126. Toast Is A Fruit


March 21st, 2022

1 hr 6 mins 31 secs

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  • Uncovering the fatal flaw in the premise of the topic.
  • The Frog Fractions Extended Universe.
  • Marrying someone from the Frog Fractions Extended Universe.
  • Picking out insect photos that are still on the Internet.
  • Posting photos to social media as a way of convincing yourself that you have a good life.
  • A stranger's child slathered in various foodstuffs.
  • Using social media to curate a list of everything you were upset about today.
  • Getting a concerned phone call from a family member when you post angrily about world events and changing your phone number.
  • Which two plant families you'd take with you into the apocalypse.
  • Touching Cow Parsnip and then running for shelter.
  • Taking grass with you into the apocalypse so you can keep eating rice.
  • Drinking coffee and eating onions in the post-apocalypse.
  • Vegetables that are technically fruits.
  • Whether croutons are classified as a fruit or a vegetable.
  • Leaves vs. fronds.
  • The organs that produce spores.
  • Finding two distinct forms of plants that always appear together and eventually realizing that these are the same species.
  • Evolving cocoons when it would be way easier to just evolve a second mouth.
  • If humans didn't reproduce directly but instead spored little goblins who ran off to fuck each other and had human babies and we were like "ugh those goblins again"
  • Ghoulies 3: Ghoulies go to College.
  • Hard-Sporing Citizens.
  • A health metric invented by pedometer salesmen.
  • Muscles contracting to pump blood throughout your body.
  • The differing benefits of running vs. walking.
  • The evolutionary benefits of gigantic asses.
  • Linking intention to activity.
  • Walking around saying quotes from Rick and Morty and the hospice nurse just assumes you have dementia.
  • The racism hormone.
  • Why it's so satisfying to dismiss ideas that are different from your own.
  • Curing dementia by googling the things your grandma says and realizing she's just referencing TV shows nobody's seen in 30 years.
  • Two marathons looking backwards through time.
  • Subvocal oscillations.
  • The best 45 seconds of TV of the 80s.
  • The guy who writes all of Data's dialog regardless of who writes the rest of the screenplay.
  • The Cyberiad, by Stanislaw Lem.
  • A love poem about tensor algebra.
  • The bar for what constitutes a love poem to tensor algebra.
  • Writing a poem about a cat to the cat even though the cat doesn't understand.
  • Web sites eating each other.
  • Living inside the Library of Alexandria as it burns down.
  • An alternative hypertext protocol similar to The HTTP and The Gopher.
  • Nerdy high schoolers who exist today.
  • Whether any given internet protocol is for the olds.
  • Worrying about all of these cryptos.
  • Watching the Olympics streaming on NBC and discovering that not only does TV still exist, it has ads for cryptocurrency now.
  • The Island of Yap, part of the Federated States of Micronesia.
  • Coin famousness scaling by size.
  • An oral history of money where everyone just remembers who paid for what and how much money everyone has.
  • A flat exchange rate of inches in diameter to US dollars.
  • The stability of a currency that is not currently being speculated on.
  • The guy who wrote jokes for Obama.
  • Presidential speechwriters paying attention to internet memes and incorporating them into the State of the Union address.
  • The inflection point in 2014 where suddenly everyone became much more aware of every bad thing in the world.
  • A comprehensive list of everything that has gone right.
  • The number of languages in which you have not embarrassed yourself this year.
  • Inventing ink live on the show.
  • An enormous 3D printer of clear domes.
  • Baked slimy okra.
  • Baking a couple dozen of your sporulated forms and their gametophytes into a pie crust, who immediately start singing when you cut the pie open.
  • A headlamp named Petzl.
  • Why is daddy laughing?
  • The magic summoning word of little boys.
  • An armchair fan of podcasts.
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