321. Mist Is Just Wet Dust

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December 15th, 2025

1 hr 7 mins 45 secs

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linker alexa

About this Episode

Lords:

  • Linker
  • Alexa

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Being American and then being Canadian-American.
  • Elephantasy and Elephantasy Flipside.
  • Crazy Aaron's Thinking Putty.
  • 3D-printed worms.
  • A plastic casing attached to your keychain that used to have a clicky button on it.
  • What we did to fidget after the industrialization of textiles.
  • How office workers goofed off before the Internet.
  • Bella's lead skull that prevents Edward from mind-controlling her.
  • Making up a power to be your favorite vampire power.
  • What happens when you inhale a vampire in mist form.
  • Using a picture of Cat's Cradle to illustrate the concept of telekinesis.
  • Putting the vampire coffin in steerage and the familiar has to sit in coach and then pull the coffin off of the luggage conveyor belt.
  • Would it be fun to turn into mist and be collected in a cup and then drunk?
  • Miss Frizzle, vampire expert.
  • Getting frustrated at a stealth video game and giving up being a pacifist as a metaphor for being an old vampire.
  • New Money vs. Old Money vampires.
  • Vampires going on Fetlife to find ethically sourced food.
  • One mysterious vampire at Goth night at the nightclub quietly asking to drink your blood, vs. twenty vampires going around begging and everyone's like jeez, this again?
  • Nobody expecting you to embezzle the blood.
  • Talking to a computer like it's a person you have absolutely no respect for, in a way you'd never talk to a real person because you assign a baseline respect for just being a real person, and people overhearing you are like "holy shit they're really mad" but you're not mad, you're just talking to a computer.
  • Apologizing to the table you just ran into.
  • It Takes Two.
  • Following the instructions of the book of love.
  • Creation of personality in moments of friction.
  • Interacting with video games in similar ways as you would a person, expect without the social anxiety.
  • Why would you ruin this perfectly good complex system with social anxiety?
  • We've got teamwork at home.
  • Sentient burgers enslaving other sentient burgers.
  • Being rewarded with a free burger but then turning into a burger and being given away as a reward.
  • Chicken stars! They're like chicken nuggets but they're shaped like stars!
  • Where were you when you were drafted into the Rewards Wars?
  • Naming your rewards program "My Rewards" so when the mascot refers to it it sounds like the rewards belong to the mascot.
  • Demanding to see the terms and conditions before you eat this hamburger.
  • A word that is elegy to what it signifies.
  • Moments when the body is as numinous as words.
  • Taking some LSD and learning about non-symbolic states.
  • Ignoring poetry in the same way that you ignore ads.
  • Vampire jokes!
  • Transylvanian Hounds.
  • Serif H being much more combat-ready than sans serif H.
  • The most bouba letters.
  • Capital O rolling around crushing the other letters of the alphabet like in Raiders of the Lost Ark.
  • Distraction the ref so you can stab.
  • Which letter of the alphabet could do the best backflip.
  • Whether the ampersand counts as a letter.
  • Letters that are good at stabbing vs. letters with broad sturdy bases.
  • The nuclear family emerging in response to the financial boom following World War II.
  • Anti-lesbian propaganda films that are far too sexy to be effective.
  • Heteronormative fiances.
  • Carmella the lesbian vampire stealing your wife.
  • The vampire lesbians receiving their comeuppance and the heteronormative couple living happily every after.
  • Be gay do crimes. (Murder.)
  • Buying Linker's games so he doesn't die.
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