Big Jesus Retouch Energy

00:00:00
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01:02:09

October 5th, 2020

1 hr 2 mins 9 secs

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Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • The raddest place to play web games.
  • Topic Time.
  • Something the Algorithm decided you should know about.
  • Having a hairstyle identical to the one you had in that music video thirty years ago.
  • Having an appropriate face for your voice.
  • Rickroll Georg who lives in a cave and has rickrolled people over a billion times.
  • The patron saint of being disappointed.
  • A bobblehead of Rick Astley on a crucifix.
  • Taking the loupe out of your breast pocket to check if your date's crucifix is really Jesus or if it's Rick Astley again.
  • The YouTube algorithm deciding it's important that everyone learn how to make a house out of sticks in the swamp.
  • What the Dancing Baby is up to these days.
  • How memes propagated before social media.
  • A deep learning up-rez of the Dancing Baby at 1080p and 60FPS.
  • A reverse engineered Diddy Kong 3D model with big Retouched Jesus energy.
  • Memes: look 'em up.
  • The ethics of adding a moment of silence in post.
  • Giving Rick Astley the Topic Lords Bump.
  • Memorizing the eye test they give you at the DMV because you keep forgetting your glasses.
  • The guy who only cracked the knuckles of one of his hands to test the hypothesis that cracking your knuckles causes arthritis.
  • Repeatedly breaking your knuckles so you can have enormous terrifying swollen knuckles and calling it a "bone trick"
  • The Bone Trick Brothers trying to out knuckle each other.
  • The doors that are now open to the Bone Trick Brothers.
  • The Bone Trick Brothers growing up to be insurance investigators specializing in knuckleheads.
  • The complete impossibility of photographing prawns.
  • Having to tell a
  • A derivatives market for trading futures contracts against the six genetically engineered prawns used in all food photography.
  • Being totally bought into a complete lie because it was written in a convincing authorial voice.
  • Being convinced by photo evidence even though you haven't looked at the photo evidence.
  • Getting your one mistake out of the way and having smooth sailing for the rest of your life.
  • This Headline is False.
  • Squinting at a plate of colorful rice and trying to see a negative space prawn.
  • Scientists just realizing that nobody has cooked a real prawn in decades.
  • The last topic being a complete fabrication.
  • Opening a hole in reality and pulling in alternate reality Topic Lords episodes where Jim is in a biker club and has guests named Rex.
  • Getting notifications any time a podcast anywhere in the multiverse talks about you.
  • Not even liking notifications from this universe.
  • Lyrics that sound like words but are not words.
  • A podcast as a way for people who miss you after you die to listen to you talk for hours about inane bullshit.
  • The first year of Topic Lords topics in a coffee table book.
  • When GPT-3 Jim is narrating the podcast of the future.
  • Instead of doing the whole trial, just doing the first few minutes of the trial and sending the transcript through GPT-3 and searching for "verdict."
  • Whether we're still talking about prawns.
  • Chunky Integers.
  • Feeling the weight of smaller numbers better than enormous ones.
  • The advantages and disadvantages of binary-coded decimal.
  • Feeding a virtual pet except you're just clicking on cookies.
  • Comparing sizes and distances and only really caring about order of magnitude.
  • A ragtag team of Internet people spending decades elaborating on your game idea.
  • Dozens of people adding features that they think will be cool and hoping that after ten years of this a good game design will emerge.
  • How Micheal Jackson might hypothetically have written the Sonic 3 soundtrack.
  • Getting excited to go down a YouTube rabbit hole.
  • An even cooler mystery than the mystery of the prawns.
  • Whether you like a song being predicated on exactly how familiar it is to you.
  • Loving the Sonic 3 soundtrack so much that you track down this Michael Jackson guy's other music.
  • Like playing an ARG except you're just living your life.
  • A Doom mod secretly being the best Sonic the Hedgehog game even though Doom doesn't support slopes so they can't do the loop-the-loop.
  • Modding room-over-room into the Doom engine so that you can put loop-the-loops in Sonic Robo Blast 2.
  • A great place you got here, lotta nice topics, really screams "party."
  • A part time paid employee who just came out of the woodwork.
  • Being a leaf node on the employment tree.
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