Pedialyte Teargas

00:00:00
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01:03:42

October 26th, 2020

1 hr 3 mins 42 secs

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Lords:

Topics:

  • Invisible walls in games
  • BluBlockers
  • Bees take their lives into their hands every time they get thirsty
  • Nick Asks "♪ God only knows what I’d pee without poo ♪"
  • My wife is afraid of dogs that wear people clothes
  • Every response to "thank you" is rude
  • The multivarious ways being a child genius can screw you

Microtopics:

  • The good content.
  • Some kind of invisible wall.
  • What we already know about Blaseball.
  • A fantastic way to keep the player inbounds.
  • Manically trying to explore this island while on the run from the military.
  • Cops being the yetis of life.
  • Blizzard blowing up your best party spot by shipping the final Ironforge Airfield.
  • Whether Microsoft will ruin Bethesda games by making them fix all those fun bugs before launching.
  • Fixing all the bugs in your game by applying The Cloud to it.
  • Playing the Turok remaster and they ruined it by removing all the fog.
  • Going to Canadian Tire because you live in Canada now.
  • The most technologically advanced sunglasses you can buy.
  • A Geordi Laforge type of deal.
  • Dipping your whole head in the black film you use to watch solar eclipses so you can get a good night's sleep.
  • How to get back from Canada.
  • Canada being so polite they even let the smoke in.
  • Still not being able to do a Canadian accent after two years.
  • Moving to Vancouver expecting a frozen wasteland.
  • Thrill-seeking bees refusing to wear their masks.
  • Being stung by one of those wasps that look like bees and being scared of bees for decades.
  • Whether insects have the capacity for complex emotions such as vengeance.
  • Why Danny isn't doing better if unbridled anger is such an evolutionary advantage.
  • Replacing creative workers with AI that you can pay in exposure.
  • Whether "brown area" is a less racist term than "gray area."
  • Seeing the most enormous dog butthole and screaming inside your heart.
  • Trimming back the hair around your dog's butthole to make it look bigger.
  • A poster with a dog butthole in it saying "Have you seen this butthole? Now you have."
  • Doing AI upscaling on the picture of the dog butthole that looks like Jesus so we can see the true face of God.
  • Assholes being okay until the poop comes out.
  • A human proportioned body with a dog head.
  • A therapy session by proxy.
  • Why dog clothes only cover the butt in Canada.
  • Dogs wearing ties on PBS.
  • Saying "my uncanny valley is just really wide" to your partner every night before bed instead of "I love you."
  • Moving to Canada expecting everyone to be polite but they're just rude with an "eh" after it.
  • A full-throated "hey."
  • The most terrifying thing about being in Canada.
  • Whether anyone has checked on the Canadian bacon.
  • Writing to Tim Horton and demanding that in Canada Canadian bacon just be called "here bacon."
  • A new credit card payment device where you need to punch in your zip code with your nose.
  • Enacting publicly-funded health care so that everyone can afford to grow a moustache and use StachePay.
  • Leveraging your raw intelligence to do your school assignments, rather than learning the material, and eventually hitting a brick wall because you've never actually learned anything.
  • Getting along better with your teachers than with other kids, because you want to talk about what Gorbachev is up to.
  • Getting through school and several jobs without ever learning how to work.
  • Thriving when given instructions to follow.
  • The shame of discovering that just because the school system worked for you, that doesn't mean it'll work for everyone.
  • Walking around wearing a t-shirt saying "ask me about the pledge of allegiance" and leaving a trail of horrified Canadians in your wake.
  • Taking your four year old to protests because now they have tear gas made out of Pedialyte.
  • Being $300 deep into the Dark Souls series but still not liking any of them.
  • Replaying old video games because playing new ones is too stressful.
  • Revisiting old media you've liked not because of the story but because it puts you in a place or mood.
  • Deciding to play a game because of its aesthetics and then having to find out what the game is like moment to moment and whether you want to do that with your life.
  • How Animal Crossing New Horizons probably saved the human species.
  • Only having so many button presses before your joints start to hurt.
  • Whether in Japan, every time you enter or leave a room, you have to politely listen to someone recite a prepared speech at you for 30 seconds, like in Animal Crossing.
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