53. Pedialyte Teargas

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

• Danny is @dannyBstyle on Twitter and plugs vaping.
• Alex is @adlleong on Twitter and plugs the Ian Knot shoelace tying method. https://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/ianknot.htm

Topics:

• Invisible walls in games
• BluBlockers
• Bees take their lives into their hands every time they get thirsty
• Nick Asks "♪ God only knows what I’d pee without poo ♪"
• My wife is afraid of dogs that wear people clothes
• Every response to "thank you" is rude
• The multivarious ways being a child genius can screw you

Microtopics:

• The good content.
• Some kind of invisible wall.
• What we already know about Blaseball.
• A fantastic way to keep the player inbounds.
• Manically trying to explore this island while on the run from the military.
• Cops being the yetis of life.
• Blizzard blowing up your best party spot by shipping the final Ironforge Airfield.
• Whether Microsoft will ruin Bethesda games by making them fix all those fun bugs before launching.
• Fixing all the bugs in your game by applying The Cloud to it.
• Playing the Turok remaster and they ruined it by removing all the fog.
• Going to Canadian Tire because you live in Canada now.
• The most technologically advanced sunglasses you can buy.
• A Geordi Laforge type of deal.
• Dipping your whole head in the black film you use to watch solar eclipses so you can get a good night's sleep.
• How to get back from Canada.
• Canada being so polite they even let the smoke in.
• Still not being able to do a Canadian accent after two years.
• Moving to Vancouver expecting a frozen wasteland.
• Thrill-seeking bees refusing to wear their masks.
• Being stung by one of those wasps that look like bees and being scared of bees for decades.
• Whether insects have the capacity for complex emotions such as vengeance.
• Why Danny isn't doing better if unbridled anger is such an evolutionary advantage.
• Replacing creative workers with AI that you can pay in exposure.
• Whether "brown area" is a less racist term than "gray area."
• Seeing the most enormous dog butthole and screaming inside your heart.
• Trimming back the hair around your dog's butthole to make it look bigger.
• A poster with a dog butthole in it saying "Have you seen this butthole? Now you have."
• Doing AI upscaling on the picture of the dog butthole that looks like Jesus so we can see the true face of God.
• Assholes being okay until the poop comes out.
• A human proportioned body with a dog head.
• A therapy session by proxy.
• Why dog clothes only cover the butt in Canada.
• Dogs wearing ties on PBS.
• Saying "my uncanny valley is just really wide" to your partner every night before bed instead of "I love you."
• Moving to Canada expecting everyone to be polite but they're just rude with an "eh" after it.
• A full-throated "hey."
• The most terrifying thing about being in Canada.
• Whether anyone has checked on the Canadian bacon.
• Writing to Tim Horton and demanding that in Canada Canadian bacon just be called "here bacon."
• A new credit card payment device where you need to punch in your zip code with your nose.
• Enacting publicly-funded health care so that everyone can afford to grow a moustache and use StachePay.
• Leveraging your raw intelligence to do your school assignments, rather than learning the material, and eventually hitting a brick wall because you've never actually learned anything.
• Getting along better with your teachers than with other kids, because you want to talk about what Gorbachev is up to.
• Getting through school and several jobs without ever learning how to work.
• Thriving when given instructions to follow.
• The shame of discovering that just because the school system worked for you, that doesn't mean it'll work for everyone.
• Walking around wearing a t-shirt saying "ask me about the pledge of allegiance" and leaving a trail of horrified Canadians in your wake.
• Taking your four year old to protests because now they have tear gas made out of Pedialyte.
• Being $300 deep into the Dark Souls series but still not liking any of them.
• Replaying old video games because playing new ones is too stressful.
• Revisiting old media you've liked not because of the story but because it puts you in a place or mood.
• Deciding to play a game because of its aesthetics and then having to find out what the game is like moment to moment and whether you want to do that with your life.
• How Animal Crossing New Horizons probably saved the human species.
• Only having so many button presses before your joints start to hurt.
• Whether in Japan, every time you enter or leave a room, you have to politely listen to someone recite a prepared speech at you for 30 seconds, like in Animal Crossing.