30. Century Of The Fruitbat


May 18th, 2020

1 hr 11 mins 46 secs

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  • Risking sounding like a corporate shill.
  • Whether or not Wikipedia is pretty great.
  • Wikipedia's editorial tone when describing ridiculous stories.
  • Finding a video embed in the middle of a textbook page and trying to press it.
  • A book with squiggle underlines wherever the author screwed up.
  • Having to come up with narrative justification for 500 one-on-one fights in a row.
  • The guy you just kicked off a cliff offering you cakes because nobody should have to fight on an empty stomach.
  • Your pet frog jumping on a box in your back yard marked radioactive, growing to massive size, then jumping down a huge hole that is also in your back yard for some reason.
  • The Japanese version of the wacky frog tank story just being factions at war in the post apocalypse.
  • Mega Man except you are a gnarly wizard instead of a robot.
  • A floating Buddha named "Surprise" shooting you in the back.
  • If Astro Boy were a mailman.
  • Merging the wacky frog tank story and the post apocalyptic war story into a single canonical timeline in the new Switch release.
  • Writing on paper made of trees with a pen and it's 2020.
  • Writing a thank you note when a relative hands you a twenty dollar bill.
  • Writing a jam game for every special occasion because it's more fun than writing a card.
  • The correct plural of Magnum Opus.
  • Returning to Lazy Land.
  • The videos you like best inevitably being taken down due to copyright strikes because that's the world we live in now.
  • YouTube telling you that some videos have been removed from your playlist but not telling you which.
  • A digital representation of what it's like to grow old.
  • Making a USB drive ark and taking two of every genre of music.
  • Your Google ad profile gaining sentience and making credit card purchases behind your back but also getting a job and making your credit card payments on time.
  • Going to work and nobody remembering who you are.
  • Going into the office wearing a gorilla costume and eventually sending in a gorilla to do your job and it turns out the gorilla is better at your job than you are.
  • Using a gorilla Snapchat filter on a gorilla to make it look like a human who's trying to look like a gorilla.
  • Waking up in parallel dino world where everyone is a dinosaur and your dinosaur twin waking up in human world where everyone is a human, because you both had a mad scientist neighbor.
  • Making a note of how to disguise yourself as a dinosaur because you never know when you'll end up in dinosaur world.
  • Doing a face swap with your cat during the conference call so everyone is too horrified to notice the gorilla in the background.
  • A pedalboard except it's Instagram filters.
  • Chaining Instagram filters to create a truly epic fursona.
  • Reverse college, where you get paid to forget things.
  • Getting paid a dollar per paragraph about skateboard tricks.
  • A varial kickflip except instead of splitting the axes of rotation between your feet, doing all the rotation with your front foot.
  • Writing a book with your 18 month old and it's just the words poop, ball, bath and meow over and over and over.
  • Your toddler growing up to discover axes and cops, like leaves changing colors in autumn.
  • A raccoon who is very friendly and has taken a lot of your money.
  • Whether Tom Nook is a slum lord.
  • A dog with five fingers, an apron, and a whole lot of bells.
  • Being in debt forever because your landlord keeps building you a bigger and bigger house.
  • A 100% speedrun of Adobe Photoshop.
  • Adding achievements, particle effects, and screenshake to Visual Studio.
  • Two melodica players coincidentally bringing their instruments to the same party and locking eyes from across the room.
  • Cheap, portable musical instruments you can have with you at all times and practice with at the drop of a hat.
  • A tube with six holes in it.
  • Penny whistles always being in D because it's one more than C.
  • Wikipedia diving deep into the lore of each musical scale.
  • The cute face of the otamatone being almost assuredly more entertaining than the notes you play with it.
  • Penny whistles with a conical bore staying in tune better than cylindrical ones.
  • The monomyth of the boy who sneaks up on a seal while she's bathing and steals her skin and she turns out to be a beautiful human woman and now she has to marry him.
  • The origin of the pear-with-teeth meme.
  • The Biting Pear of Salamanca.
  • Whether anyone named Ursula is still alive today.
  • An interesting reaction to discovering that your daughter is made of birch bark.
  • A dead whale falling to the ocean floor and feeding scavengers for years.
  • Spending your whole life waiting for a whale to die.
  • Zombie worms growing like flowers in the lightless garden of a sunken whale corpse.
  • A tiny kobold fondling an eggplant.
  • Giving your wife a picture of a fruit with teeth for her birthday.
  • Your skateboard being stolen twice in the same day.
  • Angsty skateboarders lashing out at the world around them via sick kickflips.
  • Fighting everyone around you being morally equivalent to fighting no-one.
  • A nine year old girl in a tutu doing a double heelflip.
  • The cost of skateboarding being measured in hospital visits, especially when you are 40 and overweight.
  • Wearing an inflatable dinosaur suit and skateboarding in a bounce house for maximum safety.
  • Wanting to get into skateboarding but you're scared of dying and none of your friends have trucks.
  • Hacky sack looking fun but actually it's a lie built on a throne of falsehoods and pain.
  • Narrowing an artefact's origin down to the Century of the Fruitbat.
  • Musicians dancing while they play just to show off that they are good enough at music and dancing that they can do both at the same time.
  • Being entirely out of both topics and lords.
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