web02.fireside.fm Sat, 18 Apr 2026 11:03:46 -0500 Fireside (https://fireside.fm) Topic Lords - Episodes Tagged with “Jenni” https://topiclords.com/tags/jenni Mon, 10 Nov 2025 00:00:00 -0800 Every week, Jim invites different friends to guest on Topic Lords and be excited about whatever they've been fixated on this week. en-us episodic The only place on the internet you can hear topics discussed! Jim Stormdancer Every week, Jim invites different friends to guest on Topic Lords and be excited about whatever they've been fixated on this week. yes Jim Stormdancer jim@goombas.org 316. Mr. T and the Rats of NIMH https://topiclords.com/mr-t-and-the-rats-of-nimh a28729bc-4943-4e01-bad9-8bdf0c963e28 Mon, 10 Nov 2025 00:00:00 -0800 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Jenni and Felicia. We discuss the Mr. T cartoon, couples roasting each other for doing the dishes wrong, the poem that wasn't on Yuji Naka's Wall, Sprouts by Loryn Brantz, and being convinced that you'd do better than the contestants you're watching on TV. 1:15:01 yes Lords: * Jenni * Felicia Topics: * The Mr. T cartoon * A hyper-specific comedy roast where it's just a couple giving each other shit for doing the dishes wrong * The poem that wasn't on Yuji Naka's wall * Sprouts, by Loryn Brantz * https://media24.fireside.fm/file/fireside-uploads-2024/images/3/3597ddeb-e52e-4cda-a59c-c64600489fea/0V0RfSkz.jpg * The phenomenon where you're convinced you could do way better at the TV competition show than the people on the TV competition show Microtopics: * The Fisher Price DJ Mixer. * Farting directly into the DJ Mixer. * Furries working in cyber security. * Furries working at Arby's. * Impossible Roast Beef. * Beef Pringles. * Potato molecules. * Miscellaneous Meat Molecules. * 3D-printing various cuts of meat. * Whether Neil Hamburger has helped or hurt Taco Bell sales. * A fictional guy, like Chuck Tingle. * Seasonal Depression Suite. * Future topics. (Not for today.) * Cool PBS parents not letting you watch the Mr. T cartoon. * The KGB, the Computer and Me. * Writing three original songs per episode of your low-budget Saturday morning cartoon. * Mr. T stomping around yelling at Nicodemus. * A bulldog with a mohawk named Dozer. * Solving crimes by wearing a denim vest and punching through a steel wall. * How gymnasts refuse to walk around like regular people, they have to handspring everywhere. * Live action Mr. T explaining the moral of the story. * Whether The Jetsons qualifies as STEM programming. * Spending fifteen minutes watching a silent music video on your audio-only podcast. * Google Meat. * I hate that everything is on Google Meat now. My face is covered in blood! * Mr. T swinging an alligator around by the tail and throwing it, shouting "so long, gay Bowser!" * Taskmaster. * What happens if you put three lentils together? * If you eat almost all the leftover takeout, everyone knows you ate almost all the leftover takeout, but if you eat all of it and throw away the box, nobody knows for sure because maybe the box got lost behind the mayonnaise. * Being an object of a hyperspecific roast. * The Alice in Wonderland Theater Public Shaming Experience. * A burlesque show with a sexy caterpillar where they ask everyone in the audience to write a confession, such as "I find this caterpillar sexy." * The Drag Red Queen pulling the audience's written confessions out of her back pocket and everyone is like "oh no" * Eating almost the entire tub of Rocky Road but leaving one rock and one road at the bottom, explaining when you are confronted that "it doesn't say Rocky Roads" * Going outside and finding a piece of toast on the ground and that's the most exciting thing that's happened in two years. * Cruise ships ceasing operation during COVID, which rules, but then resuming operations later, which sucks. * Explaining that we'll be hosting the event on Google Meat and then slapping you with the salami. * A motivational poem that says "Miyamoto is a fart in the wind." * Looking at your motivational poem and getting angry every morning. * A cross-stitch reading "Miyamoto is a fart" inside of a 1-Up mushroom cloud. * Who wouldn't want to cross-stitch a butt? People who suck, that's who. * Podcast headers vs. podcast covers. * Oh jesus it's the skin fortress. * Walking around just trying to live your life but everybody knows exactly what to say to get you to fight. * Rock Paper Scissors Fart Scorpion Miyamoto. * Classic first time Lord mistake: jogging to school with toast in your mouth but crashing into your attractive senpai and both of you end up in an alien world and one of you is a chain mail dragon. * How can you read poetry when a katamari could roll you up at any moment and send you up into space so you can scream forever into the void. * Your katamari Prince costume with the fresnel lens that makes you look really small. * Whether it's safe to let babies eat chocolate. * Which poop is the best to transplant. * Only the most pristine dumps. * Keeping your blood inside and your skin closed. * Babies using your arm hair as a fidget toy. * Arm hairs rolling around each other. * Stabbing yourself because you're the only one worth stabbing. * Solipsistic Stabbing. * Who's my little tuber? Who's all starchy? You are. Yes you are! * While you were watching Great British Bake Off, I was studying the dough. * You're letting too much lactic acid build up in your muscles, you humble gas station clerk. * Watching an Olympic sport you've never seen before and critiquing the competitor's technique. * Spin, spin, triangle to grind. * A contestant putting rose in their cake and you're like "I've watched 20 seasons of this, that's how you go home, you put rose in stuff" * Studying game theory before competing on Survivor and everyone votes you off as soon as they find out you studied game theory. * Crime Scene Kitchen. * Silently switching from content warnings to tags. * The professional pink gaming chair with bunny ears. * Moral Maggie cutting in at the end of the episode to tell you how to live your life. * The Topic Lords discord: we like to have fun. * Gratuitous use of the Finger Fortress. Lords:

  • Jenni
  • Felicia

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • The Fisher Price DJ Mixer.
  • Farting directly into the DJ Mixer.
  • Furries working in cyber security.
  • Furries working at Arby's.
  • Impossible Roast Beef.
  • Beef Pringles.
  • Potato molecules.
  • Miscellaneous Meat Molecules.
  • 3D-printing various cuts of meat.
  • Whether Neil Hamburger has helped or hurt Taco Bell sales.
  • A fictional guy, like Chuck Tingle.
  • Seasonal Depression Suite.
  • Future topics. (Not for today.)
  • Cool PBS parents not letting you watch the Mr. T cartoon.
  • The KGB, the Computer and Me.
  • Writing three original songs per episode of your low-budget Saturday morning cartoon.
  • Mr. T stomping around yelling at Nicodemus.
  • A bulldog with a mohawk named Dozer.
  • Solving crimes by wearing a denim vest and punching through a steel wall.
  • How gymnasts refuse to walk around like regular people, they have to handspring everywhere.
  • Live action Mr. T explaining the moral of the story.
  • Whether The Jetsons qualifies as STEM programming.
  • Spending fifteen minutes watching a silent music video on your audio-only podcast.
  • Google Meat.
  • I hate that everything is on Google Meat now. My face is covered in blood!
  • Mr. T swinging an alligator around by the tail and throwing it, shouting "so long, gay Bowser!"
  • Taskmaster.
  • What happens if you put three lentils together?
  • If you eat almost all the leftover takeout, everyone knows you ate almost all the leftover takeout, but if you eat all of it and throw away the box, nobody knows for sure because maybe the box got lost behind the mayonnaise.
  • Being an object of a hyperspecific roast.
  • The Alice in Wonderland Theater Public Shaming Experience.
  • A burlesque show with a sexy caterpillar where they ask everyone in the audience to write a confession, such as "I find this caterpillar sexy."
  • The Drag Red Queen pulling the audience's written confessions out of her back pocket and everyone is like "oh no"
  • Eating almost the entire tub of Rocky Road but leaving one rock and one road at the bottom, explaining when you are confronted that "it doesn't say Rocky Road*s*"
  • Going outside and finding a piece of toast on the ground and that's the most exciting thing that's happened in two years.
  • Cruise ships ceasing operation during COVID, which rules, but then resuming operations later, which sucks.
  • Explaining that we'll be hosting the event on Google Meat and then slapping you with the salami.
  • A motivational poem that says "Miyamoto is a fart in the wind."
  • Looking at your motivational poem and getting angry every morning.
  • A cross-stitch reading "Miyamoto is a fart" inside of a 1-Up mushroom cloud.
  • Who wouldn't want to cross-stitch a butt? People who suck, that's who.
  • Podcast headers vs. podcast covers.
  • Oh jesus it's the skin fortress.
  • Walking around just trying to live your life but everybody knows exactly what to say to get you to fight.
  • Rock Paper Scissors Fart Scorpion Miyamoto.
  • Classic first time Lord mistake: jogging to school with toast in your mouth but crashing into your attractive senpai and both of you end up in an alien world and one of you is a chain mail dragon.
  • How can you read poetry when a katamari could roll you up at any moment and send you up into space so you can scream forever into the void.
  • Your katamari Prince costume with the fresnel lens that makes you look really small.
  • Whether it's safe to let babies eat chocolate.
  • Which poop is the best to transplant.
  • Only the most pristine dumps.
  • Keeping your blood inside and your skin closed.
  • Babies using your arm hair as a fidget toy.
  • Arm hairs rolling around each other.
  • Stabbing yourself because you're the only one worth stabbing.
  • Solipsistic Stabbing.
  • Who's my little tuber? Who's all starchy? You are. Yes you are!
  • While you were watching Great British Bake Off, I was studying the dough.
  • You're letting too much lactic acid build up in your muscles, you humble gas station clerk.
  • Watching an Olympic sport you've never seen before and critiquing the competitor's technique.
  • Spin, spin, triangle to grind.
  • A contestant putting rose in their cake and you're like "I've watched 20 seasons of this, that's how you go home, you put rose in stuff"
  • Studying game theory before competing on Survivor and everyone votes you off as soon as they find out you studied game theory.
  • Crime Scene Kitchen.
  • Silently switching from content warnings to tags.
  • The professional pink gaming chair with bunny ears.
  • Moral Maggie cutting in at the end of the episode to tell you how to live your life.
  • The Topic Lords discord: we like to have fun.
  • Gratuitous use of the Finger Fortress.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Lords:

  • Jenni
  • Felicia

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • The Fisher Price DJ Mixer.
  • Farting directly into the DJ Mixer.
  • Furries working in cyber security.
  • Furries working at Arby's.
  • Impossible Roast Beef.
  • Beef Pringles.
  • Potato molecules.
  • Miscellaneous Meat Molecules.
  • 3D-printing various cuts of meat.
  • Whether Neil Hamburger has helped or hurt Taco Bell sales.
  • A fictional guy, like Chuck Tingle.
  • Seasonal Depression Suite.
  • Future topics. (Not for today.)
  • Cool PBS parents not letting you watch the Mr. T cartoon.
  • The KGB, the Computer and Me.
  • Writing three original songs per episode of your low-budget Saturday morning cartoon.
  • Mr. T stomping around yelling at Nicodemus.
  • A bulldog with a mohawk named Dozer.
  • Solving crimes by wearing a denim vest and punching through a steel wall.
  • How gymnasts refuse to walk around like regular people, they have to handspring everywhere.
  • Live action Mr. T explaining the moral of the story.
  • Whether The Jetsons qualifies as STEM programming.
  • Spending fifteen minutes watching a silent music video on your audio-only podcast.
  • Google Meat.
  • I hate that everything is on Google Meat now. My face is covered in blood!
  • Mr. T swinging an alligator around by the tail and throwing it, shouting "so long, gay Bowser!"
  • Taskmaster.
  • What happens if you put three lentils together?
  • If you eat almost all the leftover takeout, everyone knows you ate almost all the leftover takeout, but if you eat all of it and throw away the box, nobody knows for sure because maybe the box got lost behind the mayonnaise.
  • Being an object of a hyperspecific roast.
  • The Alice in Wonderland Theater Public Shaming Experience.
  • A burlesque show with a sexy caterpillar where they ask everyone in the audience to write a confession, such as "I find this caterpillar sexy."
  • The Drag Red Queen pulling the audience's written confessions out of her back pocket and everyone is like "oh no"
  • Eating almost the entire tub of Rocky Road but leaving one rock and one road at the bottom, explaining when you are confronted that "it doesn't say Rocky Road*s*"
  • Going outside and finding a piece of toast on the ground and that's the most exciting thing that's happened in two years.
  • Cruise ships ceasing operation during COVID, which rules, but then resuming operations later, which sucks.
  • Explaining that we'll be hosting the event on Google Meat and then slapping you with the salami.
  • A motivational poem that says "Miyamoto is a fart in the wind."
  • Looking at your motivational poem and getting angry every morning.
  • A cross-stitch reading "Miyamoto is a fart" inside of a 1-Up mushroom cloud.
  • Who wouldn't want to cross-stitch a butt? People who suck, that's who.
  • Podcast headers vs. podcast covers.
  • Oh jesus it's the skin fortress.
  • Walking around just trying to live your life but everybody knows exactly what to say to get you to fight.
  • Rock Paper Scissors Fart Scorpion Miyamoto.
  • Classic first time Lord mistake: jogging to school with toast in your mouth but crashing into your attractive senpai and both of you end up in an alien world and one of you is a chain mail dragon.
  • How can you read poetry when a katamari could roll you up at any moment and send you up into space so you can scream forever into the void.
  • Your katamari Prince costume with the fresnel lens that makes you look really small.
  • Whether it's safe to let babies eat chocolate.
  • Which poop is the best to transplant.
  • Only the most pristine dumps.
  • Keeping your blood inside and your skin closed.
  • Babies using your arm hair as a fidget toy.
  • Arm hairs rolling around each other.
  • Stabbing yourself because you're the only one worth stabbing.
  • Solipsistic Stabbing.
  • Who's my little tuber? Who's all starchy? You are. Yes you are!
  • While you were watching Great British Bake Off, I was studying the dough.
  • You're letting too much lactic acid build up in your muscles, you humble gas station clerk.
  • Watching an Olympic sport you've never seen before and critiquing the competitor's technique.
  • Spin, spin, triangle to grind.
  • A contestant putting rose in their cake and you're like "I've watched 20 seasons of this, that's how you go home, you put rose in stuff"
  • Studying game theory before competing on Survivor and everyone votes you off as soon as they find out you studied game theory.
  • Crime Scene Kitchen.
  • Silently switching from content warnings to tags.
  • The professional pink gaming chair with bunny ears.
  • Moral Maggie cutting in at the end of the episode to tell you how to live your life.
  • The Topic Lords discord: we like to have fun.
  • Gratuitous use of the Finger Fortress.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 300. Dave's Kid Doesn't Know How To Spit https://topiclords.com/daves-kid-doesnt-know-how-to-spit 691b157e-7410-4b18-b05b-181635d9b6d7 Mon, 21 Jul 2025 00:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Jenni and Tyriq. We discuss internal monologue soundboards, whether it sucks that Ash wants to be the very best, the different ways people play games, friendship as a skill, and which element is best for bending? 1:07:26 yes Lords: * Jenni * Tyriq Topics: * Internal Monologue Soundboards * Ash wants to be the very best, but at what cost? When is competition a bad thing? * The different ways people play games * Friendship is a skill * Water… Earth… Fire… Air… which bending is best bending? Microtopics: * Scrubbin' Trouble. * Figuring out how to do a multiplayer roguelike. * Power leveling all your skills at once and hoping it's enough. * Looking at the comments, because there might be something good in there. * The Dawn of Our Topic Lords Century. * Why all ducks sound like that. * Hearing a sound an incorporating it into your internal monologue. * Saying "good morning" whenever you pick up the phone no matter what time of day it is. * Alone in the Dark Hedge Maze Mafioso Barks. * Talkin' Barks. * A vault full of clones of a guy named Gary and the only thing they can say is "Gary" * You're a cluster of cells wafting through the universe and latching onto phrases you hear on the internet. * Kids who think they invented being dumb on the Internet. * The Bill Nye theme song sound board. * Wanting to be the very best, like noone ever was, and defining "best" as "kindest." * Wanting to be the very best, and then being it, and then no longer being it and losing your entire sense of identity. * What if you're on a spaceship? Lots of weird things happen on a spaceship. * Striving to be the most benevolent god, like noone ever was. * The sound of angering the giant goose. * Trying to get your significant other to play Outer Wilds because you can't fly the spaceship. * Solving puzzles with the internet. * Super Metroid + Link to the Past and other multi-game randomizers. * Lies on video game forums. * The Search for the Last Great Secret. * A Clop or a Girp. * Collecting meat for a Roguelike Celebration talk. * Holding a meeting about all the ways your project could potentially fail. * Good mortem! * Going back in time and all humans clump together like a giant Katamari. * Friendship as a skill vs. friendship as a natural outcome of your life circumstances. * Friendship decay, a a problem that neurotypicals have. * Keeping up with real life friends vs. with Internet friends. * Online games as a third place. * Complaining about all the ways in which your are socially incompetent. * Inviting people over for a listening party. * Not knowing what number you're thinking of but knowing that it's either odd or even. * Filling away tidbits of information. * The Y2K problem where when pro people start being over 127 years old, everyone remembers them as being -128. * Things that are impossible to think about because you have no frame of reference. * Making yourself a little coffee treat and scrolling reddit so you can stop thinking about death. * Water is imba! * Whether magma falls under bending Earth or bending Fire. * Highly fluid particulate sand. * Which bending is most delicious, according to avatarfandom.com * The cosmology of Jefferson Starship's "We Built This City" * Whether circuit bending is still fun now that everything is software-controlled. * Circuit bending your electric together. * The Goodbye Noise. * Odd Object dot Zone. * Hamster Disco. Lords:

  • Jenni
  • Tyriq

Topics:

  • Internal Monologue Soundboards
  • Ash wants to be the very best, but at what cost? When is competition a bad thing?
  • The different ways people play games
  • Friendship is a skill
  • Water… Earth… Fire… Air… which bending is best bending?

Microtopics:

  • Scrubbin' Trouble.
  • Figuring out how to do a multiplayer roguelike.
  • Power leveling all your skills at once and hoping it's enough.
  • Looking at the comments, because there might be something good in there.
  • The Dawn of Our Topic Lords Century.
  • Why all ducks sound like that.
  • Hearing a sound an incorporating it into your internal monologue.
  • Saying "good morning" whenever you pick up the phone no matter what time of day it is.
  • Alone in the Dark Hedge Maze Mafioso Barks.
  • Talkin' Barks.
  • A vault full of clones of a guy named Gary and the only thing they can say is "Gary"
  • You're a cluster of cells wafting through the universe and latching onto phrases you hear on the internet.
  • Kids who think they invented being dumb on the Internet.
  • The Bill Nye theme song sound board.
  • Wanting to be the very best, like noone ever was, and defining "best" as "kindest."
  • Wanting to be the very best, and then being it, and then no longer being it and losing your entire sense of identity.
  • What if you're on a spaceship? Lots of weird things happen on a spaceship.
  • Striving to be the most benevolent god, like noone ever was.
  • The sound of angering the giant goose.
  • Trying to get your significant other to play Outer Wilds because you can't fly the spaceship.
  • Solving puzzles with the internet.
  • Super Metroid + Link to the Past and other multi-game randomizers.
  • Lies on video game forums.
  • The Search for the Last Great Secret.
  • A Clop or a Girp.
  • Collecting meat for a Roguelike Celebration talk.
  • Holding a meeting about all the ways your project could potentially fail.
  • Good mortem!
  • Going back in time and all humans clump together like a giant Katamari.
  • Friendship as a skill vs. friendship as a natural outcome of your life circumstances.
  • Friendship decay, a a problem that neurotypicals have.
  • Keeping up with real life friends vs. with Internet friends.
  • Online games as a third place.
  • Complaining about all the ways in which your are socially incompetent.
  • Inviting people over for a listening party.
  • Not knowing what number you're thinking of but knowing that it's either odd or even.
  • Filling away tidbits of information.
  • The Y2K problem where when pro people start being over 127 years old, everyone remembers them as being -128.
  • Things that are impossible to think about because you have no frame of reference.
  • Making yourself a little coffee treat and scrolling reddit so you can stop thinking about death.
  • Water is imba!
  • Whether magma falls under bending Earth or bending Fire.
  • Highly fluid particulate sand.
  • Which bending is most delicious, according to avatarfandom.com
  • The cosmology of Jefferson Starship's "We Built This City"
  • Whether circuit bending is still fun now that everything is software-controlled.
  • Circuit bending your electric together.
  • The Goodbye Noise.
  • Odd Object dot Zone.
  • Hamster Disco.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Lords:

  • Jenni
  • Tyriq

Topics:

  • Internal Monologue Soundboards
  • Ash wants to be the very best, but at what cost? When is competition a bad thing?
  • The different ways people play games
  • Friendship is a skill
  • Water… Earth… Fire… Air… which bending is best bending?

Microtopics:

  • Scrubbin' Trouble.
  • Figuring out how to do a multiplayer roguelike.
  • Power leveling all your skills at once and hoping it's enough.
  • Looking at the comments, because there might be something good in there.
  • The Dawn of Our Topic Lords Century.
  • Why all ducks sound like that.
  • Hearing a sound an incorporating it into your internal monologue.
  • Saying "good morning" whenever you pick up the phone no matter what time of day it is.
  • Alone in the Dark Hedge Maze Mafioso Barks.
  • Talkin' Barks.
  • A vault full of clones of a guy named Gary and the only thing they can say is "Gary"
  • You're a cluster of cells wafting through the universe and latching onto phrases you hear on the internet.
  • Kids who think they invented being dumb on the Internet.
  • The Bill Nye theme song sound board.
  • Wanting to be the very best, like noone ever was, and defining "best" as "kindest."
  • Wanting to be the very best, and then being it, and then no longer being it and losing your entire sense of identity.
  • What if you're on a spaceship? Lots of weird things happen on a spaceship.
  • Striving to be the most benevolent god, like noone ever was.
  • The sound of angering the giant goose.
  • Trying to get your significant other to play Outer Wilds because you can't fly the spaceship.
  • Solving puzzles with the internet.
  • Super Metroid + Link to the Past and other multi-game randomizers.
  • Lies on video game forums.
  • The Search for the Last Great Secret.
  • A Clop or a Girp.
  • Collecting meat for a Roguelike Celebration talk.
  • Holding a meeting about all the ways your project could potentially fail.
  • Good mortem!
  • Going back in time and all humans clump together like a giant Katamari.
  • Friendship as a skill vs. friendship as a natural outcome of your life circumstances.
  • Friendship decay, a a problem that neurotypicals have.
  • Keeping up with real life friends vs. with Internet friends.
  • Online games as a third place.
  • Complaining about all the ways in which your are socially incompetent.
  • Inviting people over for a listening party.
  • Not knowing what number you're thinking of but knowing that it's either odd or even.
  • Filling away tidbits of information.
  • The Y2K problem where when pro people start being over 127 years old, everyone remembers them as being -128.
  • Things that are impossible to think about because you have no frame of reference.
  • Making yourself a little coffee treat and scrolling reddit so you can stop thinking about death.
  • Water is imba!
  • Whether magma falls under bending Earth or bending Fire.
  • Highly fluid particulate sand.
  • Which bending is most delicious, according to avatarfandom.com
  • The cosmology of Jefferson Starship's "We Built This City"
  • Whether circuit bending is still fun now that everything is software-controlled.
  • Circuit bending your electric together.
  • The Goodbye Noise.
  • Odd Object dot Zone.
  • Hamster Disco.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 299. Skin Fortress With Armed Idiot https://topiclords.com/skin-fortress-with-armed-idiot 9108f664-14df-477b-9345-80e3a47f698b Mon, 14 Jul 2025 00:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Jenni and Robb. We discuss multiple people responding with the same mystifying emoji, role-playing with a four year old about stealing Toxic Waste candy and lying to the cops about it, choosing to not rent a Playstation, Hints by Atari Games, and getting an Osia 2 bone-anchored hearing aid. 1:03:53 yes Lords: * Jenni * Robb Topics: * The phenomenon where multiple people respond with the same mystifying emoji * Skin Fort dream and image both provided by WiL: https://stale-meme.itch.io/ * Lately I've engaged in pretend play with my 4 year old nephew by pretending we stole a crate of "Toxic Waste" candy and lying to the cops about it. As actual parents, is this healthy for the child? * It turns out you don't want to rent a Playstation * Hints * https://x.com/jensbest/status/413105300535668736 * I would be happy to talk about what having an operation to get an Osia 2 bone anchored hearing aid is like. Microtopics: * The Stanley Parable New Edition. * Cyberganked. * Wishing for games using the Steam wishlist system and the Steam Monkey's Paw curls. * CRPG blobbers. * 25 years of Hugo. * Recognizing a Windows program from 1996. * Back when malware pretended to be a little guy. * The origins of Skinfort. * Hapsburg Jaw. * Angry Cry Laughing. * Meta-channels and meta-meta-channels. * Medicinal Dock Spiders. * This Spider Pays Taxes. * The weakest Great Lake of all. * The good Mexican restaurant in Fond du Lac. * Fish pouches. * Whether you have to refrigerate Big League Chew. * Putting tuna on dry toast. * Four year olds who want to impress people with how sour s candy they can eat. * The amount of toxic waste you are allowed to feed a child. * Having a milkshake and being in bed by 8:30. * Doing improv with your four year old nephew about invoking the fifth amendment. * The Cocomelon video about never talking to the police. * I'm not sad; I'm just on a triangle. * French mice asking to buy your armpit cheese. * A kid who just plain needs to be lied to. * Renting a child so you can make cheese in their armpits. * Did Jim finally rent the Playstation? * Going to the place to rent a Playstation and they immediately ask for your Social Security Number. * It's hot inside the Playstation, and the bugs are cold. * Just doing the poem about Data's cat Spot every episode. * The warlock dominatrix Harley Quinn voice that you make everybody listen to. * Oh I'm sorry, I thought the ceiling was your ass. * Telling your friends about the guy who said he thought the ceiling was your ass and asking them what it means and they just respond with the grapes emoji. * Games that have both Booty and The Wizard. * The scrawny wizard from Zwackery. * Whether chewing your food is a spell. * Listening to Topic Lords for all the mouth sounds. * Constantly rehydrating this child so that he can make the whole house wet. * Starving zombie apocalypse survivors taking the child seats out of a car so they can turn them upside down and shake all the gummy bears out. * A poem with a pangram rhyme scheme. * Bone-anchored hearing aids. * Bringing a topic list to a first date. * Waiting until your last day of insurance and bursting into the OR like the Kool-Aid Man. * Your surgeon quitting the industry immediately after seeing the inside of your head. * Performatively pressing your hearing aid's nonfunctional volume button. * Your wife violating HIPAA to tell you a hilarious work story. * Accidentally installing Bonzi Buddy on your hearing aid. * Marrying an audiologist to get the best possible hearing aid. * Going to zoom.ca to rev up your savings. * Performance Acura North Mississauga. * Adapting Eliza into a game where you're trying to trick Smaug into giving up his hoard. * Making a joke about a banana slug actually bring a plantain slug. * It is the 90s and there is time for Rifftrax. Lords:

  • Jenni
  • Robb

Topics:

  • The phenomenon where multiple people respond with the same mystifying emoji
  • Lately I've engaged in pretend play with my 4 year old nephew by pretending we stole a crate of "Toxic Waste" candy and lying to the cops about it. As actual parents, is this healthy for the child?
  • It turns out you don't want to rent a Playstation
  • Hints
  • I would be happy to talk about what having an operation to get an Osia 2 bone anchored hearing aid is like.

Microtopics:

  • The Stanley Parable New Edition.
  • Cyberganked.
  • Wishing for games using the Steam wishlist system and the Steam Monkey's Paw curls.
  • CRPG blobbers.
  • 25 years of Hugo.
  • Recognizing a Windows program from 1996.
  • Back when malware pretended to be a little guy.
  • The origins of Skinfort.
  • Hapsburg Jaw.
  • Angry Cry Laughing.
  • Meta-channels and meta-meta-channels.
  • Medicinal Dock Spiders.
  • This Spider Pays Taxes.
  • The weakest Great Lake of all.
  • The good Mexican restaurant in Fond du Lac.
  • Fish pouches.
  • Whether you have to refrigerate Big League Chew.
  • Putting tuna on dry toast.
  • Four year olds who want to impress people with how sour s candy they can eat.
  • The amount of toxic waste you are allowed to feed a child.
  • Having a milkshake and being in bed by 8:30.
  • Doing improv with your four year old nephew about invoking the fifth amendment.
  • The Cocomelon video about never talking to the police.
  • I'm not sad; I'm just on a triangle.
  • French mice asking to buy your armpit cheese.
  • A kid who just plain needs to be lied to.
  • Renting a child so you can make cheese in their armpits.
  • Did Jim finally rent the Playstation?
  • Going to the place to rent a Playstation and they immediately ask for your Social Security Number.
  • It's hot inside the Playstation, and the bugs are cold.
  • Just doing the poem about Data's cat Spot every episode.
  • The warlock dominatrix Harley Quinn voice that you make everybody listen to.
  • Oh I'm sorry, I thought the ceiling was your ass.
  • Telling your friends about the guy who said he thought the ceiling was your ass and asking them what it means and they just respond with the grapes emoji.
  • Games that have both Booty and The Wizard.
  • The scrawny wizard from Zwackery.
  • Whether chewing your food is a spell.
  • Listening to Topic Lords for all the mouth sounds.
  • Constantly rehydrating this child so that he can make the whole house wet.
  • Starving zombie apocalypse survivors taking the child seats out of a car so they can turn them upside down and shake all the gummy bears out.
  • A poem with a pangram rhyme scheme.
  • Bone-anchored hearing aids.
  • Bringing a topic list to a first date.
  • Waiting until your last day of insurance and bursting into the OR like the Kool-Aid Man.
  • Your surgeon quitting the industry immediately after seeing the inside of your head.
  • Performatively pressing your hearing aid's nonfunctional volume button.
  • Your wife violating HIPAA to tell you a hilarious work story.
  • Accidentally installing Bonzi Buddy on your hearing aid.
  • Marrying an audiologist to get the best possible hearing aid.
  • Going to zoom.ca to rev up your savings.
  • Performance Acura North Mississauga.
  • Adapting Eliza into a game where you're trying to trick Smaug into giving up his hoard.
  • Making a joke about a banana slug actually bring a plantain slug.
  • It is the 90s and there is time for Rifftrax.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Lords:

  • Jenni
  • Robb

Topics:

  • The phenomenon where multiple people respond with the same mystifying emoji
  • Lately I've engaged in pretend play with my 4 year old nephew by pretending we stole a crate of "Toxic Waste" candy and lying to the cops about it. As actual parents, is this healthy for the child?
  • It turns out you don't want to rent a Playstation
  • Hints
  • I would be happy to talk about what having an operation to get an Osia 2 bone anchored hearing aid is like.

Microtopics:

