294. Click On This Ad To Save This Child

Lords:

• Alex
• Shannon

Topics:

• The rapid proliferation of identical mobile games
  • https://store.steampowered.com/app/2348100/YEAH_YOU_WANT_THOSE_GAMES_RIGHT_SO_HERE_YOU_GO_NOW_LETS_SEE_YOU_CLEAR_THEM/
• Randomly generated time traveler loadout
• Turning your body into 3D printer filament after you die
  • https://www.suspenders.com/products/1-1-2-undergarment-hold-up-reg-suspender-hip-clip-style-patented-no-slip-reg-clips
• Girls Only Want One Thing, Isabel Correra
  • https://www.instagram.com/isabellecorreawrites/p/Cz3t1xQOn_x/

Microtopics:

• Alien Clay.
• Gravity Falls.
• Tryharding at Duolingo.
• Removing the popsicle sticks in the right order or the king dies in lava.
• Writing a solitaire game generator and uploading 30,000 solitaires to the app store.
• Ads that are not even pretending to not be falsely advertising to you.
• Mobile game advertisers all pretending that their games are the same non-existent game genre.
• Yeah! You Want "Those Games," Right? So Here You Go! Now, Let's See You Clear Them!
• People saying "that ad for a game where you pull out popsicle sticks until a king doesn't die looks pretty good but when I click on it it's a completely different game."
• Lying to consumers in the 80s vs. lying to consumers today.
• Ads that are just two horrifying images to get your adrenalin spiking.
• Screaming Tamagotchi.
• The Paw Patrol diagetically being funded by real life Paw Patrol merch sales.
• Maximizing emotional whiplash when it doesn't matter which two emotions they are.
• Having a week to prepare for a one way trip to Northern Italy in 1326.
• Going on a trip and bringing along your undeveloped Broca's area.
• Bootlegging reproducing GMO crop seeds in Renaissance Italy.
• Wizard/Prophecy Person.
• 21st Century Traveling Merchants.
• Bringing your jar of penicillin mold to the 14th century.
• Being stranded in Renaissance Italy and becoming travelling minstrels.
• Larger bearded guy that wears suspenders (under a graphic tee)
• When were you born? The 14th century. Fuck you.
• Bringing a snack to the spooky extraterrestrial from the planet Vulcan who lives in the woods.
• Big ol' dogs.
• Non-electronic megaphones.
• A little top you can spin that's made of grandpa.
• A magic genie that can grant any wish as it's for a small striated plastic trinket.
• Getting turned into Redstone after you die.
• A poorly-made fidget spinner that used to be your husband.
• Shipping ashes and asking that ashes be put into things.
• The sloughed off skin cells coating everything you send in the mail.
• A shitty fidget spinner that just happens to have some human remains in it.
• Where human composting is allowed.
• Places it's no longer legal to bury a body.
• The problem with imbuing symbols with value.
• An alternative wedding ring that you switch to as necessary.
• A plant that is a metaphor for death.
• Grandpa living forever by being repeatedly melted down and 3D printed into a new toy when you get sick of the old once.
• Bringing 3D printing back to 14th century Italy to revolutionize reliquaries.
• Giving the world both Frog Fractions and Topics.
• How many people you pass on the street each day are wearing suspenders under their shirt.
• Hip Clips Style Under Ups.
• A poem that's in the bucket twice.
• Love is a seed and lust is a bird ravenous for seeds.
• Burying the word sorry and seeing what grows.
• Poetry that's just a paragraph of text.
• What you're going to be if you eat the fruit of the sorry fruit.
• Trying to imit inimitable things.
• There's a lot of different women and they all want different things. (Except they all want to travel back in time.)
• My Mother's Savage Daughter.
• Girls only want one thing: to not be found on the Internet.