273. Why Isn't Dracula Good At Anything?

Lords:

• Esper
  • https://ourbroadcastday.com/
• RT-55J
  • https://rt-55j.itch.io/

Topics:

• Memes where the specific instance of joke customization is frontloaded, while the punchline remains the same every time.
• Making ZZT games in 2024
  • https://stale-meme.itch.io/the-king-in-yellow-borders
• It's 2024 and still nobody has ported Mario 64 to the Commodore 64
  • https://abbydenton.itch.io/the-blade-of-cutiepants-a-very-cutie-christmas
• What I Would Tell Eve by Maegen McAuliffe O’Leary
  • https://www.reddit.com/r/Poetry/comments/1ez31sh/poem_what_i_would_tell_eve_by_maegen_mcauliffe/
• "A vampire with a cheque-book, a solicitor, and a balance at the bank is not a plausible kind of creature." - Andrew Lang (contemporary reviewer of Dracula)
• Do you think there were any Fortnite die-hards who got really upset when Fortnite started introducing Marvel and Star Wars guys to the game?

Microtopics:

• A Muppet Christmas Carol.
• Gradations of Michael Caine oldness.
• The Museum of ZZT.
• Wizened ZZT Wizards.
• Taking a common idea and altering it in an interesting way.
• Why do plays still exist?
• Making up an audience to applaud you.
• Rehearsing a conversation in a low-oxygen environment.
• A guy walking around touching things in the world and flavor text appears.
• The ZZT aspect ratio problem.
• Sneaking into the office at night and playing ZZT in silent mode so you don't bother the janitor.
• 8-way movement in ZZT.
• Reasons to stick with a certain set of constraints.
• WeaveZZT.
• Making a deck builder RPG in ZZT.
• The safety and romance of a good set of constraints.
• The King in Yellow Borders.
• Oktrollberfest.
• A found object horror game built in a fake ZZT engine.
• Wario doing a ground pound and breaking the Youtube interface around the video.
• Reading like 200 pages of Problem Sleuth and never getting around to Homestuck.
• A program you can install to make your computer look like it's still running Windows Vista, and another you can install to make it feel like Obama is still president.
• Porting ZZT to the Commodore 64.
• An economy of people enjoying themselves.
• Porting Mario 64 to ZZT and ending up on the front page of Planet Quake.
• Tux Racer.
• Scoping your game just big enough for people to see screen shots and get excited, but small enough that it's still finishable.
• Mario 64's British Platformer Energy.
• Whether Argonaut or Rare was a bigger influence on the design of Mario 64.
• 3D Construction Kit for the Commodore 64.
• Trying to build a scene in PovRay.
• What iPad kids were like in the mid-90s.
• Whether or not Eve ate the best possible apple.
• Plausible and implausible vampires.
• Ahistorical vampire analysis.
• Why there's chicken on the Streets of Rage
• What the Antediluveans got up to.
• The 14 million year war for Cybertron.
• What did you eat for 14 million years?
• Subsisting on pure unfiltered Sparklemotion.
• Two robots punching each other in the face for millennia.
• Nike sponsorships in Magic the Gathering.
• A roadmap of Magic the Gathering Crossovers.
• The Guitar Hero game where you could make Kurt Cobain perform Run DMC.
• Rated E for Explicit.
• A PubG with fort building mechanics.
• Winning your first game of Fortnite and retiring forever.
• The Super Smash Instinct.
• Monetizing a child's insatiable gambling instincts.
• Playing a video game and worrying about the developer's immortal soul.