177. An Episode Your Landlord Should Not Listen To

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Lords:

• Alicia
• Ryan
  • Just type his name into google.

Topics:

• Seattle's reaction to snow vs the Bay Area's reaction to rain: who is more dramatic?
• Would you rather fart bones once a month or have Goldeneye "big head mode" on in real life for a year?
• Moral philosophy lessons from the California DMV
• Nancy
  • https://www.nybooks.com/articles/1966/08/18/nancy/
• Common everyday items that make you mentally "time travel"

Microtopics:

• Structurally reinforcing the scrotum.
• Plugging mundane chores around the house.
• Why do you live here, Seattle?
• The lamentation of a failed joke being funnier than the joke itself would've been.
• Turning the tire towards the curb when parking on a hill.
• Driving in inclement weather.
• Milking oats.
• What it means for society when you make oat milk at home.
• The rain we occasionally get except way more.
• Bettie White-out.
• When an imaginary kid uses his last words to put you on blast.
• The advantages and disadvantages of big head mode.
• How to get on the bus with big head mode on.
• Whose bones you're farting right now.
• Big Head Mode Confirmed in GoldenEye 007.
• The yoga pose that is most optimal for shitting bones.
• Getting your GoldenEye big head stuck in the automatic doors at TJ Maxx.
• Whale bones on your mattress.
• Which bones you can do without.
• Bone pellets.
• Using your broken tooth as a fidget toy.
• An absolutely staggering amount of dental work.
• A perfectly lovely root canal.
• Using your bone-lasered rib as a fidget toy.
• Extra ribs just loose in your torso somewhere.
• Ribs of betrayal stabbing you in your soft pink innards.
• McRib, more like MacBethRib.
• The DMV letting you know that your custom license plate is "in the mail, you fucking pervert."
• A grizzled PI paid to determine whether Dr. Puff is a real doctor.
• Dark, but fair.
• The moral philosophy of the DMV.
• The 4chan veteran the DMV hires to detect profanity in custom license plate applications.
• Three letters that mean a car thing.
• You just got passed by a bad driver.
• Nancyverse lore.
• The one place in the world where the cost of living is higher than San Francisco.
• Slant rhymes that slant so much they fall over.
• Writing a Nancy fan poem just so you can slip increasingly awful rhymes into it.
• Making your poem worse and worse as it goes on because what are the readers going to do, stop reading? Nobody has Netflix in 1966.
• Using hand-crank egg-beaters when it's not the Prohibition.
• Everybody at the office party with those paper guillotines, going to town on reams of paper.
• Jim's hotel waffle story again.
• Paying $8 for this novelty bust of Duke Nukem because you liked Duke Nukem 1.
• High school kids dressing just like you dressed when you were in high school 20 years ago.
• JNCO jeans with a dragon on the back pocket.
• That Nostalgia Cycle: it's gonna come around.
• Using two different keys to unlock and start your car.
• The best car for the kidnapper on the go.
• The first car to use the same key for the door, trunk and ignition.
• Locking the exhaust pipe so nobody can put a banana in there.
• Separate keys for locking your sun and moonroof.