219. Jeff Bezos's Butthole Guy
January 1st, 2024
1 hr 15 mins 38 secs
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Lords:
Topics:
- The dying art of learning a skill on a message board, such as pixel art or having long hair
- The Baldur's Gate 3 butthole chart
- Is giving people ideas helpful?
- James asks "Why is configuring the thing more enjoyable than using the thing?"
- I read one time that the way you know if you live urbanly or rurally is if you live in the city you know a place and if you live in the country you have a guy
Microtopics:
- Three people with social anxiety.
- Your left ear not working at the post office.
- 80 people in a post office screaming at each other.
- Keeping your broken item and just buying another because you don't want to go to the post office.
- Naming your band after a way to transmit audio.
- I'm good that they're exist.
- Getting your New Year's Resolution off of the Mastodon Tooter.
- Finding a kid at Applebee's to sit next to.
- Forming a seal on your face when there's hair.
- A hip burger or hot dog joint hanging a sign saying "Take it to Squirts-Town" over their condiment counter.
- An app to track how much emotional load you've dumped on each friend recently.
- Preparing to hold space for your feelings.
- Going outside and banging on pots and pans at midnight.
- Getting really into Casey Kasem's Rockin' New Year.
- Getting twelve grapes and trying to eat a grape on every bong of the clock.
- How far apart are the bongs?
- Whack it for a huge dong!
- The second message board you signed up for. (After The Sims.)
- Entirely abandoning the idea of drawing with your hands.
- The Three Tile Rule.
- New Year, New Wife!
- Being approached in a Trader Joe's by a guy who runs a message board for men with long hair.
- How to find people to follow on Cohost.
- Searching for a technical issue on the internet and finding a post on a message board asking your question and the answer is to "google it."
- Message boards about tying knots.
- A ghost giving you a hug.
- Shadebobs and searching on Youtube for shadebobs.
- Shadebob Squarepixels.
- Turn-based speed runs.
- Oxygenarian runs.
- Starting with meat. Ending with meat.
- Whether it's okay to do a Butthole Chart for people who are still alive.
- The Shade of the Butthole.
- Special people with hairy buttholes.
- When God asks you to bring him 50 buttholes, what body parts he'll accept as the butthole.
- Butthole purism.
- Personality traits that correspond with butthole traits in popular culture.
- What to do if you don't like the shade or the smell of your butthole.
- Going on T because you want a hairier butthole.
- Whether billionaires are real people.
- The Butthole of Dorian Gray.
- Hiring a person to take care of your butthole situation.
- Making eye contact with the guy who cleans Jeff Bezos's butthole but you can't stop and help, you have to catch your train.
- PiCoSteveMo outcomes.
- Self-driving taxis paving the entire planet.
- Suggesting ideas as a way to make sure nobody will implement those ideas.
- Receiving a new CD for Christmas in the post-Napster era.
- What we can still use as stocking stuffers now that CDs and DVDs don't make sense any more.
- Your life partner going through a Brandon Sanderson phase and giving you a huge Brandon Sanderson book to read.
- What you call the plug that goes into a plug.
- Getting paid to learn to solder.
- Deliberately introducing mpeg artifacts into a video stream.
- How to troubleshoot a motherboard now that they don't beep any more.
- How many Intels they're up to now.
- A memory of fun that you can't go back to.
- Awful Fantasy.
- Putting a foul-mouthed rom hack on your SNES Classic and then forgetting that happened when you give it away to your friends' kids.
- Imagining how great a product is going to be while you're buying the product.
- Asking for a toy for Christmas even though you know you'll never make time for it.
- Going to a friend's house and seeing a bajillion guitar pedals that you can't afford.
- Giving your guitar pedals away to someone who'll actually use them rather than just reselling them.
- Hanging out with the kind of person who's playing Rock Band in 2023.
- The only generation that learned how to use computers.
- Worrying that the five year old computer geniuses are going to hack your foot so you can't walk.
- Living in New Holstein Wisconsin and needing psychic healing.
- Living in the city and having a place you go to for hot dogs vs. living in the country and having a guy you call for hot dogs and he comes to your house with a suitcase full of hot dogs and a USB-C grill.
- Moving to the country so you can hang out of the hot dog guy.
- A place that's not even really a place because you can't catch Pokemon there.
- Two Guys and a Place.
- Bringing independent gas stations their coffee.
- Yacht Man Cologne.
- Stuff You're Not Allowed To Eat dot com.
- Arguing with GPT-4 until it agrees that your Garfield dating sim idea is ethical.
- Putting on your face shoes.
- This Is Cake Bread!
- Tholen vs. Tholen.