347. You Issue the Call; I'll Make the Modem Noises

June 15th, 2026

53 mins 31 secs

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krissy erica

About this Episode

Lords:

  • Erica
  • Krissy

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • The first and still only place you can discuss topics.
  • Writing down your plugs ahead of time.
  • The happy ending you deserve.
  • A small child crawling into your bed in the middle of the night and asking the questions that keep him up at night, such as "can you one-shot a Silver Boss Bokoblin with a regular arrow and a Lizal strong bow?"
  • Giving your child a classical education. (In Zelda and Mario games.)
  • Living in Virginia near a bunch of Confederate monuments.
  • Looking at the battle map to see where the soldiers come down from the Food Lion.
  • The monument to not building anything.
  • Sonically-enforced exclusion zones.
  • Whether there's sound in the eye of the hurricane.
  • What they call the Wal-Mart in Puerto Rico.
  • Podcasts on which it's okay to hate the French.
  • Quebecois LARPing as French.
  • History: it's all around us, and it keeps happening.
  • Wanting to spend $350 on the wolf in the sky but the wolf just won't take your money.
  • Simulacra Games.
  • Spinning a zoetrope.
  • Questioning the palness of these supposed pals.
  • Little mom and pop shops exhorting you to solve this unsolved cold case murder.
  • Side stories extending the lore.
  • Applying heat to make the secret message appear, then applying cold to make the message disappear so that the next person can apply heat to make the secret message appear.
  • Being so busy making your video game that you don't have the spare energy to solve an interesting puzzle.
  • Kitchen table ARGs.
  • Dang you, Mr. Stormdancer!
  • Always coming up with your schemes.
  • What happened to the Twinbeard corporation.
  • Paying $800 a year in something something taxes to keep your corporation going.
  • Incorporating in the state of Delaware.
  • Licensing the Frog Fractions brand for a dollar.
  • Retiring and making Pico-8 games for the rest of your life.
  • It's like PiCoSteveMo all year!
  • Reading your program aloud to the DM who executes it in his head.
  • Reading your program aloud to the DM who tells you there's a syntax error on line 397.
  • Writing out a program to present to the class.
  • You went over my helmet?!
  • Programming in Logo and watching the turtle move around the screen.
  • Rehabilitating the image of Lisp-like languages by changing the parentheses to square brackets which are much cooler.
  • Are you a friend of humans?
  • Crossing your legs into a storytelling position.
  • Picking your job based on what's funniest.
  • How smart do you have to be to be a fridge.
  • Pulling out your phone and opening your banking app to see how much cash is in your smart wallet.
  • Hacking smart butt plugs.
  • Whether hacking an insecure smart butt plug is funnier or less funny than making the smart butt plug in the first place.
  • Login functions that don't require a password.
  • Can you get a virus from a smart butt plug?
  • The consequences of your smart butt plug getting taken over by hackers.
  • Messaging all your Facebook friends explaining that your smart butt plug was hacked and if the butt plug sends a message saying "help I'm trapped in a butt plug," it's not really from you.
  • Working for the U.S. govt hacking pacemakers.
  • The chat is coming from inside the butt.
  • The three names of a cat.
  • Munkustrap, Quaxo, Coricopat, Bombalurina, and Jellylorum.
  • A cat in profound meditation.
  • Looking up TS Eliot in the phone book.
  • Child Jordan Mechner looking up the lyricist of the Wizard of Oz in the phone book and calling him up.
  • Doing a Doctor Who joke that nobody gets.
  • How many members of The Who are still alive.
  • Effanineffability.
  • Up to the Neck in Weber.
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