  • The Stanley Parable New Edition.
  • Cyberganked.
  • Wishing for games using the Steam wishlist system and the Steam Monkey's Paw curls.
  • CRPG blobbers.
  • 25 years of Hugo.
  • Recognizing a Windows program from 1996.
  • Back when malware pretended to be a little guy.
  • The origins of Skinfort.
  • Hapsburg Jaw.
  • Angry Cry Laughing.
  • Meta-channels and meta-meta-channels.
  • Medicinal Dock Spiders.
  • This Spider Pays Taxes.
  • The weakest Great Lake of all.
  • The good Mexican restaurant in Fond du Lac.
  • Fish pouches.
  • Whether you have to refrigerate Big League Chew.
  • Putting tuna on dry toast.
  • Four year olds who want to impress people with how sour s candy they can eat.
  • The amount of toxic waste you are allowed to feed a child.
  • Having a milkshake and being in bed by 8:30.
  • Doing improv with your four year old nephew about invoking the fifth amendment.
  • The Cocomelon video about never talking to the police.
  • I'm not sad; I'm just on a triangle.
  • French mice asking to buy your armpit cheese.
  • A kid who just plain needs to be lied to.
  • Renting a child so you can make cheese in their armpits.
  • Did Jim finally rent the Playstation?
  • Going to the place to rent a Playstation and they immediately ask for your Social Security Number.
  • It's hot inside the Playstation, and the bugs are cold.
  • Just doing the poem about Data's cat Spot every episode.
  • The warlock dominatrix Harley Quinn voice that you make everybody listen to.
  • Oh I'm sorry, I thought the ceiling was your ass.
  • Telling your friends about the guy who said he thought the ceiling was your ass and asking them what it means and they just respond with the grapes emoji.
  • Games that have both Booty and The Wizard.
  • The scrawny wizard from Zwackery.
  • Whether chewing your food is a spell.
  • Listening to Topic Lords for all the mouth sounds.
  • Constantly rehydrating this child so that he can make the whole house wet.
  • Starving zombie apocalypse survivors taking the child seats out of a car so they can turn them upside down and shake all the gummy bears out.
  • A poem with a pangram rhyme scheme.
  • Bone-anchored hearing aids.
  • Bringing a topic list to a first date.
  • Waiting until your last day of insurance and bursting into the OR like the Kool-Aid Man.
  • Your surgeon quitting the industry immediately after seeing the inside of your head.
  • Performatively pressing your hearing aid's nonfunctional volume button.
  • Your wife violating HIPAA to tell you a hilarious work story.
  • Accidentally installing Bonzi Buddy on your hearing aid.
  • Marrying an audiologist to get the best possible hearing aid.
  • Going to zoom.ca to rev up your savings.
  • Performance Acura North Mississauga.
  • Adapting Eliza into a game where you're trying to trick Smaug into giving up his hoard.
  • Making a joke about a banana slug actually bring a plantain slug.
  • It is the 90s and there is time for Rifftrax.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 288. Nobody Has Poop on Their Balls on The Astral Plane https://topiclords.com/nobody-has-poop-on-their-balls-on-the-astral-plane 3dc368bc-6cdb-4f2f-a926-7f52d18c9fe1 Mon, 28 Apr 2025 00:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Jenni and Rebecca. We discuss getting emotionally ambushed by a children's toy piano, all the non-art things you have to do to get external validation about your art, explaining where owls come from, The Witches are Coming (excerpt) by Lindy West, and Ask Me About Looms in Video Games. 1:14:04 yes Lords: * Jenni * Rebecca * https://toots.ravenoak.dev/@rebecca * Weft Magazine: https://www.weftmagazine.com/ Topics: * Getting emotionally ambushed by a children's toy piano * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8g8fzwmnw8M * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvhdHkugIPE * All the non-art things you have to do to get external validation about your art * Explaining where owls come from * The Witches are Coming (excerpt) by Lindy West * https://playingintheworldgame.com/2021/11/15/the-witches-are-coming-by-lindy-west/ * Ask Me About Loom(s in video games) * Festive gazelles, vampire christmas, and the rest of the christmas card project: https://ravel.me/ggggbbybby/swc * What’s a gamp? https://ravel.me/ggggbbybby/js2cawg * In case you need comfy fingering in your life: https://www.knitpicks.com/yarn/comfy-fingering/c/5420197 * The ravelry forum where we play old-lady Minecraft: https://www.ravelry.com/discuss/warped-weavers Microtopics: * Weft: for weavers! * The Weft Zone. * A two and a half foot piano with five notes on it. * Are you the width of your arm? * Pushing a button to increase your team's number. * A white paper about how to not get a divorce when you go to burning man together. * Teaching kids all the animal names, even the ones they'll never encounter, like how we used to teach kids all the state capitals even for the states they'll never visit. * A bird with polka dot wings that could fly over the sea, and John Legend sings about it. * Expecting your child to eventually go through every age. * Now that your kid is 40, he can clean the poop from his own balls. * The umbilical cord being connected to weird meat inside your body. * Kidney bean figures connected by glowing blue lines in the astral plane. * Being paid to stay at home and solve puzzles on you computer. (And go to Zoom meetings.) * All the non-art things you need to do to get your art out there. * The Loom on Loom Island. * Exhibiting at Maker Fair and explaining how a loom works 50,000 times. * Happy last year's birthday! I made you something and it took me this long to finish it. * Getting a fanbase who has a parasocial relationship with you and having to pretend not to be a crotchety asshole. * What it takes to run a personal Mastodon instance. * Getting a call from the school and they're like "your instance isn't federating with the other instances, we need you to come pick it up." * Explaining to a six year old about sexual reproduction, DNA, mutations, and speciation so you can explain where owls come from. * Explaining to your baby that talking is when an organ vibrates in your throat that makes the air vibrate, but he doesn't know what air is, he thinks there's an ether. * What music you can play with the pentatonic scale. * Poko the cockatiel sitting Totoro. * The intern at the mobile factory who spent an afternoon downloading a hundred bootleg MIDIs so that the mobile plays. * Tooting the bad cone inside the house. * The person who would be playing the trumpet in your relationship. * Seeing someone knitting incorrectly in a TV show. * Patching better jokes into the hat DLC. * Using a sequence of transpilers to get your code from point A to point B. * People who make game engines wanting your to touch the engine as much as possible. * Wanting to declare a global variable and the developers say you can't do that but they point you to the bespoke language feature that does the same thing as global variables but in a much more complicated way. * Playing the Frog Fractions text adventure with a gamepad. * Funny looking pirates who are secretly advertisements. * Kidney beans, swans, and other delicious things. * Learning a song from a dye pot that turns things green. * A piano guitar that you just press on. * Showing your husband the Wikipedia page that proves that you hobby exists and he's like "anybody can edit Wikipedia." * Making a sculpture of the Eiffel tower without looking at any references and it ends up just being a letter A with the word "Paris" written nearby. * A coked-up knitting machine. * Spring has sprung so sprang your sprang. * Heddles and treadles and gamps. * Some of your best Comfy Fingering, please. * Basic Sour. * Smelling things in your mouth. * Getting tired of sucking your baby's snot through a tube and getting an electric aspirator. * Starting up Morrowind and being immediately presented with a guy who has a bad case of Bethesda Face. * The thirteen games that have looms in them. * The looms in Assassin's Creed being kind of historically accurate because Ubisoft's whole thing is being kind of historically accurate. * Subscribing to a service that periodically sends you different swatches of cloth so you can disassemble them and figure out how they're woven. * Festive Gazelles. * Happy Vampire Christmas! * Forum drama on Ravelry that ends up with the web designer no longer being allowed to talk directly to customers. * Creative mode for Minecraft except for a bunch of old ladies. * If you lose your bird bone just wait for another bird to hit your window. * Magazines as extremely slow podcasts. * Updating your gender and getting rid of your loser middle name while you're at it. Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Weft: for weavers!
  • The Weft Zone.
  • A two and a half foot piano with five notes on it.
  • Are you the width of your arm?
  • Pushing a button to increase your team's number.
  • A white paper about how to not get a divorce when you go to burning man together.
  • Teaching kids all the animal names, even the ones they'll never encounter, like how we used to teach kids all the state capitals even for the states they'll never visit.
  • A bird with polka dot wings that could fly over the sea, and John Legend sings about it.
  • Expecting your child to eventually go through every age.
  • Now that your kid is 40, he can clean the poop from his own balls.
  • The umbilical cord being connected to weird meat inside your body.
  • Kidney bean figures connected by glowing blue lines in the astral plane.
  • Being paid to stay at home and solve puzzles on you computer. (And go to Zoom meetings.)
  • All the non-art things you need to do to get your art out there.
  • The Loom on Loom Island.
  • Exhibiting at Maker Fair and explaining how a loom works 50,000 times.
  • Happy last year's birthday! I made you something and it took me this long to finish it.
  • Getting a fanbase who has a parasocial relationship with you and having to pretend not to be a crotchety asshole.
  • What it takes to run a personal Mastodon instance.
  • Getting a call from the school and they're like "your instance isn't federating with the other instances, we need you to come pick it up."
  • Explaining to a six year old about sexual reproduction, DNA, mutations, and speciation so you can explain where owls come from.
  • Explaining to your baby that talking is when an organ vibrates in your throat that makes the air vibrate, but he doesn't know what air is, he thinks there's an ether.
  • What music you can play with the pentatonic scale.
  • Poko the cockatiel sitting Totoro.
  • The intern at the mobile factory who spent an afternoon downloading a hundred bootleg MIDIs so that the mobile plays.
  • Tooting the bad cone inside the house.
  • The person who would be playing the trumpet in your relationship.
  • Seeing someone knitting incorrectly in a TV show.
  • Patching better jokes into the hat DLC.
  • Using a sequence of transpilers to get your code from point A to point B.
  • People who make game engines wanting your to touch the engine as much as possible.
  • Wanting to declare a global variable and the developers say you can't do that but they point you to the bespoke language feature that does the same thing as global variables but in a much more complicated way.
  • Playing the Frog Fractions text adventure with a gamepad.
  • Funny looking pirates who are secretly advertisements.
  • Kidney beans, swans, and other delicious things.
  • Learning a song from a dye pot that turns things green.
  • A piano guitar that you just press on.
  • Showing your husband the Wikipedia page that proves that you hobby exists and he's like "anybody can edit Wikipedia."
  • Making a sculpture of the Eiffel tower without looking at any references and it ends up just being a letter A with the word "Paris" written nearby.
  • A coked-up knitting machine.
  • Spring has sprung so sprang your sprang.
  • Heddles and treadles and gamps.
  • Some of your best Comfy Fingering, please.
  • Basic Sour.
  • Smelling things in your mouth.
  • Getting tired of sucking your baby's snot through a tube and getting an electric aspirator.
  • Starting up Morrowind and being immediately presented with a guy who has a bad case of Bethesda Face.
  • The thirteen games that have looms in them.
  • The looms in Assassin's Creed being kind of historically accurate because Ubisoft's whole thing is being kind of historically accurate.
  • Subscribing to a service that periodically sends you different swatches of cloth so you can disassemble them and figure out how they're woven.
  • Festive Gazelles.
  • Happy Vampire Christmas!
  • Forum drama on Ravelry that ends up with the web designer no longer being allowed to talk directly to customers.
  • Creative mode for Minecraft except for a bunch of old ladies.
  • If you lose your bird bone just wait for another bird to hit your window.
  • Magazines as extremely slow podcasts.
  • Updating your gender and getting rid of your loser middle name while you're at it.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Weft: for weavers!
  • The Weft Zone.
  • A two and a half foot piano with five notes on it.
  • Are you the width of your arm?
  • Pushing a button to increase your team's number.
  • A white paper about how to not get a divorce when you go to burning man together.
  • Teaching kids all the animal names, even the ones they'll never encounter, like how we used to teach kids all the state capitals even for the states they'll never visit.
  • A bird with polka dot wings that could fly over the sea, and John Legend sings about it.
  • Expecting your child to eventually go through every age.
  • Now that your kid is 40, he can clean the poop from his own balls.
  • The umbilical cord being connected to weird meat inside your body.
  • Kidney bean figures connected by glowing blue lines in the astral plane.
  • Being paid to stay at home and solve puzzles on you computer. (And go to Zoom meetings.)
  • All the non-art things you need to do to get your art out there.
  • The Loom on Loom Island.
  • Exhibiting at Maker Fair and explaining how a loom works 50,000 times.
  • Happy last year's birthday! I made you something and it took me this long to finish it.
  • Getting a fanbase who has a parasocial relationship with you and having to pretend not to be a crotchety asshole.
  • What it takes to run a personal Mastodon instance.
  • Getting a call from the school and they're like "your instance isn't federating with the other instances, we need you to come pick it up."
  • Explaining to a six year old about sexual reproduction, DNA, mutations, and speciation so you can explain where owls come from.
  • Explaining to your baby that talking is when an organ vibrates in your throat that makes the air vibrate, but he doesn't know what air is, he thinks there's an ether.
  • What music you can play with the pentatonic scale.
  • Poko the cockatiel sitting Totoro.
  • The intern at the mobile factory who spent an afternoon downloading a hundred bootleg MIDIs so that the mobile plays.
  • Tooting the bad cone inside the house.
  • The person who would be playing the trumpet in your relationship.
  • Seeing someone knitting incorrectly in a TV show.
  • Patching better jokes into the hat DLC.
  • Using a sequence of transpilers to get your code from point A to point B.
  • People who make game engines wanting your to touch the engine as much as possible.
  • Wanting to declare a global variable and the developers say you can't do that but they point you to the bespoke language feature that does the same thing as global variables but in a much more complicated way.
  • Playing the Frog Fractions text adventure with a gamepad.
  • Funny looking pirates who are secretly advertisements.
  • Kidney beans, swans, and other delicious things.
  • Learning a song from a dye pot that turns things green.
  • A piano guitar that you just press on.
  • Showing your husband the Wikipedia page that proves that you hobby exists and he's like "anybody can edit Wikipedia."
  • Making a sculpture of the Eiffel tower without looking at any references and it ends up just being a letter A with the word "Paris" written nearby.
  • A coked-up knitting machine.
  • Spring has sprung so sprang your sprang.
  • Heddles and treadles and gamps.
  • Some of your best Comfy Fingering, please.
  • Basic Sour.
  • Smelling things in your mouth.
  • Getting tired of sucking your baby's snot through a tube and getting an electric aspirator.
  • Starting up Morrowind and being immediately presented with a guy who has a bad case of Bethesda Face.
  • The thirteen games that have looms in them.
  • The looms in Assassin's Creed being kind of historically accurate because Ubisoft's whole thing is being kind of historically accurate.
  • Subscribing to a service that periodically sends you different swatches of cloth so you can disassemble them and figure out how they're woven.
  • Festive Gazelles.
  • Happy Vampire Christmas!
  • Forum drama on Ravelry that ends up with the web designer no longer being allowed to talk directly to customers.
  • Creative mode for Minecraft except for a bunch of old ladies.
  • If you lose your bird bone just wait for another bird to hit your window.
  • Magazines as extremely slow podcasts.
  • Updating your gender and getting rid of your loser middle name while you're at it.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 285. Poop Songs for Roy https://topiclords.com/poop-songs-for-roy 46fcd343-8a1d-414e-bcf8-b0a341295cec Mon, 07 Apr 2025 00:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Erica and Jenni. We discuss the chaos you missed, having a baby as a set of hobbies you are expected to engage in full-time, whether people live longer in Greece and Japan or whether they just have more pension fraud, Too Many Women Become Desperate, and whether your kid will find out about Cocomelon even if you never tell them 1:07:21 yes Lords: * Erica * Jenni Topics: * The chaos you missed * Having a baby is like being assigned a set of hobbies you don't necessarily care about but are expected to engage in full-time * Do people actually live longer in Greece and Japan or do they just have more pension fraud? * Too Many Women Become Desperate, by Infinite Sexy Marriage * https://bsky.app/profile/infinitesexy.bsky.social/post/3lcxskqdmoc26 * Is it possible to never show your kid Cocomelon and they never demand to be shown Cocomelon or are they gonna find out about it through osmosis Microtopics: * Beneficial nematodes: are they really that good? * How to pronounce "iykyk." * Singing "beneficial nematodes" to the tune of Hall of the Mountain King. * Going extreme on the melismas. * The Saying Hi Chamber. * Shazam chastising you for singing. * 100 MIDIs that some Chinese intern threw together in a couple of hours and now every baby is going to grow up with these tunes in their heads. * Inventing a new way to live that's worse in every respect. * Having dinner with a friend while grandma puts the kid to bed. * A baby getting upset because he isn't staring at geometric shapes right now. * Making sure the baby makes all the right neural connections and not the wrong ones. * A video of a guy walking down every street in Vice City. * Twenty minutes of people icing cakes. Not the really fancy cakes, just regular-ass cakes. * Clutching at your face as the cake icer puts red next to brown. * Caking Bad. * A coup amongst the Smithsonian National Zoo's naked mole rats. * Stabbing your mom with your teeth so that you can breed. * A horrible skin creature with prehensile chopsticks. * Eusocial mammals. * Growing extra vertebrae every time you give birth. * A Topic Lords field trip to the naked mole rat colony to meet the new queen. * Intervertebral red shift. * EBF, EFF and EP. * Wake windows and contact naps. * Holding them like a football and making a sandwich and putting the sandwich in the football, and now you're breastfeeding! * Whether it's ethical to leave your baby at the Burger King or if you need to go fast casual. * The poop potato who has opinions. * You gotta draw the line somewhere, and it's sweeping the floor. * All the things you're not supposed to put in the crib with the baby. * Replacing your baby with a gerbil because you're not allowed to kiss your baby on the forehead in case you have a cold sore. * How to tell if a gerbil has been replaced with a similar gerbil. * Paying $7/month for the NYT crossword but not getting access to the articles so you click on the crossword constructors' notes but you're already at your three free article limit. * Anthrocyanins. * Cynical Jim says yes, Regular Jim says maybe. * The most domesticated mammal: man. * Small Japanese women having the longest lifespans because they hide in your crawlspace and death cannot find them. * Old ladies? In my duct work? * Hoping there are no old ladies living in your duct work because you haven't cleaned in s while and there are probably mold spores in there * Poop Songs for Roy. * Thinking of the shrieking old lady as a sonic shower for you duct work. * The future-episodes channel, where we discuss episodes that may one day exist. * Remember that time when you retweeted a thing and it turned into a picture of a fish. * The ransom note on top of peach tarts aesthetic. * Welcome to lesbianism. Here is your greeting card with peaches. * Whether reverse image search is bad now or if it was always bad. * The Poem is Entertaining. * Speculative fiction about soviets invading. * The kind of poem you'd read in feminist bookstores in the early 00s. * Children's YouTube channels full about new wave songs about trucks. * Showing your child only OG Sesame Street episodes so they can't relate to adults or children their own age and are technically Xennials. * Xennial Warrior Princess. * Everything's more true when you're wearing pants. * The 25th place you can post pictures of your baby. * The legend of Shrimptaur. * Hide in the discord and never post. * Finally writing the tweet that's going to make John Hodgman unfollow you Lords:

  • Erica
  • Jenni

Topics:

  • The chaos you missed
  • Having a baby is like being assigned a set of hobbies you don't necessarily care about but are expected to engage in full-time
  • Do people actually live longer in Greece and Japan or do they just have more pension fraud?
  • Too Many Women Become Desperate, by Infinite Sexy Marriage
  • Is it possible to never show your kid Cocomelon and they never demand to be shown Cocomelon or are they gonna find out about it through osmosis

Microtopics:

  • Beneficial nematodes: are they really that good?
  • How to pronounce "iykyk."
  • Singing "beneficial nematodes" to the tune of Hall of the Mountain King.
  • Going extreme on the melismas.
  • The Saying Hi Chamber.
  • Shazam chastising you for singing.
  • 100 MIDIs that some Chinese intern threw together in a couple of hours and now every baby is going to grow up with these tunes in their heads.
  • Inventing a new way to live that's worse in every respect.
  • Having dinner with a friend while grandma puts the kid to bed.
  • A baby getting upset because he isn't staring at geometric shapes right now.
  • Making sure the baby makes all the right neural connections and not the wrong ones.
  • A video of a guy walking down every street in Vice City.
  • Twenty minutes of people icing cakes. Not the really fancy cakes, just regular-ass cakes.
  • Clutching at your face as the cake icer puts red next to brown.
  • Caking Bad.
  • A coup amongst the Smithsonian National Zoo's naked mole rats.
  • Stabbing your mom with your teeth so that you can breed.
  • A horrible skin creature with prehensile chopsticks.
  • Eusocial mammals.
  • Growing extra vertebrae every time you give birth.
  • A Topic Lords field trip to the naked mole rat colony to meet the new queen.
  • Intervertebral red shift.
  • EBF, EFF and EP.
  • Wake windows and contact naps.
  • Holding them like a football and making a sandwich and putting the sandwich in the football, and now you're breastfeeding!
  • Whether it's ethical to leave your baby at the Burger King or if you need to go fast casual.
  • The poop potato who has opinions.
  • You gotta draw the line somewhere, and it's sweeping the floor.
  • All the things you're not supposed to put in the crib with the baby.
  • Replacing your baby with a gerbil because you're not allowed to kiss your baby on the forehead in case you have a cold sore.
  • How to tell if a gerbil has been replaced with a similar gerbil.
  • Paying $7/month for the NYT crossword but not getting access to the articles so you click on the crossword constructors' notes but you're already at your three free article limit.
  • Anthrocyanins.
  • Cynical Jim says yes, Regular Jim says maybe.
  • The most domesticated mammal: man.
  • Small Japanese women having the longest lifespans because they hide in your crawlspace and death cannot find them.
  • Old ladies? In my duct work?
  • Hoping there are no old ladies living in your duct work because you haven't cleaned in s while and there are probably mold spores in there
  • Poop Songs for Roy.
  • Thinking of the shrieking old lady as a sonic shower for you duct work.
  • The future-episodes channel, where we discuss episodes that may one day exist.
  • Remember that time when you retweeted a thing and it turned into a picture of a fish.
  • The ransom note on top of peach tarts aesthetic.
  • Welcome to lesbianism. Here is your greeting card with peaches.
  • Whether reverse image search is bad now or if it was always bad.
  • The Poem is Entertaining.
  • Speculative fiction about soviets invading.
  • The kind of poem you'd read in feminist bookstores in the early 00s.
  • Children's YouTube channels full about new wave songs about trucks.
  • Showing your child only OG Sesame Street episodes so they can't relate to adults or children their own age and are technically Xennials.
  • Xennial Warrior Princess.
  • Everything's more true when you're wearing pants.
  • The 25th place you can post pictures of your baby.
  • The legend of Shrimptaur.
  • Hide in the discord and never post.
  • Finally writing the tweet that's going to make John Hodgman unfollow you

Support Topic Lords

]]> Lords:

  • Erica
  • Jenni

Topics:

  • The chaos you missed
  • Having a baby is like being assigned a set of hobbies you don't necessarily care about but are expected to engage in full-time
  • Do people actually live longer in Greece and Japan or do they just have more pension fraud?
  • Too Many Women Become Desperate, by Infinite Sexy Marriage
  • Is it possible to never show your kid Cocomelon and they never demand to be shown Cocomelon or are they gonna find out about it through osmosis

Microtopics:

  • Beneficial nematodes: are they really that good?
  • How to pronounce "iykyk."
  • Singing "beneficial nematodes" to the tune of Hall of the Mountain King.
  • Going extreme on the melismas.
  • The Saying Hi Chamber.
  • Shazam chastising you for singing.
  • 100 MIDIs that some Chinese intern threw together in a couple of hours and now every baby is going to grow up with these tunes in their heads.
  • Inventing a new way to live that's worse in every respect.
  • Having dinner with a friend while grandma puts the kid to bed.
  • A baby getting upset because he isn't staring at geometric shapes right now.
  • Making sure the baby makes all the right neural connections and not the wrong ones.
  • A video of a guy walking down every street in Vice City.
  • Twenty minutes of people icing cakes. Not the really fancy cakes, just regular-ass cakes.
  • Clutching at your face as the cake icer puts red next to brown.
  • Caking Bad.
  • A coup amongst the Smithsonian National Zoo's naked mole rats.
  • Stabbing your mom with your teeth so that you can breed.
  • A horrible skin creature with prehensile chopsticks.
  • Eusocial mammals.
  • Growing extra vertebrae every time you give birth.
  • A Topic Lords field trip to the naked mole rat colony to meet the new queen.
  • Intervertebral red shift.
  • EBF, EFF and EP.
  • Wake windows and contact naps.
  • Holding them like a football and making a sandwich and putting the sandwich in the football, and now you're breastfeeding!
  • Whether it's ethical to leave your baby at the Burger King or if you need to go fast casual.
  • The poop potato who has opinions.
  • You gotta draw the line somewhere, and it's sweeping the floor.
  • All the things you're not supposed to put in the crib with the baby.
  • Replacing your baby with a gerbil because you're not allowed to kiss your baby on the forehead in case you have a cold sore.
  • How to tell if a gerbil has been replaced with a similar gerbil.
  • Paying $7/month for the NYT crossword but not getting access to the articles so you click on the crossword constructors' notes but you're already at your three free article limit.
  • Anthrocyanins.
  • Cynical Jim says yes, Regular Jim says maybe.
  • The most domesticated mammal: man.
  • Small Japanese women having the longest lifespans because they hide in your crawlspace and death cannot find them.
  • Old ladies? In my duct work?
  • Hoping there are no old ladies living in your duct work because you haven't cleaned in s while and there are probably mold spores in there
  • Poop Songs for Roy.
  • Thinking of the shrieking old lady as a sonic shower for you duct work.
  • The future-episodes channel, where we discuss episodes that may one day exist.
  • Remember that time when you retweeted a thing and it turned into a picture of a fish.
  • The ransom note on top of peach tarts aesthetic.
  • Welcome to lesbianism. Here is your greeting card with peaches.
  • Whether reverse image search is bad now or if it was always bad.
  • The Poem is Entertaining.
  • Speculative fiction about soviets invading.
  • The kind of poem you'd read in feminist bookstores in the early 00s.
  • Children's YouTube channels full about new wave songs about trucks.
  • Showing your child only OG Sesame Street episodes so they can't relate to adults or children their own age and are technically Xennials.
  • Xennial Warrior Princess.
  • Everything's more true when you're wearing pants.
  • The 25th place you can post pictures of your baby.
  • The legend of Shrimptaur.
  • Hide in the discord and never post.
  • Finally writing the tweet that's going to make John Hodgman unfollow you

Support Topic Lords

]]> 260. This Sentient Life Could've Been an Email https://topiclords.com/this-sentient-life-couldve-been-an-email caeb9d4f-e0fd-4bfb-b9d1-95e63c2b8510 Mon, 14 Oct 2024 00:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Jenni and Chris. We discuss whether corporate mascots are age-locked to a generation, balls being able to taste soy sauce, BB-8 changed my tire, and The Woodchuck by Sam Pink. 1:15:33 yes Lords: * Jenni * Chris Topics: * Are corporate mascots in US culture age-locked to a generation? I have done no research about this * The continuation of our species depends on balls being able to taste soy sauce * BB-8 changed my tire * The Woodchuck, by Sam Pink * https://www.reddit.com/r/Poetry/comments/wg09x5/poemthewoodchuckbysam_pink/ Microtopics: * Too much dick content for one show. * What kind of fetus dong shot engagement you're looking for. * When they smear the goo on your belly. * Throwing a gender reveal party and the uncle nobody wants around is like "I don't believe you" and you get to whip out the photo of the kid's dick. * Shipping a person in Q4. * Automating the Omelas kid. * The Disney suffering animatronic child asking passers by to walk away from Omelas. * Gen Z no longer needing to read The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas because they live in modern society. * Gardening in one of the hardest places in the world to garden. * What's the grass for? * An office park spending millions of gallons of water to maintain a lawn nobody ever walks on or looks at. * What if the Omelas kid is a dick? What if they're treating him really well and he just has impossibly high standards and hates everything. * An electrical problem that's very pronounced when Jenni turns on the blender. * The Golden Age of Corporate Mascots. * Undead Corporate Mascots. * Trying to find a picture of the Toucan Sam redesign and ending up on Deviant Art. * Howard and Nester. * Whether American kids will tolerate anime. * President of the Nintendo No Fun Club. * Spending $200 on the Nintendo hint line trying to solve the last screen in Solstice. * An adventure game that's also a platformer where if your toe touches a candle flame it's an instant game over. * Inventing terrible camera angles in a 2D game. * It's 3D, but on your Speccy! * Trusting a YouTube documentary more the longer the video is. * Are Domo Kun and Hello Kitty free agents? * Cap'n Crunch guest starring in the Star Wars Holiday Special. * A Roma who was once helpful. * Eating a sandwich and getting the sandwich tattooed on your bicep because. * A baby name that Boomer moms love. * Remington Steel On At 7PM After Matlock Jones. * Getting into a thing with people on Metafilter. * POV: when your girlfriend gets you Swedish meatballs at Ikea. * Whether Frosthaven is important to the testicles tasting umami story. * Vanilloid receptors. * Why you can shock your tongue with a 9 volt battery but you can't shock your forearm even if it's wet. * The chef with the tiny spoon in your testicles making sure to get the exact right MSG level in your semen. * Peppers hacking mammal biology. * Seeds who enjoy being digested by birds. * The cardioprotective benefit of spicy food. * The Ones Who Bring it Back to Omelas. * Broccoli evolving into crabs. * This is canon: BB-8 drives a 2016 Corolla. * Pretending that you are talking to a Youtube audience while you make s sandwich. * Just a li'l guy who rolls around on a ball. * R2D2: a mean mean man. * The floor falling out of the Pinto while you're driving it. * A rubber pad with friction stripes on it. * Turning it until it feels like you broke it, but you didn't and you have to keep going. * After the cake comes out of the oven the recipe stops having steps. * How to get help from Linux users. * The entire wheel snapping off the axle as you're parking at Camerica Bank. * Different car, same maintenance strategy. * Driving a car until it can no longer be ontologically be classified as a car. * Churchill's Irregulars. * Waiting for Peter Jackson to mansplain to you the sound a car makes when the wheel snaps off. * Delving too deeply into the Cars cinematic universe. * A Mastodon setting that hides all of Jim's BB-8 toots. * How to find people to follow on Nectarine. * The dying MUD you joined in 1997. * Radioactive names such as Hitler and Sheldon. * Joining a social media service and it tells you there are no posts. * Sam Pink strikes again. * The emotional arc of putting a tiny hat on a woodchuck. * A woodchuck you would definitely do a murder to. * Ampersand at the beginning of the line. * The Furniture That Rolled Away From Omelas. * Why the computer is mad in I Have No Mouth But I Must Scream. * Looking for sentient life in the universe when you have dolphins at home. Lords:

  • Jenni
  • Chris

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Too much dick content for one show.
  • What kind of fetus dong shot engagement you're looking for.
  • When they smear the goo on your belly.
  • Throwing a gender reveal party and the uncle nobody wants around is like "I don't believe you" and you get to whip out the photo of the kid's dick.
  • Shipping a person in Q4.
  • Automating the Omelas kid.
  • The Disney suffering animatronic child asking passers by to walk away from Omelas.
  • Gen Z no longer needing to read The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas because they live in modern society.
  • Gardening in one of the hardest places in the world to garden.
  • What's the grass for?
  • An office park spending millions of gallons of water to maintain a lawn nobody ever walks on or looks at.
  • What if the Omelas kid is a dick? What if they're treating him really well and he just has impossibly high standards and hates everything.
  • An electrical problem that's very pronounced when Jenni turns on the blender.
  • The Golden Age of Corporate Mascots.
  • Undead Corporate Mascots.
  • Trying to find a picture of the Toucan Sam redesign and ending up on Deviant Art.
  • Howard and Nester.
  • Whether American kids will tolerate anime.
  • President of the Nintendo No Fun Club.
  • Spending $200 on the Nintendo hint line trying to solve the last screen in Solstice.
  • An adventure game that's also a platformer where if your toe touches a candle flame it's an instant game over.
  • Inventing terrible camera angles in a 2D game.
  • It's 3D, but on your Speccy!
  • Trusting a YouTube documentary more the longer the video is.
  • Are Domo Kun and Hello Kitty free agents?
  • Cap'n Crunch guest starring in the Star Wars Holiday Special.
  • A Roma who was once helpful.
  • Eating a sandwich and getting the sandwich tattooed on your bicep because.
  • A baby name that Boomer moms love.
  • Remington Steel On At 7PM After Matlock Jones.
  • Getting into a thing with people on Metafilter.
  • POV: when your girlfriend gets you Swedish meatballs at Ikea.
  • Whether Frosthaven is important to the testicles tasting umami story.
  • Vanilloid receptors.
  • Why you can shock your tongue with a 9 volt battery but you can't shock your forearm even if it's wet.
  • The chef with the tiny spoon in your testicles making sure to get the exact right MSG level in your semen.
  • Peppers hacking mammal biology.
  • Seeds who enjoy being digested by birds.
  • The cardioprotective benefit of spicy food.
  • The Ones Who Bring it Back to Omelas.
  • Broccoli evolving into crabs.
  • This is canon: BB-8 drives a 2016 Corolla.
  • Pretending that you are talking to a Youtube audience while you make s sandwich.
  • Just a li'l guy who rolls around on a ball.
  • R2D2: a mean mean man.
  • The floor falling out of the Pinto while you're driving it.
  • A rubber pad with friction stripes on it.
  • Turning it until it feels like you broke it, but you didn't and you have to keep going.
  • After the cake comes out of the oven the recipe stops having steps.
  • How to get help from Linux users.
  • The entire wheel snapping off the axle as you're parking at Camerica Bank.
  • Different car, same maintenance strategy.
  • Driving a car until it can no longer be ontologically be classified as a car.
  • Churchill's Irregulars.
  • Waiting for Peter Jackson to mansplain to you the sound a car makes when the wheel snaps off.
  • Delving too deeply into the Cars cinematic universe.
  • A Mastodon setting that hides all of Jim's BB-8 toots.
  • How to find people to follow on Nectarine.
  • The dying MUD you joined in 1997.
  • Radioactive names such as Hitler and Sheldon.
  • Joining a social media service and it tells you there are no posts.
  • Sam Pink strikes again.
  • The emotional arc of putting a tiny hat on a woodchuck.
  • A woodchuck you would definitely do a murder to.
  • Ampersand at the beginning of the line.
  • The Furniture That Rolled Away From Omelas.
  • Why the computer is mad in I Have No Mouth But I Must Scream.
  • Looking for sentient life in the universe when you have dolphins at home.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Lords:

  • Jenni
  • Chris

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Too much dick content for one show.
  • What kind of fetus dong shot engagement you're looking for.
  • When they smear the goo on your belly.
  • Throwing a gender reveal party and the uncle nobody wants around is like "I don't believe you" and you get to whip out the photo of the kid's dick.
  • Shipping a person in Q4.
  • Automating the Omelas kid.
  • The Disney suffering animatronic child asking passers by to walk away from Omelas.
  • Gen Z no longer needing to read The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas because they live in modern society.
  • Gardening in one of the hardest places in the world to garden.
  • What's the grass for?
  • An office park spending millions of gallons of water to maintain a lawn nobody ever walks on or looks at.
  • What if the Omelas kid is a dick? What if they're treating him really well and he just has impossibly high standards and hates everything.
  • An electrical problem that's very pronounced when Jenni turns on the blender.
  • The Golden Age of Corporate Mascots.
  • Undead Corporate Mascots.
  • Trying to find a picture of the Toucan Sam redesign and ending up on Deviant Art.
  • Howard and Nester.
  • Whether American kids will tolerate anime.
  • President of the Nintendo No Fun Club.
  • Spending $200 on the Nintendo hint line trying to solve the last screen in Solstice.
  • An adventure game that's also a platformer where if your toe touches a candle flame it's an instant game over.
  • Inventing terrible camera angles in a 2D game.
  • It's 3D, but on your Speccy!
  • Trusting a YouTube documentary more the longer the video is.
  • Are Domo Kun and Hello Kitty free agents?
  • Cap'n Crunch guest starring in the Star Wars Holiday Special.
  • A Roma who was once helpful.
  • Eating a sandwich and getting the sandwich tattooed on your bicep because.
  • A baby name that Boomer moms love.
  • Remington Steel On At 7PM After Matlock Jones.
  • Getting into a thing with people on Metafilter.
  • POV: when your girlfriend gets you Swedish meatballs at Ikea.
  • Whether Frosthaven is important to the testicles tasting umami story.
  • Vanilloid receptors.
  • Why you can shock your tongue with a 9 volt battery but you can't shock your forearm even if it's wet.
  • The chef with the tiny spoon in your testicles making sure to get the exact right MSG level in your semen.
  • Peppers hacking mammal biology.
  • Seeds who enjoy being digested by birds.
  • The cardioprotective benefit of spicy food.
  • The Ones Who Bring it Back to Omelas.
  • Broccoli evolving into crabs.
  • This is canon: BB-8 drives a 2016 Corolla.
  • Pretending that you are talking to a Youtube audience while you make s sandwich.
  • Just a li'l guy who rolls around on a ball.
  • R2D2: a mean mean man.
  • The floor falling out of the Pinto while you're driving it.
  • A rubber pad with friction stripes on it.
  • Turning it until it feels like you broke it, but you didn't and you have to keep going.
  • After the cake comes out of the oven the recipe stops having steps.
  • How to get help from Linux users.
  • The entire wheel snapping off the axle as you're parking at Camerica Bank.
  • Different car, same maintenance strategy.
  • Driving a car until it can no longer be ontologically be classified as a car.
  • Churchill's Irregulars.
  • Waiting for Peter Jackson to mansplain to you the sound a car makes when the wheel snaps off.
  • Delving too deeply into the Cars cinematic universe.
  • A Mastodon setting that hides all of Jim's BB-8 toots.
  • How to find people to follow on Nectarine.
  • The dying MUD you joined in 1997.
  • Radioactive names such as Hitler and Sheldon.
  • Joining a social media service and it tells you there are no posts.
  • Sam Pink strikes again.
  • The emotional arc of putting a tiny hat on a woodchuck.
  • A woodchuck you would definitely do a murder to.
  • Ampersand at the beginning of the line.
  • The Furniture That Rolled Away From Omelas.
  • Why the computer is mad in I Have No Mouth But I Must Scream.
  • Looking for sentient life in the universe when you have dolphins at home.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 250. Almost Pickles: It's Just Cucumbers! https://topiclords.com/almost-pickles-its-just-cucumbers 26f277ca-fd79-4b39-962f-063e1eefea14 Mon, 05 Aug 2024 00:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Jenni and Tyriq. We discuss mayochup and kranch, Barry Topping, Magic Shell, Hot Sauce by Just James, video games where you put toppings on things, and the temptation of bad ice cream toppings. 57:50 yes Lords: * Jenni * Tyriq Topics: * That mayochup and kranch * Barry Topping * Magic Shell * Hot Sauce by Just James * https://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/hotsauce889972 * Video games where you put toppings on things * The temptation of bad ice cream toppings Microtopics: * The game where you go into your uncle's nipple and find a tiny heart. * Isles of Sea and Sky. * A block pushy game. * Toppings that are just recombinations of existing toppings. * Switching sriracha brands for labor relations reasons. * Combining all the soda flavors because you're an iconoclast and suffering because the flavor is worse but it's worth it. * Getting a squeeze bottle so you can drizzle sauces like on TV. * Getting pre-ruined peanut butters so you don't need to worry about ruining it any further. * Buying peanut butter because you no longer live with someone who is allergic to nuts. * Intrusive and non-intrusive seeds. * Condiment combinations sticking in your head for decades. * Ketchup and something that's kind of like a thing you might know but might not. * Almost Pickles: It's Just Cucumbers. * Harmless Coconut Water. * Cranch: ranch dressing that that comes out of the can in a wobbly cylinder like cranberry sauce. * Barry Hilary Valentine Topping. * Paradise Killer. * Walking into court sipping your Starbucks latte. * Hopping around a beach and looking at a vaporwave pyramid. * Collecting skate tapes, just like Mario does. * Bails hurt scores, Mario! * Street Uni X. * The Tony Hawk soundtrack except slightly more a Lilith Fair. * Enjoying a bad N64 camera enough for the two of us. * The thing you squirt onto your ice cream. * Making your own counterfeit Kranch at home in a bottle with Kranch written on it in crayon. * The Cheese Remains Saucy. * Getting a boba tea for $17 outside of LA. * Taking the very worst bite out of your mother in law's ice cream cone. * Working out your jaw muscles until you can eat the entire ice cream cone in one bite. * Eating 16 pints of ice cream in six minutes. * Screaming at ice cream until it teleports into your belly. * Admonishing your readers that hot sauce would not make a good wife. * Stealing the pelt of a selkie but she always wants to go back to the ocean. * Selkie for a wife vs. ice cream for a wife. * ASMRtistry. * Spices of life. * Using a food metaphor to describe the metaphorical nature to food. * Three pop songs that compare women to food. * A topic that is floating around in the the collective unconscious. * Sriracha sorbet. * A flight of tea-flavored ice creams. * Sentient hot sauce putting itself on things you don't usually put hot sauce on. * Salamander County Public Television. * A Wario Ware that's a little bit QWOP. * The Pancake/Burger/Bacon trilogy. * An interactive thing where you put food into space. * The American Portion Gun. * Put things on things. * Video games with hamburger building elements. * A fast food simulator where you solve all the horror game problems that you're in. * Whether board games count as video games since you can see them. * Vidus Gamus. * Livin' la Video Game Loca. * Learning how to recover from mistakes. * Putting an entire Snickers bar in your cup of Sriracha and the clerk just shakes his head. * Asking the froyo guy to arrange the gummy worms "artfully. Like how I would if I could reach in there nyself. In fact why do I need to order, just give me the froyo that I want!" * All the Mistake Blizzards you can eat. * Nerds Butterfinger Mistake Blizzard. * Putting barbecue sauce on vanilla ice cream because you're out or chocolate sauce. * What's your favorite cheese to put on Pop-Tarts? * The Ambies for Excellence in Audio. * How to make more of the red liquid they found in the black sarcophagus. Lords:

