147. Part-Time Cryptids

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August 15th, 2022

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Lords:

Topics:

  • Can the biological function of expelling waste be improved in any way? Should humans expel waste differently?
  • The Hobbit: Dopesmoker Edition. (it's great)
  • Gato Gonzales and the Guts Pose
  • The Fish, by Elizabeth Bishop
  • Twitter's UI has changed "Top 3" and "Top Fives" into "Top Four"
  • Every Monday, when you wake up in the morning, you discover that you have grown EXACTLY one millimeter taller. This continues throughout your life, so you will grow about 5.6 centimeters per year for the rest of the time you are alive. In ten years, you will be 1.8 feet taller than you are now. If you are 30 years old right now, you will be 7.3 feet taller when you reach 70. If you are 5.5 feet tall now, you will be 7 feet tall in just over 8 years, at which point you will start to look really weird. How does this change your life? What do you do about it? There is no cure for this condition, because it is caused by magic, not science, and there is no countercurse.

Microtopics:

  • The type of band that has four songs per album.
  • Creating ambient soundscapes via a series of guitar pedals.
  • Johnny To.
  • Interpersonal violence and the right to be perceived as human.
  • A world where everyone knows Judo for some reason and they fight each other with Judo all the time.
  • The quality of life edge that birds have over humans (their urine to feces ratio)
  • A nozzle in your wrist like spider man so you can poop into the tiny hole in the wall that everyone's house has for wrist poop nozzles.
  • Improving the human condition with a wall hole and maybe a wall tank.
  • Burying a pile of trash but also putting a photograph and a floppy disk in there so if you ever get in trouble for your pile of trash you can claim it's a time capsule.
  • How geniuses empty dumpsters.
  • Everyone taking the first Monday of the month off of work to poop and at 6pm the city's plumbing system explodes.
  • How to monetize pooping teens.
  • American poor being condemned to a low quality poop zone whereas in Europe they have luxury poop villas.
  • Locking your dumpster so it's not filled with old carpet overnight by marauding carpet installers.
  • A Person on Twitter.
  • Playing a stoner album at the same time as a stoner movie.
  • An album/movie combo entirely bereft of revelatory synchronicities.
  • The most wrinkly hobbit.
  • Whether Gandalf was actually smoking something or if that's just something people joke about.
  • Brian Moriarty's multiple GDC talks about looking for secrets where there are none.
  • Writing a classic rock album intended to be played simultaneously with Boss Baby 2.
  • Rodolfo "Gato" Gonzales's legacy in Japan.
  • What the Guts Pose means to you.
  • Assigning elaborate meaning to each fist in a fist pump.
  • Henry Cavill reloading his fists.
  • Playing Rock Paper Scissors with Mario whenever he collects a moon.
  • A little head tilt to get you in the right mood to pick up rocks.
  • Whether Guts Berserk is named after Guts.
  • Elden Ring as Berserk fanfic.
  • Understanding and enjoying Elden Ring in a new way.
  • Attending the Montreal Screw-Job but not having any idea what's going on.
  • Taking a photo to prove you were at a historical event but the flash just reflects off the bald head of the guy in front of you.
  • A poem describing a fish.
  • A five-haired beard of wisdom.
  • A poem with fantastic mouth feel.
  • Catching a fish while dad is in the bathroom and screaming at him to hurry up because you don't know what to do with a fish.
  • Downloading a poem to your hard drive.
  • A good idea or at least a fun idea.
  • Whether you can believe the web design on this whitehouse.gov.
  • Killing software like only a 90s dad can.
  • Eating nachos every night.
  • Wanting to do things in fours because on Twitter you can attach four images to a post.
  • Top Four Favorite Sandwiches.
  • Refusing to share your top anythings.
  • That time Nintendo burned a hole in the palms of millions of children.
  • The ways Pokemon Go encourages you to put your phone down.
  • The kinds of places that society benefits from Pokemon Go not being played.
  • The Pokestop Review Process.
  • Two excellent reasons not to ship the Virtual Boy as a helmet.
  • VR chaperones.
  • Being okay with growing too tall but only if you have friends who are also growing way too tall.
  • Small inconvenient things about growing taller.
  • A cryptic giant living on a mountaintop.
  • Being 10 feet tall and retired and figuring out how to live in a normal sized house.
  • Doing CSG with caves and shirts.
  • Modular clothes that you can reconfigure to cover your changing body.
  • A wisp of a person with an eternal tube sweater.
  • Not wanting to become a spaghetti but respecting anybody who wants to become a spaghetti.
  • Growing to twice your adult height and getting cast as the monster in every horror movie.
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