316. Mr. T and the Rats of NIMH

Lords:

• Jenni
• Felicia

Topics:

• The Mr. T cartoon
• A hyper-specific comedy roast where it's just a couple giving each other shit for doing the dishes wrong
• The poem that wasn't on Yuji Naka's wall
• Sprouts, by Loryn Brantz
  • https://media24.fireside.fm/file/fireside-uploads-2024/images/3/3597ddeb-e52e-4cda-a59c-c64600489fea/0V0RfSkz.jpg
• The phenomenon where you're convinced you could do way better at the TV competition show than the people on the TV competition show

Microtopics:

• The Fisher Price DJ Mixer.
• Farting directly into the DJ Mixer.
• Furries working in cyber security.
• Furries working at Arby's.
• Impossible Roast Beef.
• Beef Pringles.
• Potato molecules.
• Miscellaneous Meat Molecules.
• 3D-printing various cuts of meat.
• Whether Neil Hamburger has helped or hurt Taco Bell sales.
• A fictional guy, like Chuck Tingle.
• Seasonal Depression Suite.
• Future topics. (Not for today.)
• Cool PBS parents not letting you watch the Mr. T cartoon.
• The KGB, the Computer and Me.
• Writing three original songs per episode of your low-budget Saturday morning cartoon.
• Mr. T stomping around yelling at Nicodemus.
• A bulldog with a mohawk named Dozer.
• Solving crimes by wearing a denim vest and punching through a steel wall.
• How gymnasts refuse to walk around like regular people, they have to handspring everywhere.
• Live action Mr. T explaining the moral of the story.
• Whether The Jetsons qualifies as STEM programming.
• Spending fifteen minutes watching a silent music video on your audio-only podcast.
• Google Meat.
• I hate that everything is on Google Meat now. My face is covered in blood!
• Mr. T swinging an alligator around by the tail and throwing it, shouting "so long, gay Bowser!"
• Taskmaster.
• What happens if you put three lentils together?
• If you eat almost all the leftover takeout, everyone knows you ate almost all the leftover takeout, but if you eat all of it and throw away the box, nobody knows for sure because maybe the box got lost behind the mayonnaise.
• Being an object of a hyperspecific roast.
• The Alice in Wonderland Theater Public Shaming Experience.
• A burlesque show with a sexy caterpillar where they ask everyone in the audience to write a confession, such as "I find this caterpillar sexy."
• The Drag Red Queen pulling the audience's written confessions out of her back pocket and everyone is like "oh no"
• Eating almost the entire tub of Rocky Road but leaving one rock and one road at the bottom, explaining when you are confronted that "it doesn't say Rocky Road*s*"
• Going outside and finding a piece of toast on the ground and that's the most exciting thing that's happened in two years.
• Cruise ships ceasing operation during COVID, which rules, but then resuming operations later, which sucks.
• Explaining that we'll be hosting the event on Google Meat and then slapping you with the salami.
• A motivational poem that says "Miyamoto is a fart in the wind."
• Looking at your motivational poem and getting angry every morning.
• A cross-stitch reading "Miyamoto is a fart" inside of a 1-Up mushroom cloud.
• Who wouldn't want to cross-stitch a butt? People who suck, that's who.
• Podcast headers vs. podcast covers.
• Oh jesus it's the skin fortress.
• Walking around just trying to live your life but everybody knows exactly what to say to get you to fight.
• Rock Paper Scissors Fart Scorpion Miyamoto.
• Classic first time Lord mistake: jogging to school with toast in your mouth but crashing into your attractive senpai and both of you end up in an alien world and one of you is a chain mail dragon.
• How can you read poetry when a katamari could roll you up at any moment and send you up into space so you can scream forever into the void.
• Your katamari Prince costume with the fresnel lens that makes you look really small.
• Whether it's safe to let babies eat chocolate.
• Which poop is the best to transplant.
• Only the most pristine dumps.
• Keeping your blood inside and your skin closed.
• Babies using your arm hair as a fidget toy.
• Arm hairs rolling around each other.
• Stabbing yourself because you're the only one worth stabbing.
• Solipsistic Stabbing.
• Who's my little tuber? Who's all starchy? You are. Yes you are!
• While you were watching Great British Bake Off, I was studying the dough.
• You're letting too much lactic acid build up in your muscles, you humble gas station clerk.
• Watching an Olympic sport you've never seen before and critiquing the competitor's technique.
• Spin, spin, triangle to grind.
• A contestant putting rose in their cake and you're like "I've watched 20 seasons of this, that's how you go home, you put rose in stuff"
• Studying game theory before competing on Survivor and everyone votes you off as soon as they find out you studied game theory.
• Crime Scene Kitchen.
• Silently switching from content warnings to tags.
• The professional pink gaming chair with bunny ears.
• Moral Maggie cutting in at the end of the episode to tell you how to live your life.
• The Topic Lords discord: we like to have fun.
• Gratuitous use of the Finger Fortress.