  • Jenni
  • Tyriq

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • The game where you go into your uncle's nipple and find a tiny heart.
  • Isles of Sea and Sky.
  • A block pushy game.
  • Toppings that are just recombinations of existing toppings.
  • Switching sriracha brands for labor relations reasons.
  • Combining all the soda flavors because you're an iconoclast and suffering because the flavor is worse but it's worth it.
  • Getting a squeeze bottle so you can drizzle sauces like on TV.
  • Getting pre-ruined peanut butters so you don't need to worry about ruining it any further.
  • Buying peanut butter because you no longer live with someone who is allergic to nuts.
  • Intrusive and non-intrusive seeds.
  • Condiment combinations sticking in your head for decades.
  • Ketchup and something that's kind of like a thing you might know but might not.
  • Almost Pickles: It's Just Cucumbers.
  • Harmless Coconut Water.
  • Cranch: ranch dressing that that comes out of the can in a wobbly cylinder like cranberry sauce.
  • Barry Hilary Valentine Topping.
  • Paradise Killer.
  • Walking into court sipping your Starbucks latte.
  • Hopping around a beach and looking at a vaporwave pyramid.
  • Collecting skate tapes, just like Mario does.
  • Bails hurt scores, Mario!
  • Street Uni X.
  • The Tony Hawk soundtrack except slightly more a Lilith Fair.
  • Enjoying a bad N64 camera enough for the two of us.
  • The thing you squirt onto your ice cream.
  • Making your own counterfeit Kranch at home in a bottle with Kranch written on it in crayon.
  • The Cheese Remains Saucy.
  • Getting a boba tea for $17 outside of LA.
  • Taking the very worst bite out of your mother in law's ice cream cone.
  • Working out your jaw muscles until you can eat the entire ice cream cone in one bite.
  • Eating 16 pints of ice cream in six minutes.
  • Screaming at ice cream until it teleports into your belly.
  • Admonishing your readers that hot sauce would not make a good wife.
  • Stealing the pelt of a selkie but she always wants to go back to the ocean.
  • Selkie for a wife vs. ice cream for a wife.
  • ASMRtistry.
  • Spices of life.
  • Using a food metaphor to describe the metaphorical nature to food.
  • Three pop songs that compare women to food.
  • A topic that is floating around in the the collective unconscious.
  • Sriracha sorbet.
  • A flight of tea-flavored ice creams.
  • Sentient hot sauce putting itself on things you don't usually put hot sauce on.
  • Salamander County Public Television.
  • A Wario Ware that's a little bit QWOP.
  • The Pancake/Burger/Bacon trilogy.
  • An interactive thing where you put food into space.
  • The American Portion Gun.
  • Put things on things.
  • Video games with hamburger building elements.
  • A fast food simulator where you solve all the horror game problems that you're in.
  • Whether board games count as video games since you can see them.
  • Vidus Gamus.
  • Livin' la Video Game Loca.
  • Learning how to recover from mistakes.
  • Putting an entire Snickers bar in your cup of Sriracha and the clerk just shakes his head.
  • Asking the froyo guy to arrange the gummy worms "artfully. Like how I would if I could reach in there nyself. In fact why do I need to order, just give me the froyo that I want!"
  • All the Mistake Blizzards you can eat.
  • Nerds Butterfinger Mistake Blizzard.
  • Putting barbecue sauce on vanilla ice cream because you're out or chocolate sauce.
  • What's your favorite cheese to put on Pop-Tarts?
  • The Ambies for Excellence in Audio.
  • How to make more of the red liquid they found in the black sarcophagus.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Lords:

  • Jenni
  • Tyriq

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • The game where you go into your uncle's nipple and find a tiny heart.
  • Isles of Sea and Sky.
  • A block pushy game.
  • Toppings that are just recombinations of existing toppings.
  • Switching sriracha brands for labor relations reasons.
  • Combining all the soda flavors because you're an iconoclast and suffering because the flavor is worse but it's worth it.
  • Getting a squeeze bottle so you can drizzle sauces like on TV.
  • Getting pre-ruined peanut butters so you don't need to worry about ruining it any further.
  • Buying peanut butter because you no longer live with someone who is allergic to nuts.
  • Intrusive and non-intrusive seeds.
  • Condiment combinations sticking in your head for decades.
  • Ketchup and something that's kind of like a thing you might know but might not.
  • Almost Pickles: It's Just Cucumbers.
  • Harmless Coconut Water.
  • Cranch: ranch dressing that that comes out of the can in a wobbly cylinder like cranberry sauce.
  • Barry Hilary Valentine Topping.
  • Paradise Killer.
  • Walking into court sipping your Starbucks latte.
  • Hopping around a beach and looking at a vaporwave pyramid.
  • Collecting skate tapes, just like Mario does.
  • Bails hurt scores, Mario!
  • Street Uni X.
  • The Tony Hawk soundtrack except slightly more a Lilith Fair.
  • Enjoying a bad N64 camera enough for the two of us.
  • The thing you squirt onto your ice cream.
  • Making your own counterfeit Kranch at home in a bottle with Kranch written on it in crayon.
  • The Cheese Remains Saucy.
  • Getting a boba tea for $17 outside of LA.
  • Taking the very worst bite out of your mother in law's ice cream cone.
  • Working out your jaw muscles until you can eat the entire ice cream cone in one bite.
  • Eating 16 pints of ice cream in six minutes.
  • Screaming at ice cream until it teleports into your belly.
  • Admonishing your readers that hot sauce would not make a good wife.
  • Stealing the pelt of a selkie but she always wants to go back to the ocean.
  • Selkie for a wife vs. ice cream for a wife.
  • ASMRtistry.
  • Spices of life.
  • Using a food metaphor to describe the metaphorical nature to food.
  • Three pop songs that compare women to food.
  • A topic that is floating around in the the collective unconscious.
  • Sriracha sorbet.
  • A flight of tea-flavored ice creams.
  • Sentient hot sauce putting itself on things you don't usually put hot sauce on.
  • Salamander County Public Television.
  • A Wario Ware that's a little bit QWOP.
  • The Pancake/Burger/Bacon trilogy.
  • An interactive thing where you put food into space.
  • The American Portion Gun.
  • Put things on things.
  • Video games with hamburger building elements.
  • A fast food simulator where you solve all the horror game problems that you're in.
  • Whether board games count as video games since you can see them.
  • Vidus Gamus.
  • Livin' la Video Game Loca.
  • Learning how to recover from mistakes.
  • Putting an entire Snickers bar in your cup of Sriracha and the clerk just shakes his head.
  • Asking the froyo guy to arrange the gummy worms "artfully. Like how I would if I could reach in there nyself. In fact why do I need to order, just give me the froyo that I want!"
  • All the Mistake Blizzards you can eat.
  • Nerds Butterfinger Mistake Blizzard.
  • Putting barbecue sauce on vanilla ice cream because you're out or chocolate sauce.
  • What's your favorite cheese to put on Pop-Tarts?
  • The Ambies for Excellence in Audio.
  • How to make more of the red liquid they found in the black sarcophagus.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 238. Talk to Me Like a Doctor Who Gives a Shit https://topiclords.com/talk-to-me-like-a-doctor-who-gives-a-shit 6544909f-94ec-48b7-9d97-e91a653a3f6d Mon, 13 May 2024 00:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: CisHetKayfaber and Jenni. We discuss weird game foley, finding out about pop culture when it shows up in ASMR videos, seeing the eclipse, He peels off my clothes like a starving man would peel an orange, by Sharon Cherski, and generational punctuation differences. 1:10:02 yes Lords: * CisHetKayFaber * Jenni Topics: * Interesting/weird foley sounds in games * Finding out about pop culture when it shows up in ASMR videos * CisHetKayFaber, correcting small breast mammography takes: "Mammograms seem to suck for everyone, and my initial take of, 'they just keep going' is correct while later discussion where I used it as an example where 'best effort,' in the healthcare system feels like lack of care wasn't appropriate even if that broader point is generally true." * https://www.healthimages.com/how-are-mammograms-done-on-small-breasts/ * Going to see the eclipse * https://archive.org/details/canonofeclipsesc0000oppo * He peels off my clothes like a starving man would peel an orange, by Sharon Cherski * https://www.mscl.com/characters/sharon_cherski.html * Generational punctuation differences * https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the-millennial-captcha Microtopics: * Plugging the enormous void in your soul by playing Balatro. * A card game with really good balance and numbering. * Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel on the Rusty Lake series. * Giving everybody grace except for yourself. * Corpse looting foley. * Looking through a sound library for the sound of a spider dying. * Buying a chair from an estate sale because you love the sound it makes. * The Looney Tunes cartoon where some foley artist invented everyone's conception of what a pneumatic tube sounds like. * Running around outside and deciding to drop a soup can into the pool. * A school project where you rerecord all the audio for five minutes of television. * Showing your project to someone and you did such a good job that they don't even notice your project. * All the clothes that you're wearing making all the clothes noises. * Watching a porn clip overdubbed with Minecraft noises at just the right time in your life. * Does two tails mean two assholes? * Putting an acronym on the Tails experience. * If you've got a cloaca, it's gotta go in the acronym. * Only getting horny when an earth, somewhere in the multiverse, is being hit by a comet. * Two-Tails has two assholes, and I'm one of them. * Forming the Megazord. * Lance from all the various things that have Lances in them. * Who is Lance in love with Voltron? * Google giving you sports results to make incognito mode more plausible. * Ironic ASMR. * Doin' it for the tingles. * When Dora the Explorer asks you what your favorite part of the show was and she says "I liked that too" except it's a video of a doctor asking you about your health. * The doctor explaining that this is just what your life is like now. * Hot dogging it on the blood pressure cuff. * Changing your blood pressure just to fuck with your doctor. * Deliberately choosing a femme-presenting chubby doctor. * Needing to lose about 40 pounds so you get a leg amputated. * Checking a box on your insurance form saying "do not give me lifestyle advice." * Carrying around your patient in a folder. * Doing the Barium test every time. * I'm in a Barium rotisserie, I need you to work with me. * Checking the quality of your stomach lining. * Trying to banter with the person giving you the mammogram and deeply offending them. * Getting small mouth shame at the dentist. * Rude Doctor ASMR. * ASMR videos where the dentist tells you your mouth is big enough. * Assuming Hugh Laurie is not on Cameo for the purposes of the bit. * Sourcing an entire podcast through Cameo. * The most stony-faced magical realism twin assassins. * Topics episode topics. * How to personalize a stair. * Hiring Mike Ehrmantraut to tell you how you're gonna do your taxes. * Mike Ehrmantraut administering the mammogram. * Visiting friends who live near the totality. * A stump that is freshly cut so it's exuding sap non-stop and is covered with bees and flies 24/7. * Whalefall but on land. * Chekov's oozing stump coming back in the third act. * Going to the astronomical society web site to be sure that the eclipse glasses you get are not the counterfeit eclipse glasses. * Looking at where the sun used to be. * Looking at something that could only be a visual effect except it's right there in the sky. * A thousand year old elf working through her emotions about how her human friends keep dying. * The day you had to be inside during recess. * Standing up and throwing your potato salad and mint julep on the ground. * Writing an angry email to Peter Molyneux for designing eclipses badly. * The cold cement basement of love. * Media from 1992. * Borrowing the DVD boxed set of My So-Called Life from your manager at the pizza place. * Writing poems for your benefactors. * Poetry written from the point of view of a fake person. * Poetry that could plausibly have been written by a teenager. * Do you believe the German mathematician in the 19th century, or do you believe Google? * A soda can that plays the Amen Break when you open it. * Texts from your mom asking how is your "boyfriend," is there anything I can do to "help"? * What it means when someone puts two spaces after a period. * Growing up meaningfully on the internet. * Composing some shit very quickly and making sure it is very needs-suiting. * Taking all day to come up with 350 words because you did not grow up on IRC or forums. * All the kids discordin' like for real for real fam. * A much wider variety of emoji than anything you can do with colons and parentheses. * Sending the semicolon-based winky face to your wife because you cannot be bothered to pull open the emoticon window and find the right icon. * Asking your dad "what do you think LMAO means" * Aunts saying "LOL" in funeral announcements. * Entire generations who have terrible reading comprehension because they didn't grow up texting their friends as their primary mode of communication. * Missing entire regions of UI because they are vaguely shaped like ads. * Using a bigger computer to make your bigger purchases. * Millenial CAPTCHAs. * Straight for pay. Lords:

  • CisHetKayFaber
  • Jenni

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Plugging the enormous void in your soul by playing Balatro.
  • A card game with really good balance and numbering.
  • Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel on the Rusty Lake series.
  • Giving everybody grace except for yourself.
  • Corpse looting foley.
  • Looking through a sound library for the sound of a spider dying.
  • Buying a chair from an estate sale because you love the sound it makes.
  • The Looney Tunes cartoon where some foley artist invented everyone's conception of what a pneumatic tube sounds like.
  • Running around outside and deciding to drop a soup can into the pool.
  • A school project where you rerecord all the audio for five minutes of television.
  • Showing your project to someone and you did such a good job that they don't even notice your project.
  • All the clothes that you're wearing making all the clothes noises.
  • Watching a porn clip overdubbed with Minecraft noises at just the right time in your life.
  • Does two tails mean two assholes?
  • Putting an acronym on the Tails experience.
  • If you've got a cloaca, it's gotta go in the acronym.
  • Only getting horny when an earth, somewhere in the multiverse, is being hit by a comet.
  • Two-Tails has two assholes, and I'm one of them.
  • Forming the Megazord.
  • Lance from all the various things that have Lances in them.
  • Who is Lance in love with Voltron?
  • Google giving you sports results to make incognito mode more plausible.
  • Ironic ASMR.
  • Doin' it for the tingles.
  • When Dora the Explorer asks you what your favorite part of the show was and she says "I liked that too" except it's a video of a doctor asking you about your health.
  • The doctor explaining that this is just what your life is like now.
  • Hot dogging it on the blood pressure cuff.
  • Changing your blood pressure just to fuck with your doctor.
  • Deliberately choosing a femme-presenting chubby doctor.
  • Needing to lose about 40 pounds so you get a leg amputated.
  • Checking a box on your insurance form saying "do not give me lifestyle advice."
  • Carrying around your patient in a folder.
  • Doing the Barium test every time.
  • I'm in a Barium rotisserie, I need you to work with me.
  • Checking the quality of your stomach lining.
  • Trying to banter with the person giving you the mammogram and deeply offending them.
  • Getting small mouth shame at the dentist.
  • Rude Doctor ASMR.
  • ASMR videos where the dentist tells you your mouth is big enough.
  • Assuming Hugh Laurie is not on Cameo for the purposes of the bit.
  • Sourcing an entire podcast through Cameo.
  • The most stony-faced magical realism twin assassins.
  • Topics episode topics.
  • How to personalize a stair.
  • Hiring Mike Ehrmantraut to tell you how you're gonna do your taxes.
  • Mike Ehrmantraut administering the mammogram.
  • Visiting friends who live near the totality.
  • A stump that is freshly cut so it's exuding sap non-stop and is covered with bees and flies 24/7.
  • Whalefall but on land.
  • Chekov's oozing stump coming back in the third act.
  • Going to the astronomical society web site to be sure that the eclipse glasses you get are not the counterfeit eclipse glasses.
  • Looking at where the sun used to be.
  • Looking at something that could only be a visual effect except it's right there in the sky.
  • A thousand year old elf working through her emotions about how her human friends keep dying.
  • The day you had to be inside during recess.
  • Standing up and throwing your potato salad and mint julep on the ground.
  • Writing an angry email to Peter Molyneux for designing eclipses badly.
  • The cold cement basement of love.
  • Media from 1992.
  • Borrowing the DVD boxed set of My So-Called Life from your manager at the pizza place.
  • Writing poems for your benefactors.
  • Poetry written from the point of view of a fake person.
  • Poetry that could plausibly have been written by a teenager.
  • Do you believe the German mathematician in the 19th century, or do you believe Google?
  • A soda can that plays the Amen Break when you open it.
  • Texts from your mom asking how is your "boyfriend," is there anything I can do to "help"?
  • What it means when someone puts two spaces after a period.
  • Growing up meaningfully on the internet.
  • Composing some shit very quickly and making sure it is very needs-suiting.
  • Taking all day to come up with 350 words because you did not grow up on IRC or forums.
  • All the kids discordin' like for real for real fam.
  • A much wider variety of emoji than anything you can do with colons and parentheses.
  • Sending the semicolon-based winky face to your wife because you cannot be bothered to pull open the emoticon window and find the right icon.
  • Asking your dad "what do you think LMAO means"
  • Aunts saying "LOL" in funeral announcements.
  • Entire generations who have terrible reading comprehension because they didn't grow up texting their friends as their primary mode of communication.
  • Missing entire regions of UI because they are vaguely shaped like ads.
  • Using a bigger computer to make your bigger purchases.
  • Millenial CAPTCHAs.
  • Straight for pay.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Lords:

  • CisHetKayFaber
  • Jenni

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Plugging the enormous void in your soul by playing Balatro.
  • A card game with really good balance and numbering.
  • Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel on the Rusty Lake series.
  • Giving everybody grace except for yourself.
  • Corpse looting foley.
  • Looking through a sound library for the sound of a spider dying.
  • Buying a chair from an estate sale because you love the sound it makes.
  • The Looney Tunes cartoon where some foley artist invented everyone's conception of what a pneumatic tube sounds like.
  • Running around outside and deciding to drop a soup can into the pool.
  • A school project where you rerecord all the audio for five minutes of television.
  • Showing your project to someone and you did such a good job that they don't even notice your project.
  • All the clothes that you're wearing making all the clothes noises.
  • Watching a porn clip overdubbed with Minecraft noises at just the right time in your life.
  • Does two tails mean two assholes?
  • Putting an acronym on the Tails experience.
  • If you've got a cloaca, it's gotta go in the acronym.
  • Only getting horny when an earth, somewhere in the multiverse, is being hit by a comet.
  • Two-Tails has two assholes, and I'm one of them.
  • Forming the Megazord.
  • Lance from all the various things that have Lances in them.
  • Who is Lance in love with Voltron?
  • Google giving you sports results to make incognito mode more plausible.
  • Ironic ASMR.
  • Doin' it for the tingles.
  • When Dora the Explorer asks you what your favorite part of the show was and she says "I liked that too" except it's a video of a doctor asking you about your health.
  • The doctor explaining that this is just what your life is like now.
  • Hot dogging it on the blood pressure cuff.
  • Changing your blood pressure just to fuck with your doctor.
  • Deliberately choosing a femme-presenting chubby doctor.
  • Needing to lose about 40 pounds so you get a leg amputated.
  • Checking a box on your insurance form saying "do not give me lifestyle advice."
  • Carrying around your patient in a folder.
  • Doing the Barium test every time.
  • I'm in a Barium rotisserie, I need you to work with me.
  • Checking the quality of your stomach lining.
  • Trying to banter with the person giving you the mammogram and deeply offending them.
  • Getting small mouth shame at the dentist.
  • Rude Doctor ASMR.
  • ASMR videos where the dentist tells you your mouth is big enough.
  • Assuming Hugh Laurie is not on Cameo for the purposes of the bit.
  • Sourcing an entire podcast through Cameo.
  • The most stony-faced magical realism twin assassins.
  • Topics episode topics.
  • How to personalize a stair.
  • Hiring Mike Ehrmantraut to tell you how you're gonna do your taxes.
  • Mike Ehrmantraut administering the mammogram.
  • Visiting friends who live near the totality.
  • A stump that is freshly cut so it's exuding sap non-stop and is covered with bees and flies 24/7.
  • Whalefall but on land.
  • Chekov's oozing stump coming back in the third act.
  • Going to the astronomical society web site to be sure that the eclipse glasses you get are not the counterfeit eclipse glasses.
  • Looking at where the sun used to be.
  • Looking at something that could only be a visual effect except it's right there in the sky.
  • A thousand year old elf working through her emotions about how her human friends keep dying.
  • The day you had to be inside during recess.
  • Standing up and throwing your potato salad and mint julep on the ground.
  • Writing an angry email to Peter Molyneux for designing eclipses badly.
  • The cold cement basement of love.
  • Media from 1992.
  • Borrowing the DVD boxed set of My So-Called Life from your manager at the pizza place.
  • Writing poems for your benefactors.
  • Poetry written from the point of view of a fake person.
  • Poetry that could plausibly have been written by a teenager.
  • Do you believe the German mathematician in the 19th century, or do you believe Google?
  • A soda can that plays the Amen Break when you open it.
  • Texts from your mom asking how is your "boyfriend," is there anything I can do to "help"?
  • What it means when someone puts two spaces after a period.
  • Growing up meaningfully on the internet.
  • Composing some shit very quickly and making sure it is very needs-suiting.
  • Taking all day to come up with 350 words because you did not grow up on IRC or forums.
  • All the kids discordin' like for real for real fam.
  • A much wider variety of emoji than anything you can do with colons and parentheses.
  • Sending the semicolon-based winky face to your wife because you cannot be bothered to pull open the emoticon window and find the right icon.
  • Asking your dad "what do you think LMAO means"
  • Aunts saying "LOL" in funeral announcements.
  • Entire generations who have terrible reading comprehension because they didn't grow up texting their friends as their primary mode of communication.
  • Missing entire regions of UI because they are vaguely shaped like ads.
  • Using a bigger computer to make your bigger purchases.
  • Millenial CAPTCHAs.
  • Straight for pay.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 235. Ennui Golf https://topiclords.com/ennui-golf 89a0c322-695d-40b5-af47-d0e552837352 Mon, 22 Apr 2024 00:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Jenni and Xalavier. We discuss centaur internal organs, adapting unlikely horror franchises, whether boomerangs work, Serious KAAAND, game mascots as sexual avatars of their creators, and The Ted Dabney Experience. 1:03:35 yes Lords: * Jenni * Xalavier Topics: * How do centaur internal organs work * What is the most unlikely horror franchise to adapt to games? * Do boomerangs work? * Serious KAAAND! * https://www.reddit.com/r/TopicLords/comments/1b3j3nu/serious_kaaand/ * Most game mascots are the sexual avatars of their creators * The Ted Dabney Experience Microtopics: * Rusty Lake. * An intriguing, terrifying morsel. * Whether it's okay to lie on this show. * Life Eater. * The horror fantasy kidnapping sim space. * Shippers shipping games. * How do we ship this game without destroying people? * All of the horse except for the head and neck. * Cosmetic centaur organs. * Introducing yourself to the inside of a centaur and it's extremely squishy in there. * A single multifunctional cube that births a centaur and that's the original Xbox startup video. * Speaking a language that doesn't exist and every time you finish a sentence you hear church bells. * Would a defective centaur wear a hat like this or like this? * Centaurs always standing at their standing desks. * A centaur wearing a horse mask. * Playing Wii Golf with someone who remains sitting the entire time. * Getting off the Power Pad to long jump. * Sitting golf. * My Dinner with Andre the Giant. * The monster mash vs. monster bash. * Adapting the Ghostbusters theme song to other media. * Playing as the car and running people over. * Jail for cars. * Jelly beans that taste bad on purpose. * 80s films for children that are meant to turn them into weird bisexuals when they grow up. * Jeff Minter's Dune. * Barbarella the video game. * More things you can do with your Rock Band instruments. * Sticking even more games inside of Fortnite. * The lemur with the really big eyes. * Microorganisms that live in water and have the end of a comedy roast bone for a head. * Venomousness of hybrid mammals. * Grabbing your stress ball after learning that the duck billed platypus uses electroreception to track their prey, Xalavier Nelson, Jr. * Platypus patch notes. * Adding expansions to Classic World of Warcraft. * Gauging the temperature of the room when it comes to boomerangs. * Throwing a washing machine in a circle. * How you feel when the boomerang doesn't come back. * Objects that you see on TV. * Boomerangs that instant of being carved to return when you throw them, are carved to say "help, I'm trapped in a boomerang factory" in an Australian accent when the wind whistles through it. * A boomerang with a heart on it that you throw to find true love. * Boomerangs vs. Gen-Xerangs. * Getting lazy by the time you sharpen the 7th blade on your boomerang. * Disrupting marshmallows by making them kinda good. * Hiring a game studio to make a satisfying sequel to Katamari Damacy and then immediately suing them for fraud because making a satisfying sequel to Katamari Damacy is impossible. * Getting Australian concussions all weekend. * Naming your facial hair "are you ready for the next topics" * Hi guys call anyone knows how to buy guns and armor India? * Crossposting between r/TopicLords to r/IndianTeenagers. * Weeding out the cowards with Gregorian Chant. * Looking at Glover and immediately understanding his salient sexual verbs. * The distinction between mascot and main character. * Your Sonics, your Gexes and your Crashes Bandicoot. * Switching places with your therapist. * Non-saucy mascots. * Having to pick between being horny and being a sociopath because you can't be both. * Glover vs. Hamburger Helper vs. Thing. * Opening yourself to a deeper Freudian zeitgeist. * The mascot platformer you keep seeing roms of but have never downloaded. * Blinx 2: Masters of Time and Space. * Blinx dressing up as the lead singer of Power Man 5000. * Exactly the sort of podcast segment you want to commit to sight unseen. * Being willing to give up 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand to make a friend happy. * How much do you want that Golden Microphone? * The crucible of the soul you go through to record a podcast. * People in the future deciding what you would have made a podcast about if you were still alive and making that podcast. * The Xalavier Nelson, Jr. Experience. * The dream list of developers you ask to help finish your game in your will. * Locking Albert Einsten and Genghis Khan in a haunted house and they vote each other off the show back and forth forever. * A deeply safe field for job hunting. * The Ted Dabney Experience of finding out that Ted Dabney died twelve years ago. * Mrs. Columbo. * A movie named "This Movie Has Marky Mark In It." * A game called Beyonce Battle Royale that doesn't have Beyonce in it and it's not a battle royale. (It's a clicker.) * Beyonce: Oops All Mudkips. Lords:

  • Jenni
  • Xalavier

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Rusty Lake.
  • An intriguing, terrifying morsel.
  • Whether it's okay to lie on this show.
  • Life Eater.
  • The horror fantasy kidnapping sim space.
  • Shippers shipping games.
  • How do we ship this game without destroying people?
  • All of the horse except for the head and neck.
  • Cosmetic centaur organs.
  • Introducing yourself to the inside of a centaur and it's extremely squishy in there.
  • A single multifunctional cube that births a centaur and that's the original Xbox startup video.
  • Speaking a language that doesn't exist and every time you finish a sentence you hear church bells.
  • Would a defective centaur wear a hat like this or like this?
  • Centaurs always standing at their standing desks.
  • A centaur wearing a horse mask.
  • Playing Wii Golf with someone who remains sitting the entire time.
  • Getting off the Power Pad to long jump.
  • Sitting golf.
  • My Dinner with Andre the Giant.
  • The monster mash vs. monster bash.
  • Adapting the Ghostbusters theme song to other media.
  • Playing as the car and running people over.
  • Jail for cars.
  • Jelly beans that taste bad on purpose.
  • 80s films for children that are meant to turn them into weird bisexuals when they grow up.
  • Jeff Minter's Dune.
  • Barbarella the video game.
  • More things you can do with your Rock Band instruments.
  • Sticking even more games inside of Fortnite.
  • The lemur with the really big eyes.
  • Microorganisms that live in water and have the end of a comedy roast bone for a head.
  • Venomousness of hybrid mammals.
  • Grabbing your stress ball after learning that the duck billed platypus uses electroreception to track their prey, Xalavier Nelson, Jr.
  • Platypus patch notes.
  • Adding expansions to Classic World of Warcraft.
  • Gauging the temperature of the room when it comes to boomerangs.
  • Throwing a washing machine in a circle.
  • How you feel when the boomerang doesn't come back.
  • Objects that you see on TV.
  • Boomerangs that instant of being carved to return when you throw them, are carved to say "help, I'm trapped in a boomerang factory" in an Australian accent when the wind whistles through it.
  • A boomerang with a heart on it that you throw to find true love.
  • Boomerangs vs. Gen-Xerangs.
  • Getting lazy by the time you sharpen the 7th blade on your boomerang.
  • Disrupting marshmallows by making them kinda good.
  • Hiring a game studio to make a satisfying sequel to Katamari Damacy and then immediately suing them for fraud because making a satisfying sequel to Katamari Damacy is impossible.
  • Getting Australian concussions all weekend.
  • Naming your facial hair "are you ready for the next topics"
  • Hi guys call anyone knows how to buy guns and armor India?
  • Crossposting between r/TopicLords to r/IndianTeenagers.
  • Weeding out the cowards with Gregorian Chant.
  • Looking at Glover and immediately understanding his salient sexual verbs.
  • The distinction between mascot and main character.
  • Your Sonics, your Gexes and your Crashes Bandicoot.
  • Switching places with your therapist.
  • Non-saucy mascots.
  • Having to pick between being horny and being a sociopath because you can't be both.
  • Glover vs. Hamburger Helper vs. Thing.
  • Opening yourself to a deeper Freudian zeitgeist.
  • The mascot platformer you keep seeing roms of but have never downloaded.
  • Blinx 2: Masters of Time and Space.
  • Blinx dressing up as the lead singer of Power Man 5000.
  • Exactly the sort of podcast segment you want to commit to sight unseen.
  • Being willing to give up 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand to make a friend happy.
  • How much do you want that Golden Microphone?
  • The crucible of the soul you go through to record a podcast.
  • People in the future deciding what you would have made a podcast about if you were still alive and making that podcast.
  • The Xalavier Nelson, Jr. Experience.
  • The dream list of developers you ask to help finish your game in your will.
  • Locking Albert Einsten and Genghis Khan in a haunted house and they vote each other off the show back and forth forever.
  • A deeply safe field for job hunting.
  • The Ted Dabney Experience of finding out that Ted Dabney died twelve years ago.
  • Mrs. Columbo.
  • A movie named "This Movie Has Marky Mark In It."
  • A game called Beyonce Battle Royale that doesn't have Beyonce in it and it's not a battle royale. (It's a clicker.)
  • Beyonce: Oops All Mudkips.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Lords:

