260. This Sentient Life Could've Been An Email

Lords:

• Jenni
• Chris

Topics:

• Are corporate mascots in US culture age-locked to a generation? I have done no research about this
• The continuation of our species depends on balls being able to taste soy sauce
• BB-8 changed my tire
• The Woodchuck, by Sam Pink
  • https://www.reddit.com/r/Poetry/comments/wg09x5/poem_the_woodchuck_by_sam_pink/

Microtopics:

• Too much dick content for one show.
• What kind of fetus dong shot engagement you're looking for.
• When they smear the goo on your belly.
• Throwing a gender reveal party and the uncle nobody wants around is like "I don't believe you" and you get to whip out the photo of the kid's dick.
• Shipping a person in Q4.
• Automating the Omelas kid.
• The Disney suffering animatronic child asking passers by to walk away from Omelas.
• Gen Z no longer needing to read The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas because they live in modern society.
• Gardening in one of the hardest places in the world to garden.
• What's the grass for?
• An office park spending millions of gallons of water to maintain a lawn nobody ever walks on or looks at.
• What if the Omelas kid is a dick? What if they're treating him really well and he just has impossibly high standards and hates everything.
• An electrical problem that's very pronounced when Jenni turns on the blender.
• The Golden Age of Corporate Mascots.
• Undead Corporate Mascots.
• Trying to find a picture of the Toucan Sam redesign and ending up on Deviant Art.
• Howard and Nester.
• Whether American kids will tolerate anime.
• President of the Nintendo No Fun Club.
• Spending $200 on the Nintendo hint line trying to solve the last screen in Solstice.
• An adventure game that's also a platformer where if your toe touches a candle flame it's an instant game over.
• Inventing terrible camera angles in a 2D game.
• It's 3D, but on your Speccy!
• Trusting a YouTube documentary more the longer the video is.
• Are Domo Kun and Hello Kitty free agents?
• Cap'n Crunch guest starring in the Star Wars Holiday Special.
• A Roma who was once helpful.
• Eating a sandwich and getting the sandwich tattooed on your bicep because.
• A baby name that Boomer moms love.
• Remington Steel On At 7PM After Matlock Jones.
• Getting into a thing with people on Metafilter.
• POV: when your girlfriend gets you Swedish meatballs at Ikea.
• Whether Frosthaven is important to the testicles tasting umami story.
• Vanilloid receptors.
• Why you can shock your tongue with a 9 volt battery but you can't shock your forearm even if it's wet.
• The chef with the tiny spoon in your testicles making sure to get the exact right MSG level in your semen.
• Peppers hacking mammal biology.
• Seeds who enjoy being digested by birds.
• The cardioprotective benefit of spicy food.
• The Ones Who Bring it Back to Omelas.
• Broccoli evolving into crabs.
• This is canon: BB-8 drives a 2016 Corolla.
• Pretending that you are talking to a Youtube audience while you make s sandwich.
• Just a li'l guy who rolls around on a ball.
• R2D2: a mean mean man.
• The floor falling out of the Pinto while you're driving it.
• A rubber pad with friction stripes on it.
• Turning it until it feels like you broke it, but you didn't and you have to keep going.
• After the cake comes out of the oven the recipe stops having steps.
• How to get help from Linux users.
• The entire wheel snapping off the axle as you're parking at Camerica Bank.
• Different car, same maintenance strategy.
• Driving a car until it can no longer be ontologically be classified as a car.
• Churchill's Irregulars.
• Waiting for Peter Jackson to mansplain to you the sound a car makes when the wheel snaps off.
• Delving too deeply into the Cars cinematic universe.
• A Mastodon setting that hides all of Jim's BB-8 toots.
• How to find people to follow on Nectarine.
• The dying MUD you joined in 1997.
• Radioactive names such as Hitler and Sheldon.
• Joining a social media service and it tells you there are no posts.
• Sam Pink strikes again.
• The emotional arc of putting a tiny hat on a woodchuck.
• A woodchuck you would definitely do a murder to.
• Ampersand at the beginning of the line.
• The Furniture That Rolled Away From Omelas.
• Why the computer is mad in I Have No Mouth But I Must Scream.
• Looking for sentient life in the universe when you have dolphins at home.