190. The Linguistic Eggplant-Dick Collapse

Lords:

• Tyriq
• Hallie

Topics:

• The world needs more clues for secrets nearby
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUXow3d3-b0
• How kids on tv used to hate leftovers
• Smartphone sales declined 11% in 2022 while sales of flip phones doubled
• https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44272/the-road-not-taken
• What will emoji look like in 100 years?
• I have invented a conspiracy regarding the shape of hand-held supermarket baskets

Microtopics:

• Lumps.
• Lumpy Space Princess.
• The best Space Princesses.
• A completely different two Ls.
• A good first vertically scrolling shooter.
• Electric vehicle backing up noises.
• Collecting Tesla license plates whenever you hear the Tesla collectible item noise.
• The most sound-designed thing you interact with on a regular basis.
• What kind of noises electric motorcycles make.
• The laser you can point at any window to turn it into a speaker.
• Bubb Rubb's reaction to whistle tips.
• An urban legend about a haunted car driving down the freeway.
• Advertisers beaming holograms directly into your AR goggles.
• The city where instead of taxes they have ads and you're not allowed into the city without wearing the AR goggles at all times, even in the shower.
• Wandering into the woods to escape the ubiquitous advertising but the birds have learned to repeat the ads.
• Birds who sing the song that turns your skull into a speaker.
• A scrub jay watching you with binoculars from across the street, reading your lips while you talk about the brown note, so it can teach the rest of the birds the song that makes the humans shit their pants.
• Describing memes on podcasts.
• The fungus that killed all the leftovers so the leftovers we eat today are a completely different varietal of leftovers.
• Why leftovers-flavored jelly beans don't taste like real leftovers.
• Spending more money so people don't perceive you as poor.
• Food that you don't have to cook again.
• Eating pizza straight out of the freezer.
• Taking an ice cold slice of pizza into a hot shower.
• Toaster pizza.
• Cat body temperature pizza.
• Rosemary garlic pop tarts.
• Whether a day old poptart you forgot in the toaster counts as leftovers.
• Leftunders.
• Increasing crime by 100% but it's all good crime.
• Flip phones Georg and whether he should be counted.
• If anyone in the world decides not to eat something, that thing is canonically leftovers.
• Wanting to be in a forest.
• Dudes talking about themselves and the roads they've traveled.
• The Most Misread Poem in America.
• Pop quiz: individualism or fake individualism?
• Doing a Twitter poll every time you are making a life decision and then taking the road less traveled by.
• Dialects of emoji.
• What Unicode looks like in the future where we communicate by swapping brain lobes with each other momentarily.
• Doing the emoji hand clap for every word thing in your Great American Novel.
• A screen reader reading out ascii art of a forest and after six minutes the blind user is like "nice forest!"
• What the audio book for House of Leaves sounds like.
• Lexicalogical collapse.
• Veiny eggplant.
• Which end of the eggplant emoji the droplets go on.
• Genetically modifying eggplants so they look like dicks while unbeknownst to you another scientist is genetically modifying dicks so they look like eggplants and everyone remains confused.
• Going to the bulk bin and scooping rice directly into your shopping basket.
• If rice is like water and Bruce Lee is like water then Bruce Lee is like rice.
• Trying to Tetris into a curve.
• When a service works perfectly fine and they change things for no reason.
• Searching Podcast Addict for a podcast and it comes back with a one episode podcast called "Please Update Podcast Addict"
• Uber and Lyft becoming uncompetitive because they're trying to be profitable.
• Ads that aren't even beamed directly into your skull so that good are they?
• Advertising by teleporting a brain hemisphere of someone who loves your product with your target audience so you can share their knowledge.