  • Jenni
  • Xalavier

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Rusty Lake.
  • An intriguing, terrifying morsel.
  • Whether it's okay to lie on this show.
  • Life Eater.
  • The horror fantasy kidnapping sim space.
  • Shippers shipping games.
  • How do we ship this game without destroying people?
  • All of the horse except for the head and neck.
  • Cosmetic centaur organs.
  • Introducing yourself to the inside of a centaur and it's extremely squishy in there.
  • A single multifunctional cube that births a centaur and that's the original Xbox startup video.
  • Speaking a language that doesn't exist and every time you finish a sentence you hear church bells.
  • Would a defective centaur wear a hat like this or like this?
  • Centaurs always standing at their standing desks.
  • A centaur wearing a horse mask.
  • Playing Wii Golf with someone who remains sitting the entire time.
  • Getting off the Power Pad to long jump.
  • Sitting golf.
  • My Dinner with Andre the Giant.
  • The monster mash vs. monster bash.
  • Adapting the Ghostbusters theme song to other media.
  • Playing as the car and running people over.
  • Jail for cars.
  • Jelly beans that taste bad on purpose.
  • 80s films for children that are meant to turn them into weird bisexuals when they grow up.
  • Jeff Minter's Dune.
  • Barbarella the video game.
  • More things you can do with your Rock Band instruments.
  • Sticking even more games inside of Fortnite.
  • The lemur with the really big eyes.
  • Microorganisms that live in water and have the end of a comedy roast bone for a head.
  • Venomousness of hybrid mammals.
  • Grabbing your stress ball after learning that the duck billed platypus uses electroreception to track their prey, Xalavier Nelson, Jr.
  • Platypus patch notes.
  • Adding expansions to Classic World of Warcraft.
  • Gauging the temperature of the room when it comes to boomerangs.
  • Throwing a washing machine in a circle.
  • How you feel when the boomerang doesn't come back.
  • Objects that you see on TV.
  • Boomerangs that instant of being carved to return when you throw them, are carved to say "help, I'm trapped in a boomerang factory" in an Australian accent when the wind whistles through it.
  • A boomerang with a heart on it that you throw to find true love.
  • Boomerangs vs. Gen-Xerangs.
  • Getting lazy by the time you sharpen the 7th blade on your boomerang.
  • Disrupting marshmallows by making them kinda good.
  • Hiring a game studio to make a satisfying sequel to Katamari Damacy and then immediately suing them for fraud because making a satisfying sequel to Katamari Damacy is impossible.
  • Getting Australian concussions all weekend.
  • Naming your facial hair "are you ready for the next topics"
  • Hi guys call anyone knows how to buy guns and armor India?
  • Crossposting between r/TopicLords to r/IndianTeenagers.
  • Weeding out the cowards with Gregorian Chant.
  • Looking at Glover and immediately understanding his salient sexual verbs.
  • The distinction between mascot and main character.
  • Your Sonics, your Gexes and your Crashes Bandicoot.
  • Switching places with your therapist.
  • Non-saucy mascots.
  • Having to pick between being horny and being a sociopath because you can't be both.
  • Glover vs. Hamburger Helper vs. Thing.
  • Opening yourself to a deeper Freudian zeitgeist.
  • The mascot platformer you keep seeing roms of but have never downloaded.
  • Blinx 2: Masters of Time and Space.
  • Blinx dressing up as the lead singer of Power Man 5000.
  • Exactly the sort of podcast segment you want to commit to sight unseen.
  • Being willing to give up 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand to make a friend happy.
  • How much do you want that Golden Microphone?
  • The crucible of the soul you go through to record a podcast.
  • People in the future deciding what you would have made a podcast about if you were still alive and making that podcast.
  • The Xalavier Nelson, Jr. Experience.
  • The dream list of developers you ask to help finish your game in your will.
  • Locking Albert Einsten and Genghis Khan in a haunted house and they vote each other off the show back and forth forever.
  • A deeply safe field for job hunting.
  • The Ted Dabney Experience of finding out that Ted Dabney died twelve years ago.
  • Mrs. Columbo.
  • A movie named "This Movie Has Marky Mark In It."
  • A game called Beyonce Battle Royale that doesn't have Beyonce in it and it's not a battle royale. (It's a clicker.)
  • Beyonce: Oops All Mudkips.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 219. Jeff Bezos's Butthole Guy https://topiclords.com/jeff-bezos-butthole-guy 8ad01b98-baa5-4480-99dc-fb7d898bb58b Mon, 01 Jan 2024 00:00:00 -0800 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Jay and Jenni. We discuss learning a skill on a message board, the Baldur's Gate 3 butthole chart, whether giving people ideas helps them, why configuring the thing is more enjoyable than using the thing, and knowing a place vs. having a guy. 1:15:38 yes Lords: * Jay * Jenni * https://youtube.com/@kiwami-japan?si=z03WRlRnur883JkN Topics: * The dying art of learning a skill on a message board, such as pixel art or having long hair * The Baldur's Gate 3 butthole chart * https://www.reddit.com/r/BaldursGate3/comments/16dlml1/beholdthechartevermade/ * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGhcSupkNs8 * Is giving people ideas helpful? * https://itch.io/jam/picostevemo * James asks "Why is configuring the thing more enjoyable than using the thing?" * I read one time that the way you know if you live urbanly or rurally is if you live in the city you know a place and if you live in the country you have a guy Microtopics: * Three people with social anxiety. * Your left ear not working at the post office. * 80 people in a post office screaming at each other. * Keeping your broken item and just buying another because you don't want to go to the post office. * Naming your band after a way to transmit audio. * I'm good that they're exist. * Getting your New Year's Resolution off of the Mastodon Tooter. * Finding a kid at Applebee's to sit next to. * Forming a seal on your face when there's hair. * A hip burger or hot dog joint hanging a sign saying "Take it to Squirts-Town" over their condiment counter. * An app to track how much emotional load you've dumped on each friend recently. * Preparing to hold space for your feelings. * Going outside and banging on pots and pans at midnight. * Getting really into Casey Kasem's Rockin' New Year. * Getting twelve grapes and trying to eat a grape on every bong of the clock. * How far apart are the bongs? * Whack it for a huge dong! * The second message board you signed up for. (After The Sims.) * Entirely abandoning the idea of drawing with your hands. * The Three Tile Rule. * New Year, New Wife! * Being approached in a Trader Joe's by a guy who runs a message board for men with long hair. * How to find people to follow on Cohost. * Searching for a technical issue on the internet and finding a post on a message board asking your question and the answer is to "google it." * Message boards about tying knots. * A ghost giving you a hug. * Shadebobs and searching on Youtube for shadebobs. * Shadebob Squarepixels. * Turn-based speed runs. * Oxygenarian runs. * Starting with meat. Ending with meat. * Whether it's okay to do a Butthole Chart for people who are still alive. * The Shade of the Butthole. * Special people with hairy buttholes. * When God asks you to bring him 50 buttholes, what body parts he'll accept as the butthole. * Butthole purism. * Personality traits that correspond with butthole traits in popular culture. * What to do if you don't like the shade or the smell of your butthole. * Going on T because you want a hairier butthole. * Whether billionaires are real people. * The Butthole of Dorian Gray. * Hiring a person to take care of your butthole situation. * Making eye contact with the guy who cleans Jeff Bezos's butthole but you can't stop and help, you have to catch your train. * PiCoSteveMo outcomes. * Self-driving taxis paving the entire planet. * Suggesting ideas as a way to make sure nobody will implement those ideas. * Receiving a new CD for Christmas in the post-Napster era. * What we can still use as stocking stuffers now that CDs and DVDs don't make sense any more. * Your life partner going through a Brandon Sanderson phase and giving you a huge Brandon Sanderson book to read. * What you call the plug that goes into a plug. * Getting paid to learn to solder. * Deliberately introducing mpeg artifacts into a video stream. * How to troubleshoot a motherboard now that they don't beep any more. * How many Intels they're up to now. * A memory of fun that you can't go back to. * Awful Fantasy. * Putting a foul-mouthed rom hack on your SNES Classic and then forgetting that happened when you give it away to your friends' kids. * Imagining how great a product is going to be while you're buying the product. * Asking for a toy for Christmas even though you know you'll never make time for it. * Going to a friend's house and seeing a bajillion guitar pedals that you can't afford. * Giving your guitar pedals away to someone who'll actually use them rather than just reselling them. * Hanging out with the kind of person who's playing Rock Band in 2023. * The only generation that learned how to use computers. * Worrying that the five year old computer geniuses are going to hack your foot so you can't walk. * Living in New Holstein Wisconsin and needing psychic healing. * Living in the city and having a place you go to for hot dogs vs. living in the country and having a guy you call for hot dogs and he comes to your house with a suitcase full of hot dogs and a USB-C grill. * Moving to the country so you can hang out of the hot dog guy. * A place that's not even really a place because you can't catch Pokemon there. * Two Guys and a Place. * Bringing independent gas stations their coffee. * Yacht Man Cologne. * Stuff You're Not Allowed To Eat dot com. * Arguing with GPT-4 until it agrees that your Garfield dating sim idea is ethical. * Putting on your face shoes. * This Is Cake Bread! * Tholen vs. Tholen. Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Three people with social anxiety.
  • Your left ear not working at the post office.
  • 80 people in a post office screaming at each other.
  • Keeping your broken item and just buying another because you don't want to go to the post office.
  • Naming your band after a way to transmit audio.
  • I'm good that they're exist.
  • Getting your New Year's Resolution off of the Mastodon Tooter.
  • Finding a kid at Applebee's to sit next to.
  • Forming a seal on your face when there's hair.
  • A hip burger or hot dog joint hanging a sign saying "Take it to Squirts-Town" over their condiment counter.
  • An app to track how much emotional load you've dumped on each friend recently.
  • Preparing to hold space for your feelings.
  • Going outside and banging on pots and pans at midnight.
  • Getting really into Casey Kasem's Rockin' New Year.
  • Getting twelve grapes and trying to eat a grape on every bong of the clock.
  • How far apart are the bongs?
  • Whack it for a huge dong!
  • The second message board you signed up for. (After The Sims.)
  • Entirely abandoning the idea of drawing with your hands.
  • The Three Tile Rule.
  • New Year, New Wife!
  • Being approached in a Trader Joe's by a guy who runs a message board for men with long hair.
  • How to find people to follow on Cohost.
  • Searching for a technical issue on the internet and finding a post on a message board asking your question and the answer is to "google it."
  • Message boards about tying knots.
  • A ghost giving you a hug.
  • Shadebobs and searching on Youtube for shadebobs.
  • Shadebob Squarepixels.
  • Turn-based speed runs.
  • Oxygenarian runs.
  • Starting with meat. Ending with meat.
  • Whether it's okay to do a Butthole Chart for people who are still alive.
  • The Shade of the Butthole.
  • Special people with hairy buttholes.
  • When God asks you to bring him 50 buttholes, what body parts he'll accept as the butthole.
  • Butthole purism.
  • Personality traits that correspond with butthole traits in popular culture.
  • What to do if you don't like the shade or the smell of your butthole.
  • Going on T because you want a hairier butthole.
  • Whether billionaires are real people.
  • The Butthole of Dorian Gray.
  • Hiring a person to take care of your butthole situation.
  • Making eye contact with the guy who cleans Jeff Bezos's butthole but you can't stop and help, you have to catch your train.
  • PiCoSteveMo outcomes.
  • Self-driving taxis paving the entire planet.
  • Suggesting ideas as a way to make sure nobody will implement those ideas.
  • Receiving a new CD for Christmas in the post-Napster era.
  • What we can still use as stocking stuffers now that CDs and DVDs don't make sense any more.
  • Your life partner going through a Brandon Sanderson phase and giving you a huge Brandon Sanderson book to read.
  • What you call the plug that goes into a plug.
  • Getting paid to learn to solder.
  • Deliberately introducing mpeg artifacts into a video stream.
  • How to troubleshoot a motherboard now that they don't beep any more.
  • How many Intels they're up to now.
  • A memory of fun that you can't go back to.
  • Awful Fantasy.
  • Putting a foul-mouthed rom hack on your SNES Classic and then forgetting that happened when you give it away to your friends' kids.
  • Imagining how great a product is going to be while you're buying the product.
  • Asking for a toy for Christmas even though you know you'll never make time for it.
  • Going to a friend's house and seeing a bajillion guitar pedals that you can't afford.
  • Giving your guitar pedals away to someone who'll actually use them rather than just reselling them.
  • Hanging out with the kind of person who's playing Rock Band in 2023.
  • The only generation that learned how to use computers.
  • Worrying that the five year old computer geniuses are going to hack your foot so you can't walk.
  • Living in New Holstein Wisconsin and needing psychic healing.
  • Living in the city and having a place you go to for hot dogs vs. living in the country and having a guy you call for hot dogs and he comes to your house with a suitcase full of hot dogs and a USB-C grill.
  • Moving to the country so you can hang out of the hot dog guy.
  • A place that's not even really a place because you can't catch Pokemon there.
  • Two Guys and a Place.
  • Bringing independent gas stations their coffee.
  • Yacht Man Cologne.
  • Stuff You're Not Allowed To Eat dot com.
  • Arguing with GPT-4 until it agrees that your Garfield dating sim idea is ethical.
  • Putting on your face shoes.
  • This Is Cake Bread!
  • Tholen vs. Tholen.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Three people with social anxiety.
  • Your left ear not working at the post office.
  • 80 people in a post office screaming at each other.
  • Keeping your broken item and just buying another because you don't want to go to the post office.
  • Naming your band after a way to transmit audio.
  • I'm good that they're exist.
  • Getting your New Year's Resolution off of the Mastodon Tooter.
  • Finding a kid at Applebee's to sit next to.
  • Forming a seal on your face when there's hair.
  • A hip burger or hot dog joint hanging a sign saying "Take it to Squirts-Town" over their condiment counter.
  • An app to track how much emotional load you've dumped on each friend recently.
  • Preparing to hold space for your feelings.
  • Going outside and banging on pots and pans at midnight.
  • Getting really into Casey Kasem's Rockin' New Year.
  • Getting twelve grapes and trying to eat a grape on every bong of the clock.
  • How far apart are the bongs?
  • Whack it for a huge dong!
  • The second message board you signed up for. (After The Sims.)
  • Entirely abandoning the idea of drawing with your hands.
  • The Three Tile Rule.
  • New Year, New Wife!
  • Being approached in a Trader Joe's by a guy who runs a message board for men with long hair.
  • How to find people to follow on Cohost.
  • Searching for a technical issue on the internet and finding a post on a message board asking your question and the answer is to "google it."
  • Message boards about tying knots.
  • A ghost giving you a hug.
  • Shadebobs and searching on Youtube for shadebobs.
  • Shadebob Squarepixels.
  • Turn-based speed runs.
  • Oxygenarian runs.
  • Starting with meat. Ending with meat.
  • Whether it's okay to do a Butthole Chart for people who are still alive.
  • The Shade of the Butthole.
  • Special people with hairy buttholes.
  • When God asks you to bring him 50 buttholes, what body parts he'll accept as the butthole.
  • Butthole purism.
  • Personality traits that correspond with butthole traits in popular culture.
  • What to do if you don't like the shade or the smell of your butthole.
  • Going on T because you want a hairier butthole.
  • Whether billionaires are real people.
  • The Butthole of Dorian Gray.
  • Hiring a person to take care of your butthole situation.
  • Making eye contact with the guy who cleans Jeff Bezos's butthole but you can't stop and help, you have to catch your train.
  • PiCoSteveMo outcomes.
  • Self-driving taxis paving the entire planet.
  • Suggesting ideas as a way to make sure nobody will implement those ideas.
  • Receiving a new CD for Christmas in the post-Napster era.
  • What we can still use as stocking stuffers now that CDs and DVDs don't make sense any more.
  • Your life partner going through a Brandon Sanderson phase and giving you a huge Brandon Sanderson book to read.
  • What you call the plug that goes into a plug.
  • Getting paid to learn to solder.
  • Deliberately introducing mpeg artifacts into a video stream.
  • How to troubleshoot a motherboard now that they don't beep any more.
  • How many Intels they're up to now.
  • A memory of fun that you can't go back to.
  • Awful Fantasy.
  • Putting a foul-mouthed rom hack on your SNES Classic and then forgetting that happened when you give it away to your friends' kids.
  • Imagining how great a product is going to be while you're buying the product.
  • Asking for a toy for Christmas even though you know you'll never make time for it.
  • Going to a friend's house and seeing a bajillion guitar pedals that you can't afford.
  • Giving your guitar pedals away to someone who'll actually use them rather than just reselling them.
  • Hanging out with the kind of person who's playing Rock Band in 2023.
  • The only generation that learned how to use computers.
  • Worrying that the five year old computer geniuses are going to hack your foot so you can't walk.
  • Living in New Holstein Wisconsin and needing psychic healing.
  • Living in the city and having a place you go to for hot dogs vs. living in the country and having a guy you call for hot dogs and he comes to your house with a suitcase full of hot dogs and a USB-C grill.
  • Moving to the country so you can hang out of the hot dog guy.
  • A place that's not even really a place because you can't catch Pokemon there.
  • Two Guys and a Place.
  • Bringing independent gas stations their coffee.
  • Yacht Man Cologne.
  • Stuff You're Not Allowed To Eat dot com.
  • Arguing with GPT-4 until it agrees that your Garfield dating sim idea is ethical.
  • Putting on your face shoes.
  • This Is Cake Bread!
  • Tholen vs. Tholen.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 200. My Banana Has Bones https://topiclords.com/my-banana-has-bones ea60729f-39cf-4493-be8a-57dad15558fd Mon, 21 Aug 2023 00:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Jenni and Tyriq. We discuss King Leonardo and His Short Subjects, Nervous Subject, Subject Zero, On the Subject of Poetry By W. S. Merwin, royal subjects, and Subject 13. 1:07:01 yes Lords: * Jenni * Tyriq Topics: * King Leonardo and His Short Subjects * https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WesternAnimation/KingLeonardoAndHisShortSubjects * Nervous Subject * https://sims.fandom.com/wiki/Nervous_Subject * Subject Zero * https://masseffect.fandom.com/wiki/Jack * On the Subject of Poetry By W. S. Merwin * https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/browse?contentId=26014 * Royal subjects * Subject 13 * https://www.mobygames.com/game/84773/subject-13/ Microtopics: * The only place on the internet you can hear subjects discussed. * Subject Lords. * Finding video games in places that don't exist. * Renaming the spreadsheet to the Subject Bucket. * A hand me down Rocky and Bullwinkle bedsheet set. * Rocky and Bullwinkle indoctrination. * How many seasons the Flintstones ran for. * The Classic Wikipedia Was. * Wacky Racers. * Whether Winston has ever tried Circus Peanuts. * Enjoying one Circus Peanut every three years. * How to buy just one Circus Peanut. * Sawing a nickel in half before money became pre-scored. * Whether jokes were funny in the past. * Two troublemaking nephews named Duke and Earl. * Mr. Mad's plan to trap the king. * One actor playing more than one character all in one take. * Somebody the Explainer. * A Nancy strip where the joke revolves around knowing that people used to take their shoes off in movie theaters. * Show Swap day at the movie theater. * Waiting in the closet for the grim reaper to show up and then jumping out and being really seductive. * Closet-pilled. * Multiple people dying in the same yoga class and the grim reaper just sticks around instead of leaving and coming back. * Yogaing while old. (YWO.) * First name nervous, last name subject. * Born pregnant by aliens. * Nervous Subject vs. Nervous Object. * Pressing X to wisecrack. * Getting quests from Lord British and killing some monsters. * The Vic Viper and the Road British. * A pop culture character who hits the center of the Venn diagram. * Writing Mass Effect fanfiction for Glittermitten Grove * 10,000 Boolean variables that can be triggered by your narrative choices. * Narratively justifying how getting a donut leads to your death. * Generating alive/dead states for everybody. * The tortured but boring space marine guy with a tragic soldier past that isn't very interesting. * The girl who is just a cloud of gas under her hazard suit. * The man who slouches listening to the wheel revolving in the stream, yet there is no wheel there to revolve. * The reason the wheel turns – though there is no wheel. * Sitting at the end of March. * Deckard Bane. * Hortatoriness. * How do we feel about monarchies? * Tropical fruit tree drama. * The Miami Fruit Organization. * Ordering a moonbeam in a jar from Instacart. * Where in the fruit the seed wants to be. * The banana that evolved for the seed to pop out and hit you in the face as soon as you start peeling it and that's how they invented firearms. * Figuring out how to hold an avocado like a gun. * Fruit with Velcro-style hook and loop. * Fruit you should avoid if you have a mucous membrane. * Subscribing to durians for $199 per week. * Turning the pineapple upside down. * The pineapple as a symbol of hospitality. * A video game with many of the components a video game would have. * The taking robots from the System Shock series. * A pre-rendered background Final Fantasy 7 type deal. * Cinematic platformers starring spheres. * Conflating two games made by Francophones. * Namable group chats. * Getting a Bluesky invite just so you can park your domain. Lords:

  • Jenni
  • Tyriq

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • The only place on the internet you can hear subjects discussed.
  • Subject Lords.
  • Finding video games in places that don't exist.
  • Renaming the spreadsheet to the Subject Bucket.
  • A hand me down Rocky and Bullwinkle bedsheet set.
  • Rocky and Bullwinkle indoctrination.
  • How many seasons the Flintstones ran for.
  • The Classic Wikipedia Was.
  • Wacky Racers.
  • Whether Winston has ever tried Circus Peanuts.
  • Enjoying one Circus Peanut every three years.
  • How to buy just one Circus Peanut.
  • Sawing a nickel in half before money became pre-scored.
  • Whether jokes were funny in the past.
  • Two troublemaking nephews named Duke and Earl.
  • Mr. Mad's plan to trap the king.
  • One actor playing more than one character all in one take.
  • Somebody the Explainer.
  • A Nancy strip where the joke revolves around knowing that people used to take their shoes off in movie theaters.
  • Show Swap day at the movie theater.
  • Waiting in the closet for the grim reaper to show up and then jumping out and being really seductive.
  • Closet-pilled.
  • Multiple people dying in the same yoga class and the grim reaper just sticks around instead of leaving and coming back.
  • Yogaing while old. (YWO.)
  • First name nervous, last name subject.
  • Born pregnant by aliens.
  • Nervous Subject vs. Nervous Object.
  • Pressing X to wisecrack.
  • Getting quests from Lord British and killing some monsters.
  • The Vic Viper and the Road British.
  • A pop culture character who hits the center of the Venn diagram.
  • Writing Mass Effect fanfiction for Glittermitten Grove
  • 10,000 Boolean variables that can be triggered by your narrative choices.
  • Narratively justifying how getting a donut leads to your death.
  • Generating alive/dead states for everybody.
  • The tortured but boring space marine guy with a tragic soldier past that isn't very interesting.
  • The girl who is just a cloud of gas under her hazard suit.
  • The man who slouches listening to the wheel revolving in the stream, yet there is no wheel there to revolve.
  • The reason the wheel turns – though there is no wheel.
  • Sitting at the end of March.
  • Deckard Bane.
  • Hortatoriness.
  • How do we feel about monarchies?
  • Tropical fruit tree drama.
  • The Miami Fruit Organization.
  • Ordering a moonbeam in a jar from Instacart.
  • Where in the fruit the seed wants to be.
  • The banana that evolved for the seed to pop out and hit you in the face as soon as you start peeling it and that's how they invented firearms.
  • Figuring out how to hold an avocado like a gun.
  • Fruit with Velcro-style hook and loop.
  • Fruit you should avoid if you have a mucous membrane.
  • Subscribing to durians for $199 per week.
  • Turning the pineapple upside down.
  • The pineapple as a symbol of hospitality.
  • A video game with many of the components a video game would have.
  • The taking robots from the System Shock series.
  • A pre-rendered background Final Fantasy 7 type deal.
  • Cinematic platformers starring spheres.
  • Conflating two games made by Francophones.
  • Namable group chats.
  • Getting a Bluesky invite just so you can park your domain.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Lords:

  • Jenni
  • Tyriq

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • The only place on the internet you can hear subjects discussed.
  • Subject Lords.
  • Finding video games in places that don't exist.
  • Renaming the spreadsheet to the Subject Bucket.
  • A hand me down Rocky and Bullwinkle bedsheet set.
  • Rocky and Bullwinkle indoctrination.
  • How many seasons the Flintstones ran for.
  • The Classic Wikipedia Was.
  • Wacky Racers.
  • Whether Winston has ever tried Circus Peanuts.
  • Enjoying one Circus Peanut every three years.
  • How to buy just one Circus Peanut.
  • Sawing a nickel in half before money became pre-scored.
  • Whether jokes were funny in the past.
  • Two troublemaking nephews named Duke and Earl.
  • Mr. Mad's plan to trap the king.
  • One actor playing more than one character all in one take.
  • Somebody the Explainer.
  • A Nancy strip where the joke revolves around knowing that people used to take their shoes off in movie theaters.
  • Show Swap day at the movie theater.
  • Waiting in the closet for the grim reaper to show up and then jumping out and being really seductive.
  • Closet-pilled.
  • Multiple people dying in the same yoga class and the grim reaper just sticks around instead of leaving and coming back.
  • Yogaing while old. (YWO.)
  • First name nervous, last name subject.
  • Born pregnant by aliens.
  • Nervous Subject vs. Nervous Object.
  • Pressing X to wisecrack.
  • Getting quests from Lord British and killing some monsters.
  • The Vic Viper and the Road British.
  • A pop culture character who hits the center of the Venn diagram.
  • Writing Mass Effect fanfiction for Glittermitten Grove
  • 10,000 Boolean variables that can be triggered by your narrative choices.
  • Narratively justifying how getting a donut leads to your death.
  • Generating alive/dead states for everybody.
  • The tortured but boring space marine guy with a tragic soldier past that isn't very interesting.
  • The girl who is just a cloud of gas under her hazard suit.
  • The man who slouches listening to the wheel revolving in the stream, yet there is no wheel there to revolve.
  • The reason the wheel turns – though there is no wheel.
  • Sitting at the end of March.
  • Deckard Bane.
  • Hortatoriness.
  • How do we feel about monarchies?
  • Tropical fruit tree drama.
  • The Miami Fruit Organization.
  • Ordering a moonbeam in a jar from Instacart.
  • Where in the fruit the seed wants to be.
  • The banana that evolved for the seed to pop out and hit you in the face as soon as you start peeling it and that's how they invented firearms.
  • Figuring out how to hold an avocado like a gun.
  • Fruit with Velcro-style hook and loop.
  • Fruit you should avoid if you have a mucous membrane.
  • Subscribing to durians for $199 per week.
  • Turning the pineapple upside down.
  • The pineapple as a symbol of hospitality.
  • A video game with many of the components a video game would have.
  • The taking robots from the System Shock series.
  • A pre-rendered background Final Fantasy 7 type deal.
  • Cinematic platformers starring spheres.
  • Conflating two games made by Francophones.
  • Namable group chats.
  • Getting a Bluesky invite just so you can park your domain.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 182. Baby Baby Mario https://topiclords.com/baby-baby-mario f326396f-7fb5-4a61-b39e-69a0b0ef6e82 Mon, 17 Apr 2023 00:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Jenni and Chris. We discuss sleepovers and latchkey kids, the movie adaptation of Jurassic Park 2, the VR episode of Nowhere Man, the space battle over Nuremberg in 1561, &c. 1:02:53 yes Lords: * Jenni * https://intfiction.org/t/lets-play-cragne-manor/56472 * Chris * https://trustory.fm/cool-time-dice-hour/ Topics: * All the stuff we did in the 90s that is horrifying to modern parents now, like sleepovers and latchkey kids * The movie for Jurassic Park 2 is somehow worse than the book and the book is very bad. * The VR episode of Nowhere Man * I fucked up my car by running over a mattress on purpose * https://vhsviscera.tumblr.com/post/705867030403973120 * There was a space battle over Nuremberg in 1561 and the local broadsheets reported on it with woodcuts: * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1561celestialphenomenonoverNuremberg * http://blog.zarfhome.com/2022/01/way-up-in-middle-of-air.html Microtopics: * Baby Mario and Baby Luigi being two different species. * Riff and Jenni play Rusty Lake. * Absorbing most of your twin in the womb and all that's left is his heart behind your nipple. * Nippleheart. * Cool Time Dice Hour. * Cragne Manor. * Heck of a project, terrible game, not recommended at all. * Cragne Manor's TV Tropes page. * A Metafilter thread about sleepovers. * Your mom asking for a report on all the swear words in the book you're reading. * Elsa Screams at Dentist. * Watching Elsa Screaming videos on Youtube to learn how to scream better. * Going to the bookstore by yourself when your are 13 years old. * Calling the anime repair guy when your anime goes out. * New guy just dropped: guy with trench coat full of VHS tapes who won't hand you the VHS tapes, he makes you reach in and take them. * Socializing your kids poorly so nobody will invite them to sleepovers. * Learning how sex works and then calling a conference on the playground to explain it to everyone. * Calvin's dad explaining that women only pee once a month. * Picking up the broken glass that your meth dealer neighbor keeps throwing in your cactus garden. * The tiny-handed thin-necked final girl. * Abraham Lincoln's wrestling career. * The one where they defeat the veloraptors with gymnastics. * The one where they defeat the velociraptors by showing them Elsa Screaming videos on Youtube. * Taking a bad book and adapting it into an even worse movie. * Doing drugs until the dinosaurs look like they have feathers. * Microscopic dust particles on the slicey bits. * Why blowing into the cartridge did or didn't work * Hunter-gatherers blowing on a blinking raspberry bush and cursing the defective lockout chip. * Being unable to hunt bison because of bison DRM. * A completely made-up kind of VR. * Downloading your estranged wife from the internet so you can reunite in VR. * A Rough Whimper of Insanity. * Max Headroom: a guy with a weird forehead who shows up in media sometimes, like a California Raisin. * Explaining Mac Tonight to a 22 year old. * The worst car you could have possibly imagined. * Delightful clean all-ages nonsense. * Demonstrating your allegiance to 90s-era edgelordism. * Cresting the event horizon of random bullshit. * The VR apparatus hanging off of your wasted body. * Adding more vanilla than the recipe calls for. * Putting a hapenny on the spice vendor's tongue and reaching into his trench coat to pull out a bag of cumin. * Poking bytes into memory to mod Cyberpunk 2077. * Whether Pico-8 is more or less racist than Dickens Fair. * The space battle that took place over Nuremberg in 1561. * UFOs vs. UAPs. * Tie-Fighters and Star Destroyers over Nuremberg. * The All-Domain Anomaly Resolution Office: if you got an anomaly, yo, they'll resolve it. * Asking the Pentagon for money for a cab fare to go investigate unexplained aerial phenomena. * A mass hysteria of the collective unconscious. * Marrying your cousin and going into space. * Anakin is of the species Baby Mario and Padme is a Baby Luigi so when they breed they'll have an infertile Baby Wario or Baby Waluigi. * The fan theory where Jar-Jar is the Sith Lord. * The origin of angels as a terror. * Pre-hurricane ice crystal patterns. * Making biblically accurate angels out of everything. * Generational memory from back when we had wings. * Fish wings. * Being drunk all the time because you don't trust the water. * Aspartame's bitter aftertaste, and also fuck Stevia. * Coke Grownups. * Pepsi Peeps. * Eating the whole bag of Pepsi Syrup Peep Gushers and now you can't play D&D tonight because you just have to lie on the floor clutching your belly and complaining that nobody saved you from your life choices. * Food that exists to overwhelm your senses and your ability to make decisions. * The two genders of time. Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Baby Mario and Baby Luigi being two different species.
  • Riff and Jenni play Rusty Lake.
  • Absorbing most of your twin in the womb and all that's left is his heart behind your nipple.
  • Nippleheart.
  • Cool Time Dice Hour.
  • Cragne Manor.
  • Heck of a project, terrible game, not recommended at all.
  • Cragne Manor's TV Tropes page.
  • A Metafilter thread about sleepovers.
  • Your mom asking for a report on all the swear words in the book you're reading.
  • Elsa Screams at Dentist.
  • Watching Elsa Screaming videos on Youtube to learn how to scream better.
  • Going to the bookstore by yourself when your are 13 years old.
  • Calling the anime repair guy when your anime goes out.
  • New guy just dropped: guy with trench coat full of VHS tapes who won't hand you the VHS tapes, he makes you reach in and take them.
  • Socializing your kids poorly so nobody will invite them to sleepovers.
  • Learning how sex works and then calling a conference on the playground to explain it to everyone.
  • Calvin's dad explaining that women only pee once a month.
  • Picking up the broken glass that your meth dealer neighbor keeps throwing in your cactus garden.
  • The tiny-handed thin-necked final girl.
  • Abraham Lincoln's wrestling career.
  • The one where they defeat the veloraptors with gymnastics.
  • The one where they defeat the velociraptors by showing them Elsa Screaming videos on Youtube.
  • Taking a bad book and adapting it into an even worse movie.
  • Doing drugs until the dinosaurs look like they have feathers.
  • Microscopic dust particles on the slicey bits.
  • Why blowing into the cartridge did or didn't work
  • Hunter-gatherers blowing on a blinking raspberry bush and cursing the defective lockout chip.
  • Being unable to hunt bison because of bison DRM.
  • A completely made-up kind of VR.
  • Downloading your estranged wife from the internet so you can reunite in VR.
  • A Rough Whimper of Insanity.
  • Max Headroom: a guy with a weird forehead who shows up in media sometimes, like a California Raisin.
  • Explaining Mac Tonight to a 22 year old.
  • The worst car you could have possibly imagined.
  • Delightful clean all-ages nonsense.
  • Demonstrating your allegiance to 90s-era edgelordism.
  • Cresting the event horizon of random bullshit.
  • The VR apparatus hanging off of your wasted body.
  • Adding more vanilla than the recipe calls for.
  • Putting a hapenny on the spice vendor's tongue and reaching into his trench coat to pull out a bag of cumin.
  • Poking bytes into memory to mod Cyberpunk 2077.
  • Whether Pico-8 is more or less racist than Dickens Fair.
  • The space battle that took place over Nuremberg in 1561.
  • UFOs vs. UAPs.
  • Tie-Fighters and Star Destroyers over Nuremberg.
  • The All-Domain Anomaly Resolution Office: if you got an anomaly, yo, they'll resolve it.
  • Asking the Pentagon for money for a cab fare to go investigate unexplained aerial phenomena.
  • A mass hysteria of the collective unconscious.
  • Marrying your cousin and going into space.
  • Anakin is of the species Baby Mario and Padme is a Baby Luigi so when they breed they'll have an infertile Baby Wario or Baby Waluigi.
  • The fan theory where Jar-Jar is the Sith Lord.
  • The origin of angels as a terror.
  • Pre-hurricane ice crystal patterns.
  • Making biblically accurate angels out of everything.
  • Generational memory from back when we had wings.
  • Fish wings.
  • Being drunk all the time because you don't trust the water.
  • Aspartame's bitter aftertaste, and also fuck Stevia.
  • Coke Grownups.
  • Pepsi Peeps.
  • Eating the whole bag of Pepsi Syrup Peep Gushers and now you can't play D&D tonight because you just have to lie on the floor clutching your belly and complaining that nobody saved you from your life choices.
  • Food that exists to overwhelm your senses and your ability to make decisions.
  • The two genders of time.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Baby Mario and Baby Luigi being two different species.
  • Riff and Jenni play Rusty Lake.
  • Absorbing most of your twin in the womb and all that's left is his heart behind your nipple.
  • Nippleheart.
  • Cool Time Dice Hour.
  • Cragne Manor.
  • Heck of a project, terrible game, not recommended at all.
  • Cragne Manor's TV Tropes page.
  • A Metafilter thread about sleepovers.
  • Your mom asking for a report on all the swear words in the book you're reading.
  • Elsa Screams at Dentist.
  • Watching Elsa Screaming videos on Youtube to learn how to scream better.
  • Going to the bookstore by yourself when your are 13 years old.
  • Calling the anime repair guy when your anime goes out.
  • New guy just dropped: guy with trench coat full of VHS tapes who won't hand you the VHS tapes, he makes you reach in and take them.
  • Socializing your kids poorly so nobody will invite them to sleepovers.
  • Learning how sex works and then calling a conference on the playground to explain it to everyone.
  • Calvin's dad explaining that women only pee once a month.
  • Picking up the broken glass that your meth dealer neighbor keeps throwing in your cactus garden.
  • The tiny-handed thin-necked final girl.
  • Abraham Lincoln's wrestling career.
  • The one where they defeat the veloraptors with gymnastics.
  • The one where they defeat the velociraptors by showing them Elsa Screaming videos on Youtube.
  • Taking a bad book and adapting it into an even worse movie.
  • Doing drugs until the dinosaurs look like they have feathers.
  • Microscopic dust particles on the slicey bits.
  • Why blowing into the cartridge did or didn't work
  • Hunter-gatherers blowing on a blinking raspberry bush and cursing the defective lockout chip.
  • Being unable to hunt bison because of bison DRM.
  • A completely made-up kind of VR.
  • Downloading your estranged wife from the internet so you can reunite in VR.
  • A Rough Whimper of Insanity.
  • Max Headroom: a guy with a weird forehead who shows up in media sometimes, like a California Raisin.
  • Explaining Mac Tonight to a 22 year old.
  • The worst car you could have possibly imagined.
  • Delightful clean all-ages nonsense.
  • Demonstrating your allegiance to 90s-era edgelordism.
  • Cresting the event horizon of random bullshit.
  • The VR apparatus hanging off of your wasted body.
  • Adding more vanilla than the recipe calls for.
  • Putting a hapenny on the spice vendor's tongue and reaching into his trench coat to pull out a bag of cumin.
  • Poking bytes into memory to mod Cyberpunk 2077.
  • Whether Pico-8 is more or less racist than Dickens Fair.
  • The space battle that took place over Nuremberg in 1561.
  • UFOs vs. UAPs.
  • Tie-Fighters and Star Destroyers over Nuremberg.
  • The All-Domain Anomaly Resolution Office: if you got an anomaly, yo, they'll resolve it.
  • Asking the Pentagon for money for a cab fare to go investigate unexplained aerial phenomena.
  • A mass hysteria of the collective unconscious.
  • Marrying your cousin and going into space.
  • Anakin is of the species Baby Mario and Padme is a Baby Luigi so when they breed they'll have an infertile Baby Wario or Baby Waluigi.
  • The fan theory where Jar-Jar is the Sith Lord.
  • The origin of angels as a terror.
  • Pre-hurricane ice crystal patterns.
  • Making biblically accurate angels out of everything.
  • Generational memory from back when we had wings.
  • Fish wings.
  • Being drunk all the time because you don't trust the water.
  • Aspartame's bitter aftertaste, and also fuck Stevia.
  • Coke Grownups.
  • Pepsi Peeps.
  • Eating the whole bag of Pepsi Syrup Peep Gushers and now you can't play D&D tonight because you just have to lie on the floor clutching your belly and complaining that nobody saved you from your life choices.
  • Food that exists to overwhelm your senses and your ability to make decisions.
  • The two genders of time.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 168. Take a Gasket, Leave a Gasket https://topiclords.com/take-a-gasket-leave-a-gasket 84f716ee-bf63-44b8-8e88-0839d87abb80 Mon, 09 Jan 2023 00:00:00 -0800 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Erica and Jenni. We discuss Stronger with Stogner, what is and isn't ahegao, feeling old about anti-piracy measures, The Lanyard by Billy Collins, the WTF genre of narrative's often unsatisfying endings, and Ed O'Brien on Backing Vocals 1:19:37 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Erica * Jenni Topics: * Stronger with Stogner * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-o0MwD8dyko * What is & isn't ahegao, prescriptivistly * Wanna Feel Old? 10 Hilarious Examples Of Anti-Piracy Measures In Video Games * https://screenrant.com/anti-piracy-video-games-funny/ * The Lanyard by Billy Collins * https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/50975/the-lanyard * The "what the fuck" genre of narrative & why it frequently has an unsatisfying ending * Ed O'Brien on backing vocals * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWuAn6C8Mfc * https://floodmagazine.com/44288/ed-from-radiohead-sing-his-own-name/ Microtopics: * Fighting for credit. * The discord: it's fun in there. * Forgetting an entire lord. * A lot of work to get twice as many views. * A convenient thing you can put old food in so it doesn't go bad as quickly. * Gaskets: there's a name for them. * The British vs. the American conception of a frown. * Frowning with your face gaskets. * Doing a cartwheel to feel happier. * Alan Snape. * Doing a racy political ad on top of a 40-foot pumpjack. * What the Texas Railroad Commission does. * Getting the idea for OPEC from Texas. * A political ad using the Sugar Hill Gang cover of Apache as a soundtrack. * The suburban Texan mom solving the climate crisis single-handedly. * Twerking at the sunrise. * Field-dressing a moose. * Fantasy-footballing a female running mate for Theodore Roosevelt even though they didn't have women back then. * Getting so annoyed at an ad that you have to log back into Twitter. * Scrolling social media and getting angry by yourself. * The crucial elements that comprise the ahegao face. * Electronic Girl. * The phylogeny of the e-girl. * Is it Soup? * Looking at Zelda's face and thinking "okay, that's soup." * Whether ahegao or Betty Boop are sexy. * A face that people make to indicate horniness. * The Betty Boop ahegao: it's bad, folks. * What is otaku's plan for us? * Project Lords. * A web site with JavaScript implementations of video game code wheels of various 90s video games. * Everybody playing the free version of chess for thousands of years when the paid version is a way better game. * Why there is no Casio Loopy emulator. * Finding a tiny blood reservoir for the smallest blood sacrifices. * Who wrote the Vagina Monologues? * Moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano. * What a lanyard is and what it's for. * How to repay your mom for all the things that she's given you. * God's Eyes. * Replacing your son's butt-gasket. * Being old enough to remember when it was normal for schoolchildren to make their parents an ashtray. * Making a gumball dispenser in wood shop and using it to convince your mom to buy you a big bag of gumballs. * 1899. * A sequence of mysterious things happening. * A mysterious TV show that ends when you overwater all of your boyfriend's plants. * The final episode of Lost, where the giant panda shows up and explains that "I'm god and you're in my dream!" * Comedy typing directly into the Topic Bucket. * What makes a good ending to a mystery-focused story. * Mystery as marketing hook. * How to end a mystery-focused story in a satisfying way without solving the mystery. * The most normal-looking guy in Radiohead. * The one guy in Radiohead who doesn't have any fans. * From the Basement in Rainbows. * A super chill guy keeping time with his leg. * Does Ed from Radiohead only sing his own name? * A Pokemon Named Ed. * Idiosyncratic ways to describe your favorite band member, that unlock your unique adoration. * The only member of the band who smiles. * Absorbing it all as the luckiest person alive playing with your pals in a huge venue. * The kind of Radiohead fan whose imagination is so powerful that you can't safely let them into Radiohead concerts because they might imagine a bomb. * The kind of Topic Lord who listens to the show. * Having some delightful chats in Texas. * Posing on the pumpjack where nobody will ever see you. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

  • Erica
  • Jenni

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Fighting for credit.
  • The discord: it's fun in there.
  • Forgetting an entire lord.
  • A lot of work to get twice as many views.
  • A convenient thing you can put old food in so it doesn't go bad as quickly.
  • Gaskets: there's a name for them.
  • The British vs. the American conception of a frown.
  • Frowning with your face gaskets.
  • Doing a cartwheel to feel happier.
  • Alan Snape.
  • Doing a racy political ad on top of a 40-foot pumpjack.
  • What the Texas Railroad Commission does.
  • Getting the idea for OPEC from Texas.
  • A political ad using the Sugar Hill Gang cover of Apache as a soundtrack.
  • The suburban Texan mom solving the climate crisis single-handedly.
  • Twerking at the sunrise.
  • Field-dressing a moose.
  • Fantasy-footballing a female running mate for Theodore Roosevelt even though they didn't have women back then.
  • Getting so annoyed at an ad that you have to log back into Twitter.
  • Scrolling social media and getting angry by yourself.
  • The crucial elements that comprise the ahegao face.
  • Electronic Girl.
  • The phylogeny of the e-girl.
  • Is it Soup?
  • Looking at Zelda's face and thinking "okay, that's soup."
  • Whether ahegao or Betty Boop are sexy.
  • A face that people make to indicate horniness.
  • The Betty Boop ahegao: it's bad, folks.
  • What is otaku's plan for us?
  • Project Lords.
  • A web site with JavaScript implementations of video game code wheels of various 90s video games.
  • Everybody playing the free version of chess for thousands of years when the paid version is a way better game.
  • Why there is no Casio Loopy emulator.
  • Finding a tiny blood reservoir for the smallest blood sacrifices.
  • Who wrote the Vagina Monologues?
  • Moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano.
  • What a lanyard is and what it's for.
  • How to repay your mom for all the things that she's given you.
  • God's Eyes.
  • Replacing your son's butt-gasket.
  • Being old enough to remember when it was normal for schoolchildren to make their parents an ashtray.
  • Making a gumball dispenser in wood shop and using it to convince your mom to buy you a big bag of gumballs.
  • 1899.
  • A sequence of mysterious things happening.
  • A mysterious TV show that ends when you overwater all of your boyfriend's plants.
  • The final episode of Lost, where the giant panda shows up and explains that "I'm god and you're in my dream!"
  • Comedy typing directly into the Topic Bucket.
  • What makes a good ending to a mystery-focused story.
  • Mystery as marketing hook.
  • How to end a mystery-focused story in a satisfying way without solving the mystery.
  • The most normal-looking guy in Radiohead.
  • The one guy in Radiohead who doesn't have any fans.
  • From the Basement in Rainbows.
  • A super chill guy keeping time with his leg.
  • Does Ed from Radiohead only sing his own name?
  • A Pokemon Named Ed.
  • Idiosyncratic ways to describe your favorite band member, that unlock your unique adoration.
  • The only member of the band who smiles.
  • Absorbing it all as the luckiest person alive playing with your pals in a huge venue.
  • The kind of Radiohead fan whose imagination is so powerful that you can't safely let them into Radiohead concerts because they might imagine a bomb.
  • The kind of Topic Lord who listens to the show.
  • Having some delightful chats in Texas.
  • Posing on the pumpjack where nobody will ever see you.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

