34. We Don't Talk About Poop Stonehenge


June 15th, 2020

1 hr 8 mins 31 secs

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  • Not remembering what you were going to say about the topics you picked.
  • Finding a tabletop RPG system to support your supernatural teen romance.
  • A novel written by Tyra Banks that is basically Harry Potter but for supermodels.
  • Being aware that you're dreaming but not having control and just being annoyed that you have to spend so long in your fake life.
  • Dreaming about recording a podcast before waking up and recording the real world podcast and ending up with two podcasts.
  • Your dream friends being rude to you because you are rude to yourself.
  • Realizing you are in a dream and trying to convince your dream friends to do what you want but instead they convince you to do what they want because they will die as soon as you wake up.
  • Improving your dream friend's lives in your recurring Disneyland dream until they have the perfect day and you never wake up.
  • Careening off the cliff and going "zhoop" and uncrashing the car.
  • Improving your dream friends' princess dress-up game by leaving the room and observing them from the security room instead.
  • A creepy carnival in the hills that sometimes shows up.
  • Remembering eight dreams in ten years.
  • Jimmy Wales' appearing in your dream to ask for dream money to keep dream Wikipedia running.
  • The real reason why there's no etymological connection between Samhain and the minced oath "Sam Hill."
  • Poop Stonehenge.
  • Ranking the eight kinds of fun.
  • Everybody ranking submission/abnegation last when listing what they want out of a tabletop RPG.
  • Submitting yourself to a ritualized task and discovering the pleasures of being clockwork.
  • Deciding how you want to build your treehouse and then going to fight the moon.
  • Whether a DM describing an axe swing exceptionally well counts as sensory pleasure.
  • Listening to a lot of TTRPG podcasts but not playing a lot of TTRPGs yourself because who has the time and energy to organize it?
  • Agreeing to role play all the people who are missing from this D&D session and immediately drowning everyone, making everything a lot politically simpler.
  • Remembering everything your players say so you can role play a sapient bird who can only communicate by mimicking things it has heard.
  • Leaving the elf in the cart because if you take him out everyone will want to interrogate him and you don't want to bother RPing that hard.
  • Learning how to GM in LARPs where there are no NPCs and all you have to do is set up some plot hooks and then watch the players go wild.
  • Saying "you are in a shed" and thereby declaring yourself the GM.
  • Telling people in your RPG session that they're playing themselves and they're like "okay I boot up Animal Crossing."
  • Not being able to relate to your younger sister because she's too young to have used the Dewey Decimal System.
  • Describing all of human knowledge using only ten categories.
  • The Dewey Decimal System no longer having classifications for Mormonism or education of women.
  • 000-099 being the best Dewey Decimal classification because it has the books about computer programming and UFOs and the paranormal.
  • Where to find cute animal pictures under the Dewey Decimal System.
  • Being shown you how to find something with the Dewey Decimal Drawers and being like "why wouldn't you just walk around until you find it."
  • Recording an episode in the library because where better to find out about topics.
  • Libraries being wild and raucous places now that the libraries don't shush you.
  • Going to the library all the time because there are Pokemon there but never going inside because they come out to meet you.
  • Going four floors underground in complete silence and wondering if you can still hear.
  • Making sure nobody is in the library shelves you're about to move before turning that big metal wheel.
  • Going into an anechoic chamber and hearing your synapses firing.
  • Going into an anechoic chamber and hearing ground hum because you needed to plug in your laptop.
  • Amazing 3D sound scapes that you can't appreciate because your head is the wrong shape.
  • Making a game that induces panic attacks and deciding you want to make a less horrible experience next.
  • People who do actual night dives being less terrified when playing Subnautica.
  • Knowing a cool guy with hats and liking the hats.
  • Self medicating using hats.
  • A twelve year old girl with otherwise extremely thick hair wearing a hat being less suspicious than a middle aged cis man wearing a hat.
  • Growing a beard to make up for your bald spot because hopefully people will think your head is upside down.
  • The pros and cons of wearing wigs.
  • Sending a picture of yourself wearing a wig and colored contacts to your mom and she asks "I don't recognize that friend, who is she and why is she wearing that tacky wig and colored contacts?"
  • Whether or not plants are so good.
  • Knowing how far apart to put the holes but not knowing how many seeds to put in each hole and your bok choy all growing on top of one another.
  • Tiling your entire yard with garden planters so you can actually fit all the cabbage you planted.
  • Your friends going into the back yard and getting blasted with water by the device you rigged to deter neighbor cats from digging in your vegetable garden.
  • Beautiful white butterflies that are wrecking the shit out of your cabbages.
  • All the plants that taste good technically being cabbages.
  • Not being able to be mad at the squirrels when they eat your plants as soon as they sprout because that's also what you were going to do.
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