263. Drafted Into The Applebee's Wars
November 4th, 2024
1 hr 9 mins 40 secs
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About this Episode
Lords:
- Xalavier
- Brianne
Topics:
- Why do movies about contract killers skip over the good part of negotiating in excruciating detail the contract and clauses present?
- Are fictional characters greater role models than real people?
- The new Zelda game talks too much and I'm okay with that
- Think of Others by Mahmoud Darwish
- Should every person be forcibly drafted into a customer service job, like the military.
- The horrible things I would do in the Criterion Closet, if given an opportunity.
- Jim's evidence for why The Pest is memorable: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAB8dNMoXZ0
Microtopics:
- I Am Your Beast.
- Making 50 games in 7 years.
- A co-op Kaiju horror cooking game
- The Name of the Rose meets Godzilla meets Lethal Company.
- Power couples in games.
- Moviegoers who want to know about contract law.
- Search and replacing "murder" with "unalive" so that a contact killer can safely sue the client for breach of contact.
- Pedantic legal contact killer law every week.
- Lowering the bar so that we can all raise it later.
- Doctor Odyssey.
- Disheveled Detective.
- The Autistic Coded Detective.
- A ahow about autistic people written by neurotypical people.
- Making a weekly podcast and scoffing at the TV shows that can only manage 24 episodes a year.
- Asking google for the "podcast with the fewest episodes" and google just assuming you meant the podcast with the shortest running time.
- Sending children to the sharps dump. (Because the kid asked for it and the parent signed a waiver.)
- Desperately knocking on Google's door and beginning them to tell you where the furthest Denny's is.
- The Waluigi-owned Denny's in the Andromeda Galaxy.
- Role Models happening accidentally.
- Donald Duck becoming a sex pest after edgier writers take over.
- A form of self to aspire to.
- 300 Rorschach Guys in a discord server.
- An epic story that FromSoft will continue to plunder of its biggest plot elements for the next 30 years.
- A character that you relate to and then you realize that's bad.
- What do you do after you get what you want?
- Leading a horde of ninja at the dictates of an Eldritch god.
- Getting what you've been looking for and realizing that you're no longer the person who wanted that thing.
- Role-playing a princess who has to talk to a litany of insufferable people.
- Swinging your sword through grass to reveal rupees.
- Zelda's Got an Onus.
- Who you're thinking about as you pay your water bills.
- Those who are nursed by clouds.
- Shakespeare beeves.
- GettingTikTok Mad.
- The Death of Arthur.
- Impacting media literacy for generations because you want to make a sassy pun.
- Slipping into Belgian because you don't have enough mana to speak French.
- The red phone in every publicly traded franchise restaurant that connects the customer directly to a random shareholder.
- Working a Black Friday at a retail job and being awarded a purple heart.
- Working a Best Buy Geek Squad tour of service to earn your citizenship.
- The Criterion Closet.
- The level of stardom you need to attain in order to remove movies from the Criterion Collection.
- Supermarket Sweep.
- Asking someone who took one year of high school French what you call someone who owns a closet.
- I would not be normal and they would not be safe.
- Landed noblemen who are super into Amontillado.
- Where to lock the insufferable friend who went to film school.
- How many Miami Vice episodes ended up in the Criterion Collection.
- The movie that you remember the least.
- Forgiving the insufferable film school attendees in your life because you can't think of a good punishment for them.