  • Erica
  • Jenni

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Fighting for credit.
  • The discord: it's fun in there.
  • Forgetting an entire lord.
  • A lot of work to get twice as many views.
  • A convenient thing you can put old food in so it doesn't go bad as quickly.
  • Gaskets: there's a name for them.
  • The British vs. the American conception of a frown.
  • Frowning with your face gaskets.
  • Doing a cartwheel to feel happier.
  • Alan Snape.
  • Doing a racy political ad on top of a 40-foot pumpjack.
  • What the Texas Railroad Commission does.
  • Getting the idea for OPEC from Texas.
  • A political ad using the Sugar Hill Gang cover of Apache as a soundtrack.
  • The suburban Texan mom solving the climate crisis single-handedly.
  • Twerking at the sunrise.
  • Field-dressing a moose.
  • Fantasy-footballing a female running mate for Theodore Roosevelt even though they didn't have women back then.
  • Getting so annoyed at an ad that you have to log back into Twitter.
  • Scrolling social media and getting angry by yourself.
  • The crucial elements that comprise the ahegao face.
  • Electronic Girl.
  • The phylogeny of the e-girl.
  • Is it Soup?
  • Looking at Zelda's face and thinking "okay, that's soup."
  • Whether ahegao or Betty Boop are sexy.
  • A face that people make to indicate horniness.
  • The Betty Boop ahegao: it's bad, folks.
  • What is otaku's plan for us?
  • Project Lords.
  • A web site with JavaScript implementations of video game code wheels of various 90s video games.
  • Everybody playing the free version of chess for thousands of years when the paid version is a way better game.
  • Why there is no Casio Loopy emulator.
  • Finding a tiny blood reservoir for the smallest blood sacrifices.
  • Who wrote the Vagina Monologues?
  • Moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano.
  • What a lanyard is and what it's for.
  • How to repay your mom for all the things that she's given you.
  • God's Eyes.
  • Replacing your son's butt-gasket.
  • Being old enough to remember when it was normal for schoolchildren to make their parents an ashtray.
  • Making a gumball dispenser in wood shop and using it to convince your mom to buy you a big bag of gumballs.
  • 1899.
  • A sequence of mysterious things happening.
  • A mysterious TV show that ends when you overwater all of your boyfriend's plants.
  • The final episode of Lost, where the giant panda shows up and explains that "I'm god and you're in my dream!"
  • Comedy typing directly into the Topic Bucket.
  • What makes a good ending to a mystery-focused story.
  • Mystery as marketing hook.
  • How to end a mystery-focused story in a satisfying way without solving the mystery.
  • The most normal-looking guy in Radiohead.
  • The one guy in Radiohead who doesn't have any fans.
  • From the Basement in Rainbows.
  • A super chill guy keeping time with his leg.
  • Does Ed from Radiohead only sing his own name?
  • A Pokemon Named Ed.
  • Idiosyncratic ways to describe your favorite band member, that unlock your unique adoration.
  • The only member of the band who smiles.
  • Absorbing it all as the luckiest person alive playing with your pals in a huge venue.
  • The kind of Radiohead fan whose imagination is so powerful that you can't safely let them into Radiohead concerts because they might imagine a bomb.
  • The kind of Topic Lord who listens to the show.
  • Having some delightful chats in Texas.
  • Posing on the pumpjack where nobody will ever see you.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 150. Your Honking Monotoe https://topiclords.com/your-honking-monotoe 1189c2ea-2e66-4d9a-842a-4dab3ef1412c Mon, 05 Sep 2022 00:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Jenni and Tyriq. We discuss Hot Topic, toe picks, Topical medication, why they call it a Topic bar, Test of Proficiency in Korean, and Topic Records. 1:01:46 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jenni * https://twitter.com/horsewizrd * Tyriq * https://twitter.com/FourbitFriday Topics: * Hot Topic * Toe picks * https://imgur.com/a/ARHZn5x * Topical medication * Groke asks: My friend (who is completely unaware of this podcast and did this apropos of nothing) emailed the Mars chocolate company to find out why the Topic candy bar has that name. "Dear Mr Smith, Thanks for getting in touch about our MARS product. The Topic bar has been a firm favourite since it's introduction in 1962, unfortunately over time the origin of how the Topic chocolate bar came to be called Topic has been lost and now it has become a mystery that we are still trying to discover'. If you need any more information, please let us know. Kind Regards, Nasteha Tiirow Consumer Care Mars Chocolate UK Reference No: 00366098" * Test of Proficiency in Korean * Topic Records * https://myhomeworkdone.com/blog/poetry-topics/ Microtopics: * Who has been on Topic Lords the most often. * Plugging a leaky dog. * Whether dogs know about consent. * A store in the mall that teenagers go to. * Stranger Things merch in the Hot Topic. * Squeezing the timeline. * The goth-emo shift of the aughts. * The phrase "big tiddy goth girlfriend" which will far outlast the word "goth" in general usage. * Dark Academia: emo but in school. * Trying to do actual research in an Elden Ring library. * Rustic Dark Academics. * Buying a sweet Kirby t-shirt at GameStop and getting a compliment on it from your therapist. * Minnesota: the Land of Lakes. * Dogehouse Laser Tag. * A variety show that shows a variety of Youtube videos. * The internet and real life merging, to the detriment of both realms. * Everyone's top four toes. * Intrusive thoughts about feet, the worst body part. * What the guy who runs the nude model sketch thing thinks of your feet vis-a-vis your age. * The most awkward encounter of your life until the next day when you run into the same guy again. * Sending a picture of your feet to the same friend every year. * Putting 720° in a Marble Madness cabinet so that when people can't figure out how to play it and ask you how, you can ask them to show you their feet. * Top ten toe beans. * Mr. Frito-Lay smelling a dog foot and thinking "I want a chip that smells like this!" * Nothin' but thumbs. * Whether a horse hoof is just one big toenail. * What people would look like if they had the proportions of animals. * The indecency of seeing a bird's knee. * Medication you're supposed to use topically but it also tastes good. * The ester they use to indicate that even though this hand lotion smells good, it also smells like you shouldn't put it in your mouth. * Very petroleum-based very fake coconut. * Chris Hemsworth answering a question at a press conference when one of his assistants says "it's time for your hourly chicken" and shoves a chicken breast in his mouth. * Deep-frying the inedible part of the edamame. * Chewing your food as many times as possible. * Elaborate traffic jam metaphors for chewing food. * Hitting the big four-two. * The Box of Celebrations. * Describing a Twix bar without ever saying the name Twix. * When the moon hits your eye like a big chocolate gravy, that's a mole. * Trying to buy just one Andes Mint so you go to a hotel or a steakhouse in 1997 but the host won't let you buy it, they're like "just take it and leave." * Triscuit: it's one more than a biscuit. * Champion Racehorse Electricity Biscuit. * The Shape of Electricity, starring Pikachu. * Winston drinking all of your water. * Being proud that you translated a sign in a language you're learning, then looking just below that sign and seeing a translated sign in your native language just below it. * Sneaking into somebody's room and replacing their diary with their diary translated into Korean. * Saloon: just a salon with an extra O. * The room where you keep your art collection in a pile on the floor and visitors can come in to dig through it. * The podcast where we talk about Robin Tunney. * Selling Soviet and left-wing political music by mail order. * The Hundred Best Poetry Topics. * Why it is so frustrating to be frustrated. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

  • Hot Topic
  • Toe picks
  • Topical medication
  • Groke asks: My friend (who is completely unaware of this podcast and did this apropos of nothing) emailed the Mars chocolate company to find out why the Topic candy bar has that name. "Dear Mr Smith, Thanks for getting in touch about our MARS product. The Topic bar has been a firm favourite since it's introduction in 1962, unfortunately over time the origin of how the Topic chocolate bar came to be called Topic has been lost and now it has become a mystery that we are still trying to discover'. If you need any more information, please let us know. Kind Regards, Nasteha Tiirow Consumer Care Mars Chocolate UK Reference No: 00366098"
  • Test of Proficiency in Korean
  • Topic Records

Microtopics:

  • Who has been on Topic Lords the most often.
  • Plugging a leaky dog.
  • Whether dogs know about consent.
  • A store in the mall that teenagers go to.
  • Stranger Things merch in the Hot Topic.
  • Squeezing the timeline.
  • The goth-emo shift of the aughts.
  • The phrase "big tiddy goth girlfriend" which will far outlast the word "goth" in general usage.
  • Dark Academia: emo but in school.
  • Trying to do actual research in an Elden Ring library.
  • Rustic Dark Academics.
  • Buying a sweet Kirby t-shirt at GameStop and getting a compliment on it from your therapist.
  • Minnesota: the Land of Lakes.
  • Dogehouse Laser Tag.
  • A variety show that shows a variety of Youtube videos.
  • The internet and real life merging, to the detriment of both realms.
  • Everyone's top four toes.
  • Intrusive thoughts about feet, the worst body part.
  • What the guy who runs the nude model sketch thing thinks of your feet vis-a-vis your age.
  • The most awkward encounter of your life until the next day when you run into the same guy again.
  • Sending a picture of your feet to the same friend every year.
  • Putting 720° in a Marble Madness cabinet so that when people can't figure out how to play it and ask you how, you can ask them to show you their feet.
  • Top ten toe beans.
  • Mr. Frito-Lay smelling a dog foot and thinking "I want a chip that smells like this!"
  • Nothin' but thumbs.
  • Whether a horse hoof is just one big toenail.
  • What people would look like if they had the proportions of animals.
  • The indecency of seeing a bird's knee.
  • Medication you're supposed to use topically but it also tastes good.
  • The ester they use to indicate that even though this hand lotion smells good, it also smells like you shouldn't put it in your mouth.
  • Very petroleum-based very fake coconut.
  • Chris Hemsworth answering a question at a press conference when one of his assistants says "it's time for your hourly chicken" and shoves a chicken breast in his mouth.
  • Deep-frying the inedible part of the edamame.
  • Chewing your food as many times as possible.
  • Elaborate traffic jam metaphors for chewing food.
  • Hitting the big four-two.
  • The Box of Celebrations.
  • Describing a Twix bar without ever saying the name Twix.
  • When the moon hits your eye like a big chocolate gravy, that's a mole.
  • Trying to buy just one Andes Mint so you go to a hotel or a steakhouse in 1997 but the host won't let you buy it, they're like "just take it and leave."
  • Triscuit: it's one more than a biscuit.
  • Champion Racehorse Electricity Biscuit.
  • The Shape of Electricity, starring Pikachu.
  • Winston drinking all of your water.
  • Being proud that you translated a sign in a language you're learning, then looking just below that sign and seeing a translated sign in your native language just below it.
  • Sneaking into somebody's room and replacing their diary with their diary translated into Korean.
  • Saloon: just a salon with an extra O.
  • The room where you keep your art collection in a pile on the floor and visitors can come in to dig through it.
  • The podcast where we talk about Robin Tunney.
  • Selling Soviet and left-wing political music by mail order.
  • The Hundred Best Poetry Topics.
  • Why it is so frustrating to be frustrated.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

  • Hot Topic
  • Toe picks
  • Topical medication
  • Groke asks: My friend (who is completely unaware of this podcast and did this apropos of nothing) emailed the Mars chocolate company to find out why the Topic candy bar has that name. "Dear Mr Smith, Thanks for getting in touch about our MARS product. The Topic bar has been a firm favourite since it's introduction in 1962, unfortunately over time the origin of how the Topic chocolate bar came to be called Topic has been lost and now it has become a mystery that we are still trying to discover'. If you need any more information, please let us know. Kind Regards, Nasteha Tiirow Consumer Care Mars Chocolate UK Reference No: 00366098"
  • Test of Proficiency in Korean
  • Topic Records

Microtopics:

  • Who has been on Topic Lords the most often.
  • Plugging a leaky dog.
  • Whether dogs know about consent.
  • A store in the mall that teenagers go to.
  • Stranger Things merch in the Hot Topic.
  • Squeezing the timeline.
  • The goth-emo shift of the aughts.
  • The phrase "big tiddy goth girlfriend" which will far outlast the word "goth" in general usage.
  • Dark Academia: emo but in school.
  • Trying to do actual research in an Elden Ring library.
  • Rustic Dark Academics.
  • Buying a sweet Kirby t-shirt at GameStop and getting a compliment on it from your therapist.
  • Minnesota: the Land of Lakes.
  • Dogehouse Laser Tag.
  • A variety show that shows a variety of Youtube videos.
  • The internet and real life merging, to the detriment of both realms.
  • Everyone's top four toes.
  • Intrusive thoughts about feet, the worst body part.
  • What the guy who runs the nude model sketch thing thinks of your feet vis-a-vis your age.
  • The most awkward encounter of your life until the next day when you run into the same guy again.
  • Sending a picture of your feet to the same friend every year.
  • Putting 720° in a Marble Madness cabinet so that when people can't figure out how to play it and ask you how, you can ask them to show you their feet.
  • Top ten toe beans.
  • Mr. Frito-Lay smelling a dog foot and thinking "I want a chip that smells like this!"
  • Nothin' but thumbs.
  • Whether a horse hoof is just one big toenail.
  • What people would look like if they had the proportions of animals.
  • The indecency of seeing a bird's knee.
  • Medication you're supposed to use topically but it also tastes good.
  • The ester they use to indicate that even though this hand lotion smells good, it also smells like you shouldn't put it in your mouth.
  • Very petroleum-based very fake coconut.
  • Chris Hemsworth answering a question at a press conference when one of his assistants says "it's time for your hourly chicken" and shoves a chicken breast in his mouth.
  • Deep-frying the inedible part of the edamame.
  • Chewing your food as many times as possible.
  • Elaborate traffic jam metaphors for chewing food.
  • Hitting the big four-two.
  • The Box of Celebrations.
  • Describing a Twix bar without ever saying the name Twix.
  • When the moon hits your eye like a big chocolate gravy, that's a mole.
  • Trying to buy just one Andes Mint so you go to a hotel or a steakhouse in 1997 but the host won't let you buy it, they're like "just take it and leave."
  • Triscuit: it's one more than a biscuit.
  • Champion Racehorse Electricity Biscuit.
  • The Shape of Electricity, starring Pikachu.
  • Winston drinking all of your water.
  • Being proud that you translated a sign in a language you're learning, then looking just below that sign and seeing a translated sign in your native language just below it.
  • Sneaking into somebody's room and replacing their diary with their diary translated into Korean.
  • Saloon: just a salon with an extra O.
  • The room where you keep your art collection in a pile on the floor and visitors can come in to dig through it.
  • The podcast where we talk about Robin Tunney.
  • Selling Soviet and left-wing political music by mail order.
  • The Hundred Best Poetry Topics.
  • Why it is so frustrating to be frustrated.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 143. Your Face Is Looking a Little Impact Resistant https://topiclords.com/your-face-is-looking-a-little-impact-resistant 4ea72677-7982-4e14-886c-4659e55cc64b Mon, 18 Jul 2022 00:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Chall and Jenni. We discuss frogs that leap without knowing how to land, the charachorder, speedrun health hazards, Bananas Bananas by Greg, the Chicago Bean, and walkin'-around videogames. 1:04:11 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Chall * https://twitter.com/MrChrisLHall * Jenni * https://twitter.com/horsewizrd Topics: * Frogs evolved leaping before they evolved landing and a couple species haven't figured out the "landing" part yet. * https://defector.com/why-is-this-tiny-frog-so-awful-at-jumping/ * https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/horrifying-sculpture-depicts-human-evolved-survive-car-crash-180959878/ * I got a weird device called a charachorder. Haven't used it yet though, it came 2 hours ago. * https://charachorder.com/products/charachorder-one * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat_organ * Speedrun health hazards * "Bananas Bananas," by Greg * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4aHhM624oI * I assumed the Chicago Bean would be kinda lame. I was wrong. It is super neat * Video games that are just a little place and you walk around and maybe go to a museum * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnTeqsh47jw * Esper says: Speaking of low-stress games about existing in a space, I am forced by the powers of self-promotion to mention my own Hang Out In The Basement Simulator, a game about chilling in a basement. There's a nerf gun, a little guitar you can strum a few notes on, records, and over 30 hours of watchable TV (all scraped from little Internet Archive weirdnesses). https://aceofwands.itch.io/hoitbs Microtopics: * Nose Goes. * Allergy medication that does not make you drowsy. * Coming out of the womb sleep-deprived. * Jenni from the Blockchain. * Pokemon Gockchain. * A good speedrun idea for somebody else. * Watching Mario 64 let's-plays to distract us from the disaster of our own interiority. * Why Can't the Pumpkin Toadlet Land? * Landing in a t-pose and rigid-bodying your way into a pratfall. * Which frog would win the X Games of frogs? * The distant future when everyone has evolved to survive car crashes and nobody is allowed to wear a shirt in the payroll department. * An editorial team choosing what links will go on the front page. * Photoshop This Tractor. * "Gone drinking" as a euphemism for crashing into a lake. * The history of social media on the internet. * Choosing the most obnoxious possible video to be your Zoom background. * What's stopping developers from compiling ffmpeg to Webassembly and including it in every web page. * Chorded word entry. * Getting an exciting new keyboard where it takes you three minutes to type youtube.com. * Switching keyboard layouts to fix your abysmal typing posture. * A very dim room full of typewriters. * Thinking about the cubic watermelons. * Another one from the Deck of Old Memes. * Whether Plato ever got to prove his cave allegory correct. * RSI in the speedrunning scene. * Waving your right hand up and down for twelve hours a day. * Hypertapping. * Tap to Survive! * Clickers that require you to watch the game run to efficiently progress. * The deep crevasse where Cookie Clicker lives in your brain. * Getting RSI from watching speedruns all the time. * Coping with the mental anguish of speedrunning. * Leomard Sportsinterviews. * Making a mixtape of yourself playing clarinet and your younger brother reading poems, for your girlfriend Sara. * Your vengeful ex-girlfriend turning you in to VEVO for music piracy using the mixtape you gave her as proof. * Using music to anchor a repeated moment. * Using this episode of Topic Lords to score your morning routine. * Warrant canaries. * Bananas: they're underground. * The return of the Banana Box. * The tropical fruit that tastes like mayonnaise. * The cheese of the sea. * Cloud Gate in Millennium Park. * Chicago Bean Radiation. * Walking through the Chicago Bean and getting mirrored left to right and subsequently only being able to digest animals that also wandered through the Chicago Bean that you catch and kill. * Wearing a hospital wrist band informing your duel opponent that your internal organs are mirrored left to right. * Mirror image twins. * Fighting little ASCII bears and solving exploding bomb puzzles. * What you do in Proteus. * The game where you hit the ball back and forth over a net. * A board game where you vacation in feudal Japan. * The Museum of Other Realities. * Seiklus and Gebub's Adventure. * A place to wander while interesting things happen to you. * The talking tree that says "invest in leaves." * Legends of Murder. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Nose Goes.
  • Allergy medication that does not make you drowsy.
  • Coming out of the womb sleep-deprived.
  • Jenni from the Blockchain.
  • Pokemon Gockchain.
  • A good speedrun idea for somebody else.
  • Watching Mario 64 let's-plays to distract us from the disaster of our own interiority.
  • Why Can't the Pumpkin Toadlet Land?
  • Landing in a t-pose and rigid-bodying your way into a pratfall.
  • Which frog would win the X Games of frogs?
  • The distant future when everyone has evolved to survive car crashes and nobody is allowed to wear a shirt in the payroll department.
  • An editorial team choosing what links will go on the front page.
  • Photoshop This Tractor.
  • "Gone drinking" as a euphemism for crashing into a lake.
  • The history of social media on the internet.
  • Choosing the most obnoxious possible video to be your Zoom background.
  • What's stopping developers from compiling ffmpeg to Webassembly and including it in every web page.
  • Chorded word entry.
  • Getting an exciting new keyboard where it takes you three minutes to type youtube.com.
  • Switching keyboard layouts to fix your abysmal typing posture.
  • A very dim room full of typewriters.
  • Thinking about the cubic watermelons.
  • Another one from the Deck of Old Memes.
  • Whether Plato ever got to prove his cave allegory correct.
  • RSI in the speedrunning scene.
  • Waving your right hand up and down for twelve hours a day.
  • Hypertapping.
  • Tap to Survive!
  • Clickers that require you to watch the game run to efficiently progress.
  • The deep crevasse where Cookie Clicker lives in your brain.
  • Getting RSI from watching speedruns all the time.
  • Coping with the mental anguish of speedrunning.
  • Leomard Sportsinterviews.
  • Making a mixtape of yourself playing clarinet and your younger brother reading poems, for your girlfriend Sara.
  • Your vengeful ex-girlfriend turning you in to VEVO for music piracy using the mixtape you gave her as proof.
  • Using music to anchor a repeated moment.
  • Using this episode of Topic Lords to score your morning routine.
  • Warrant canaries.
  • Bananas: they're underground.
  • The return of the Banana Box.
  • The tropical fruit that tastes like mayonnaise.
  • The cheese of the sea.
  • Cloud Gate in Millennium Park.
  • Chicago Bean Radiation.
  • Walking through the Chicago Bean and getting mirrored left to right and subsequently only being able to digest animals that also wandered through the Chicago Bean that you catch and kill.
  • Wearing a hospital wrist band informing your duel opponent that your internal organs are mirrored left to right.
  • Mirror image twins.
  • Fighting little ASCII bears and solving exploding bomb puzzles.
  • What you do in Proteus.
  • The game where you hit the ball back and forth over a net.
  • A board game where you vacation in feudal Japan.
  • The Museum of Other Realities.
  • Seiklus and Gebub's Adventure.
  • A place to wander while interesting things happen to you.
  • The talking tree that says "invest in leaves."
  • Legends of Murder.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Nose Goes.
  • Allergy medication that does not make you drowsy.
  • Coming out of the womb sleep-deprived.
  • Jenni from the Blockchain.
  • Pokemon Gockchain.
  • A good speedrun idea for somebody else.
  • Watching Mario 64 let's-plays to distract us from the disaster of our own interiority.
  • Why Can't the Pumpkin Toadlet Land?
  • Landing in a t-pose and rigid-bodying your way into a pratfall.
  • Which frog would win the X Games of frogs?
  • The distant future when everyone has evolved to survive car crashes and nobody is allowed to wear a shirt in the payroll department.
  • An editorial team choosing what links will go on the front page.
  • Photoshop This Tractor.
  • "Gone drinking" as a euphemism for crashing into a lake.
  • The history of social media on the internet.
  • Choosing the most obnoxious possible video to be your Zoom background.
  • What's stopping developers from compiling ffmpeg to Webassembly and including it in every web page.
  • Chorded word entry.
  • Getting an exciting new keyboard where it takes you three minutes to type youtube.com.
  • Switching keyboard layouts to fix your abysmal typing posture.
  • A very dim room full of typewriters.
  • Thinking about the cubic watermelons.
  • Another one from the Deck of Old Memes.
  • Whether Plato ever got to prove his cave allegory correct.
  • RSI in the speedrunning scene.
  • Waving your right hand up and down for twelve hours a day.
  • Hypertapping.
  • Tap to Survive!
  • Clickers that require you to watch the game run to efficiently progress.
  • The deep crevasse where Cookie Clicker lives in your brain.
  • Getting RSI from watching speedruns all the time.
  • Coping with the mental anguish of speedrunning.
  • Leomard Sportsinterviews.
  • Making a mixtape of yourself playing clarinet and your younger brother reading poems, for your girlfriend Sara.
  • Your vengeful ex-girlfriend turning you in to VEVO for music piracy using the mixtape you gave her as proof.
  • Using music to anchor a repeated moment.
  • Using this episode of Topic Lords to score your morning routine.
  • Warrant canaries.
  • Bananas: they're underground.
  • The return of the Banana Box.
  • The tropical fruit that tastes like mayonnaise.
  • The cheese of the sea.
  • Cloud Gate in Millennium Park.
  • Chicago Bean Radiation.
  • Walking through the Chicago Bean and getting mirrored left to right and subsequently only being able to digest animals that also wandered through the Chicago Bean that you catch and kill.
  • Wearing a hospital wrist band informing your duel opponent that your internal organs are mirrored left to right.
  • Mirror image twins.
  • Fighting little ASCII bears and solving exploding bomb puzzles.
  • What you do in Proteus.
  • The game where you hit the ball back and forth over a net.
  • A board game where you vacation in feudal Japan.
  • The Museum of Other Realities.
  • Seiklus and Gebub's Adventure.
  • A place to wander while interesting things happen to you.
  • The talking tree that says "invest in leaves."
  • Legends of Murder.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 136. Thanks for Inventing Dengue Fever, Mark Rosewater https://topiclords.com/thanks-for-inventing-dengue-fever-mark-rosewater 29da53b4-9d51-418f-8033-9ed3d3f3825d Mon, 30 May 2022 00:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Erica and Jenni. We discuss the Talenti Cup System, decentralizing social media, what 3-year-olds know about peeing in the woods, Mark Rosewater-designed devil fruits, and decarbonizing the language. 1:03:25 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Erica plugs increasing optional mask compliance by farting * Jenni plugs birds * Jim plugs metaplugs repeating plugs Topics: * The System, and by extension, The Talenti Cup System * Decentralizing social media is gonna be real good for people not yelling at each other & kinda bad for sharing specialized information * We just taught Winston about "peeing in the woods" when we were going on a hike and now he wants to "pee in the woods" everywhere * https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45521/i-wandered-lonely-as-a-cloud * Mark Rosewater designed devil fruits * Esper says: "As a longtime (since 1999, with only one substantial break) Magic: the Gathering player, it does my heart good to hear Mark Rosewater come up. His GDC talk about lessons he's learned in designing games is really sharp stuff (if a little 101 in places), check it out sometime." * Decarbonizing the language Microtopics: * Meta-plugging repeating plugs. * Bee Movie but it’s text to speech. * Increasing optional mask compliance by farting. * Mass: the volume of gas inside you, and how to increase its compliance. * A meme that people teach to each other. * Packing a shoe into a box and opening up a big box of mold years later. * Categories of things that fit into one-pint gelato cups. * The Body Box. * How to make itinerant lifestyles bearable and possible. * Organizing your entire house into the House Box. * Using your Dunbar number to keep track of your house plants. * Getting on Topic Lords by searching "pineapple on pizza" * Social media platforms that are owned by a rich asshole. * Drastically improving productivity in the workplace by banning the email forwarding of news articles. * The overwhelming feeling of shame when you don't have a take on the latest discourse. * Going on Tori Amos AOL chat to talk to your social group. * Buddha's list of 89 things that make you angry. * We've invented a new way to be angry. * Repeating topics because you've forgotten what you were just talking about. * Peeing in the laundry closet and calling it peeing in the woods. * Explaining to a three year old when it's ok and when it's not ok to pee outside. * Pee-ka-boo. * Everything sucks and I have no control over anything but I can poop in the front yard. * Taking increasingly larger shits in Richard Kind's cat box. * How George Clooney gets away with poop modification. * Taking increasingly larger shits in the Li-Cor machine that measures leaf respiration. * Whether playing Tom Jones at work constitutes sexual harassment. * Tom Jones in his leisure suit. * Cleaning up the lyrics to make rock and roll palatable to white people but leaving in the line about the "one-eyed cat peepin' in a seafood store." * Whether it's still sexual harassment if nobody points out that it's sexual harassment. * Jocund company. * Telling the story of the time you saw a bunch of daffodils. * Seeing a bunch of daffodils and shouting "Fuck! These fucking flowers are fucking pretty as shit!" * Conceiving of yourself as an indoor person, separate from the outdoors. * Reading a Japanese dictionary of dirty words and saying "Fuck! These fucking dirty words are fucking good as shit!" * Conceiving of interior spaces as being one with exterior spaced. * You can't unpee the bush. * Finding and eating devil fruits. * Eating the fruit that lets you talk to dragons when dragons don't exist. * Seeing a gun dog and assuming that it was a dog that ate a gun fruit but actually it was a gun that ate a dog fruit. * What happens if you eat a second devil fruit. * Dengue fever creeping up into Texas from Mexico. * The best place to contract Dengue Fever. * Burning the candle at both ends of the day. * Eating the burrito from both ends. * Harvesting the bioluminescent fungus. * Turbines on a windless morn. * Burning solar panels as a fuel source. * The worst thing to happen to Twitter/the best thing to happen to Mastodon. * The Dunbar Number for plants. * Voting someone out of the marriage because there's only room for one person in here. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

  • Erica plugs increasing optional mask compliance by farting
  • Jenni plugs birds
  • Jim plugs metaplugs repeating plugs

Topics:

  • The System, and by extension, The Talenti Cup System
  • Decentralizing social media is gonna be real good for people not yelling at each other & kinda bad for sharing specialized information
  • We just taught Winston about "peeing in the woods" when we were going on a hike and now he wants to "pee in the woods" everywhere
  • Mark Rosewater designed devil fruits
  • Esper says: "As a longtime (since 1999, with only one substantial break) Magic: the Gathering player, it does my heart good to hear Mark Rosewater come up. His GDC talk about lessons he's learned in designing games is really sharp stuff (if a little 101 in places), check it out sometime."
  • Decarbonizing the language

Microtopics:

  • Meta-plugging repeating plugs.
  • Bee Movie but it’s text to speech.
  • Increasing optional mask compliance by farting.
  • Mass: the volume of gas inside you, and how to increase its compliance.
  • A meme that people teach to each other.
  • Packing a shoe into a box and opening up a big box of mold years later.
  • Categories of things that fit into one-pint gelato cups.
  • The Body Box.
  • How to make itinerant lifestyles bearable and possible.
  • Organizing your entire house into the House Box.
  • Using your Dunbar number to keep track of your house plants.
  • Getting on Topic Lords by searching "pineapple on pizza"
  • Social media platforms that are owned by a rich asshole.
  • Drastically improving productivity in the workplace by banning the email forwarding of news articles.
  • The overwhelming feeling of shame when you don't have a take on the latest discourse.
  • Going on Tori Amos AOL chat to talk to your social group.
  • Buddha's list of 89 things that make you angry.
  • We've invented a new way to be angry.
  • Repeating topics because you've forgotten what you were just talking about.
  • Peeing in the laundry closet and calling it peeing in the woods.
  • Explaining to a three year old when it's ok and when it's not ok to pee outside.
  • Pee-ka-boo.
  • Everything sucks and I have no control over anything but I can poop in the front yard.
  • Taking increasingly larger shits in Richard Kind's cat box.
  • How George Clooney gets away with poop modification.
  • Taking increasingly larger shits in the Li-Cor machine that measures leaf respiration.
  • Whether playing Tom Jones at work constitutes sexual harassment.
  • Tom Jones in his leisure suit.
  • Cleaning up the lyrics to make rock and roll palatable to white people but leaving in the line about the "one-eyed cat peepin' in a seafood store."
  • Whether it's still sexual harassment if nobody points out that it's sexual harassment.
  • Jocund company.
  • Telling the story of the time you saw a bunch of daffodils.
  • Seeing a bunch of daffodils and shouting "Fuck! These fucking flowers are fucking pretty as shit!"
  • Conceiving of yourself as an indoor person, separate from the outdoors.
  • Reading a Japanese dictionary of dirty words and saying "Fuck! These fucking dirty words are fucking good as shit!"
  • Conceiving of interior spaces as being one with exterior spaced.
  • You can't unpee the bush.
  • Finding and eating devil fruits.
  • Eating the fruit that lets you talk to dragons when dragons don't exist.
  • Seeing a gun dog and assuming that it was a dog that ate a gun fruit but actually it was a gun that ate a dog fruit.
  • What happens if you eat a second devil fruit.
  • Dengue fever creeping up into Texas from Mexico.
  • The best place to contract Dengue Fever.
  • Burning the candle at both ends of the day.
  • Eating the burrito from both ends.
  • Harvesting the bioluminescent fungus.
  • Turbines on a windless morn.
  • Burning solar panels as a fuel source.
  • The worst thing to happen to Twitter/the best thing to happen to Mastodon.
  • The Dunbar Number for plants.
  • Voting someone out of the marriage because there's only room for one person in here.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

  • Erica plugs increasing optional mask compliance by farting
  • Jenni plugs birds
  • Jim plugs metaplugs repeating plugs

Topics:

  • The System, and by extension, The Talenti Cup System
  • Decentralizing social media is gonna be real good for people not yelling at each other & kinda bad for sharing specialized information
  • We just taught Winston about "peeing in the woods" when we were going on a hike and now he wants to "pee in the woods" everywhere
  • Mark Rosewater designed devil fruits
  • Esper says: "As a longtime (since 1999, with only one substantial break) Magic: the Gathering player, it does my heart good to hear Mark Rosewater come up. His GDC talk about lessons he's learned in designing games is really sharp stuff (if a little 101 in places), check it out sometime."
  • Decarbonizing the language

Microtopics:

