dry and lonely.
• Ancient web forums that aren't getting any more radicalized because nobody is posting there any more.
• The scum of mold you get on top of your pickling brine.
• How Koreans deal with moldy kimchi.
• Transcending all human notions of gender by both using blush to make your Gundam model look muddy and using a soldering iron to make it look like it has bullet holes.
• The ways The T-1000 is female-coded, actually, e.g. taking on a child care role, but the filmmakers clothe the robot in a masculine skin for some reason.
• A beaver with a swimming trophy who doesn't want to go in the lake because it's too cold.
• Eating your lemons and sitting in the dark of the lodge, as the winter will soon be over.
• Whether beavers get pruny.
• Why and how to get pruny.
• Animals that have hands.
• Otter brains: too bigs for their skulls.
• Finding out what animals have in store for us.
• Living in a town built over a big bubble of petroleum and your neighbor's yard having the cutest little oil derrick.
• Rinsing off with distilled water after you shower so you don't get a rash.
• Living in a town that has no social scene so on Saturday night you and your friends go downtown and try to track down where that shrimp smell is coming from.
• Gas fields flaring all around the city.
• A combined oil derrick/Bitcoin mining rig that you can plug right into the ground and forget about.
• The ability to voluntarily control defecation.
• The sixth sense that's just in our butts.
• Taking care of you butt consciousness.
• Shitting your pants once and upending all of science.
• Whether anyone poops in Rain World.
• A cat who is also a slug who is also trapped on the Wheel of Samsara.
• Reading a poem and refusing to click on the poem guide that explains what the heck it means.
• Approaching poems as inscrutable puzzle boxes where you have to crack the code to even figure out what the hell they're talking about.
• Approaching making art as aN opportunity to bore the shit out of your friends and family.
• Pulling the theme of a story like a string and the entire story falls open like a sack of grain.
• Demanding more delicious curds and dawdling wenches at your funeral.
• Needing a weird cow to anchor your painting of a grassy field.
• Whether the crowd-pleasers actually have something there. Something other than all the money, I mean.
• Making a funny reference to a contemporary TV commercial in your poem about a funeral.
• The King of Carrot Flowers.
• Busy wrists make for busy minds.
• Stanislaw Lem's "Solaris" as the basis for every video game except for Rain World.
• Stalker and S.T.A.L.K.E.R.
• The mysteries of The Zone and why it exists.
• The Emperor of Ice Cream of Tarkovsky movies.
• Experiencing what is like to live in a non-functional economy.
• Being in the company of a doctor piloting someone through a pandemic-ridden city.
• Stand-Up Tragedy.
• The cheapest way to fame.
• Renaming your PhD thesis "Anal Sampling Mechanism" so your advisor will finally look at it.