133. Every Tumbleweed Is An Antique


May 9th, 2022

1 hr 1 min 40 secs

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  • An album that someday will be available on Spotify.
  • The Mauretania comics by Detective Pikachu.
  • The kind of work that falls out of relaxation.
  • The Golden Age of Belt Buckles.
  • Going into an eBay fugue state.
  • Promotional belt buckles.
  • The British obsession with American long haul truckers.
  • The kind of video game where you have to file copious paperwork before and after you shoot someone.
  • What Police Quest was before and after Daryl Gates was hired as lead designer.
  • Whether there were any racist belt buckles in the 1960s.
  • Buying 20 $2 games for Christmas rather than the one $40 game your kid actually asked for.
  • Men's names from the 1960s and 1970s.
  • Hewlett Packard belt buckles.
  • The personalized belt buckles you'll sell at your merch table when you go back on tour.
  • A conference about fingers.
  • Talking to the funeral director before you're dead just in case you die someday.
  • A point-of-sale system for funeral directors.
  • Bidding on a Cheeto and getting outbid.
  • Having It's-Its and That's-Its in the freezer and completing your collection with a What's-It.
  • Remembering Tetris.
  • Being a parent and making friends with people you have basically nothing in common with.
  • Talking to normies about your nerd interests.
  • Going into the Forever 21 and yelling "Skeletor!" and everybody cheers.
  • People high-fiving you as you walk down the street in your Wolverine costume.
  • Listening to an adult man gush about Power Rangers to you and realizing that probably Star Wars isn't any good after all and you just happened to be the right age for it.
  • Star Wars fans trying to convince each other that being based on the Hero's Journey makes a story good art.
  • Reading a mathematical proof that Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is actually exactly as good as Raiders of the Lost Ark and having no choice but to believe it.
  • Remember Tetris? This is a topic about Tetris.
  • Writing email in the jungle and getting the chance to send it if you survive all the quicksand.
  • A product using technologies developed by NASA, i.e. one of the programmers drank Tang once.
  • Dongling things to the Palm Pilot.
  • An article from 1999 titled "Email on the Move."
  • Check your pocket… you've got mail!
  • Preserving your Motorola Razr M in amber so Jim can buy it on eBay the next time he's ordering a batch of Orbitz.
  • The Linux open source phone that everybody likes but nobody's heard of.
  • The idea of chocolate.
  • A disappointing and super creepy bed and breakfast.
  • Art where the artist has disguised a message for you.
  • Contrasting a Diet Coke with Coleridge and Wordsworth.
  • Freedom Power Style Motion.
  • Having a bunch of Tumblrs and never going on Tumblr.
  • Hours Played.
  • A new weird thing that a video game can be.
  • Collecting tumbleweeds.
  • A tumbleweed the size of a car that stops at the red light.
  • Movies from the 1930s giving a false impression of how much you need to worry about quicksand.
  • Sentient poison oak.
  • The sentient tumbleweed episode of The Outer Limits.
  • Consuming media by fast-forwarding to the tumbleweed parts.
  • A book of polaroids of all your favorite lighting fixtures.
  • A list of every move in every game that Mario has ever been in.
  • Desert Chrome.
  • Drawing a van and airbrushing your drawing of a van.
  • Jean-Claude Van Dad.
  • Spending the rest of your life googling "van dad."
  • Zoning your city by the kind of Christmas decorations sold.
  • An ocean of booths selling plastic Santa Clauses as far as the eye can see.
  • The city that sells the other 40% of Christmas decorations.
  • The Christmas memeplex.
  • Clone shoes with strange names.
  • Running shoes for dogs.
  • A romantic comedy set in the city in China entirely dedicated to selling Christmas decorations.
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