  • Meta-plugging repeating plugs.
  • Bee Movie but it’s text to speech.
  • Increasing optional mask compliance by farting.
  • Mass: the volume of gas inside you, and how to increase its compliance.
  • A meme that people teach to each other.
  • Packing a shoe into a box and opening up a big box of mold years later.
  • Categories of things that fit into one-pint gelato cups.
  • The Body Box.
  • How to make itinerant lifestyles bearable and possible.
  • Organizing your entire house into the House Box.
  • Using your Dunbar number to keep track of your house plants.
  • Getting on Topic Lords by searching "pineapple on pizza"
  • Social media platforms that are owned by a rich asshole.
  • Drastically improving productivity in the workplace by banning the email forwarding of news articles.
  • The overwhelming feeling of shame when you don't have a take on the latest discourse.
  • Going on Tori Amos AOL chat to talk to your social group.
  • Buddha's list of 89 things that make you angry.
  • We've invented a new way to be angry.
  • Repeating topics because you've forgotten what you were just talking about.
  • Peeing in the laundry closet and calling it peeing in the woods.
  • Explaining to a three year old when it's ok and when it's not ok to pee outside.
  • Pee-ka-boo.
  • Everything sucks and I have no control over anything but I can poop in the front yard.
  • Taking increasingly larger shits in Richard Kind's cat box.
  • How George Clooney gets away with poop modification.
  • Taking increasingly larger shits in the Li-Cor machine that measures leaf respiration.
  • Whether playing Tom Jones at work constitutes sexual harassment.
  • Tom Jones in his leisure suit.
  • Cleaning up the lyrics to make rock and roll palatable to white people but leaving in the line about the "one-eyed cat peepin' in a seafood store."
  • Whether it's still sexual harassment if nobody points out that it's sexual harassment.
  • Jocund company.
  • Telling the story of the time you saw a bunch of daffodils.
  • Seeing a bunch of daffodils and shouting "Fuck! These fucking flowers are fucking pretty as shit!"
  • Conceiving of yourself as an indoor person, separate from the outdoors.
  • Reading a Japanese dictionary of dirty words and saying "Fuck! These fucking dirty words are fucking good as shit!"
  • Conceiving of interior spaces as being one with exterior spaced.
  • You can't unpee the bush.
  • Finding and eating devil fruits.
  • Eating the fruit that lets you talk to dragons when dragons don't exist.
  • Seeing a gun dog and assuming that it was a dog that ate a gun fruit but actually it was a gun that ate a dog fruit.
  • What happens if you eat a second devil fruit.
  • Dengue fever creeping up into Texas from Mexico.
  • The best place to contract Dengue Fever.
  • Burning the candle at both ends of the day.
  • Eating the burrito from both ends.
  • Harvesting the bioluminescent fungus.
  • Turbines on a windless morn.
  • Burning solar panels as a fuel source.
  • The worst thing to happen to Twitter/the best thing to happen to Mastodon.
  • The Dunbar Number for plants.
  • Voting someone out of the marriage because there's only room for one person in here.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 132. A Miserable Pile of Knuckles https://topiclords.com/a-miserable-pile-of-knuckles 8eb98b94-a315-412f-85d9-f7db663362ac Mon, 02 May 2022 00:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Jenni and Cort. We discuss novel uses for hundreds of surplus ceramic clown statues, thinking about household stuff as a system you can design to meet your needs instead of a cultural lifestyle obligation, Sidetalkin', Big Black Elephant, giving people a video game so they can paradigm shift, and games or sports that started out as fictional, but that people actually play. 50:54 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Cort * https://twitter.com/postgoodism * Jenni * https://twitter.com/horsewizrd/ Topics: * Novel uses for hundreds of surplus ceramic clown statues * Thinking about household stuff as a system you can design to meet your needs instead of a cultural lifestyle obligation * Sidetalkin' * https://sidetalkin.com/ * Big Black Elephant * https://www.poem-generator.org.uk/18tpkl8q/big-black-elephant.html * People are reluctant to shift their paradigm in real life but give them a video game & they're all for it * http://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-static/2010/12/invaders-from-mars.html * Games or sports that started out as fictional, but that people actually play Microtopics: * Jenni, she slash her. * A poem that could've been an email. * OST Jam. * If every time you were in a room there was someone else in the room doing the game thing you were doing. * Just trying to enjoy a leisurely video game when suddenly a co-op partner shows up and starts getting impatient with you. * Animals but wet. * Animals but they are in the ocean and don't have legs so they can't kick butt. * The duality of having legs. * The many-faceted world butt. * Try fish: you're welcome. * Becoming deeply involved in the design and production of novelty clown statues. * Who's this unsold clown? * Whether the prenup addresses any of the potential clown situations. * How many clowns could fit in a bed and breakfast. * Monogrammed businessclowns. * How to buy yourself a Lordy. * Sending unsolicited clowns in the mail. * Stacking the clowns until you can ascend to clown heaven. * Cleaning help and support for neurodivergent people to clean our filthy filthy houses. * The act of living in a house and putting things in places. * Keeping your silverware in the freezer. * A house where the forks turn into spoons. * A basket for clothes that are not so dirty that they need to be washed immediately. * Food that is technically rotten but not so rotten that you can't eat it. * The room in your house where the gravity is lower and you float. * Holding a phone up to your face like a taco. * Hundreds of pictures of people holding weird shit up to their heads. * Why all the women are at the end of the page. * Announcing a new consumer electronics device by submitting it to sidetalkin.com. * Side-snorin'. * A fun web site for if you want to look at objects. * A pregnant woman with her belly painted to look like your face. * Copying all the worst aspects of the Virtual Boy. * Whether you want to download jivetalkin.midi. * A poem shaped like something. * Updo bleak curious quiet. * Desert thumbs. * Rather pale pagasus. * A poem that generates its own blurb. * The entire front edge of the pegasus. * Why so political, pagasus? * Any thumb you want it to be. * Defining a thumb by its oppositionality. * Rooting for and with the thumb. * Your boomer aunt who has a really specific idea of gender roles. * Disrupting your toothbrush. * Your beaver farm where the underwear comes down the chute and you feed the underwear to the beavers and put the beavers in the juicer and sell the beaver juice to Lenny who gives you gems you can use to play Scrabble but you only get so many tiles per minute unless you're willing to sit and tap video ads, and whether that's a paradigm shift. * Willingness to think through processes and systems. * A shmup where you control a whale research vessel. * Taking the one skill you have in this life and using it to create heavy handed, ineffective political satire. * Making an exit poll to find out what percentage of players actually learned something from your propaganda simulator game and what percentage just min-maxed the numbers because it was a fun puzzle. * What paradigm you're imagining shifting, exactly. * Every game developer's cottage-core retirement fantasy. * Making video games without ever talking to anyone on Twitter. * Who's the beardy guy dot com. * Scrolling through pictures of beardy guys until you find the right one. * Jugger. * Carrying the macguffin into your opponent's goal. * Arcane rules about who's allowed to touch the dog skull and when. * The global governing body in charge of the rules of Discs of Tron. * The schism in the Jugger community. * Teaching a three year old chess boxing. * Snapdragon. * Taking turns grabbing raisins of a flaming bowl of brandy. * Tucking a clove into one of the raisins and whoever grabs that raisin out of the bowl of flaming brandy gets to stop reaching into the bowl of flaming brandy. * Flaming tennis ball catch. * Calvin Ball, III. * The delicate balance of taking letters out of a username until you get to one that's not taken, before you get to names that are definitely taken because they're so short. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Jenni, she slash her.
  • A poem that could've been an email.
  • OST Jam.
  • If every time you were in a room there was someone else in the room doing the game thing you were doing.
  • Just trying to enjoy a leisurely video game when suddenly a co-op partner shows up and starts getting impatient with you.
  • Animals but wet.
  • Animals but they are in the ocean and don't have legs so they can't kick butt.
  • The duality of having legs.
  • The many-faceted world butt.
  • Try fish: you're welcome.
  • Becoming deeply involved in the design and production of novelty clown statues.
  • Who's this unsold clown?
  • Whether the prenup addresses any of the potential clown situations.
  • How many clowns could fit in a bed and breakfast.
  • Monogrammed businessclowns.
  • How to buy yourself a Lordy.
  • Sending unsolicited clowns in the mail.
  • Stacking the clowns until you can ascend to clown heaven.
  • Cleaning help and support for neurodivergent people to clean our filthy filthy houses.
  • The act of living in a house and putting things in places.
  • Keeping your silverware in the freezer.
  • A house where the forks turn into spoons.
  • A basket for clothes that are not so dirty that they need to be washed immediately.
  • Food that is technically rotten but not so rotten that you can't eat it.
  • The room in your house where the gravity is lower and you float.
  • Holding a phone up to your face like a taco.
  • Hundreds of pictures of people holding weird shit up to their heads.
  • Why all the women are at the end of the page.
  • Announcing a new consumer electronics device by submitting it to sidetalkin.com.
  • Side-snorin'.
  • A fun web site for if you want to look at objects.
  • A pregnant woman with her belly painted to look like your face.
  • Copying all the worst aspects of the Virtual Boy.
  • Whether you want to download jivetalkin.midi.
  • A poem shaped like something.
  • Updo bleak curious quiet.
  • Desert thumbs.
  • Rather pale pagasus.
  • A poem that generates its own blurb.
  • The entire front edge of the pegasus.
  • Why so political, pagasus?
  • Any thumb you want it to be.
  • Defining a thumb by its oppositionality.
  • Rooting for and with the thumb.
  • Your boomer aunt who has a really specific idea of gender roles.
  • Disrupting your toothbrush.
  • Your beaver farm where the underwear comes down the chute and you feed the underwear to the beavers and put the beavers in the juicer and sell the beaver juice to Lenny who gives you gems you can use to play Scrabble but you only get so many tiles per minute unless you're willing to sit and tap video ads, and whether that's a paradigm shift.
  • Willingness to think through processes and systems.
  • A shmup where you control a whale research vessel.
  • Taking the one skill you have in this life and using it to create heavy handed, ineffective political satire.
  • Making an exit poll to find out what percentage of players actually learned something from your propaganda simulator game and what percentage just min-maxed the numbers because it was a fun puzzle.
  • What paradigm you're imagining shifting, exactly.
  • Every game developer's cottage-core retirement fantasy.
  • Making video games without ever talking to anyone on Twitter.
  • Who's the beardy guy dot com.
  • Scrolling through pictures of beardy guys until you find the right one.
  • Jugger.
  • Carrying the macguffin into your opponent's goal.
  • Arcane rules about who's allowed to touch the dog skull and when.
  • The global governing body in charge of the rules of Discs of Tron.
  • The schism in the Jugger community.
  • Teaching a three year old chess boxing.
  • Snapdragon.
  • Taking turns grabbing raisins of a flaming bowl of brandy.
  • Tucking a clove into one of the raisins and whoever grabs that raisin out of the bowl of flaming brandy gets to stop reaching into the bowl of flaming brandy.
  • Flaming tennis ball catch.
  • Calvin Ball, III.
  • The delicate balance of taking letters out of a username until you get to one that's not taken, before you get to names that are definitely taken because they're so short.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Jenni, she slash her.
  • A poem that could've been an email.
  • OST Jam.
  • If every time you were in a room there was someone else in the room doing the game thing you were doing.
  • Just trying to enjoy a leisurely video game when suddenly a co-op partner shows up and starts getting impatient with you.
  • Animals but wet.
  • Animals but they are in the ocean and don't have legs so they can't kick butt.
  • The duality of having legs.
  • The many-faceted world butt.
  • Try fish: you're welcome.
  • Becoming deeply involved in the design and production of novelty clown statues.
  • Who's this unsold clown?
  • Whether the prenup addresses any of the potential clown situations.
  • How many clowns could fit in a bed and breakfast.
  • Monogrammed businessclowns.
  • How to buy yourself a Lordy.
  • Sending unsolicited clowns in the mail.
  • Stacking the clowns until you can ascend to clown heaven.
  • Cleaning help and support for neurodivergent people to clean our filthy filthy houses.
  • The act of living in a house and putting things in places.
  • Keeping your silverware in the freezer.
  • A house where the forks turn into spoons.
  • A basket for clothes that are not so dirty that they need to be washed immediately.
  • Food that is technically rotten but not so rotten that you can't eat it.
  • The room in your house where the gravity is lower and you float.
  • Holding a phone up to your face like a taco.
  • Hundreds of pictures of people holding weird shit up to their heads.
  • Why all the women are at the end of the page.
  • Announcing a new consumer electronics device by submitting it to sidetalkin.com.
  • Side-snorin'.
  • A fun web site for if you want to look at objects.
  • A pregnant woman with her belly painted to look like your face.
  • Copying all the worst aspects of the Virtual Boy.
  • Whether you want to download jivetalkin.midi.
  • A poem shaped like something.
  • Updo bleak curious quiet.
  • Desert thumbs.
  • Rather pale pagasus.
  • A poem that generates its own blurb.
  • The entire front edge of the pegasus.
  • Why so political, pagasus?
  • Any thumb you want it to be.
  • Defining a thumb by its oppositionality.
  • Rooting for and with the thumb.
  • Your boomer aunt who has a really specific idea of gender roles.
  • Disrupting your toothbrush.
  • Your beaver farm where the underwear comes down the chute and you feed the underwear to the beavers and put the beavers in the juicer and sell the beaver juice to Lenny who gives you gems you can use to play Scrabble but you only get so many tiles per minute unless you're willing to sit and tap video ads, and whether that's a paradigm shift.
  • Willingness to think through processes and systems.
  • A shmup where you control a whale research vessel.
  • Taking the one skill you have in this life and using it to create heavy handed, ineffective political satire.
  • Making an exit poll to find out what percentage of players actually learned something from your propaganda simulator game and what percentage just min-maxed the numbers because it was a fun puzzle.
  • What paradigm you're imagining shifting, exactly.
  • Every game developer's cottage-core retirement fantasy.
  • Making video games without ever talking to anyone on Twitter.
  • Who's the beardy guy dot com.
  • Scrolling through pictures of beardy guys until you find the right one.
  • Jugger.
  • Carrying the macguffin into your opponent's goal.
  • Arcane rules about who's allowed to touch the dog skull and when.
  • The global governing body in charge of the rules of Discs of Tron.
  • The schism in the Jugger community.
  • Teaching a three year old chess boxing.
  • Snapdragon.
  • Taking turns grabbing raisins of a flaming bowl of brandy.
  • Tucking a clove into one of the raisins and whoever grabs that raisin out of the bowl of flaming brandy gets to stop reaching into the bowl of flaming brandy.
  • Flaming tennis ball catch.
  • Calvin Ball, III.
  • The delicate balance of taking letters out of a username until you get to one that's not taken, before you get to names that are definitely taken because they're so short.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 128. Intermittent Fasting Kirby https://topiclords.com/intermittent-fasting-kirby b5146e85-d065-49ea-8718-98066c6492e4 Mon, 04 Apr 2022 00:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Jenni and Chris. We discuss bean trees, the spoilers social contract, words that men know but women don't and vice versa, Ozymandias by Percy Shelley, chilling by yourself in the womb unless you're a twin, oldschool AD&D being hard to start but ultimately less video/board gamey, and Wordle speed runs. 1:07:37 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jenni * Chris * https://imgur.com/a/t34TMw8 Topics: * Every tree in this desert is a bean * The statute of limitations on spoilers implies a social contract where we agree to consume media as soon as it's available instead of consuming it at the right time for ourselves * This list of words that men know but women don't, and vice versa * https://link.springer.com/article/10.3758/s13428-018-1077-9/tables/2 * https://twitter.com/v21/status/1372635082205364226/photo/1 * Ozymandias by Percy Shelley * https://discoverpoetry.com/poems/percy-bysshe-shelley/ozymandias/ * https://twitter.com/PateraQuetzaI/status/1156300892733243392 * 41 out of 42 people start life with some time to chill by themselves in the womb but twins don't, what's that like * Oldschool AD&D is hard to start but ultimately less video/board gamey which is great * Wordle speed runs are surprisingly riveting * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk4qPtOelv8 Microtopics: * Plugging every Xalavier Nelson game. * Standing in a three bean soup. * Everyone's favorite Fire Emblem hero, Spiky Ball Tree. * Sweetgum. * Producing liquid amber but not calling it liquid amber for trademark reasons. * Whether it's possible to have green wood. * A traumatic formative art school experience that you take out on trees for the rest of your life. * Ablative armor. * Spoilers for the first novel ever written. * Seeing Empire Strikes Back dozens of times in the theater while in the womb. * A spoiler policy that makes people hate you. * Getting consent to gaslight your girlfriend about movies she hasn't watched. * Picking a movie line to be the only joke you ever say. * The list of movies for which there is no statute of limitations on spoilers. * Using a pen knife to cut open your forearm to reveal the servomotors inside any time there's a lull in the conversation. * The SpoilOrbs. * Inventing the video game haptics to allow a game designer to kick you in the balls. * Kittencore Dark Souls. * Junji-ito's cat diary. * Clutter in movies. * Hiring excellent schlubby actors. * Back when it was notable and interesting that Linda Hamilton got fit for Terminator 2. * Getting an AI on the job. * Laura Panini. * Live coding skeletal animation. * Rotating around a creepy lady. * Asking if anyone's seen something but nobody has. * When you push the button on the monitor and it goes all wibbly wobbly for a second. * A list going there. * A word that you only know if you read a lot of G.K. Chesterson. * Little Kirbys that help you out in the event of a prolapse. * How nobody in the UK knows what "goober" or "wine gums" means. * Abseiling and rappelling. * Putting "kerbside" on a list of words that Americans don't know. * Polearms that were descended from boar hunting. * Asking a thousand Americans to say yes or no to every word in the dictionary. * The Katana Yakuza Thesis. * Reading poetry in a funny voice. * The kind of person who would end a poem with a semicolon. * Reciting a poem about a guy you met yesterday who told you most of the poem. * Hearing from a guy about a rotting stump of a conquest. * Writing a poem where you meet a guy who tells you about a song that used to be on his iPod that you can no longer download from mp3 dot com. * Yelling at a long dead poet about punctuation. * Poetry about not knowing something but it's unclear whether nobody knows the thing or if it's just the poet's personal ignorance. * Painting ancient Greek statues flesh-colored. * Percy Shelley the nonsense man. * Smash Mouth cancelling their concert at your county fair after they got famous. * How to pronounce "shewed" * What's wrong with looking upon me? * 23 And Me informing you that you have a mom. * The familial incest tab on 23 And Me. * Twins: There's Two Of Them. * Twins in the womb listening to the Empire Strikes Back soundtrack and elbowing each other. * A person who could exist and would be attractive. * Geocities turn of the century vibes. * The t-shirt that Jim's wife bought him. * How Futurama made the name "Hubert" cool but "Pubert" is still no good. * Having six kids and naming them all Pubert. * Naming an ice cream shop "Fucklers" because who can stop you? (The police.) * Fucklers: Sole Owner of my Name Ice-Creamery. * The holding company that owns every disused mascot. * The Hamm's Beer Bear. * Wordle speed run categories. * Mathematicians who debunk Minecraft speed runs. * Trying to invent fake commentary for a sport you know nothing about. * Yelling advice to recorded speed runs. * Watching everybody believe Wordle conspiracy theories. * Comparing notes about reality. * Preferring having friends over being right. * The absolute best time to get off of social media. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Plugging every Xalavier Nelson game.
  • Standing in a three bean soup.
  • Everyone's favorite Fire Emblem hero, Spiky Ball Tree.
  • Sweetgum.
  • Producing liquid amber but not calling it liquid amber for trademark reasons.
  • Whether it's possible to have green wood.
  • A traumatic formative art school experience that you take out on trees for the rest of your life.
  • Ablative armor.
  • Spoilers for the first novel ever written.
  • Seeing Empire Strikes Back dozens of times in the theater while in the womb.
  • A spoiler policy that makes people hate you.
  • Getting consent to gaslight your girlfriend about movies she hasn't watched.
  • Picking a movie line to be the only joke you ever say.
  • The list of movies for which there is no statute of limitations on spoilers.
  • Using a pen knife to cut open your forearm to reveal the servomotors inside any time there's a lull in the conversation.
  • The SpoilOrbs.
  • Inventing the video game haptics to allow a game designer to kick you in the balls.
  • Kittencore Dark Souls.
  • Junji-ito's cat diary.
  • Clutter in movies.
  • Hiring excellent schlubby actors.
  • Back when it was notable and interesting that Linda Hamilton got fit for Terminator 2.
  • Getting an AI on the job.
  • Laura Panini.
  • Live coding skeletal animation.
  • Rotating around a creepy lady.
  • Asking if anyone's seen something but nobody has.
  • When you push the button on the monitor and it goes all wibbly wobbly for a second.
  • A list going there.
  • A word that you only know if you read a lot of G.K. Chesterson.
  • Little Kirbys that help you out in the event of a prolapse.
  • How nobody in the UK knows what "goober" or "wine gums" means.
  • Abseiling and rappelling.
  • Putting "kerbside" on a list of words that Americans don't know.
  • Polearms that were descended from boar hunting.
  • Asking a thousand Americans to say yes or no to every word in the dictionary.
  • The Katana Yakuza Thesis.
  • Reading poetry in a funny voice.
  • The kind of person who would end a poem with a semicolon.
  • Reciting a poem about a guy you met yesterday who told you most of the poem.
  • Hearing from a guy about a rotting stump of a conquest.
  • Writing a poem where you meet a guy who tells you about a song that used to be on his iPod that you can no longer download from mp3 dot com.
  • Yelling at a long dead poet about punctuation.
  • Poetry about not knowing something but it's unclear whether nobody knows the thing or if it's just the poet's personal ignorance.
  • Painting ancient Greek statues flesh-colored.
  • Percy Shelley the nonsense man.
  • Smash Mouth cancelling their concert at your county fair after they got famous.
  • How to pronounce "shewed"
  • What's wrong with looking upon me?
  • 23 And Me informing you that you have a mom.
  • The familial incest tab on 23 And Me.
  • Twins: There's Two Of Them.
  • Twins in the womb listening to the Empire Strikes Back soundtrack and elbowing each other.
  • A person who could exist and would be attractive.
  • Geocities turn of the century vibes.
  • The t-shirt that Jim's wife bought him.
  • How Futurama made the name "Hubert" cool but "Pubert" is still no good.
  • Having six kids and naming them all Pubert.
  • Naming an ice cream shop "Fucklers" because who can stop you? (The police.)
  • Fucklers: Sole Owner of my Name Ice-Creamery.
  • The holding company that owns every disused mascot.
  • The Hamm's Beer Bear.
  • Wordle speed run categories.
  • Mathematicians who debunk Minecraft speed runs.
  • Trying to invent fake commentary for a sport you know nothing about.
  • Yelling advice to recorded speed runs.
  • Watching everybody believe Wordle conspiracy theories.
  • Comparing notes about reality.
  • Preferring having friends over being right.
  • The absolute best time to get off of social media.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Plugging every Xalavier Nelson game.
  • Standing in a three bean soup.
  • Everyone's favorite Fire Emblem hero, Spiky Ball Tree.
  • Sweetgum.
  • Producing liquid amber but not calling it liquid amber for trademark reasons.
  • Whether it's possible to have green wood.
  • A traumatic formative art school experience that you take out on trees for the rest of your life.
  • Ablative armor.
  • Spoilers for the first novel ever written.
  • Seeing Empire Strikes Back dozens of times in the theater while in the womb.
  • A spoiler policy that makes people hate you.
  • Getting consent to gaslight your girlfriend about movies she hasn't watched.
  • Picking a movie line to be the only joke you ever say.
  • The list of movies for which there is no statute of limitations on spoilers.
  • Using a pen knife to cut open your forearm to reveal the servomotors inside any time there's a lull in the conversation.
  • The SpoilOrbs.
  • Inventing the video game haptics to allow a game designer to kick you in the balls.
  • Kittencore Dark Souls.
  • Junji-ito's cat diary.
  • Clutter in movies.
  • Hiring excellent schlubby actors.
  • Back when it was notable and interesting that Linda Hamilton got fit for Terminator 2.
  • Getting an AI on the job.
  • Laura Panini.
  • Live coding skeletal animation.
  • Rotating around a creepy lady.
  • Asking if anyone's seen something but nobody has.
  • When you push the button on the monitor and it goes all wibbly wobbly for a second.
  • A list going there.
  • A word that you only know if you read a lot of G.K. Chesterson.
  • Little Kirbys that help you out in the event of a prolapse.
  • How nobody in the UK knows what "goober" or "wine gums" means.
  • Abseiling and rappelling.
  • Putting "kerbside" on a list of words that Americans don't know.
  • Polearms that were descended from boar hunting.
  • Asking a thousand Americans to say yes or no to every word in the dictionary.
  • The Katana Yakuza Thesis.
  • Reading poetry in a funny voice.
  • The kind of person who would end a poem with a semicolon.
  • Reciting a poem about a guy you met yesterday who told you most of the poem.
  • Hearing from a guy about a rotting stump of a conquest.
  • Writing a poem where you meet a guy who tells you about a song that used to be on his iPod that you can no longer download from mp3 dot com.
  • Yelling at a long dead poet about punctuation.
  • Poetry about not knowing something but it's unclear whether nobody knows the thing or if it's just the poet's personal ignorance.
  • Painting ancient Greek statues flesh-colored.
  • Percy Shelley the nonsense man.
  • Smash Mouth cancelling their concert at your county fair after they got famous.
  • How to pronounce "shewed"
  • What's wrong with looking upon me?
  • 23 And Me informing you that you have a mom.
  • The familial incest tab on 23 And Me.
  • Twins: There's Two Of Them.
  • Twins in the womb listening to the Empire Strikes Back soundtrack and elbowing each other.
  • A person who could exist and would be attractive.
  • Geocities turn of the century vibes.
  • The t-shirt that Jim's wife bought him.
  • How Futurama made the name "Hubert" cool but "Pubert" is still no good.
  • Having six kids and naming them all Pubert.
  • Naming an ice cream shop "Fucklers" because who can stop you? (The police.)
  • Fucklers: Sole Owner of my Name Ice-Creamery.
  • The holding company that owns every disused mascot.
  • The Hamm's Beer Bear.
  • Wordle speed run categories.
  • Mathematicians who debunk Minecraft speed runs.
  • Trying to invent fake commentary for a sport you know nothing about.
  • Yelling advice to recorded speed runs.
  • Watching everybody believe Wordle conspiracy theories.
  • Comparing notes about reality.
  • Preferring having friends over being right.
  • The absolute best time to get off of social media.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 119. Book 'Em, Dildano https://topiclords.com/book-em-dildano bc823082-5a56-4442-8ae7-2e8819d71fb3 Mon, 31 Jan 2022 08:00:00 -0800 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Jenni and Chris. We discuss Wordle metagamers, obscure fantasy niches, using up all the ink in a ball-point pen, The Tiger by Nael Age 6, Wizard's failure to make D&D fun at high levels, and compare and contrast: Barbarella's energy vs. Zardoz's energy. 1:03:32 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jenni * @horsewizrd * Chris Topics: * The coming schism between Wordle purists & Wordle metagamers * Amazon kindle fantasy best-sellers is ruled by niches that nobody outside of kindle or Royal Road users have heard of * https://www.sbnation.com/a/17776-football * In high school I knew a guy who, one time, managed to use up all the ink in a ball-point pen. The ink tube in there was just totally empty, it was astonishing. Nowadays whenever we run out of olive oil I get the same thrill. I did it! I used all the oil! * The Tiger, by Nael, Age 6 * https://twitter.com/826DC/status/966009025090473985 * Why can't Wizards or any of the clones figure out how to make D&D fun to play at high levels? Why is this an unsolved design? * Zardoz & Barbarella have similar energy except Zardoz comes across as sincere & Barbarella comes across as falsely ironic to hide the sincerity Microtopics: * Jim's sip of tea. * Making your husband Sleepytime tea so he goes to sleep while recording the podcast. * Making a video of yourself arguing with your cooking teacher to post to social media. * What is a Wordle? * The Wordle sheriff joke. * Muting the green block emoji so you stop seeing all the Wordle bragging. * How to improve Wordle's psychic damage output. * Wordle except instead of five letters it's five abstract concepts. * Paranormal reverse-harem. * Pricing your paranormal reverse-harem book at $250 and discounting it 99% so users are like "paranormal reverse-harem for $2.50? I can't afford not to!" * All the topics you can't sell books about on Amazon and all the coded tags you use to sell them anyway. * Whether Amazon will ban your book as containing bestiality if the genitalia is on the human side of the minotaur. * A horse with human intelligence with a penis growing out of its back, and whether anyone has sex with the penis. * The liminal space between bestiality and reverse-bestiality. * Arguing in traffic court that your car is just a collection of atoms and the distinction between those atoms and those of the world it's traveling with respect to exists entirely in our minds. * Doing a crime just to go to Horse Court and see that horse judge you. * Admitting that you are That Guy. * Sending your pens to the pen dimension. * Graduating from high school and discovering that the weird lump on the knuckle of your middle finger isn't just you having a weird skeleton. * Writing good handwriting. * Refilling the salt pig from the salt cylinder. * When the sauce is burning and the only solution is to salt it right now. * Going to Horse Court to decide which of you bought the pepper grinder. * Popular with the robots. * Whether the poem works on a third level. * Writing the best poem. * Viral Poetry Sensation "The Tiger." * An "invisibility cloak" which is just an empty hanger. * A magic supply store where half the items are just jokes on the purchaser. * The adult poetry workshop where you drink a glass of wine and transcribe "The Tiger" by Nael, age 6, then take it home and show it to your parents. * Trying to look at the thumb tips your friends are going on about. * Braving Omicron to buy a thumb tip. * Hypnotizing a napkin. * A magic trick where you make a rubber band disappear, but only for yourself. * Aging two years while dead. * Whether Nethack's difficulty curve is better than D&D's. * A weird combination of spells that is broken in a non-numerical way. * What the wizard did when the spaghetti-os were on too high a shelf to reach. * Letting the players fight Thor even though you know they'll figure out a way to kill Thor. * Thor swinging his hammer and killing you without having to roll any dice because Thor doesn't have stats. * The Dying Earth series by Jack Vance. * Godlike wizards feuding over who took the leftovers out of the office fridge because they ran out of real problems to solve. * The Dying Earth series by Jack Vance, except with football. * That Insidious Beast by Zack Parsons. * Instructions for a fruit. * There is no Antimemetics Division, by qntm. * Counterfeit Monkey by Emily Short. * Sean Connery in a red diaperkini. * The big head that floats around and vomits guns and explains how guns are better than penes. * When they invented the concept of copies of movies. * Your deal with the devil where if you fail to make Lord of the Rings you have to make Zardoz, but you succeed you get to make King Kong. * Scantily clad rocket people. * Barbarella lying in a thumb harp being yelled at by a dude wearing a Dalek and reading from a piano roll. * Learning how to draw by looking at promotional shots from Barbarella. * Mario fanfiction through the lens of Cyberpunk. * Whether they have sarcasm in Japan. * Tom Nook slapping his own nipples for ten hours. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

  • Jenni
    • @horsewizrd
  • Chris

Topics:

  • The coming schism between Wordle purists & Wordle metagamers
  • Amazon kindle fantasy best-sellers is ruled by niches that nobody outside of kindle or Royal Road users have heard of
  • In high school I knew a guy who, one time, managed to use up all the ink in a ball-point pen. The ink tube in there was just totally empty, it was astonishing. Nowadays whenever we run out of olive oil I get the same thrill. I did it! I used all the oil!
  • The Tiger, by Nael, Age 6
  • Why can't Wizards or any of the clones figure out how to make D&D fun to play at high levels? Why is this an unsolved design?
  • Zardoz & Barbarella have similar energy except Zardoz comes across as sincere & Barbarella comes across as falsely ironic to hide the sincerity

Microtopics:

  • Jim's sip of tea.
  • Making your husband Sleepytime tea so he goes to sleep while recording the podcast.
  • Making a video of yourself arguing with your cooking teacher to post to social media.
  • What is a Wordle?
  • The Wordle sheriff joke.
  • Muting the green block emoji so you stop seeing all the Wordle bragging.
  • How to improve Wordle's psychic damage output.
  • Wordle except instead of five letters it's five abstract concepts.
  • Paranormal reverse-harem.
  • Pricing your paranormal reverse-harem book at $250 and discounting it 99% so users are like "paranormal reverse-harem for $2.50? I can't afford not to!"
  • All the topics you can't sell books about on Amazon and all the coded tags you use to sell them anyway.
  • Whether Amazon will ban your book as containing bestiality if the genitalia is on the human side of the minotaur.
  • A horse with human intelligence with a penis growing out of its back, and whether anyone has sex with the penis.
  • The liminal space between bestiality and reverse-bestiality.
  • Arguing in traffic court that your car is just a collection of atoms and the distinction between those atoms and those of the world it's traveling with respect to exists entirely in our minds.
  • Doing a crime just to go to Horse Court and see that horse judge you.
  • Admitting that you are That Guy.
  • Sending your pens to the pen dimension.
  • Graduating from high school and discovering that the weird lump on the knuckle of your middle finger isn't just you having a weird skeleton.
  • Writing good handwriting.
  • Refilling the salt pig from the salt cylinder.
  • When the sauce is burning and the only solution is to salt it right now.
  • Going to Horse Court to decide which of you bought the pepper grinder.
  • Popular with the robots.
  • Whether the poem works on a third level.
  • Writing the best poem.
  • Viral Poetry Sensation "The Tiger."
  • An "invisibility cloak" which is just an empty hanger.
  • A magic supply store where half the items are just jokes on the purchaser.
  • The adult poetry workshop where you drink a glass of wine and transcribe "The Tiger" by Nael, age 6, then take it home and show it to your parents.
  • Trying to look at the thumb tips your friends are going on about.
  • Braving Omicron to buy a thumb tip.
  • Hypnotizing a napkin.
  • A magic trick where you make a rubber band disappear, but only for yourself.
  • Aging two years while dead.
  • Whether Nethack's difficulty curve is better than D&D's.
  • A weird combination of spells that is broken in a non-numerical way.
  • What the wizard did when the spaghetti-os were on too high a shelf to reach.
  • Letting the players fight Thor even though you know they'll figure out a way to kill Thor.
  • Thor swinging his hammer and killing you without having to roll any dice because Thor doesn't have stats.
  • The Dying Earth series by Jack Vance.
  • Godlike wizards feuding over who took the leftovers out of the office fridge because they ran out of real problems to solve.
  • The Dying Earth series by Jack Vance, except with football.
  • That Insidious Beast by Zack Parsons.
  • Instructions for a fruit.
  • There is no Antimemetics Division, by qntm.
  • Counterfeit Monkey by Emily Short.
  • Sean Connery in a red diaperkini.
  • The big head that floats around and vomits guns and explains how guns are better than penes.
  • When they invented the concept of copies of movies.
  • Your deal with the devil where if you fail to make Lord of the Rings you have to make Zardoz, but you succeed you get to make King Kong.
  • Scantily clad rocket people.
  • Barbarella lying in a thumb harp being yelled at by a dude wearing a Dalek and reading from a piano roll.
  • Learning how to draw by looking at promotional shots from Barbarella.
  • Mario fanfiction through the lens of Cyberpunk.
  • Whether they have sarcasm in Japan.
  • Tom Nook slapping his own nipples for ten hours.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

  • Jenni
    • @horsewizrd
  • Chris

Topics:

  • The coming schism between Wordle purists & Wordle metagamers
  • Amazon kindle fantasy best-sellers is ruled by niches that nobody outside of kindle or Royal Road users have heard of
  • In high school I knew a guy who, one time, managed to use up all the ink in a ball-point pen. The ink tube in there was just totally empty, it was astonishing. Nowadays whenever we run out of olive oil I get the same thrill. I did it! I used all the oil!
  • The Tiger, by Nael, Age 6
  • Why can't Wizards or any of the clones figure out how to make D&D fun to play at high levels? Why is this an unsolved design?
  • Zardoz & Barbarella have similar energy except Zardoz comes across as sincere & Barbarella comes across as falsely ironic to hide the sincerity

Microtopics:

