7. I Love A Good Mind Poop


December 9th, 2019

1 hr 6 mins 7 secs

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  • Taking the beast lord before someone else does.
  • Being the bucket.
  • Being rooted to the ground and going down with the ship.
  • Brains autocorrecting puns out of existence.
  • Vouching for a deer prancing across a beach.
  • Not marrying someone born in the early 2000s.
  • Getting into that bucket.
  • Getting to sing in a room that's made for singing in.
  • A cat wanting to get into the recording studio really bad.
  • A cask of amontillado situation except the cask is the entire world outside the recording studio.
  • Choosing to consciously develop rituals for your son.
  • Throwing all of spirituality out with the bathwater.
  • Going to Hell even though you tried your best.
  • Being a steward of the land.
  • Recoiling from going out in public because social media has drained all your life energy.
  • Calling a dog a good dog when they're just being a dog.
  • Having a quiet reflection about the Solstice in the middle of a labyrinth.
  • Changing your real name because your pseudonym is better.
  • The murder squad rolling out.
  • Giving polygons the business and feeling bad for them.
  • Figuring out how to be a good person even though you're literally a monster.
  • The laws of physics demanding that you torture a goblin.
  • Turning into a grouse and being like "peace out, losers."
  • Creating an even worse relationship dynamic but at least this one isn't racist.
  • Rolling up a CVS middle manager for your D&D one-shot.
  • Working to become blind but always knowing you could work harder.
  • Meeting someone who won't admit that they like fun shapes.
  • Your local goth park ranger with a tattoo covered in flowers.
  • A toilet seat that vibrates at the brown note.
  • Knowing from experience that eventually you run out of poop.
  • Clicking random grids while you think about moss being illegal.
  • Outlawing Kate Moss as an unintentional side-effect of your moss legislation.
  • Being the moss lord.
  • Being the moss beast.
  • Muddling your mimosa because you're ahead of the curve.
  • Not drinking, but knowing so much about it that it'd be dangerous if you did.
  • Moss turning out to be the linchpin to global biological harmony.
  • Taking the time you used to spend itching and spending it reproducing.
  • Everybody being everything.
  • A Delightful Nightmare.
  • Having to wait because Mother is not ready yet.
  • Mother being ready now.
  • Mother turning out to be a free-roaming robotic spider about the size of a smart car.
  • Mother malfunctioning and kicking an aluminum folding chair across the room.
  • Mother vibrating out of the way like a cheap hotel bed.
  • A robot sticking out of the wall with crazy proboscis lips.
  • A robot that knows how to use chopsticks.
  • A flesh robot playing German industrial metal while you try to escape.
  • Mother remembering you and wanting to drink your blood.
  • Guessing sweaters until the beast lord tells you to stop.
  • A tourist attraction with a bunch of signs saying "don't come here"
  • Not wanting to die but on the other hand wanting a cool inscrutable death.
  • Having an animated gif of your cool death on your tombstone.
  • Joanna Newsom doing Aretha Franklin.
  • Not wanting to admit whether you're a doctor.
  • Playing a miniature game of snake in the spreadsheet that only you can perceive.
  • Still not having a catchphrase.
  • Being the beast bucket.
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