363. Cockroaches Who Won't Turn the Volume Down

Lords:

• Avery
  
  • https://averyburke.bandcamp.com/album/six-songs-for-lisa
    
• Chall
  
  • https://www.youtube.com/@bonk-zoo/shorts

Topics:

• Playing real games on my phone
  
  • https://www.reddit.com/r/nostalgia/comments/1900nip/mario_kart_64_taco_bell_toy_1997/
    
• Jim, you're a video gamer nerd. Did I hallucinate that the second player in Atari's Bruce Lee game is a Minotaur?
  
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtBF7lBZWGw
    
• Semi-perfect pitch
  
• Bay Area Rapid Tankas by Bulian Jauer
  
  • https://bart.short-edition.com/story/bay-area-rapid-tankas?ctlg=4386

Microtopics:

• Finally getting it wrong after seven years.
  
• Becoming a dad in two weeks.
  
• Biodegradable 3D printer filament.
  
• Printing your tax documents on your 3D printer.
  
• Printing a replica of a gun and also what you look like shooting it.
  
• Turning your body into tiny little wiggly plastic skeletons after you die.
  
• Whether Epic has ruined Bandcamp yet.
  
• The impossibility of finding good video games in phone app stores.
  
• Hypnospace Outlaw's phone port.
  
• Optimizing your phone controller clip for your BART commute.
  
• Cutting your phone in half hamburger-wise or hot dog-wise.
  
• ABXY-Lutely!
  
• Running an HTTP server on your phone.
  
• Asking the robot to do the settings.
  
• A Galaga the size of a credit card.
  
• Galaga-oriented phone solutions.
  
• The thing where you get a mattress in a tiny box and you open the box and the mattress inflates over 20 minutes, except it's a Galaga arcade cabinet on your BART commute.
  
• BART Anime Festival.
  
• A Taco Bell kids meal toy that's one of those plastic marble mazes except it's Mario Kart themed and has a replica of the middle fork of the N64 controller sticking out the bottom.
  
• The Tiger Electronics Marble Madness game, with the shitty d-pad styled to look like a trackball.
  
• The VR headset that played the same games as the regular Tiger hadhelds except you had to keep one eye closed or you get a headache.
  
• Boolean Jower.
  
• The first time you saw more than one computer in one place.
  
• Your best friend in grade school whose dad kept bringing home unfinished Atari 800 games.
  
• The blue minotaur in the Bruce Lee game for the Atari 800 whose special move was to moo.
  
• The two player mode that every single-player secretly has where the first player tries to play the game while the second player keeps poking them in the ribs and making mooing noises.
  
• The purple hugging guy in Kung Fu.
  
• The guy in the purple suit who kept trying to hug Bruce Lee.
  
• Hugging-adjacent martial arts.
  
• Nolan Bushnell founding Chuck E. Cheese.
  
• Living next to a Chuck E. Cheese and eating pizza every night.
  
• The COVID Chuck E. Cheese that only offers takeout.
  
• Reframing arcade games as being for children rather than just teen hooligans.
  
• The haunted animatronics movie where Nicholas Cage doesn't have any lines.
  
• Mockbuster versions of movies that can afford a real movie star but not enough for them to talk.
  
• A floppy disk: it's a kind of cartridge.
  
• Putting a spinning magnetic disk inside of an N64 cartridge casing.
  
• Fitting a minidisk player into an N64 cartridge so Tony Hawk's Pro Skater can finally have the CD-quality soundtrack.
  
• Mechanically-produced drum loops.
  
• What to call people who have absolute pitch except it's only accurate to within three or four semitones.
  
• The course of perfect pitch.
  
• Copium theories.
  
• The one person with perfect pitch in the a capella group trying to drag everyone else into tune.
  
• The sound of an orchestra tuning.
  
• Believing yourself to be a gifted musician and having the data to back it up.
  
• Hearing the tone that only teenagers are supposed to hear.
  
• All the teenagers that Japan is trying to scare away.
  
• The only person in the coffee shop who can hear the high pitched whine of the induction hot plate. (The owner.)
  
• A poem about the noises BART makes.
  
• Reading poems on bart.gov
  
• August Content.
  
• George Lucas probably getting the tie fighter sound from riding BART.
  
• That part of my life is over. (Two hours ago.)
  
• A recipe for not be being able to hear the teen-repellent noise.
  
• Why would anyone want to keep teenagers away from the mall?
  
• Whether malls are for teenagers any more.
  
• Why is the tofu always last to know when the mall closes?
  
• Hot Topic ghosts chasing you down as you desperately try to find the Manic Panic.
  
• A screensaver with a winner and a loser.
  
• Having a Turbo Grafx 16 while everyone else has a Super Nintendo.
  
• Your life's work in mp3 format.