So Horrible And Yet So Tiny

00:00:00
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01:01:45

April 6th, 2020

1 hr 1 min 45 secs

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Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Listening to a lot of dolphin podcasts.
  • Discussing only topics on the Topic Special.
  • Belching instead of answering the question.
  • Your project going well lately and being slightly less afraid that it's going to be awful.
  • A store that isn't in your local mall so you have to drive half an hour to the cool mall.
  • Being afraid cool teenagers will stare you down and you'll evaporate on the spot.
  • A store selling pop culture stuff you've actually heard of.
  • Not having a Hot Topic story but telling one you read on the Internet.
  • An anime version of Ben Stiller's character from Reality Bites.
  • The Hot Topic in Ben Stiller's thought bubble that you can only shop at if Ben Stiller thinks of you.
  • All food vanishing from the world because Ben Stiller has thought of it all and it's trapped in his mind.
  • All the wiki pages that popped up for the movie Primer.
  • Having sorted the spreadsheet and being unable to un-sort the spreadsheet.
  • Thinking toe picks are a gross hygiene thing but actually they're for doing a triple lutz.
  • Amputee guitarists who are pretty proficient at foot guitaring.
  • Skates with four wheels in a rectangle being way less cool than skates with four wheels in a row because that's what girls do.
  • Ice skates being harder to turn in than inline skates, because they cut a groove in the surface.
  • Turning on the toe pick.
  • Sucking at tourism because nothing interests you.
  • Changing the subject to Tony Hawk's Pro Skater.
  • Which indie game developers were previously pro inline skaters.
  • Mike Vallely storming off angrily at the concept of doing pressure flips.
  • A kickflip except you don't make the ollie motion with your front foot, you just kick the tail down and scoop it forward with your rear foot.
  • Tony Hawk being cool and teaching you vert tricks and Mike Vallely refusing to talk to anyone who isn't a skateboarder.
  • Skateboarders getting petty and insecure and getting inline skating removed from the X-Games.
  • Completing the entire gap checklist in Tony Hawk 2 and putting it on your resume.
  • Dropping the franchise completely after Tony Hawk 2 because the Playstation 1 version of Tony Hawk 3 doesn't have female custom skaters.
  • The mission in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2 where you follow a homeless person around Venice Beach and harass him until he leaves town.
  • Ollie the Magic Bum getting good at skateboarding so he can exact revenge.
  • A full-contact, Tony-Hawk-And-Bully-Had-A-Baby roller derby game.
  • Punxsutawney Phil looking down and seeing poop and so there'll be six more weeks of poop.
  • Having to shove pills down a cat's throat twice a day for the rest of her life.
  • Giving away your spare geckos and explaining to the recipient that they eat sunlight.
  • A gecko eating another gecko like a corncob because they're not social animals after all.
  • Three creatures each nesting-dolled in the mouth of another creature.
  • The vet seemingly not knowing about lizards shedding when they put the cast on the lizard.
  • The gecko still being alive so you're doing okay at pet ownership.
  • Hiring a nurse that is also a gecko to take care of your gecko injections.
  • A mystery that we are still trying to discover.
  • Even the manufacturer not knowing why the candy bar is called Topic.
  • Inventing the jaw that can take the smallest possible bite.
  • Marzipan but with almonds.
  • Not liking how they pronounce "urinal" in the UK. Not liking it at all.
  • Things taking a dark turn and someone turning up dead.
  • Not going out of your way to inform people that your product's name is shockingly racist.
  • Preferring the language proficiency test that is more similar to Skee-Ball.
  • Changing the subject to Tony Hawk's Pro Skater again.
  • Wanting to feel sick about everything and doing all the missions at "sick" difficulty.
  • Doing a few missions at "sick" difficulty and deciding that's enough sick for you.
  • The Korean alphabet having been invented by a dude who thought ideograms were a bad idea.
  • Borrowing ideograms from Chinese and then later going back for more.
  • Nifflas inventing his own alphabet so doesn't have to hide his notes when he DMs.
  • The process of training yourself to read your weirdo moon-man alphabet.
  • Wanting to get into Lojban.
  • Liking a phrase as much as Tolkien likes "cellar door."
  • Inventing the language that magic is spoken in.
  • Inventing a language for your game and demanding your players become fluent in it.
  • The Nicaraguan school for deaf children doing a terrible job at teaching deaf children, but the children inventing Nicaraguan Sign Language.
  • Collecting your paycheck for doing nothing.
  • A corpus of industrial folk songs.
  • Yelling "peaches meet your fate!" and making the chainsaws kiss.
  • Mother-32 needing an offering of your hair every morning.
  • The composition process you enjoy most not leading to the kind of music you enjoy most.
  • Not wanting to make prototypes in the final medium because working in the final medium is a pain to work in.
  • GML being the wax and 6502 assembly being the marble in this analogy.
  • Live streaming video to the Apple II.
  • Having time for hobbies because you quit Twitter.
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