38. Inside The Atomic Purple Man


July 13th, 2020

56 mins 11 secs

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About this Episode

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  • Living in the same city all your life.
  • Migrating your physical co-working space to a virtual co-working space.
  • Splashing around in your artwork.
  • A horse-sized great Dane that you ride around.
  • How human civilization would have been different if early man rode giant chickens rather than horses.
  • The most testosterone-filled Saturday morning cartoon available.
  • Transforming into a buff confident cat when it's time to save the day.
  • Chicken dressage.
  • Whether Poland has unicorn chickens, and if so, why didn't they put them in The Witcher.
  • Your giant chicken companion laying a giant egg and staring at you expectantly until you eat the egg.
  • Chilling out and eating bugs and vegetable scraps.
  • Having a pair of pliers for a face.
  • The stupendous cowardice of Steven Spielberg refusing to add feathers to the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park.
  • Just how fluffy velociraptors would have to become in order to be considered birbs.
  • Velociraptors having been about the size of a turkey.
  • Being eaten by an adorable bird and hugging it from the inside.
  • Whether Pom Pom is about the size of a beach ball or about the size of a shoggoth.
  • Sitting on Pom Pom like a pilates ball, and whether he'd be into that.
  • An extremely clever abuse of our cultural understanding of time.
  • Making a video game in zero hours.
  • Preferring tools maintained by small communities.
  • Making a replacement for Flash without understanding why people like Flash.
  • Really giving touchscreens the business.
  • Whether or not touchscreens will be as good as mice and keyboards if we give them another thirty years to evolve.
  • Noticing a grease print where your ear touched your phone's screen during a call.
  • Keyboards also being excellent mirrors for how filthy humans are.
  • Your hands feeling like they're doing something meaningful when you touch your letters.
  • Starting a hobby where you touch mysterious peppers.
  • The Schmidt Sting Pain Index making certain stings sound delightful.
  • The sting of the digger bee: almost pleasant, a lover just bit your earlobe a little too hard.
  • The sting of the sweat bee: light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm.
  • The sting of the bullet ant: pure, intense, brilliant pain, like walking over charcoal with a three-inch nail embedded in your heel.
  • Whether the Bullet Ant is named so because their sting makes you feel like you've been shot.
  • Couches, where humans go.
  • Detaching your stuffy nose and leaving it at home until your cold gets better.
  • Trying to hide from your employer that you don't need to sleep.
  • Whether or not you'd sleep on purpose even if you didn't have to.
  • Switching from food and beverages to photosynthesis.
  • The Atomic Purple boy showing off his pineal gland in anatomy class.
  • Whether dogs think other dogs are good dogs.
  • Putting a dog and a petting interface in your game so that you can pet the dog.
  • Not knowing how to draw but still being able to draw the cool S.
  • A fantastically evocative way to talk about typing.
  • Trying to think of something clever and alliterative to say.
  • Re-learning how to make the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" hand motion when you're 40 years old.
  • Getting some sourdough starter in a mason jar and immediately shattering the jar on the ground before you even get the chance to name it "Gerald."
  • Counting the number of bubbles that your sourdough starter makes.
  • Eating only a small piece of Gerald each time you make a loaf of sourdough.
  • The yeast throwing a party while the dough rises.
  • An alternate reality where it's seen as good and noble to eat the dead.
  • Feeding your prospective lover your body hair.
  • Adding an egg to ramen so that it's technically healthy.
  • A parrot that needs to be convinced to eat fruit.
  • The simplest carb and fat blast you can imagine.
  • Feeding your parrot whatever it is you're eating for dinner.
  • Hot dogs and grapes being the perfect size to choke to death on.
  • Salad Minus The D.
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