91. Careening Towards The Poop Dreads Barrier

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

• Xalavier
  • https://twitter.com/WritNelson
  • https://store.steampowered.com/app/1246250/An_Airport_for_Aliens_Currently_Run_by_Dogs/
• Tom
  • https://twitter.com/tv_neato
  • https://www.patreon.com/StrangeScaffold

Topics:

• Shaped CDs and other data formats too cool to live in 2021
  • https://vgmdb.net/album/819
• The Steve Jackson RPG you called on the telephone in 1988
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fantasy_Interactive_Scenarios_by_Telephone
• Opposites Attract
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xweiQukBM_k
  • Unedited (syncable) commentary: https://youtu.be/Jnkc7diIpdo
• Let's brainstorm ideas for how to make the next Sonic game so bad that it kills the sonic franchise once and for all
• Double-sided pizza
  • http://www.thenibble.com/zine/archives/yanni-grilling-cheese.asp
• Poop dreads

Microtopics:

• Waiting for three months to buy the fancy new LIDAR eyes for your Clydesdale.
• Whether Microsoft would eat horseflesh, and whether that would be a bad thing.
• Whether the hippo is a bigger threat to humanity than the Tsetse fly.
• The only animal in the history of the planet to be equipped with a Gatling gun.
• Whether anyone has beaten the bucket.
• A white man in tech who has never been on a podcast.
• An Airport for Aliens Currently Run by Dogs.
• Having horseflesh on the mind.
• Whether the horse runs an airport or its own dimension.
• A bright line in the sand between the listeners and Poop Dreads.
• Finding a CD-ROM shaped like a polyhedron at the bottom of the cereal box.
• Filling a CD with 4k resolution dog photographs.
• Shipping a modern game on 100 novelty shaped CDs and also shipping an enormous disc changer add-on to the PS5, called the "DataLathe."
• Contract negotiations where you're not allowed to remove any text from the contract but you can add as much as you want to the end.
• Your DataLathe™ exploding, covering everyone in the room with Lathecerations™.
• Campaigning for months to get the foam disc gun from the dollar store.
• How many dogs you could fit in a mid-sized Subaru.
• Ordering a free starter pack for this play-by-phone RPG by sending a self-addressed stamped envelope to the company running it.
• Sending a self-addressed stamped envelope to get a free trial of a defunct play-by-phone RPG and receiving a Moons Over My Hammy from the Denny's currently occupying that building.
• A coked-up American businessman in 1988 making an overseas phone call and paying 38 pence a minute so he can press 3 to cast fireball.
• A kid reading about a 900 number in the back of a magazine and just calling it and later their parents receive a phone bill and there's no regulatory oversight because the industry was replaced by the internet more quickly than lawmakers could act.
• Tricking children into calling a phone number that bills their parents for a percentage of their net worth and inventing taxes.
• Approaching the Poop Dreads barrier and being shot out of the sky.
• A puff of chimney smoke that makes it look like a cat is farting.
• Giving a cat a flat top and a goatee.
• Ripping out the back seat of a Toyota Camry and throwing it in an alley to contrast with the relentless glamour of Paula Abdul.
• Disco Ball earrings.
• Whether Silent Hill 2 would've been better starring M.C. Skat Kat.
• A funny cartoon cat man in a music video.
• Learning about what people thought was okay in the 80s.
• M.C. Skat Kat blaming the alley he lives in for his lack of hygiene when cats can just lick themselves to take a bath.
• The Oral History of M.C. Skat Kat in Opposites Attract.
• Hanging like a spider from an unseen perch.
• Paula Abdul trying to Mario Kart dash but whiffing it.
• A clock on the edge of the rooftop facing inwards so that the cool teens hanging out on the roof can head home before the purge starts.
• M.C. Skat Kat's ballerina training.
• Looking at two people whose names start with "Xa" and assuming that they're the same person.
• The Sonic Cycle.
• Ending the Sonic Cycle so that Sega can just focus on making Yakuza games.
• What it would take to kill the Sonic franchise.
• The Sonic game where players go back in time to kill Yuji Naka and destroy the timeline.
• Sending an assassin back in time to kill Yuji Naka before he invents Sonic the Hedgehog and coming back to the present to find our cultural landscape dominated by M.C. Skat Kat.
• Goro Majima featuring in the next Sonic the Hedgehog game.
• Putting the toppings as far away as possible from the organ you enjoy food with.
• Inventing double sided pizza by folding your pizza the other way.
• Biting into the Hot Pocket before making sure it's cool enough to safely consume because they're not called Cool Enough To Safely Consume Pockets.
• An inverted calzone.
• A beautiful world in which you ask a street vendor for "one pepperoni please" and he hands you a balloon and the balloon is pizza filled with helium.
• Every pizza balloon coming with a q-tip inside in case you need to clean your ears after eating.
• Arranging litterboxes in a geodesic dome so your cat goes "finally an arrangement I respect enough to poop in."
• Putting chicken wire around your bed but it doesn't keep the cat out because it's not cat wire.
• The difference between polite and clean.
• A cat who is afraid of its own hair.