134. A Bad Case Of Footmouse


May 16th, 2022

1 hr 55 secs

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  • Rabbit nose speeds.
  • A stranger from Australia handing you a twenty dollar bill.
  • Lining a trench coat with Steam keys.
  • How to make Elden Ring feel like a video game rather than a slog.
  • An incredible variety of fantastical biomes filled with body horror monstrosities that are inexplicably bad at killing you.
  • Playing Elden Ring with passive enemies
  • Big columns with massively muscular horsemen.
  • Sheep curling up into a wheel and rolling away.
  • Fostering a different sense of what accomplishment means.
  • Ramps interweaving the stairway.
  • Going into a spooky house and the house is like "why would you come in here? Can't you see I'm haunted"
  • Going into a spooky house in hopes of seeing bespoke content.
  • An author of real books that people think are memes.
  • A tornado that has a butthole because it must've picked it up with all the other debris.
  • Lesbian candy corn.
  • High-functioning chocoholics.
  • Having sex with the State of California and reading the list of things that the State of California has found to cause cancer.
  • Making a career out of exploring the weird connections in your own mind.
  • Writing to Chuck Tingle to ask for more details about the 747's genitalia.
  • Moving house and then moving house again immediately, to save yourself a packing/unpacking cycle.
  • Having many shamefully confusing objects and making the movers wear blindfolds.
  • Making your friends wear blindfolds and rely on LIDAR when they come into your house.
  • Putting all your vacation souvenirs in storage and going to your storage unit when you want to remember your vacation.
  • Three drawers of cables organized into power cables, USB cables and audio cables, all neatly constrained with velcro.
  • Giving your rabbit decoy cables to chew on so that the important cables remain safe.
  • Throwing away 70% of your stuff.
  • Whether it's a lie if you have books on your shelf that you haven't read yet.
  • Apocryphal John Waters quotes.
  • Having an outfit for hacktivism.
  • Mounting the spines of books you've read above your hearth.
  • Data Hands.
  • A keyboard that doesn't work in direct sunlight.
  • Foot Mouse and the Data Hands.
  • Staring into the abyss, wiggling your fingers.
  • Underwear computing.
  • Late-onset melatonin generation.
  • How to deal when everybody in the family gets sick at once.
  • An island made of bureaucracy.
  • The fax machine in your underwear computer.
  • How to pronounce "James" according to Jim's facebook profile.
  • Armchairing a request for poetry in the rudest way possible.
  • Streets that duel like coarse teeth.
  • The matted thing that leaves its woman without the duck.
  • Hooking your poetry generator up to a receipt printer so people can print a new poem on demand.
  • Writing a poem and finding out what you meant later.
  • Soup repair.
  • A man who is nice on British TV but angry on American TV.
  • Old Enough!
  • An extremely relatable two year old.
  • Being tasked with juicing some oranges and spending the next hour chasing the dog.
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