There's No One Way To Suck Glass

00:00:00
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00:58:59

January 25th, 2021

58 mins 59 secs

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Lords:

Topics:

  • The fine art of professional wrestling
  • Stealing the declaration of independence to save Nicolas Cage's life
  • Atari 2600 Adventure's effectiveness as a port of Crowther and Woods Adventure
  • Larry asks "That one time Taco Bell promised every American a free taco if the Mir space station hit a taco target in the indian Ocean but it missed by an entire hemisphere."
  • Non-violent communication
  • The threshold between an object/entity being large, and SO large that your brain can no longer process it effectively and you're no longer impressed
  • Sucking a glass onto your face

Microtopics:

  • Still the raddest place to play web games.
  • An Airport For Aliens Currently Run By Dogs.
  • Interacting with dogs in a whole new way.
  • Being clean and dirty at the same time.
  • Dog synergies.
  • The legal standing of a game downloading a random guitar tab from the internet to make a dog play guitar.
  • A scope creep game that ships.
  • Whether professional wrestling is trashy.
  • Audience-reactive improv theater performed by professional stunt men.
  • Pro wrestling jargon creeping into your
  • A work for marks who are smart marks and don't know when they're being worked or if they're not.
  • Stealing vocabulary from Victorian urchins.
  • Whether women's wrestling is still about macho posturing.
  • Meme warfare thought devices.
  • Muscled theatrical performers doing their dangedest
  • Whether GDC is ever going to happen again.
  • Whether GDC will be the same without Simon Carless.
  • Whether Lost Levels can exist without GDC bringing everyone physically together and secretly reserving the physical venue.
  • Every D-level game dev celebrity entering an arena and only one D-level game dev celebrity leaving.
  • A contract sealed in blood that is a matter of public record.
  • Having an hour and 45 minutes to save Nicholas Cage's life by stealing the Declaration of Independence.
  • Finding out that Nicholas Cage was injured in a bear fighting accident and realizing that now's your time to shine.
  • Finding out that isnicholascagenexttoabear.com isn't based on geolocation technology, it just scrapes TMZ for headlines that contain both "cage" and "bear."
  • Why we still have to steal the Declaration of Independence if everyone is aware of the Nicholas Cage situation.
  • Conspicuously walking down the street with the Declaration of Independence rolled up under your arm like a newspaper so that an urchin can snatch it away from you and you can pretend to be incensed.
  • Finding out what Habeas Corpus means.
  • Atari 2600 Adventure vs. Crowther and Woods Adventure.
  • Adapting a text adventure to computer system that can't render text.
  • Making a game where you explore until you find an ending in a context where all anyone's ever seen is games where you play for a high score.
  • Remakes changing the meaning of the original.
  • Inventing a 4D game platform to port Demon's Souls to.
  • Hitting a taco target in the Indian ocean.
  • Whether 40'x40' is a big taco or a small target for a space station.
  • All of America having a taco-in-the-streets party.
  • Dipping your girlfriend and smooching her as taco cheese falls from the sky.
  • Mir falling from the sky every day being a small price to pay to solve world hunger.
  • Taco Bell beginning to sweat as they realize the revolution is about to start.
  • Alternate history fiction where the branch point is that Taco Bell gave every American a free taco after Mir hit their taco target.
  • Non-Violent Communication.
  • Communicating your lived experience backed with justification and couched in empathy.
  • Instead of saying "you're annoying me," saying "I am annoyed because of you."
  • The HALT principle.
  • Big things making your brain go "ooh!"
  • Being terrified of the scale of Jupiter but the sun being like "meh"
  • Being terrified by an enormous mammoth but less terrified of the Earth when the Earth is bigger and closer than the mammoth.
  • Being unable to process the scale of a large city but eventually becoming desensitized to it.
  • Deciding whether to be impressed by something's size based on whether it's horizontal or vertical.
  • The relief and comfort of realizing that humans don't make any fricking sense.
  • Making New Year's Resolution of finally making sense of yourself and of the world.
  • Different goals emerging from the same root: hubris.
  • Not being able to form a seal on your face because you have a beard.
  • Normalizing shaving a hole in your beard sized and situated to suck a drinking glass onto your face.
  • Putting a drinking glass on your face in various configurations until one feels right.
  • A drinking glass size rooted in a human arrogance that you can appreciate but that you can't encourage.
  • Learning to suck a glass onto your face from the kid next to you at Applebee's.
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