181. My Own Personal Kennedy Assassination

Lords:

• Avery
• Tyriq

Topics:

• Adam, Father of all humankind, was maybe a giant
• Heathcliff is still going and it's weird
• I've heard a million novelty metal covers but still nobody's done Truly Scrumptious / Doll on a Music Box from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
• "The Phone Call" by James Tate

Microtopics:

• Withholding all your best URLs until the end of the episode.
• Using lowercase Ls in place of Is and seeing if anybody notices.
• Leaving capitalizations to the whims of chaos. (Your fingers.)
• Teachers explaining that if you can't write in cursive by junior high your teachers will throw things at you and call you stupid.
• Adam and Eve growing to 18 feet tall.
• Pre-flood humans and their towering heights/lifespans/IQs.
• How to make your wisdom teeth fit again.
• Conspiracy theories that have no bearing on anything.
• Fighting wars over the estimated radius of the earth.
• The Nephilim.
• YHWH fanfiction.
• How many Jesuses are alive today.
• The friend you have with superhuman charisma and whether they ended up starting a cult.
• Getcherself a nice cult, settle down, have a thousand babies.
• The guy who was both a dwarf and a giant during his lifetime.
• Every tall person having been short at one point.
• Chain-smoking tweens drinking martinis and yelling at their secretaries.
• A Topic Lords ouroboros.
• Hypothesizing why the elderly people Heathcliff lives with have a child.
• Having a child for some reason.
• A humanoid robot with the word "meat" printed on its chest.
• The kind of people who read comics every day.
• Zippy the Pinhead.
• A weird underground subculture comic that somehow made it into newspaper syndication.
• Mustache Mondays vs. Mustache Lasagna.
• A milk mustache but for lasagna.
• A cartoon anvil that has its weight imprinted on it.
• Two side characters explaining the situation to each other.
• One of the birds says to the other, "Christ, what an asshole."
• Historians a thousand years from now deciding whether Heathcliff should be included in the Bible.
• After recorded media stops being a thing, episodes of The Simpsons being passed down as oral history.
• Rhapsodes.
• Contests for the best rhapsode.
• Hector of the Shining Helmet vs. Hector the Booty Inspector.
• Fillet episodes in the Odyssey and the Iliad.
• The Flaming Lips album that comes on four CDs that your supposed to play simultaneously, but nobody's ever bothered.
• How they handle hidden tracks on Spotify.
• How to deal with skits when you're ripping rap albums to mp3.
• The Meat Puppets playing a set in the middle of Nirvana'a MTV Unplugged set.
• Writing a song about a shooting star who's been turned into a rat and has just fallen in love with someone named Tristran, and trying to figure out what rhymes with Tristran.
• Working at the Brill Building.
• Tin Pan Alley.
• Nearly jumping out of your pants.
• Taking a high-paying job as a murder victim.
• The one where people wear horse skulls.
• The Scrambler, from issue #12 where the panels were all out of order.
• Working at the oil refinery until a giant spider comes and steals the Light of the Silmarils.
• Whether there's a werewolf in the Silmarillion.
• Biblical Exigesis.
• Getting email saying that your art is improving someone's life.
• A phone that can receive text messages but you have to pay extra to know who they're from.