325. Men, Explain Things To Me!

Lords:

• Erica
• Micah
  • https://www.reddit.com/r/micahwrites/

Topics:

• Puerto Rico branded holiday jams
• Chive drama on Reddit
  • https://www.reddit.com/r/KitchenConfidential/comments/1o0j6hq/cutting_a_cup_of_chives_everyday_until_the_reddit/
• How to cure tinnitus (maybe)
• The Ballad of Blasphemous Bill
  • https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/46647/the-ballad-of-blasphemous-bill
• In defense of making movies sequels until they're good again

Microtopics:

• Being finished with horrible shit.
• Being in the middle of things forever.
• The Minutes of the Intermittent Meetings of the Society of Apocryphal Gentlefolk, by Dark Art
• Coming down from the high of PiCoSteveMo.
• Explaining PiCoSteveMo to someone like it's their first time at Rocky Horror Picture Show.
• Two things I'm willing to sacrifice to play PiCoSteveMo games.
• Putting your PICO-8 game in a CRT filter.
• Lawnmower Man, based on the title by Stephen King.
• Developing a field system in Puerto Rico.
• Winston's face appearing to the extent that Zoom thinks it's part of my chest.
• A deafening hospital siren playing while you're trying to have a good time at the beach.
• Pirate-themed massage.
• Stealing the windsurfing gear and going for a ride.
• Walking past the site of a pirate massage and fatal accident holding a solo cup.
• Getting pushed off the road by seven full-sized Coca Cola trucks led by a Santa Sleigh and followed by a party truck with a giant octagonal speaker spreading holiday cheer.
• Charging more for a well-traveled Coca Cola.
• Holiday-Branded Traffic Jams.
• Shipping your worst wine to India and it turns out that the sea voyage turns it into your best wine.
• Spanish Milk.
• Visiting Puerto Rico during linear time.
• The Puerto Rican version of Sleep No More in which Bad Bunny might pull you into a dark corner for a one-on-one and it's not clear whether he works for the event or if he's just another attendee.
• Day 57 of chopping chives on Reddit.
• Drawing airplanes crashing into the chives that are too long.
• Working with (and living with) the Chive Lord.
• Comparing Day 1 chives with day 55 chives.
• Finding Yoshi in a pile of chopped chives.
• A job that exists. (But not one you get paid for.)
• Asking the robot to add heart shapes to your food processor chives.
• These are the Days of our Chives.
• Each Sale I Drink a Glass of Water.
• Self-hosting memes and Turing-complete memes.
• Phase canceling your tinnitus.
• Not wanting to look it up because then you'd know.
• Curing tinnitus with extremely specific grenades.
• A party where everyone is constantly singing their personal tinnitus tones.
• Why don't we get bass tinnitus?
• Can you cure bass tinnitus with snail caviar?
• The native word for white people who are doing poorly in Alaska.
• The ice worms wriggling their purple heads through the crust of the pale blue snow.
• Pine trees cracking like little guns in the silence of the wood.
• Prankster Bill dying with his arms and legs outstretched so that he won't fit in his coffin.
• Poems that demand to be performed with a banjo.
• Whether they have banjos in Alaska.
• Having fun with the way words sound.
• I'm not gonna make it – but I can be an X shape.
• The Cremation of Sam McGee.
• Burning your house down to get the insurance money to buy a telescope.
• Making bad art until it becomes good.
• Tremors 3: Back to Perfection.
• A giant worm monster drilling up out of the ground in order to slice chives.
• Really dwelling on how much you don't have in common with other people.
• Six topics (and Shrieker Island)
• A dollmaker on the run after making farcical plays about Hitler.
• The Saved by the Bell themed music video featuring the same actors as the Final Destination movie it's promoting.
• Would you take 90 minutes off of your life to have not seen Final Destination 4?
• The replacement for the 1 to 10 pain scale where you decide which Final Destination movie you'd be willing to watch to take the pain away.
• Low pain awareness.
• Chess boxing win/loss ratios.