Pachinko Lava Lamp

00:00:00
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01:05:55

December 14th, 2020

1 hr 5 mins 55 secs

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Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • A shoelace knot that you are amazed by.
  • Whether somebody knows good ways of tying knots.
  • Not having any ads on the show but the same shoelace knot being independently plugged by three separate guests.
  • Looking outside and seeing someone furtively deposit the world's smallest microwave on the sidewalk.
  • A microwave that is awesome until you try to put popcorn in it.
  • A dollhouse microwave that can microwave popcorn one kernel at a time.
  • The Easy Bake Microwave.
  • That one kid you knew whose family was rich enough that he had a microwave in his bedroom.
  • The Easy Bake TV which is just a light bulb that you stare into.
  • Downsizing your lifestyle.
  • Ultra-miniaturized microwaves that are just big enough for a can of Coca Cola.
  • Hot Coke.
  • Deciding to try Hot Coke after the show because your microwave is too small to fit anything bigger than a mug of Coca Cola.
  • A hot tub with a volume of half a cubic foot.
  • Whether the Whirlpool hot tub actually spins.
  • Recording an entire additional episode of Topic Lords after this, that only we get to hear.
  • Deciding that your fantasy console should be linear without knowing what linear means.
  • Making software last a long time by targeting an emulator.
  • Deciding that your entire approach to your current project is wrong and inverting its structure and then deciding to make a pinball game instead.
  • Having to fake the physical pinball interactions because physics engines still aren't precise enough.
  • Not having a ball bearing bouncing around inside of your phone.
  • Applying an impulse when the ball hits a collision volume.
  • The actual electromechanical mechanism of those triangles near the flippers that push the ball back.
  • A physics solver that does mixed rigid and soft body deformation.
  • Ordering pinball flippers online so you can measure them because you can't find specs describing their exact shape and size anywhere.
  • How pop bumpers work.
  • The ball rolling over the skirt and triggering the thrusters.
  • Modeling an invisible cone that drives itself down.
  • Buying a nice plastic skirt and an extremely high-current solenoid.
  • Making a functional pinball table out of cardboard.
  • A pinball table inside of a wine bottle.
  • Pinball tables all having the common constraint that they need to fit through the door.
  • "Hercules," the pinball table where the gimmick is that it's too big to fit through the door.
  • How to draw the rest of the owl.
  • Pinball except instead of a ball it's water.
  • A PSP except instead of a portable video game system it's one of those games where you squeeze water to get rings onto posts.
  • Christmas except every present is just a box of avocados.
  • Pachinko except it's an oil timer.
  • Physically impossible but physically accurate pinball machines.
  • Pachinko except there's fire everywhere and what's falling through the pins is your dead body and all your individual bones.
  • Getting licensed to make scrambled eggs with an espresso machine.
  • A Big Black Egg Gauntlet.
  • A big black glove that smells but doesn't look like rotten eggs.
  • The pressure of an egg.
  • Whether an egg could be held aloft by a shop vac.
  • The video of an egg being sucked into a bottle that google shows you when it doesn't have any good results, because you can't stay mad when you get to see an egg sucked into a bottle.
  • The ethics of asking your wife to take a video of cafe workers making scrambled eggs.
  • The violence of recommendations.
  • Whether or not you can get mad about your time being wasted for twenty seconds.
  • Doing everything in your power to like your favorite band's new album.
  • Your first "Hero's Journey" vs. your hundredth.
  • The kind of media you consume while doing other things vs. the kind you actively study.
  • Mentoring teenagers and exhorting that they listen to as much music as possible before they get old like you, and handing them some Linkin Park CDs.
  • Getting better at stuff.
  • Each sport having a different set of recommended vitamin supplements.
  • Lurching forward on your ankles.
  • Looking up how runners run on Youtube and immediately realizing how you can run way faster.
  • Getting running shoes that force you to spring around on your toes rather than landing on your heel.
  • Getting it but not liking it.
  • Studying Full Tilt.
  • Taking your kick scooter on the freeway.
  • Pre-Stormdancer problems.
  • Googling your own name and finding erotic short fiction starring a gay lumberjack with your name.
  • The sound of probably not being able to hear anything
  • Whether a beverage can be both hot and carbonated.
  • Sadness when you can't carbonate soup.
  • The audio signature of Coke being microwaved.
  • A microwave% run of Super Mario 64 where you need to turn on the microwave next to the Nintendo 64 at the exact right frame.
  • Honey refusing to dissolve in tea no matter how much you stir.
  • Putting your mug of flat microwaved Coke in the Sodastream to recarbonate it.
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