17. A Buzzsaw Made Of Bananas


February 17th, 2020

1 hr 11 mins 34 secs

Your Hosts

About this Episode

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!




  • Refusing to be a Topic Lord because you're just on Topic Lords to promote your alternative podcast Beast Lords.
  • Not having anyone to plug this time either but maybe you have a Soundcloud somewhere.
  • Choosing all of your topics while driving to the zoo.
  • Containing multitudes and being super excited.
  • A band of adventurers being led by an operatic soprano.
  • A party of all bards.
  • Appropriating spam musubi because it's delicious.
  • Not technically being part of a band of adventurers but you play a tambourine and own the van.
  • Stealing the spam musubi from your bass player's bag of holding because they're going to go bad eventually.
  • Keeping both gold coins and spam musubi in the same bag of holding and having to dig around for the money when you buy anything.
  • Finally having a dog on this podcast.
  • Putting your dead dog in every D&D party you're in for the rest of your life.
  • Putting your dead dog in every platformer you make for the rest of your life.
  • All your D&D adventures going wrong because you're just musicians and can't actually deal with monsters.
  • Putting monsters onto the bus to the next town over.
  • Putting a fishtank bubbler on your bag of holding so all the monsters in there can breathe.
  • Fixing it then ruining it.
  • Coming to your chosen profession late in your life.
  • Age gaps getting less weird as time goes on.
  • Thinking about watching new TV to be able to relate to young people and deciding nobody has that kind of time.
  • Old people being full of stories from their lives.
  • Not talking to your friend as much as you used to because she lives in Ohio now.
  • Spending your retirement taking care of dogs.
  • Responding to difficult situations with grace and tact.
  • Stopping going to work because they stopped paying you.
  • The English teacher bubble in Japan.
  • Seeing the only other white person for a mile in any direction and wondering if you should nod at them.
  • Seeing the only other white person for a mile in any direction and thinking "frickin Americans!"
  • Not wanting to talk to strangers except in your favorite coffee shop.
  • Telling your wife something a week ago and then finding out it's a myth and having to correct her on a podcast.
  • Bananas being especially susceptible to disease.
  • Replacing the Cavendish banana with an even shittier banana after it succumbs.
  • Hiding your bananas because if your son sees them he won't be able to think about anything else.
  • Giving your son bananas because he already poops enough.
  • Foot-long avocados.
  • A giant box of intimidating tropical fruit being the best Christmas gift.
  • Drinking soursop juice tasting flights at a Mexican restaurant.
  • Bananas that look like a buzzsaw made of bananas.
  • Your infant son seeing a rambutan and realizing that maybe some things don't go in your mouth.
  • Haunted fruit.
  • Remembering trauma that happened when you were way too young to remember stuff.
  • Visiting your dad in prison and he's wearing fake shoes.
  • Riding in the back of a pickup truck and sharing Now & Laters with your older sister.
  • The US government deciding that televising court trials is a terrible idea after televising the OJ Simpson trial.
  • Knowing when a thing happened because you remember where it happened.
  • Trying to construct a mind palace like Hannibal and Sherlock and after a day of hard work deciding you don't need to remember anything that badly.
  • Yelling "story math!" when you correctly predict a story beat.
  • Realizing at the end of the episode that he's been inside his mind palace the entire time.
  • Copying your old hard drive onto the new one always working until one day you get an SSD drive and nothing fits.
  • Paying Dropbox money to get more storage and Dropbox starting to spam you about features you don't care about.
  • Only having a laptop to more effectively play your favorite web game.
  • Most people not really having any use for a desktop PC any more.
  • Having to remember life milestones differently because your life has settled down.
  • Liking a salad that doesn't have any lettuce in it.
  • Never having so badly wanted to go make a salad.
  • Peeling cucumbers so you don't get Cucumber Gas.
  • A hot cucumber.
  • Flashing your King.com CEO badge to get into the food truck even.
  • The burger joint offering you a salad with cheddar cheese crumbles on it and it turns out to just be a slice of cheddar they broke into a few pieces.
  • Crisping cheddar cheese in the broiler and throwing away the rest of your meal because you've peaked.
  • Trying to convince your wife that if you add mayo to a cheese plate it becomes a salad.
  • Not understanding when the young folks talk about going to sleep.
Support Topic Lords