  • Jim's sip of tea.
  • Making your husband Sleepytime tea so he goes to sleep while recording the podcast.
  • Making a video of yourself arguing with your cooking teacher to post to social media.
  • What is a Wordle?
  • The Wordle sheriff joke.
  • Muting the green block emoji so you stop seeing all the Wordle bragging.
  • How to improve Wordle's psychic damage output.
  • Wordle except instead of five letters it's five abstract concepts.
  • Paranormal reverse-harem.
  • Pricing your paranormal reverse-harem book at $250 and discounting it 99% so users are like "paranormal reverse-harem for $2.50? I can't afford not to!"
  • All the topics you can't sell books about on Amazon and all the coded tags you use to sell them anyway.
  • Whether Amazon will ban your book as containing bestiality if the genitalia is on the human side of the minotaur.
  • A horse with human intelligence with a penis growing out of its back, and whether anyone has sex with the penis.
  • The liminal space between bestiality and reverse-bestiality.
  • Arguing in traffic court that your car is just a collection of atoms and the distinction between those atoms and those of the world it's traveling with respect to exists entirely in our minds.
  • Doing a crime just to go to Horse Court and see that horse judge you.
  • Admitting that you are That Guy.
  • Sending your pens to the pen dimension.
  • Graduating from high school and discovering that the weird lump on the knuckle of your middle finger isn't just you having a weird skeleton.
  • Writing good handwriting.
  • Refilling the salt pig from the salt cylinder.
  • When the sauce is burning and the only solution is to salt it right now.
  • Going to Horse Court to decide which of you bought the pepper grinder.
  • Popular with the robots.
  • Whether the poem works on a third level.
  • Writing the best poem.
  • Viral Poetry Sensation "The Tiger."
  • An "invisibility cloak" which is just an empty hanger.
  • A magic supply store where half the items are just jokes on the purchaser.
  • The adult poetry workshop where you drink a glass of wine and transcribe "The Tiger" by Nael, age 6, then take it home and show it to your parents.
  • Trying to look at the thumb tips your friends are going on about.
  • Braving Omicron to buy a thumb tip.
  • Hypnotizing a napkin.
  • A magic trick where you make a rubber band disappear, but only for yourself.
  • Aging two years while dead.
  • Whether Nethack's difficulty curve is better than D&D's.
  • A weird combination of spells that is broken in a non-numerical way.
  • What the wizard did when the spaghetti-os were on too high a shelf to reach.
  • Letting the players fight Thor even though you know they'll figure out a way to kill Thor.
  • Thor swinging his hammer and killing you without having to roll any dice because Thor doesn't have stats.
  • The Dying Earth series by Jack Vance.
  • Godlike wizards feuding over who took the leftovers out of the office fridge because they ran out of real problems to solve.
  • The Dying Earth series by Jack Vance, except with football.
  • That Insidious Beast by Zack Parsons.
  • Instructions for a fruit.
  • There is no Antimemetics Division, by qntm.
  • Counterfeit Monkey by Emily Short.
  • Sean Connery in a red diaperkini.
  • The big head that floats around and vomits guns and explains how guns are better than penes.
  • When they invented the concept of copies of movies.
  • Your deal with the devil where if you fail to make Lord of the Rings you have to make Zardoz, but you succeed you get to make King Kong.
  • Scantily clad rocket people.
  • Barbarella lying in a thumb harp being yelled at by a dude wearing a Dalek and reading from a piano roll.
  • Learning how to draw by looking at promotional shots from Barbarella.
  • Mario fanfiction through the lens of Cyberpunk.
  • Whether they have sarcasm in Japan.
  • Tom Nook slapping his own nipples for ten hours.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 107. 27 Kilobytes of Pure Magic https://topiclords.com/27-kilobytes-of-pure-magic 2b8313cd-09cb-47f4-b94c-258aaa1896ea Mon, 08 Nov 2021 08:00:00 -0800 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Ryan and Jenni. We discuss video games providing an illusion of competency and how jarring it is when they don't, carcinization, manualism, and playing "AR games" with your own imagination. 1:05:37 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Ryan * https://twitter.com/ryanikecomposer/ * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldtX4d5qanA * Jenni * https://twitter.com/horsewizrd/ Topics: * Video games providing an illusion of competency & how jarring it is when they don't * Carcinization * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carcinisation * Manualism * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwxvOKuLUQ0 * Did you ever play "AR games" with your own imagination when you were a kid? What kind? Microtopics: * Whether Jim enjoys it when nobody can decide who should go first. * Whoever can blurt their name out fastest. * Dog Airport Game. * Eating pizza around a three year old. * Wizard With A Gun. * A song for a trailer where the trailer ends but the song keeps going for years. * Hiring a team of monks to take turns notes on a church organ for seven hours at a time. * When one of the monks you hired to play the organ for seven hours at a time dies and keels over onto the keys and it's a cluster chord but we'll take it. * Jack Pumpkin Skellington. * What happens when Merlin gets off in space. * How many wizard/firearm puns we can think of. (2) * Making a movie about the legend of King Arthur with all the magic removed and Merlin is just an old man who needs a bath. * The highly relatable legend of King Arthur buying Excalibur from the katana shop next to Spencer's Gifts. * That time King Arthur lost his wedding ring under the bed and had to sweep it out using Excalibur. * A collaboration where one person writes the first half of the story and the other person writes a 4chan reference. * Making paintings with the art skills of a writer. * The illusion of hyper-competency. * Moving your thumb a fraction of an inch and your avatar onscreen does a cartwheel off of a robot's face. * Driving behind Wario and he has that big purple caboose and you just want to slam it. * Blue Shell pacifists who try throw a Blue Shell without hurting any other drivers * Whether that skeleton who shoots lasers at you has a wife and kids at home who would also shoot lasers at you. * Mr. Friendly. * Having to solve each topic before you can move on. * Someone trying to pirate your music on Youtube but instead of music you poured vinegar into the tube and when they listen to the other end of the tube they just get an earful of vinegar. * Flies landing on your psoriasis patches because they ooze a little bit and probably smell like rotting meat or at least oozing meat. * Going into a psychological death spiral because you just realized that you and everyone you know is just rotting meat, and then coming out of it and letting everyone know that they can just skip the death spiral, there isn't any sweet loot down there. * Reminding the listener that everyone they care about will die someday but it's okay because Wario's juicy purple butt exists. * Providing foley for your death just in case in case you die silently while recording the show. * Writing a song to play at a friend's funeral but they're not allowed to hear it until then so when they die they go into the Great Unknown Mystery of whether your song is any good. * Whether this 27k wav file that you've been instructed to play at your funeral counts as music, strictly speaking. * Writing an intricate eight minute sonata with the intention of time-stretching it down to less than a second. * Meeting crab scientists who talk about carcinization and then turn into crabs right in front of you. * Transmorphing into a crab and deciding to hold a knife all the time just because you can. * Finding out about carcinization and then staying up all night wondering when you're going to get your crab claws. * Finding out whether anyone at Berkeley has designed a musical instrument for after you turn into a crab by googling for "Berkeley carcinization instrument" * A vent-based apparatus. * Wrapping your fingers in electrical tape and getting a preview of what making music will be like after we all turn into crabs. * Chilling with a pile of rotting meat on a beach, like "what's up?" * Hands feet and they're all around sticking out in every direction so we can just roll everywhere. * The fate of the Butthole Foot. * Centaur World, where everything is centaurs. * The mighty centaur, with the bottom half of a bull and the top half of a cenobite. * A centaur thing a wrinkle through time flew * A man with a body of a motorcycle. * Centaur court, the court where the bottom half is replaced with a horse. * Gerry the manualist. * Playing songs on your hands for 52 years. * Playing AR games with your own imagination. * Picking a dirty spot on the window to be your avatar and moving your head around to make it dodge obstacles in the background, which doesn't look any sillier than when you play a VR game except that since you don't have a helmet on your can see the people giving you the side eye. * Imagining that your parent's car shoots missiles out of the hubcaps. * Tony Hawk with feet sticking out in every direction except from his butthole. * Doing Christ Air after Christ Air on your way to get some Arby's. * One professor refusing to judge your thesis because the two of you go to the same school and all the other professors refusing to judge your thesis because the first professor's reason for not doing it doesn't make any sense so the school just gives up and lets you graduate. * Wanting it until it turns out to have been a bad idea to want it. * Being a professional for five seconds a week. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Whether Jim enjoys it when nobody can decide who should go first.
  • Whoever can blurt their name out fastest.
  • Dog Airport Game.
  • Eating pizza around a three year old.
  • Wizard With A Gun.
  • A song for a trailer where the trailer ends but the song keeps going for years.
  • Hiring a team of monks to take turns notes on a church organ for seven hours at a time.
  • When one of the monks you hired to play the organ for seven hours at a time dies and keels over onto the keys and it's a cluster chord but we'll take it.
  • Jack Pumpkin Skellington.
  • What happens when Merlin gets off in space.
  • How many wizard/firearm puns we can think of. (2)
  • Making a movie about the legend of King Arthur with all the magic removed and Merlin is just an old man who needs a bath.
  • The highly relatable legend of King Arthur buying Excalibur from the katana shop next to Spencer's Gifts.
  • That time King Arthur lost his wedding ring under the bed and had to sweep it out using Excalibur.
  • A collaboration where one person writes the first half of the story and the other person writes a 4chan reference.
  • Making paintings with the art skills of a writer.
  • The illusion of hyper-competency.
  • Moving your thumb a fraction of an inch and your avatar onscreen does a cartwheel off of a robot's face.
  • Driving behind Wario and he has that big purple caboose and you just want to slam it.
  • Blue Shell pacifists who try throw a Blue Shell without hurting any other drivers
  • Whether that skeleton who shoots lasers at you has a wife and kids at home who would also shoot lasers at you.
  • Mr. Friendly.
  • Having to solve each topic before you can move on.
  • Someone trying to pirate your music on Youtube but instead of music you poured vinegar into the tube and when they listen to the other end of the tube they just get an earful of vinegar.
  • Flies landing on your psoriasis patches because they ooze a little bit and probably smell like rotting meat or at least oozing meat.
  • Going into a psychological death spiral because you just realized that you and everyone you know is just rotting meat, and then coming out of it and letting everyone know that they can just skip the death spiral, there isn't any sweet loot down there.
  • Reminding the listener that everyone they care about will die someday but it's okay because Wario's juicy purple butt exists.
  • Providing foley for your death just in case in case you die silently while recording the show.
  • Writing a song to play at a friend's funeral but they're not allowed to hear it until then so when they die they go into the Great Unknown Mystery of whether your song is any good.
  • Whether this 27k wav file that you've been instructed to play at your funeral counts as music, strictly speaking.
  • Writing an intricate eight minute sonata with the intention of time-stretching it down to less than a second.
  • Meeting crab scientists who talk about carcinization and then turn into crabs right in front of you.
  • Transmorphing into a crab and deciding to hold a knife all the time just because you can.
  • Finding out about carcinization and then staying up all night wondering when you're going to get your crab claws.
  • Finding out whether anyone at Berkeley has designed a musical instrument for after you turn into a crab by googling for "Berkeley carcinization instrument"
  • A vent-based apparatus.
  • Wrapping your fingers in electrical tape and getting a preview of what making music will be like after we all turn into crabs.
  • Chilling with a pile of rotting meat on a beach, like "what's up?"
  • Hands feet and they're all around sticking out in every direction so we can just roll everywhere.
  • The fate of the Butthole Foot.
  • Centaur World, where everything is centaurs.
  • The mighty centaur, with the bottom half of a bull and the top half of a cenobite.
  • A centaur thing a wrinkle through time flew
  • A man with a body of a motorcycle.
  • Centaur court, the court where the bottom half is replaced with a horse.
  • Gerry the manualist.
  • Playing songs on your hands for 52 years.
  • Playing AR games with your own imagination.
  • Picking a dirty spot on the window to be your avatar and moving your head around to make it dodge obstacles in the background, which doesn't look any sillier than when you play a VR game except that since you don't have a helmet on your can see the people giving you the side eye.
  • Imagining that your parent's car shoots missiles out of the hubcaps.
  • Tony Hawk with feet sticking out in every direction except from his butthole.
  • Doing Christ Air after Christ Air on your way to get some Arby's.
  • One professor refusing to judge your thesis because the two of you go to the same school and all the other professors refusing to judge your thesis because the first professor's reason for not doing it doesn't make any sense so the school just gives up and lets you graduate.
  • Wanting it until it turns out to have been a bad idea to want it.
  • Being a professional for five seconds a week.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Whether Jim enjoys it when nobody can decide who should go first.
  • Whoever can blurt their name out fastest.
  • Dog Airport Game.
  • Eating pizza around a three year old.
  • Wizard With A Gun.
  • A song for a trailer where the trailer ends but the song keeps going for years.
  • Hiring a team of monks to take turns notes on a church organ for seven hours at a time.
  • When one of the monks you hired to play the organ for seven hours at a time dies and keels over onto the keys and it's a cluster chord but we'll take it.
  • Jack Pumpkin Skellington.
  • What happens when Merlin gets off in space.
  • How many wizard/firearm puns we can think of. (2)
  • Making a movie about the legend of King Arthur with all the magic removed and Merlin is just an old man who needs a bath.
  • The highly relatable legend of King Arthur buying Excalibur from the katana shop next to Spencer's Gifts.
  • That time King Arthur lost his wedding ring under the bed and had to sweep it out using Excalibur.
  • A collaboration where one person writes the first half of the story and the other person writes a 4chan reference.
  • Making paintings with the art skills of a writer.
  • The illusion of hyper-competency.
  • Moving your thumb a fraction of an inch and your avatar onscreen does a cartwheel off of a robot's face.
  • Driving behind Wario and he has that big purple caboose and you just want to slam it.
  • Blue Shell pacifists who try throw a Blue Shell without hurting any other drivers
  • Whether that skeleton who shoots lasers at you has a wife and kids at home who would also shoot lasers at you.
  • Mr. Friendly.
  • Having to solve each topic before you can move on.
  • Someone trying to pirate your music on Youtube but instead of music you poured vinegar into the tube and when they listen to the other end of the tube they just get an earful of vinegar.
  • Flies landing on your psoriasis patches because they ooze a little bit and probably smell like rotting meat or at least oozing meat.
  • Going into a psychological death spiral because you just realized that you and everyone you know is just rotting meat, and then coming out of it and letting everyone know that they can just skip the death spiral, there isn't any sweet loot down there.
  • Reminding the listener that everyone they care about will die someday but it's okay because Wario's juicy purple butt exists.
  • Providing foley for your death just in case in case you die silently while recording the show.
  • Writing a song to play at a friend's funeral but they're not allowed to hear it until then so when they die they go into the Great Unknown Mystery of whether your song is any good.
  • Whether this 27k wav file that you've been instructed to play at your funeral counts as music, strictly speaking.
  • Writing an intricate eight minute sonata with the intention of time-stretching it down to less than a second.
  • Meeting crab scientists who talk about carcinization and then turn into crabs right in front of you.
  • Transmorphing into a crab and deciding to hold a knife all the time just because you can.
  • Finding out about carcinization and then staying up all night wondering when you're going to get your crab claws.
  • Finding out whether anyone at Berkeley has designed a musical instrument for after you turn into a crab by googling for "Berkeley carcinization instrument"
  • A vent-based apparatus.
  • Wrapping your fingers in electrical tape and getting a preview of what making music will be like after we all turn into crabs.
  • Chilling with a pile of rotting meat on a beach, like "what's up?"
  • Hands feet and they're all around sticking out in every direction so we can just roll everywhere.
  • The fate of the Butthole Foot.
  • Centaur World, where everything is centaurs.
  • The mighty centaur, with the bottom half of a bull and the top half of a cenobite.
  • A centaur thing a wrinkle through time flew
  • A man with a body of a motorcycle.
  • Centaur court, the court where the bottom half is replaced with a horse.
  • Gerry the manualist.
  • Playing songs on your hands for 52 years.
  • Playing AR games with your own imagination.
  • Picking a dirty spot on the window to be your avatar and moving your head around to make it dodge obstacles in the background, which doesn't look any sillier than when you play a VR game except that since you don't have a helmet on your can see the people giving you the side eye.
  • Imagining that your parent's car shoots missiles out of the hubcaps.
  • Tony Hawk with feet sticking out in every direction except from his butthole.
  • Doing Christ Air after Christ Air on your way to get some Arby's.
  • One professor refusing to judge your thesis because the two of you go to the same school and all the other professors refusing to judge your thesis because the first professor's reason for not doing it doesn't make any sense so the school just gives up and lets you graduate.
  • Wanting it until it turns out to have been a bad idea to want it.
  • Being a professional for five seconds a week.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 100. Cold Brew Ham https://topiclords.com/cold-brew-ham 7142af10-ce90-46ca-a4a5-f21d6cdcdfab Mon, 20 Sep 2021 08:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Jenni and Chris. We discuss Lord Chumley, edgelord teens, Lordosis behavior, Lordi - The Riff, Lord Dunsany the metalhead rewilding his estate, and Time Lords. 59:23 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jenni * https://twitter.com/horsewizrd/ * Chris Topics: * Lord Chumley * Topic Lords editor Esper Quinn weighs in on Transformer lore: "The second ever podcast I really worked on was called Sound.wav, a read-along Transformers comics podcast. I knew nothing about Transformers, and my friend Nell knew everything about them. We stuck to the IDW canon, but my understanding is, Transformers show up as naturally occurring "sparks" (a sort of semi-magical soul-piece) on the surface of the planet Cybertron, which if left to incubate will form a liquidmetal shell, which eventually becomes a full-on Transformer. (There's also something called Cold Construction which takes raw sparks and puts them in purpose built bodies, but whatever.) All of this means Transformers, in my mind, DO NOT qualify as actual robots. To me, a robot has to be built by somebody, but Transformers are just a metallic alien entity. On the podcast, we eventually had James Roberts, writer of the IDW comics series, and I confronted him with this: he agreed that Transformers are not technically robots. Felt pretty smart that day." * "Also, again I can only speak for the IDW canon, but Transformers on Cybertron don't have much of a concept of gender at all. Indeed, Transformers who were disconnected from society for millions of years and developed their own culture are the ones who sort of pioneered gender, purely as a cultural signifier. There's even explicitly trans transformers, who were known as one gender and switched to the other, and the storylines are handled pretty well in my opinion! (Other storylines, like the one explaining Arcee is a woman because she was experimented on by a mad Cybertronian scientist, are handled far less well.)" * "Transformers in IDW do have romance, and have officially recognized ceremonies for both 'amica endura' (equivalent to marriage), and 'conjunx endura' which is like eternal friendship." * "While you stepped out, there was brief discussion of Ultra Magnus and Minimus Ambus: Minimus Ambus is a tiny dude who wears the 'Ultra Magnus Armor,' Ultra Magnus being a sort of Dread Pirate Roberts semimythical figure of the universe. Good character, who has a good romance arc with Megatron!" * Is an edgelord phase a standard part of being a teen or what * Lordosis behavior * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lordosisbehavior * Lordi - The Riff * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zr9AattFkqo * Unedited (syncable) commentary: https://youtu.be/6qwGyZwDNI * Lord Dunsany the metalhead lord rewilding his estate * https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2021/aug/07/people-think-youre-an-idiot-death-metal-irish-baron-rewilds-his-estate * Time Lords Microtopics: * Taking a picture of a dog. * 140 strawberries. * Jim Not Knowing About Video Games Day. * Starting with how Smurfs fuck and then moving on to how Transformers fuck. * Transformers hanging out with humans because the humans can wipe them in places they can't reach. * Where Transformers come from in the various Transformers cosmologies. * How Grimlock built the Dinobots. * Sitting down with a screwdriver to make some buddies. * The hypothetical 1980s girl-child who might buy an Optimus Prime toy if it was wearing a pink bow on its head. * R.C., the hyper-pink Transformer with the wide, child-bearing hips. * Finally getting to the topic at hand. * Whether all Transformers are aromantic. * What kind of god would make a car in space where there's nothing to drive on. * The canonical term for when two Transformers are in a relationship. * Rarified Energon. * Prime's Rib, in which Future Feminists complain that there are no female Transformers so Optimus Prime constructs one from his own body parts. * The Wild 80s. * The British big game hunter who wanted to hunt the most dangerous game, Optimus Prime. * Mounting the nose of the plane you shot down as a trophy in your den. (The plane was actually grounded when you shot it.) * Whether teen edgelords are still a thing or whether teens are now performatively wholesome to freak out the olds. * The Alpha Teen. * The two genders of edgelord. * Toddlers hurting you so they can practice having empathy. * Accidentally promising a cat sexual favors. * The cat sticking its butt in your face so you'll lick it clean, because that's what the cat's mom did. * The innie arch vs the outie arch. * Bears playing 20 questions with themselves to determine whether you are also a bear. * The scientific term for scritches. * Sitting vs. standing up to wipe. * The various orders in which you could wipe, stand up, and flush. * Pushing vs. dragging. * Tai-chi vs. chai tea. * A picture of Lordi getting a vaccine. * A toilet in the shower. * The scene in Mad Max Fury Road where the guy with all the water hoses down the adulant throng below, except it's toilet paper instead of water. * Bringing the ugliest people you know on dates with you so you seem more attractive by comparison. * Whether it's still a cold cut if you heat it up. * Zombo Cop. * Making Video Content during the zombie apocalypse by putting GoPros on all the zombies. * Live streaming a zombie trying to walk into a brick wall. * Looking out on the zombie apocalypse and saying "time to finally eat the rich!" * The flashback explaining the origin story of the huge pile of bloody toilet paper. * Whether David Lynch explained something once. * The Lobster as a benchmark for bad date movies. * Pokemon that are weak to Basket. * Scientists studying the guillotine and determining that it's actually that basket your head lands in that kills you. * The worst part of the zombie apocalypse: when the self checkout tells you to wait for assistance, nobody ever comes. * The lordiest lord of them all. * A cool young lord. * A Jack Russell terrier named Beavis and Butt-Head. * Two dogs, one named Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful and Doc, and the other one named The Seven Dwarfs. * Hearing bird song you don't recognize, going to google and typing "Weee weee wha weee what's bird is this" * Shazam for bird call. * How to identify a bird that ages backwards. * An app that can take photos of an object and tell you whether it's a wizard in disguise. * Turning 25 and realizing that most movies are no longer about you at age 20. * Whether Doctor Who was based on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. * Gene Roddenberry playing Willy Wonka. * The Gum Chewer. * Deleting a tweet in which you are cranky about Doctor Who. * Doctor Who showrunner Stephen Wolfram. * The vicar turning out the be a giant wasp and the author turning out to be a transphobe. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

  • Lord Chumley
    • Topic Lords editor Esper Quinn weighs in on Transformer lore: "The second ever podcast I really worked on was called Sound.wav, a read-along Transformers comics podcast. I knew nothing about Transformers, and my friend Nell knew everything about them. We stuck to the IDW canon, but my understanding is, Transformers show up as naturally occurring "sparks" (a sort of semi-magical soul-piece) on the surface of the planet Cybertron, which if left to incubate will form a liquidmetal shell, which eventually becomes a full-on Transformer. (There's also something called Cold Construction which takes raw sparks and puts them in purpose built bodies, but whatever.) All of this means Transformers, in my mind, DO NOT qualify as actual robots. To me, a robot has to be built by somebody, but Transformers are just a metallic alien entity. On the podcast, we eventually had James Roberts, writer of the IDW comics series, and I confronted him with this: he agreed that Transformers are not technically robots. Felt pretty smart that day."
    • "Also, again I can only speak for the IDW canon, but Transformers on Cybertron don't have much of a concept of gender at all. Indeed, Transformers who were disconnected from society for millions of years and developed their own culture are the ones who sort of pioneered gender, purely as a cultural signifier. There's even explicitly trans transformers, who were known as one gender and switched to the other, and the storylines are handled pretty well in my opinion! (Other storylines, like the one explaining Arcee is a woman because she was experimented on by a mad Cybertronian scientist, are handled far less well.)"
    • "Transformers in IDW do have romance, and have officially recognized ceremonies for both 'amica endura' (equivalent to marriage), and 'conjunx endura' which is like eternal friendship."
    • "While you stepped out, there was brief discussion of Ultra Magnus and Minimus Ambus: Minimus Ambus is a tiny dude who wears the 'Ultra Magnus Armor,' Ultra Magnus being a sort of Dread Pirate Roberts semimythical figure of the universe. Good character, who has a good romance arc with Megatron!"
  • Is an edgelord phase a standard part of being a teen or what
  • Lordosis behavior
  • Lordi - The Riff
  • Lord Dunsany the metalhead lord rewilding his estate
  • Time Lords

Microtopics:

  • Taking a picture of a dog.
  • 140 strawberries.
  • Jim Not Knowing About Video Games Day.
  • Starting with how Smurfs fuck and then moving on to how Transformers fuck.
  • Transformers hanging out with humans because the humans can wipe them in places they can't reach.
  • Where Transformers come from in the various Transformers cosmologies.
  • How Grimlock built the Dinobots.
  • Sitting down with a screwdriver to make some buddies.
  • The hypothetical 1980s girl-child who might buy an Optimus Prime toy if it was wearing a pink bow on its head.
  • R.C., the hyper-pink Transformer with the wide, child-bearing hips.
  • Finally getting to the topic at hand.
  • Whether all Transformers are aromantic.
  • What kind of god would make a car in space where there's nothing to drive on.
  • The canonical term for when two Transformers are in a relationship.
  • Rarified Energon.
  • Prime's Rib, in which Future Feminists complain that there are no female Transformers so Optimus Prime constructs one from his own body parts.
  • The Wild 80s.
  • The British big game hunter who wanted to hunt the most dangerous game, Optimus Prime.
  • Mounting the nose of the plane you shot down as a trophy in your den. (The plane was actually grounded when you shot it.)
  • Whether teen edgelords are still a thing or whether teens are now performatively wholesome to freak out the olds.
  • The Alpha Teen.
  • The two genders of edgelord.
  • Toddlers hurting you so they can practice having empathy.
  • Accidentally promising a cat sexual favors.
  • The cat sticking its butt in your face so you'll lick it clean, because that's what the cat's mom did.
  • The innie arch vs the outie arch.
  • Bears playing 20 questions with themselves to determine whether you are also a bear.
  • The scientific term for scritches.
  • Sitting vs. standing up to wipe.
  • The various orders in which you could wipe, stand up, and flush.
  • Pushing vs. dragging.
  • Tai-chi vs. chai tea.
  • A picture of Lordi getting a vaccine.
  • A toilet in the shower.
  • The scene in Mad Max Fury Road where the guy with all the water hoses down the adulant throng below, except it's toilet paper instead of water.
  • Bringing the ugliest people you know on dates with you so you seem more attractive by comparison.
  • Whether it's still a cold cut if you heat it up.
  • Zombo Cop.
  • Making Video Content during the zombie apocalypse by putting GoPros on all the zombies.
  • Live streaming a zombie trying to walk into a brick wall.
  • Looking out on the zombie apocalypse and saying "time to finally eat the rich!"
  • The flashback explaining the origin story of the huge pile of bloody toilet paper.
  • Whether David Lynch explained something once.
  • The Lobster as a benchmark for bad date movies.
  • Pokemon that are weak to Basket.
  • Scientists studying the guillotine and determining that it's actually that basket your head lands in that kills you.
  • The worst part of the zombie apocalypse: when the self checkout tells you to wait for assistance, nobody ever comes.
  • The lordiest lord of them all.
  • A cool young lord.
  • A Jack Russell terrier named Beavis and Butt-Head.
  • Two dogs, one named Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful and Doc, and the other one named The Seven Dwarfs.
  • Hearing bird song you don't recognize, going to google and typing "Weee weee wha weee what's bird is this"
  • Shazam for bird call.
  • How to identify a bird that ages backwards.
  • An app that can take photos of an object and tell you whether it's a wizard in disguise.
  • Turning 25 and realizing that most movies are no longer about you at age 20.
  • Whether Doctor Who was based on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
  • Gene Roddenberry playing Willy Wonka.
  • The Gum Chewer.
  • Deleting a tweet in which you are cranky about Doctor Who.
  • Doctor Who showrunner Stephen Wolfram.
  • The vicar turning out the be a giant wasp and the author turning out to be a transphobe.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

  • Lord Chumley
    • Topic Lords editor Esper Quinn weighs in on Transformer lore: "The second ever podcast I really worked on was called Sound.wav, a read-along Transformers comics podcast. I knew nothing about Transformers, and my friend Nell knew everything about them. We stuck to the IDW canon, but my understanding is, Transformers show up as naturally occurring "sparks" (a sort of semi-magical soul-piece) on the surface of the planet Cybertron, which if left to incubate will form a liquidmetal shell, which eventually becomes a full-on Transformer. (There's also something called Cold Construction which takes raw sparks and puts them in purpose built bodies, but whatever.) All of this means Transformers, in my mind, DO NOT qualify as actual robots. To me, a robot has to be built by somebody, but Transformers are just a metallic alien entity. On the podcast, we eventually had James Roberts, writer of the IDW comics series, and I confronted him with this: he agreed that Transformers are not technically robots. Felt pretty smart that day."
    • "Also, again I can only speak for the IDW canon, but Transformers on Cybertron don't have much of a concept of gender at all. Indeed, Transformers who were disconnected from society for millions of years and developed their own culture are the ones who sort of pioneered gender, purely as a cultural signifier. There's even explicitly trans transformers, who were known as one gender and switched to the other, and the storylines are handled pretty well in my opinion! (Other storylines, like the one explaining Arcee is a woman because she was experimented on by a mad Cybertronian scientist, are handled far less well.)"
    • "Transformers in IDW do have romance, and have officially recognized ceremonies for both 'amica endura' (equivalent to marriage), and 'conjunx endura' which is like eternal friendship."
    • "While you stepped out, there was brief discussion of Ultra Magnus and Minimus Ambus: Minimus Ambus is a tiny dude who wears the 'Ultra Magnus Armor,' Ultra Magnus being a sort of Dread Pirate Roberts semimythical figure of the universe. Good character, who has a good romance arc with Megatron!"
  • Is an edgelord phase a standard part of being a teen or what
  • Lordosis behavior
  • Lordi - The Riff
  • Lord Dunsany the metalhead lord rewilding his estate
  • Time Lords

Microtopics:

