135. I've Been A Bad, Bad French


May 23rd, 2022

1 hr 15 mins 23 secs

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  • Why do rice cookers play music but not microwaves?
  • If all your needs are met in a utopian society will we still need sports and competition?
  • Hot Ice, Cool Sounds
  • Goblin Time by Emma
    • https://mastodon.art/@emmajuettner/108103474257806186
    • Esper says: "My long-held suspicion has always been that humans are generally way less prone to salt-related health issues than suggested by nutritional science. I think a lot of that stuff was ginned up by cigarette companies trying to deflect blame. But I try not to go full-on conspiracy theory about it."
  • Nerds candy has a Dungeons and Dragons themed box. Is this good for D&D?
  • If the four horsemen of the apocalypse were recruiting for a fifth member, how would you convince them to hire you?


  • A shmup about how Microsoft screwed up their Xbox 360 dashboard.
  • Screaming for 24 hours straight and having a heart attack, or vice versa.
  • Remastering your obscure protest game and needing to build a museum explaining the context for the protest.
  • An educational title about how to find games on the new Xbox 360 dashboard.
  • An infinite runner with extremely awkward horse controls.
  • Using all the right dark patterns.
  • Meeting an indie game developer in San Francisco and recognizing him because he's a white guy with a beard and glasses who likes Dark Souls.
  • A pot that's specifically for rice and it knows when to school cooking the rice.
  • Only rice cookers get to sing a song.
  • Installing an AI in your microwave so your microwave can try to murder you.
  • A codependent washing machine.
  • Landlords in California doing an end run around renter's rights.
  • The keyless entry system on your apartment that has a battery backup just so it can play "These Boots are Made for Walking" when it can't let you in because the power is out.
  • 3D printing some laundry to fold because people are bored in your Utopia.
  • Extremely soporific TV.
  • A mashup of music and sports.
  • Gathering to watch a live band play while a chef makes crepes.
  • Whether you can be bored while watching two things at the same time.
  • An orchestra trying to live-score a basketball game.
  • Trying to listen to an arcade game in the arcade.
  • Goblins in our community.
  • A bullet point list of how you can help a goblin.
  • Spicy radish waffles.
  • Blackwheat crepes and whether they're really black.
  • Lemonade crepes.
  • Dipping a sandwich in mustard.
  • The pros and cons of salting food.
  • Chickens laying pre-salted eggs.
  • Paying a monthly subscription to Monsanto to keep up the injections that make your tongue exude its own salt.
  • Getting in line to hate Monsanto.
  • Whether nerds are more or less likely to eat Nerds candy.
  • A candy for people who forgot D&D exists.
  • Candy&D.
  • A series of Nerds-themed D&D campaigns.
  • Hiring people and paying them.
  • Star Trek Jeopardy where 70% of the answers are 1980s pop culture because the federation is obsessed with the 80s.
  • Seeing yet another college sports question in the New York Times crossword and deciding whether to get irrationally angry at Will Shortz.
  • What Jim embodies that is the worst thing.
  • Death, war, famine, pestilence, crypto and late-onset melatonin.
  • John Cleese teaching sex ed in a boarding school.
  • Starting with death and going downhill from there.
  • Convincing Death to not kill anyone and Death just rides off and mopes.
  • Whether the four horsemen listen to podcasts or if the internet is down during the apocalypse.
  • The four new horsemen of the new apocalypse: crypto, gaslighting, late-onset melatonin and Elon Musk.
  • How to find people to follow on Mastodon.
  • How to be a part of a human-sized community.
  • The Topic Lords subreddit.
  • The photo of a middle school basketball team that somebody posted to the Topic Lords subreddit.
  • How to keep spam bots out of your Discord.
  • Batbarian.
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