297. Grimace Exploded, Covering 70,000 People

00:00:00
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01:00:03

June 30th, 2025

1 hr 3 secs

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Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Just Judy.
  • Telling your friends you love them.
  • Taking a break from the Internet and staring at the ceiling.
  • Realizing you need to take a break and then trying to figure out what you need to take a break from.
  • Doing absolutely nothing for ten minutes.
  • People who enjoy meditation explaining that you just need to meditate harder.
  • Taking a depressing game and remaking it, reframing it as relaxing.
  • Tetromino Chill.
  • Asking "do I have the flu?" in French.
  • Clicking on a wav file of Sleepwalk by Santo and Johnny and thinking "computer music is cool"
  • Your college's particular shade of purple.
  • The proliferation of this exact shade of purple now that Pantone has made it possible to exactly reproduce a color.
  • The reason why can't we tell who's buff and sexy any more.
  • Going to college to get sick of a particular color.
  • Whether any place is as intensely branded as a college campus.
  • What the founding fathers would think of this college campus' branding.
  • James Madison inventing the signature duplicator.
  • James Madison insisting that his entire family sleep sitting up.
  • Colors that you can't use until you really mean it.
  • Colors that are not allowed in the bathroom.
  • Pantone inventing a way to pee any known color.
  • Boom Box Guy.
  • The professor with the glasses with two different color lenses who is constantly complaining about JMU Purple.
  • Having jaws strong enough to eat bones and eating way more bones than you used to.
  • Topics that have been in the bucket since the inception of the bucket.
  • Unlimited energy. (Not limited energy.)
  • Why isn't Superman using his x-ray vision to watch TV better than anyone?
  • Lois Lane wearing superman's shirt.
  • Using your x-ray vision to make sure ant colonies aren't siphoning money out of bank vaults.
  • Advising strangers on the street that they have an untreated medical condition and they're like "go away creep"
  • The spoon doing a catapult move because the handle is too heavy, and flinging chili everywhere.
  • Plastic utensils for adults.
  • Hitting the age when doctors start saying things like "let's see if we can get a couple more good years out of you"
  • Whether the fork ever touches your tongue.
  • Ceramic spoons.
  • Melamine, the plastic material manufactured on Alf's home planet.
  • Handsome Korean wooden spoons.
  • Just slurping down a whole bowl of guacamole.
  • Everyday Carry Forks.
  • Metal utensils: so good, you carry them around.
  • Trying to eat a leaf of lettuce with an extremely heavy fork.
  • Eating a meal with a pickaxe and a pronged shovel.
  • Turning the corner by Señor Fish.
  • Different ways to kil for somebody.
  • A punch-line that was not set up in the descriptive part of the poem.
  • A poem that is a subset of another poem.
  • Where is the wacky misunderstanding that I was promised?
  • A bumper sticker reading "you just got passed by a bad driver (AI)"
  • Slapping the "artificial intelligence" label on everything you write so people blame AI.
  • Cinnamon toothpaste and ginger toothpaste.
  • Conventionally spicy toothpaste.
  • Toothpaste that doesn't taste like anything. (You know, for cats!)
  • Spicy tuna toothpaste and black pepper toothpaste.
  • Rinsing your mouth with lemon cleanser so your mouth can feel lemon fresh.
  • Pure Piperin.
  • Tubes: they're for squeezing.
  • Phosphoric acid toothpaste.
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