58. Sparkles On Top Of The Brain


November 30th, 2020

1 hr 13 mins 15 secs

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  • Whether complice is the opposite of accomplice.
  • Intending to clean the fridge.
  • A short but sweet plug that you manage to drag out of your guest.
  • Thinking an early access game is dead when the developer is right there in your kitchen streaming making breakfast.
  • Feeling too young to just go around handing out Werther's Originals.
  • Whether at some age all your teeth fall out or whether they just decided once, in the 1950s maybe, that it's time to pull everyone's teeth.
  • Whether the lady with twenty cats accrued the cats over the course of your life or just adopted twenty cats at once.
  • Learning to regrow your teeth so you can change your teeth style every few months, like you can your hair.
  • Transhuman augmentation of the teeth.
  • Being sure that a pop culture concept doesn't exist in Japan because you didn't see it in that one Yakuza game you played.
  • Sharpening your teeth to look like a cat.
  • The world record for most permanent transformations to look like an animal.
  • Whether dead people can still be the fastest person in the world.
  • The world record for most permanent transformations to look like something other than an animal.
  • How Stalking Cat decided to become a cat.
  • Wanting to be more like a tiger and having your ears transplanted to the top of your head.
  • Getting a job as a programmer to fund your body modification plans so you can be the old person you dream about being.
  • Running plastic tubes from the fake ears on top of your head down to the place your ears used to be.
  • The major themes of Stalking Cat's LiveJournal.
  • Seeing someone's LiveJournal post saying just "I start shooting today" and wondering if you should be worried.
  • Getting back to being old.
  • Cultivating the witchy vibe when you're not really a witch.
  • Not having any enormous flowing skirts any more because you moved across the country and they all caught the wind and flew out of the back of the car.
  • Making a skirt out of chainmail and refusing to twirl it because a four year old lives in your house.
  • Asking the manufacturer of your favorite towel whether they make bathrobes and they send back a one word email saying "no."
  • Wanting to look like a dapper old man but hating fashion norms.
  • Appropriating the parts of fashion that you like while subverting the idea that you're participating in the fashion hierarchy.
  • Wanting to eventually look like a dapper old man and starting by buying one dapper sock.
  • Codpieces.
  • Wearing full plate armor to church or to court.
  • Stalking Cat's profile page on wikifur.com
  • The Romans enslaving so many Slavs that Slav becomes their word for it.
  • All the different times that nature has evolved a tree.
  • Palm trees not really being trees and just being weird grass.
  • A plant deciding to get tall where the sun is and reinventing wood.
  • Languages borrowing words from other languages and then giving them back after completely changing the meaning.
  • Whether Italy has any Pizza Huts.
  • Trying to cover a song by a singer with a weird accent and discovering that you need that weird accent for the song to work and deciding if you're willing to adopt the weird accent for your cover.
  • English poetry that is too old.
  • A two year old pronouncing pork katsu as "pork costume."
  • Dressing your two year old in pork for Halloween like the tiny ham he is.
  • Really giving somebody the pork costume.
  • Realizing your best work is behind you when you haven't done anything notable.
  • An entirely sideways mouth that has fallen off your face.
  • Chekov's Book.
  • A throne but you can poop in it.
  • Hiding a piece of matzo somewhere in your house on Passover and eventually your house fills up with matzo.
  • Yelling at your coworker for only using the "slight smile" emoji because they weren't happy enough.
  • Image searching for the Unicode character "slight smile" and seeing a field of smiley faces that are just the classic yellow smiley, but then there's one that's this smirking douchebag.
  • How autocorrect ought to be able to code switch based on who you're talking to and what you're talking about.
  • Walking around the house and discovering that you can't use the word "okay" in the kitchen.
  • Putting the sparkles on top of the brain.
  • Trying to talk about bringing your head below something and autocorrect is like "did you mean: fucking"
  • Youtube's automatic captioning now censoring swear words.
  • Censoring swear words by replacing the word "shit" with a picture of shit.
  • Whether the eggplant emoji would ejaculate from the stem end or the bulb end.
  • Squeezing mayonnaise out of the stem end of an eggplant emoji squeeze bottle.
  • The tone deaf and the tone hearing.
  • Being surprised to meet people who can't sing at all, even though you just met someone like that a couple days ago.
  • Hearing a pitch and having no idea whether it's higher or lower than what you're singing.
  • Not letting anyone into your painting club who can't distinguish red and green.
  • Greyie Pie.
  • Applying a deuteranopic filter to a My Little Pony episode and instantly being incredibly depressed.
  • Not knowing the right answer but the person in your head heckling you does.
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