  • Taking a picture of a dog.
  • 140 strawberries.
  • Jim Not Knowing About Video Games Day.
  • Starting with how Smurfs fuck and then moving on to how Transformers fuck.
  • Transformers hanging out with humans because the humans can wipe them in places they can't reach.
  • Where Transformers come from in the various Transformers cosmologies.
  • How Grimlock built the Dinobots.
  • Sitting down with a screwdriver to make some buddies.
  • The hypothetical 1980s girl-child who might buy an Optimus Prime toy if it was wearing a pink bow on its head.
  • R.C., the hyper-pink Transformer with the wide, child-bearing hips.
  • Finally getting to the topic at hand.
  • Whether all Transformers are aromantic.
  • What kind of god would make a car in space where there's nothing to drive on.
  • The canonical term for when two Transformers are in a relationship.
  • Rarified Energon.
  • Prime's Rib, in which Future Feminists complain that there are no female Transformers so Optimus Prime constructs one from his own body parts.
  • The Wild 80s.
  • The British big game hunter who wanted to hunt the most dangerous game, Optimus Prime.
  • Mounting the nose of the plane you shot down as a trophy in your den. (The plane was actually grounded when you shot it.)
  • Whether teen edgelords are still a thing or whether teens are now performatively wholesome to freak out the olds.
  • The Alpha Teen.
  • The two genders of edgelord.
  • Toddlers hurting you so they can practice having empathy.
  • Accidentally promising a cat sexual favors.
  • The cat sticking its butt in your face so you'll lick it clean, because that's what the cat's mom did.
  • The innie arch vs the outie arch.
  • Bears playing 20 questions with themselves to determine whether you are also a bear.
  • The scientific term for scritches.
  • Sitting vs. standing up to wipe.
  • The various orders in which you could wipe, stand up, and flush.
  • Pushing vs. dragging.
  • Tai-chi vs. chai tea.
  • A picture of Lordi getting a vaccine.
  • A toilet in the shower.
  • The scene in Mad Max Fury Road where the guy with all the water hoses down the adulant throng below, except it's toilet paper instead of water.
  • Bringing the ugliest people you know on dates with you so you seem more attractive by comparison.
  • Whether it's still a cold cut if you heat it up.
  • Zombo Cop.
  • Making Video Content during the zombie apocalypse by putting GoPros on all the zombies.
  • Live streaming a zombie trying to walk into a brick wall.
  • Looking out on the zombie apocalypse and saying "time to finally eat the rich!"
  • The flashback explaining the origin story of the huge pile of bloody toilet paper.
  • Whether David Lynch explained something once.
  • The Lobster as a benchmark for bad date movies.
  • Pokemon that are weak to Basket.
  • Scientists studying the guillotine and determining that it's actually that basket your head lands in that kills you.
  • The worst part of the zombie apocalypse: when the self checkout tells you to wait for assistance, nobody ever comes.
  • The lordiest lord of them all.
  • A cool young lord.
  • A Jack Russell terrier named Beavis and Butt-Head.
  • Two dogs, one named Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful and Doc, and the other one named The Seven Dwarfs.
  • Hearing bird song you don't recognize, going to google and typing "Weee weee wha weee what's bird is this"
  • Shazam for bird call.
  • How to identify a bird that ages backwards.
  • An app that can take photos of an object and tell you whether it's a wizard in disguise.
  • Turning 25 and realizing that most movies are no longer about you at age 20.
  • Whether Doctor Who was based on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
  • Gene Roddenberry playing Willy Wonka.
  • The Gum Chewer.
  • Deleting a tweet in which you are cranky about Doctor Who.
  • Doctor Who showrunner Stephen Wolfram.
  • The vicar turning out the be a giant wasp and the author turning out to be a transphobe.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 90. That's My Glass Petard! https://topiclords.com/thats-my-glass-petard 147955b7-5f58-4614-849d-2a51e8efa772 Mon, 12 Jul 2021 08:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Jenni and Kole. We discuss whether you should stop animal thieves, Americans finding out about Eurovision, the video game adaptation of the Blade Runner soundtrack, I Did It, your kid adopting Sonic the Hedgehog's attitudey idle animation, how to fix every plot hole in every work, and the "I won't eat the cheese" joke. 1:13:59 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jenni * jenni@jennipolodna.com * Kole * https://duckfeed.tv/ * https://twitter.com/koleross Topics: * Whether or not you should stop animals who are thieves. * We're gonna reach a point where Americans know about Eurovision pretty soon, so prepare for that * "CRL couldn't afford the movie license for their video game adaptation of Blade Runner, so they just licensed the soundtrack. * http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blade-runner-1985/ * I Did It by Dave Matthews Band * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRXZkdEj7YI * Unedited (syncable) commentary: https://youtu.be/gN_7KtRoZWU * Showing your kid the Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon & him immediately adopting Sonic's attitudey idle animation * Fixing every plot hole in media by writing a "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead"-like work where minor characters directly address them. * The "I won't eat the cheese" joke * Adventure 500: https://bluerenga.blog/tag/adventure-500/?order=ASC Microtopics: * An entire crowd of Jennis all expressing their preferences at once. * Creative choices that make editing this show take even longer. * Feeling some topics right now. * Helping a seagull looter escape. * Just assuming that the seagull didn't pay for that bag of chips. * Sending a penguin to the market to buy fish. * The Keystone Kops of stopping this bird from having a cheese sandwich. * How nobody can get mad if you train your dog to steal from shops. * An adorable seagull stealing somebody's insulin. * Activating the motion-sensing doors to help a seagull steal the Hope Diamond. * Encountering a seagull smoking a tiny crack pipe and deciding whether to post a video on social media or send it to rehab. * How to monetize the rat trying to go up the down escalator. * When you post a viral video of a rat trying to go up the down escalator and monetize it by replying with an ad for mail order brides but don't give the rat a cut off the income. * Whether Americans know about Eurovision. * Pretending the listeners don't know what Eurovision is and really lording it over them. * Having to adjust for the altitude when you bake a souffle on your high horse. * If every state in the USA got to perform one song at the Super Bowl halftime show. * Mr. Lordy. * Soccer except it's singing. * Looking up what girding your loins means. * Stocking up on batteries in advance of when Americans find out about Eurovision. * Power-washed Cheetos. * A bag of bad corn snacks impaled on both a pike and a spike. * Cat Is How Much. * The specific ways in which Wikidiff is broken. * Retiring replidroids. * Knife Hopper with Boy Ratty and Dick Reckard. * An extremely composed and photogenic dumpster. * Getting ready for some very uncomfortable mugging. * Identifying wizards by their extremely shiny outfits. * Why is this man so big? * Smoke tentacles that are just trying to turn the TV on. * How badly the red wizard needs food. * Sugar Ray Charles playing guitar with one hand and holding champagne in the other. * A dojo with sauna vibes. * Dripping your dumpster water onto the hookah rip enjoyer. * Dave-- that's what his fans call him: Dave. * Dave Matthews's flying kick fizzling out because his bribe to the VFX artist wasn't big enough. * Scaring the fish with your pec shimmy. * Doing community service with the purple wizard who is now the orange wizard. * Your two most attitudey friends getting married and having a kid. * Deciding that Sonic the Hedgehog's "I'm waiting" idle animation from Sonic 1 is so central to the character that you decide you need to invent reasons for Sonic to be bored in every episode of the Sonic cartoon. * Looking at your old yearbook photos and realizing that your smirk is the same as Sonic the Hedgehog's. * Kids getting sucked into Sonic the Hedgehog's engorged monopupil younger and younger every year. * The helicopter but it gets you lift. * Mario's idle animation in Super Mario 64 where he just starts naming Italian foods. * Whether someone at Nintendo of America heard Charles Martinet's Mario audition tape and thought "Martinet's an Italian name, right? That means it can't be racist!" * The alternate reality where Charles Martinet does a cartoonish French accent to voice Nintendo's platformer mascot. * Getting offended on behalf of the French. * Whether we should give Shamus O'Leary a hard time for having a racist name. * Shamus O'Leary finding the video on Instagram where you did a cartoon Irish accent in his store's bathroom and being like "is that our choking poster??" * Hearing that Andy Dufresne makes a hole in a cell wall and assuming Shawshank Redemption is a sequel to Fantastic Voyage. * Writing a short story about a friendly rat who explains how Marty McFly's parents didn't recognize him. * Making it a life goal to transform every goof on IMDB into an "error made by character" by writing fan sequels on AO3. * Explaining how Marty McFly's parents didn't recognize him by pointing out that it was actually a movie the whole time. * The stage play of Super Mario Bros 2 where the audience just watches Mario snore for two hours while listening to jaunty ragtime. * A joke striking you loudly enough that it's still ringing in your head twenty years later. * Paris Syndrome. * Jerusalem Syndrome. * Planting a palm tree under the Eiffel Tower. * Adventure 500. * A game jam where you recreate a game you haven't played in years from memory. * Lou's voice just being a bad Sylvester Stallone accent. * Jenni probably appreciating your email unless it's a bad email. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • An entire crowd of Jennis all expressing their preferences at once.
  • Creative choices that make editing this show take even longer.
  • Feeling some topics right now.
  • Helping a seagull looter escape.
  • Just assuming that the seagull didn't pay for that bag of chips.
  • Sending a penguin to the market to buy fish.
  • The Keystone Kops of stopping this bird from having a cheese sandwich.
  • How nobody can get mad if you train your dog to steal from shops.
  • An adorable seagull stealing somebody's insulin.
  • Activating the motion-sensing doors to help a seagull steal the Hope Diamond.
  • Encountering a seagull smoking a tiny crack pipe and deciding whether to post a video on social media or send it to rehab.
  • How to monetize the rat trying to go up the down escalator.
  • When you post a viral video of a rat trying to go up the down escalator and monetize it by replying with an ad for mail order brides but don't give the rat a cut off the income.
  • Whether Americans know about Eurovision.
  • Pretending the listeners don't know what Eurovision is and really lording it over them.
  • Having to adjust for the altitude when you bake a souffle on your high horse.
  • If every state in the USA got to perform one song at the Super Bowl halftime show.
  • Mr. Lordy.
  • Soccer except it's singing.
  • Looking up what girding your loins means.
  • Stocking up on batteries in advance of when Americans find out about Eurovision.
  • Power-washed Cheetos.
  • A bag of bad corn snacks impaled on both a pike and a spike.
  • Cat Is How Much.
  • The specific ways in which Wikidiff is broken.
  • Retiring replidroids.
  • Knife Hopper with Boy Ratty and Dick Reckard.
  • An extremely composed and photogenic dumpster.
  • Getting ready for some very uncomfortable mugging.
  • Identifying wizards by their extremely shiny outfits.
  • Why is this man so big?
  • Smoke tentacles that are just trying to turn the TV on.
  • How badly the red wizard needs food.
  • Sugar Ray Charles playing guitar with one hand and holding champagne in the other.
  • A dojo with sauna vibes.
  • Dripping your dumpster water onto the hookah rip enjoyer.
  • Dave-- that's what his fans call him: Dave.
  • Dave Matthews's flying kick fizzling out because his bribe to the VFX artist wasn't big enough.
  • Scaring the fish with your pec shimmy.
  • Doing community service with the purple wizard who is now the orange wizard.
  • Your two most attitudey friends getting married and having a kid.
  • Deciding that Sonic the Hedgehog's "I'm waiting" idle animation from Sonic 1 is so central to the character that you decide you need to invent reasons for Sonic to be bored in every episode of the Sonic cartoon.
  • Looking at your old yearbook photos and realizing that your smirk is the same as Sonic the Hedgehog's.
  • Kids getting sucked into Sonic the Hedgehog's engorged monopupil younger and younger every year.
  • The helicopter but it gets you lift.
  • Mario's idle animation in Super Mario 64 where he just starts naming Italian foods.
  • Whether someone at Nintendo of America heard Charles Martinet's Mario audition tape and thought "Martinet's an Italian name, right? That means it can't be racist!"
  • The alternate reality where Charles Martinet does a cartoonish French accent to voice Nintendo's platformer mascot.
  • Getting offended on behalf of the French.
  • Whether we should give Shamus O'Leary a hard time for having a racist name.
  • Shamus O'Leary finding the video on Instagram where you did a cartoon Irish accent in his store's bathroom and being like "is that our choking poster??"
  • Hearing that Andy Dufresne makes a hole in a cell wall and assuming Shawshank Redemption is a sequel to Fantastic Voyage.
  • Writing a short story about a friendly rat who explains how Marty McFly's parents didn't recognize him.
  • Making it a life goal to transform every goof on IMDB into an "error made by character" by writing fan sequels on AO3.
  • Explaining how Marty McFly's parents didn't recognize him by pointing out that it was actually a movie the whole time.
  • The stage play of Super Mario Bros 2 where the audience just watches Mario snore for two hours while listening to jaunty ragtime.
  • A joke striking you loudly enough that it's still ringing in your head twenty years later.
  • Paris Syndrome.
  • Jerusalem Syndrome.
  • Planting a palm tree under the Eiffel Tower.
  • Adventure 500.
  • A game jam where you recreate a game you haven't played in years from memory.
  • Lou's voice just being a bad Sylvester Stallone accent.
  • Jenni probably appreciating your email unless it's a bad email.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • An entire crowd of Jennis all expressing their preferences at once.
  • Creative choices that make editing this show take even longer.
  • Feeling some topics right now.
  • Helping a seagull looter escape.
  • Just assuming that the seagull didn't pay for that bag of chips.
  • Sending a penguin to the market to buy fish.
  • The Keystone Kops of stopping this bird from having a cheese sandwich.
  • How nobody can get mad if you train your dog to steal from shops.
  • An adorable seagull stealing somebody's insulin.
  • Activating the motion-sensing doors to help a seagull steal the Hope Diamond.
  • Encountering a seagull smoking a tiny crack pipe and deciding whether to post a video on social media or send it to rehab.
  • How to monetize the rat trying to go up the down escalator.
  • When you post a viral video of a rat trying to go up the down escalator and monetize it by replying with an ad for mail order brides but don't give the rat a cut off the income.
  • Whether Americans know about Eurovision.
  • Pretending the listeners don't know what Eurovision is and really lording it over them.
  • Having to adjust for the altitude when you bake a souffle on your high horse.
  • If every state in the USA got to perform one song at the Super Bowl halftime show.
  • Mr. Lordy.
  • Soccer except it's singing.
  • Looking up what girding your loins means.
  • Stocking up on batteries in advance of when Americans find out about Eurovision.
  • Power-washed Cheetos.
  • A bag of bad corn snacks impaled on both a pike and a spike.
  • Cat Is How Much.
  • The specific ways in which Wikidiff is broken.
  • Retiring replidroids.
  • Knife Hopper with Boy Ratty and Dick Reckard.
  • An extremely composed and photogenic dumpster.
  • Getting ready for some very uncomfortable mugging.
  • Identifying wizards by their extremely shiny outfits.
  • Why is this man so big?
  • Smoke tentacles that are just trying to turn the TV on.
  • How badly the red wizard needs food.
  • Sugar Ray Charles playing guitar with one hand and holding champagne in the other.
  • A dojo with sauna vibes.
  • Dripping your dumpster water onto the hookah rip enjoyer.
  • Dave-- that's what his fans call him: Dave.
  • Dave Matthews's flying kick fizzling out because his bribe to the VFX artist wasn't big enough.
  • Scaring the fish with your pec shimmy.
  • Doing community service with the purple wizard who is now the orange wizard.
  • Your two most attitudey friends getting married and having a kid.
  • Deciding that Sonic the Hedgehog's "I'm waiting" idle animation from Sonic 1 is so central to the character that you decide you need to invent reasons for Sonic to be bored in every episode of the Sonic cartoon.
  • Looking at your old yearbook photos and realizing that your smirk is the same as Sonic the Hedgehog's.
  • Kids getting sucked into Sonic the Hedgehog's engorged monopupil younger and younger every year.
  • The helicopter but it gets you lift.
  • Mario's idle animation in Super Mario 64 where he just starts naming Italian foods.
  • Whether someone at Nintendo of America heard Charles Martinet's Mario audition tape and thought "Martinet's an Italian name, right? That means it can't be racist!"
  • The alternate reality where Charles Martinet does a cartoonish French accent to voice Nintendo's platformer mascot.
  • Getting offended on behalf of the French.
  • Whether we should give Shamus O'Leary a hard time for having a racist name.
  • Shamus O'Leary finding the video on Instagram where you did a cartoon Irish accent in his store's bathroom and being like "is that our choking poster??"
  • Hearing that Andy Dufresne makes a hole in a cell wall and assuming Shawshank Redemption is a sequel to Fantastic Voyage.
  • Writing a short story about a friendly rat who explains how Marty McFly's parents didn't recognize him.
  • Making it a life goal to transform every goof on IMDB into an "error made by character" by writing fan sequels on AO3.
  • Explaining how Marty McFly's parents didn't recognize him by pointing out that it was actually a movie the whole time.
  • The stage play of Super Mario Bros 2 where the audience just watches Mario snore for two hours while listening to jaunty ragtime.
  • A joke striking you loudly enough that it's still ringing in your head twenty years later.
  • Paris Syndrome.
  • Jerusalem Syndrome.
  • Planting a palm tree under the Eiffel Tower.
  • Adventure 500.
  • A game jam where you recreate a game you haven't played in years from memory.
  • Lou's voice just being a bad Sylvester Stallone accent.
  • Jenni probably appreciating your email unless it's a bad email.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 69. Wave-Cat Duality https://topiclords.com/wave-cat-duality ed238cd6-5f21-4ed0-9591-f6f036f04fbc Mon, 15 Feb 2021 08:00:00 -0800 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords this week: Hallie and Jenni. We discuss tarot readings using meme templates, jellicle cats and the heaviside layer, Disney characters attending your funeral, lemonade candy, moose licking your car, jokes as motivation to learn, and unkomario and kintamario. 1:05:13 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Hallie * https://twitter.com/Hallie9000 * Jenni * jenni@jennipolodna.com * Riff and Jenni play Policenauts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dnaryt7Vd-U&list=PLQqCGkS4_4ZgJEvjj31kQpY75-Pnmbul Topics: * Tarot readings using meme templates * In the musical Cats, jellicle cats ascend to the Heaviside Layer & come back reborn, therefore cats are radio waves, discuss * https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1382102/Now-Lloyd-Webber-puts-Eliots-dogs-to-music.html * Original twitter thread about platonic cats: https://twitter.com/chriscereza/status/1316118239785574400 * Why the Music In Cats Is Worse Than You Thought https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3aK-EK5V2k * Disney attending your funeral * http://magicalpassings.com/ * John asks "Country Time Lemonade lent their brand name to the best lemon candy I ever had which I discovered right about the time it was discontinued" * Why are you not supposed to let a moose lick your car, is it because their tongues will get stuck, how do you stop them * Jokes as motivation to learn * Unkomario and kintamario * https://i.imgur.com/83LapJQ.png * https://i.imgur.com/Vj3nsyW.png * 18-Volt squatting on a coin: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJKFZVEKHYY Microtopics: * Whether this is going to be a fun episode or if it's going to crash and burn after two minutes. * Trying to eat a watermelon in December and nature punishing you for your hubris. * A tarot deck of memes. * Describing memes in an audio medium. * Arby's. * Getting ASMR live on the podcast. * The Deck of Old Memes. * Where the horsey sauce comes out. * Your Arby's cups with a radioactive ghost. * The Loss Spread. * Literary analysis of a work of art, except it's a roguelike. * Jellicle cats. * Making noises even if you have nothing to say. * Loving Cats unironically except for the fatphobic one. * Advertisements for the stage musical Cats making it seem like Les Miserables, a show you go to to cry for three hours. * Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat. * Fantasizing that the hipster guy at the moustache wax store is your boyfriend. * Platonic forms that have been banished to earth and must prove themselves sufficiently perfect to return to the realm of ideas. * Whether pollicle is a back formation from jellicle. * Never having met a pollicle dog, nor watched a fever dream of a movie where they sing to you. * The good content that you can't keep it together through. * Reinforcing Goofy's head so that it doesn't fall into the casket when he kisses the body. * Burying you with a solar powered mp3 player so that you can hear "It's A Small World" on loop for eternity. * Hiring someone to be you from the past so they can have it out with Goofy dressed as the Ghost of Christmas Future at your funeral. * Planning the Best Funeral Ever. * Whether Disney is willing to DMCA takedown your novelty Disney funeral. * Our Cyberpunk Future being cool as heck and also unimaginably awful, like Lovecraft. * Our Cool Cyberpunk Future, where there are cool things and terrible things, and the rich people have the cool things, and you can try to steal them from them. * To what degree we got our Dystopian Cyberpunk Future because Jeff Bezos loved Neuromancer and wanted to make it happen for real. * Hiring Hiro Protagonist from Snow Crash to come to your funeral and kiss you on the lips, and getting a Meme Virus that persists through your death. * Hiring Tron Guy to come to your funeral and kiss you on the list. * Refusing to let Tron Guy see Tron Legacy at your movie theater because Ernest Cline would just buy the theater immediately. * Pickle brine that tastes a lot like peppery lemonade. * The hierarchy of sour candies. * Sour candy marketing in the 90s proclaiming that "your mom hates these!" * The difference between macaroons and macarons, and whether it exists. * The difference between pies and tarts, and whether it exists. * Graham cracker crust quiche. * The same podcast episode but you keep editing new guest commentary in so that gets longer and longer. * Not letting a moose lick your car, because their tongue might get stuck. * Driving away after the moose's tongue gets stuck to your bumper and the moose flies behind you like a kite. * Driving in bemoosed roads. * Driving away when a moose tries to lick your car. * Moose seeing a car and thinking "oh good a source of salt." * The hippos of the West. * Telling your child that every animal is imaginary so they can have the magical moment of discovering the truth over and over again. * Frightening a bear away by putting moose antlers on it and showing it a mirror. * Inventing and testing sour honey live on this podcast. * The patron saint of standing on your head. * A sour honey update: it's fine. * The new sour salty honey candy, "Are They Gonna Give Me That Sour Salty Honey?" * People and learning and why they do it. * The thing about jokes. * Putting a bunch of bad programming means on the classroom wall because students will want to understand the joke. * Learning a little about many things and becoming a generalist. * The only STEM person in this anatomy and physiology class making jokes about how the kidneys are a linked list. * A meme in the sense of making your calculator say "BOOBIES" * An extremely elaborate process for making it kinda look like Mario is pooping. * Duolingo finally paying off when you can discern which Mario is pooping and which Mario has testicles. * An official Nintendo product acknowledging the schoolyard meme where it looks like Mario is pooping. * Inventing new things to do with video games. * The Green Demon. * The essence of swag. * Memes with good cinematography. * Inventing rules to apply to yourself to make video games harder. * Beating Pokemon with all Woopers. * A problematic Kojima game?! * Opting out of having an adult name. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Whether this is going to be a fun episode or if it's going to crash and burn after two minutes.
  • Trying to eat a watermelon in December and nature punishing you for your hubris.
  • A tarot deck of memes.
  • Describing memes in an audio medium.
  • Arby's.
  • Getting ASMR live on the podcast.
  • The Deck of Old Memes.
  • Where the horsey sauce comes out.
  • Your Arby's cups with a radioactive ghost.
  • The Loss Spread.
  • Literary analysis of a work of art, except it's a roguelike.
  • Jellicle cats.
  • Making noises even if you have nothing to say.
  • Loving Cats unironically except for the fatphobic one.
  • Advertisements for the stage musical Cats making it seem like Les Miserables, a show you go to to cry for three hours.
  • Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat.
  • Fantasizing that the hipster guy at the moustache wax store is your boyfriend.
  • Platonic forms that have been banished to earth and must prove themselves sufficiently perfect to return to the realm of ideas.
  • Whether pollicle is a back formation from jellicle.
  • Never having met a pollicle dog, nor watched a fever dream of a movie where they sing to you.
  • The good content that you can't keep it together through.
  • Reinforcing Goofy's head so that it doesn't fall into the casket when he kisses the body.
  • Burying you with a solar powered mp3 player so that you can hear "It's A Small World" on loop for eternity.
  • Hiring someone to be you from the past so they can have it out with Goofy dressed as the Ghost of Christmas Future at your funeral.
  • Planning the Best Funeral Ever.
  • Whether Disney is willing to DMCA takedown your novelty Disney funeral.
  • Our Cyberpunk Future being cool as heck and also unimaginably awful, like Lovecraft.
  • Our Cool Cyberpunk Future, where there are cool things and terrible things, and the rich people have the cool things, and you can try to steal them from them.
  • To what degree we got our Dystopian Cyberpunk Future because Jeff Bezos loved Neuromancer and wanted to make it happen for real.
  • Hiring Hiro Protagonist from Snow Crash to come to your funeral and kiss you on the lips, and getting a Meme Virus that persists through your death.
  • Hiring Tron Guy to come to your funeral and kiss you on the list.
  • Refusing to let Tron Guy see Tron Legacy at your movie theater because Ernest Cline would just buy the theater immediately.
  • Pickle brine that tastes a lot like peppery lemonade.
  • The hierarchy of sour candies.
  • Sour candy marketing in the 90s proclaiming that "your mom hates these!"
  • The difference between macaroons and macarons, and whether it exists.
  • The difference between pies and tarts, and whether it exists.
  • Graham cracker crust quiche.
  • The same podcast episode but you keep editing new guest commentary in so that gets longer and longer.
  • Not letting a moose lick your car, because their tongue might get stuck.
  • Driving away after the moose's tongue gets stuck to your bumper and the moose flies behind you like a kite.
  • Driving in bemoosed roads.
  • Driving away when a moose tries to lick your car.
  • Moose seeing a car and thinking "oh good a source of salt."
  • The hippos of the West.
  • Telling your child that every animal is imaginary so they can have the magical moment of discovering the truth over and over again.
  • Frightening a bear away by putting moose antlers on it and showing it a mirror.
  • Inventing and testing sour honey live on this podcast.
  • The patron saint of standing on your head.
  • A sour honey update: it's fine.
  • The new sour salty honey candy, "Are They Gonna Give Me That Sour Salty Honey?"
  • People and learning and why they do it.
  • The thing about jokes.
  • Putting a bunch of bad programming means on the classroom wall because students will want to understand the joke.
  • Learning a little about many things and becoming a generalist.
  • The only STEM person in this anatomy and physiology class making jokes about how the kidneys are a linked list.
  • A meme in the sense of making your calculator say "BOOBIES"
  • An extremely elaborate process for making it kinda look like Mario is pooping.
  • Duolingo finally paying off when you can discern which Mario is pooping and which Mario has testicles.
  • An official Nintendo product acknowledging the schoolyard meme where it looks like Mario is pooping.
  • Inventing new things to do with video games.
  • The Green Demon.
  • The essence of swag.
  • Memes with good cinematography.
  • Inventing rules to apply to yourself to make video games harder.
  • Beating Pokemon with all Woopers.
  • A problematic Kojima game?!
  • Opting out of having an adult name.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Whether this is going to be a fun episode or if it's going to crash and burn after two minutes.
  • Trying to eat a watermelon in December and nature punishing you for your hubris.
  • A tarot deck of memes.
  • Describing memes in an audio medium.
  • Arby's.
  • Getting ASMR live on the podcast.
  • The Deck of Old Memes.
  • Where the horsey sauce comes out.
  • Your Arby's cups with a radioactive ghost.
  • The Loss Spread.
  • Literary analysis of a work of art, except it's a roguelike.
  • Jellicle cats.
  • Making noises even if you have nothing to say.
  • Loving Cats unironically except for the fatphobic one.
  • Advertisements for the stage musical Cats making it seem like Les Miserables, a show you go to to cry for three hours.
  • Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat.
  • Fantasizing that the hipster guy at the moustache wax store is your boyfriend.
  • Platonic forms that have been banished to earth and must prove themselves sufficiently perfect to return to the realm of ideas.
  • Whether pollicle is a back formation from jellicle.
  • Never having met a pollicle dog, nor watched a fever dream of a movie where they sing to you.
  • The good content that you can't keep it together through.
  • Reinforcing Goofy's head so that it doesn't fall into the casket when he kisses the body.
  • Burying you with a solar powered mp3 player so that you can hear "It's A Small World" on loop for eternity.
  • Hiring someone to be you from the past so they can have it out with Goofy dressed as the Ghost of Christmas Future at your funeral.
  • Planning the Best Funeral Ever.
  • Whether Disney is willing to DMCA takedown your novelty Disney funeral.
  • Our Cyberpunk Future being cool as heck and also unimaginably awful, like Lovecraft.
  • Our Cool Cyberpunk Future, where there are cool things and terrible things, and the rich people have the cool things, and you can try to steal them from them.
  • To what degree we got our Dystopian Cyberpunk Future because Jeff Bezos loved Neuromancer and wanted to make it happen for real.
  • Hiring Hiro Protagonist from Snow Crash to come to your funeral and kiss you on the lips, and getting a Meme Virus that persists through your death.
  • Hiring Tron Guy to come to your funeral and kiss you on the list.
  • Refusing to let Tron Guy see Tron Legacy at your movie theater because Ernest Cline would just buy the theater immediately.
  • Pickle brine that tastes a lot like peppery lemonade.
  • The hierarchy of sour candies.
  • Sour candy marketing in the 90s proclaiming that "your mom hates these!"
  • The difference between macaroons and macarons, and whether it exists.
  • The difference between pies and tarts, and whether it exists.
  • Graham cracker crust quiche.
  • The same podcast episode but you keep editing new guest commentary in so that gets longer and longer.
  • Not letting a moose lick your car, because their tongue might get stuck.
  • Driving away after the moose's tongue gets stuck to your bumper and the moose flies behind you like a kite.
  • Driving in bemoosed roads.
  • Driving away when a moose tries to lick your car.
  • Moose seeing a car and thinking "oh good a source of salt."
  • The hippos of the West.
  • Telling your child that every animal is imaginary so they can have the magical moment of discovering the truth over and over again.
  • Frightening a bear away by putting moose antlers on it and showing it a mirror.
  • Inventing and testing sour honey live on this podcast.
  • The patron saint of standing on your head.
  • A sour honey update: it's fine.
  • The new sour salty honey candy, "Are They Gonna Give Me That Sour Salty Honey?"
  • People and learning and why they do it.
  • The thing about jokes.
  • Putting a bunch of bad programming means on the classroom wall because students will want to understand the joke.
  • Learning a little about many things and becoming a generalist.
  • The only STEM person in this anatomy and physiology class making jokes about how the kidneys are a linked list.
  • A meme in the sense of making your calculator say "BOOBIES"
  • An extremely elaborate process for making it kinda look like Mario is pooping.
  • Duolingo finally paying off when you can discern which Mario is pooping and which Mario has testicles.
  • An official Nintendo product acknowledging the schoolyard meme where it looks like Mario is pooping.
  • Inventing new things to do with video games.
  • The Green Demon.
  • The essence of swag.
  • Memes with good cinematography.
  • Inventing rules to apply to yourself to make video games harder.
  • Beating Pokemon with all Woopers.
  • A problematic Kojima game?!
  • Opting out of having an adult name.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 52. Speak Moistly and Carry a Wet Stick https://topiclords.com/speak-moistly-and-carry-a-wet-stick 71af4c13-4d01-40cc-80b3-81ffa7d5300e Mon, 19 Oct 2020 08:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Jenni and Chris. We discuss: mirror galaxy doppelgangers, blaseball, ways to interact with dishwashers, the inventor of roller skates, the cool s again, and every toxic animal in Arizona. 1:02:07 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jenni is reachable at jenni@jennipolodna.com. * Chris is making cooking videos at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRsnCRAIi-VsRPPX4AtzVGQ/ Topics: * Possibly having doppelgangers in the same physical universe on the other side of the Big Bang is creepy * Never interfacing with the cool parts of baseball because the front-facing parts didn't appeal to you * https://music.metafilter.com/8889/Jaylen-Please-Dont-Bean-My-Man * The two kinds of people: people who can just put a dish in the dishwasher and be happy with the outcome, and people who have to wash each dish by hand before putting it in the dishwasher, in which case what's even the point? * Miko asks "John Joseph Merlin (!) introduced the world to roller skates by rolling into a costumed ball, playing a violin, and immediately crashing into a mirror because he hadn't invented brakes yet." * The virality of the Cool S * AZ is the only state in the union where you can get one of every kind of venomous animal in your yard in the same day, I think (edit: except marsupials?) * Ancient magicks and the price we pay for them Microtopics: * The Korean spam company that owns the Video Games Taco domain name. * Who owns the Video Games Taco AOL keyword. * Editing video on an iPhone because you spilled coffee on your computer. * Refusing to use your girlfriend's salty leavings to edit video. * A symmetrical big bang implying an identical doppelganger Earth across the universe. * Traveling across the universe to destroy your big bang doppelgangers with the understanding that they want the same thing and will meet you halfway. * Arguments that exist only to depress people because you can't do anything with the information. * Whether or not the Big Bang knew about mirrors. * Higher order thought leading to the possibility of altruism. * The Chris Hegemony. * An automatic eternal baseball simulation. * Guessing what the cool part of baseball is and getting partial credit. * Speaking moistly and carrying a wet stick. * Voting to open the forbidden book and now the umpires can incinerate you. * MMO players voting in a law against running stoplights and expressing the devs to write code to enforce it like it's the law of gravity. * MMO players designating certain players to run around and hit you with a stick until you stop breaking the rules. * Finding out about Blaseball by dating and living with someone who is really into Blaseball. * Refusing to read Homestuck because you've already read Problem Sleuth. * Baseball having interesting rules but steadfastly refusing to market itself to game nerds. * When the sausages would race. * Whether there is Canadian bacon in this sausage race. * Finding the web site that keeps track of the sausage mascot race results. * Whether or not the chorizo sausage costume is wearing a sombrero. * Trading the player who assaulted the sausage mascot to the Chicago Cubs. * The sausage race promotional posters having surprisingly interesting composition. * Performing an act of necromancy on Jaylen Hotdogfingers. * Recreating the experience of people talking about a sport you don't follow except for a fake sport. * A first-person confessional of what it's like to be a racing sausage. * Finding out that the sausage races are never fixed and feeling relief that you can still believe in something. * Whether you grew up trusting dishwashers. * How to get stabbed in the hand. * Having dish-related trauma. * Having an incredibly high spoon to fork ratio. * Your spaghetti spoon. * Taking a saw and turning any spoon into a fork. * Loading the silverware drawer with four slots full of murder sporks pointing the wrong way. * Existing for four nanoseconds and spending all four being angry about how your husband wants to load the silverware drawer. * God blaming you when they were the one who made the universe deterministic. * Refusing to take the dish out of the dishwasher if it's still dirty, because god dang it you did your part. * Punting a task to when you have more brain. * Whether viewing your future self as a separate person is universal or distinct to American psychology students. * Doing a study for the beer money and screwing up the study because you're ordering beer online during the study. * Hearing about a "costumed ball" and picturing Pom Pom in a Halloween episode. * Not giving the inventor of roller skates too much credit because he didn't think of putting all the wheels in a row. * Inventing the car and debuting it by driving into a petting zoo, honking La Cucaracha and trying to steal novelty hats off of the racing sausages. * Determining whether you need to steal the hats off of the sausages while they're racing or if you can wait until they've taken the hats off at the end of the day. * John Joseph Merlin's fart remover. * The Cool S of topics. * Growing up in a parallel Earth without the Cool S. * People in the Amazon Basin who've never seen Goatse or the Cool S. * Waking up in a world without the Cool S and getting to be the one who teaches all the kids who can't draw how to draw one cool thing. * Finding the Cool S in a painting from 1533, right above the hidden anamorphic skull. * Neither the Animorphs or the Digimons having been invented in 1533. * Putting a skateboarding dog in American Gothic. * Going back in time to hide the plot of 50 First Dates with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore in the Edda. * Arizona's death of poisonous marsupials. * Gila Monsters being enraged at the sight of human testicles. * Finding a black widow, a scorpion and a Gila monster in your yard all in the same day. * Importing tropical plants without phyto certificates. * Befriending the guy you met at the Sprint store. * The kind of person who seems cooler while they're working at the Verizon store than on Twitter. * Clinging to any shred of humanity you can find in the Sprint shop. * The wizard explaining that it's going to be another hour when you can see your curse amulet right there on the counter. * Apple biting Star Trek's style * Sitting down at the genius bar and ordering a Roy Rogers. * Apple running a contact tracing program so they can find out if you know any Android users. * Finally deleting your Facebook and feeling free. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

  • Possibly having doppelgangers in the same physical universe on the other side of the Big Bang is creepy
  • Never interfacing with the cool parts of baseball because the front-facing parts didn't appeal to you
  • The two kinds of people: people who can just put a dish in the dishwasher and be happy with the outcome, and people who have to wash each dish by hand before putting it in the dishwasher, in which case what's even the point?
  • Miko asks "John Joseph Merlin (!) introduced the world to roller skates by rolling into a costumed ball, playing a violin, and immediately crashing into a mirror because he hadn't invented brakes yet."
  • The virality of the Cool S
  • AZ is the only state in the union where you can get one of every kind of venomous animal in your yard in the same day, I think (edit: except marsupials?)
  • Ancient magicks and the price we pay for them

Microtopics:

  • The Korean spam company that owns the Video Games Taco domain name.
  • Who owns the Video Games Taco AOL keyword.
  • Editing video on an iPhone because you spilled coffee on your computer.
  • Refusing to use your girlfriend's salty leavings to edit video.
  • A symmetrical big bang implying an identical doppelganger Earth across the universe.
  • Traveling across the universe to destroy your big bang doppelgangers with the understanding that they want the same thing and will meet you halfway.
  • Arguments that exist only to depress people because you can't do anything with the information.
  • Whether or not the Big Bang knew about mirrors.
  • Higher order thought leading to the possibility of altruism.
  • The Chris Hegemony.
  • An automatic eternal baseball simulation.
  • Guessing what the cool part of baseball is and getting partial credit.
  • Speaking moistly and carrying a wet stick.
  • Voting to open the forbidden book and now the umpires can incinerate you.
  • MMO players voting in a law against running stoplights and expressing the devs to write code to enforce it like it's the law of gravity.
  • MMO players designating certain players to run around and hit you with a stick until you stop breaking the rules.
  • Finding out about Blaseball by dating and living with someone who is really into Blaseball.
  • Refusing to read Homestuck because you've already read Problem Sleuth.
  • Baseball having interesting rules but steadfastly refusing to market itself to game nerds.
  • When the sausages would race.
  • Whether there is Canadian bacon in this sausage race.
  • Finding the web site that keeps track of the sausage mascot race results.
  • Whether or not the chorizo sausage costume is wearing a sombrero.
  • Trading the player who assaulted the sausage mascot to the Chicago Cubs.
  • The sausage race promotional posters having surprisingly interesting composition.
  • Performing an act of necromancy on Jaylen Hotdogfingers.
  • Recreating the experience of people talking about a sport you don't follow except for a fake sport.
  • A first-person confessional of what it's like to be a racing sausage.
  • Finding out that the sausage races are never fixed and feeling relief that you can still believe in something.
  • Whether you grew up trusting dishwashers.
  • How to get stabbed in the hand.
  • Having dish-related trauma.
  • Having an incredibly high spoon to fork ratio.
  • Your spaghetti spoon.
  • Taking a saw and turning any spoon into a fork.
  • Loading the silverware drawer with four slots full of murder sporks pointing the wrong way.
  • Existing for four nanoseconds and spending all four being angry about how your husband wants to load the silverware drawer.
  • God blaming you when they were the one who made the universe deterministic.
  • Refusing to take the dish out of the dishwasher if it's still dirty, because god dang it you did your part.
  • Punting a task to when you have more brain.
  • Whether viewing your future self as a separate person is universal or distinct to American psychology students.
  • Doing a study for the beer money and screwing up the study because you're ordering beer online during the study.
  • Hearing about a "costumed ball" and picturing Pom Pom in a Halloween episode.
  • Not giving the inventor of roller skates too much credit because he didn't think of putting all the wheels in a row.
  • Inventing the car and debuting it by driving into a petting zoo, honking La Cucaracha and trying to steal novelty hats off of the racing sausages.
  • Determining whether you need to steal the hats off of the sausages while they're racing or if you can wait until they've taken the hats off at the end of the day.
  • John Joseph Merlin's fart remover.
  • The Cool S of topics.
  • Growing up in a parallel Earth without the Cool S.
  • People in the Amazon Basin who've never seen Goatse or the Cool S.
  • Waking up in a world without the Cool S and getting to be the one who teaches all the kids who can't draw how to draw one cool thing.
  • Finding the Cool S in a painting from 1533, right above the hidden anamorphic skull.
  • Neither the Animorphs or the Digimons having been invented in 1533.
  • Putting a skateboarding dog in American Gothic.
  • Going back in time to hide the plot of 50 First Dates with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore in the Edda.
  • Arizona's death of poisonous marsupials.
  • Gila Monsters being enraged at the sight of human testicles.
  • Finding a black widow, a scorpion and a Gila monster in your yard all in the same day.
  • Importing tropical plants without phyto certificates.
  • Befriending the guy you met at the Sprint store.
  • The kind of person who seems cooler while they're working at the Verizon store than on Twitter.
  • Clinging to any shred of humanity you can find in the Sprint shop.
  • The wizard explaining that it's going to be another hour when you can see your curse amulet right there on the counter.
  • Apple biting Star Trek's style
  • Sitting down at the genius bar and ordering a Roy Rogers.
  • Apple running a contact tracing program so they can find out if you know any Android users.
  • Finally deleting your Facebook and feeling free.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

  • Possibly having doppelgangers in the same physical universe on the other side of the Big Bang is creepy
  • Never interfacing with the cool parts of baseball because the front-facing parts didn't appeal to you
  • The two kinds of people: people who can just put a dish in the dishwasher and be happy with the outcome, and people who have to wash each dish by hand before putting it in the dishwasher, in which case what's even the point?
  • Miko asks "John Joseph Merlin (!) introduced the world to roller skates by rolling into a costumed ball, playing a violin, and immediately crashing into a mirror because he hadn't invented brakes yet."
  • The virality of the Cool S
  • AZ is the only state in the union where you can get one of every kind of venomous animal in your yard in the same day, I think (edit: except marsupials?)
  • Ancient magicks and the price we pay for them

Microtopics:

  • The Korean spam company that owns the Video Games Taco domain name.
  • Who owns the Video Games Taco AOL keyword.
  • Editing video on an iPhone because you spilled coffee on your computer.
  • Refusing to use your girlfriend's salty leavings to edit video.
  • A symmetrical big bang implying an identical doppelganger Earth across the universe.
  • Traveling across the universe to destroy your big bang doppelgangers with the understanding that they want the same thing and will meet you halfway.
  • Arguments that exist only to depress people because you can't do anything with the information.
  • Whether or not the Big Bang knew about mirrors.
  • Higher order thought leading to the possibility of altruism.
  • The Chris Hegemony.
  • An automatic eternal baseball simulation.
  • Guessing what the cool part of baseball is and getting partial credit.
  • Speaking moistly and carrying a wet stick.
  • Voting to open the forbidden book and now the umpires can incinerate you.
  • MMO players voting in a law against running stoplights and expressing the devs to write code to enforce it like it's the law of gravity.
  • MMO players designating certain players to run around and hit you with a stick until you stop breaking the rules.
  • Finding out about Blaseball by dating and living with someone who is really into Blaseball.
  • Refusing to read Homestuck because you've already read Problem Sleuth.
  • Baseball having interesting rules but steadfastly refusing to market itself to game nerds.
  • When the sausages would race.
  • Whether there is Canadian bacon in this sausage race.
  • Finding the web site that keeps track of the sausage mascot race results.
  • Whether or not the chorizo sausage costume is wearing a sombrero.
  • Trading the player who assaulted the sausage mascot to the Chicago Cubs.
  • The sausage race promotional posters having surprisingly interesting composition.
  • Performing an act of necromancy on Jaylen Hotdogfingers.
  • Recreating the experience of people talking about a sport you don't follow except for a fake sport.
  • A first-person confessional of what it's like to be a racing sausage.
  • Finding out that the sausage races are never fixed and feeling relief that you can still believe in something.
  • Whether you grew up trusting dishwashers.
  • How to get stabbed in the hand.
  • Having dish-related trauma.
  • Having an incredibly high spoon to fork ratio.
  • Your spaghetti spoon.
  • Taking a saw and turning any spoon into a fork.
  • Loading the silverware drawer with four slots full of murder sporks pointing the wrong way.
  • Existing for four nanoseconds and spending all four being angry about how your husband wants to load the silverware drawer.
  • God blaming you when they were the one who made the universe deterministic.
  • Refusing to take the dish out of the dishwasher if it's still dirty, because god dang it you did your part.
  • Punting a task to when you have more brain.
  • Whether viewing your future self as a separate person is universal or distinct to American psychology students.
  • Doing a study for the beer money and screwing up the study because you're ordering beer online during the study.
  • Hearing about a "costumed ball" and picturing Pom Pom in a Halloween episode.
  • Not giving the inventor of roller skates too much credit because he didn't think of putting all the wheels in a row.
  • Inventing the car and debuting it by driving into a petting zoo, honking La Cucaracha and trying to steal novelty hats off of the racing sausages.
  • Determining whether you need to steal the hats off of the sausages while they're racing or if you can wait until they've taken the hats off at the end of the day.
  • John Joseph Merlin's fart remover.
  • The Cool S of topics.
  • Growing up in a parallel Earth without the Cool S.
  • People in the Amazon Basin who've never seen Goatse or the Cool S.
  • Waking up in a world without the Cool S and getting to be the one who teaches all the kids who can't draw how to draw one cool thing.
  • Finding the Cool S in a painting from 1533, right above the hidden anamorphic skull.
  • Neither the Animorphs or the Digimons having been invented in 1533.
  • Putting a skateboarding dog in American Gothic.
  • Going back in time to hide the plot of 50 First Dates with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore in the Edda.
  • Arizona's death of poisonous marsupials.
  • Gila Monsters being enraged at the sight of human testicles.
  • Finding a black widow, a scorpion and a Gila monster in your yard all in the same day.
  • Importing tropical plants without phyto certificates.
  • Befriending the guy you met at the Sprint store.
  • The kind of person who seems cooler while they're working at the Verizon store than on Twitter.
  • Clinging to any shred of humanity you can find in the Sprint shop.
  • The wizard explaining that it's going to be another hour when you can see your curse amulet right there on the counter.
  • Apple biting Star Trek's style
  • Sitting down at the genius bar and ordering a Roy Rogers.
  • Apple running a contact tracing program so they can find out if you know any Android users.
  • Finally deleting your Facebook and feeling free.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 44. Oops! All Biogel https://topiclords.com/oops-all-biogel 0ec26867-9a65-40df-8bb2-56a10881837e Mon, 24 Aug 2020 08:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Jenni and Maxx. We discuss having a good time duplicating thought work, the Japanese crop microbiome, the PXL-2000 camcorder, embedding a movie in the Wikipedia page about the movie, pooping the shape of what you ate, and discovering that you love writing dialog trees. 58:01 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jenni is emailable at jenni@jennipolodna.com and plugs Chris's cooking channel on Youtube. * https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRsnCRAIi-VsRPPX4AtzVGQ/ * Maxx is on Twitter as @mechcem or emailable at maxx.infinity@gmail.com and plugs their game bookclub thing. * https://groups.google.com/g/game-book-club/about Topics: * Not caring if you're duplicating thought work that was done by a ton of people forever ago because you're having a good time. * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Punnettsquare * Correction on Japanese crop microbiome. * The PXL-2000 camcorder * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PXL-2000 * This is the first Wikipedia page for a movie that has the entire movie embedded in the page: * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roadto_Bali * Search and rescue as an excuse for robotics research. * What if poop worked like, you ate dinosaur chicken nuggets, you got dinosaur poops. * It's annoying that it took me so long to realize I love writing dialog trees. Microtopics: * Thinking that other people have had sex, when they haven't. * Making a very good one about fried green boys. * The dominant recessive two alleles punnett square stuff. * All the mystery flowers that have been reproducing willy nilly. * Finding out about Redstone and reinventing computing from scratch. * Whether figuring out all the crafting shapes is a good part of Minecraft. * Waking up in an abandoned cryogenics facility and enjoying the plastic bag upgrade tree. * Waking up in an abandoned cryogenics facility but there's lots of fish sticks so you just eat fish sticks. * Whether fish sticks are frozen fish or are born sticks. * Making a stick into a spear by holding it in your hand. * A shopping cart breaking into almost enough pieces to make a new shopping cart. * The soul of the shopping cart ascending into heaven so you have to play a fishing minigame to get it back. * A good starter project where after your finish it there are birds in it right now. * Beginner knowledge work projects feeling useless because somebody already wrote the program you just wrote. * 3D printer projects resulting in a physical artifact even when there's an error. * Constantly being annoyed that you're not a scientist in the 1300s. * How Tycho Brahe was the "greatest naked eye astronomer" because he owned a sextant and had a bunch of spare time that he spent looking up. * An "octant" possibly being 33% more than a sextant but nobody on the podcast is sure. * Trying to figure out what "congresstant" means. * Japanese far right nationalists being terrified of Koreans touching their rice. * Hearing a Japanese person say a fact about Japan and just assuming that it's true. * Wes Anderson accidentally validating far right Japanese nationalists by putting their caricatures of a foreigner in Isle of Dogs. * Watching Japanese television because your Japanese isn't good enough to tell who's being a far right douchebag. * Muting a TV show and procedurally generating subtitles whenever someone speaks. * Localizing an anime without knowing what characters were originally saying. * Sitting there with your 2020 sensibilities going "oh my god." * Saving video to audio cassette. * The camera that filmed the two minute performance art scene in Richard Linklater's Slacker. * Not having time to watch Monty Python movies but hanging eventually internalizing the whole oeuvre from when fans quote it. * Picking a movie and having to communicate only in lines from that movie for the rest of your life. * Looking for the movie with the most words in it but Google only wants to tell you the movie with the most f-words in it. * Not having seen Casino but deciding to say only things that they say in Casino from now on. * According to this one web page Jim found, Team America World Police only having 1600 words in it. * Hearing a line from Casino and immediately forgetting it. * Singing Come to my Window by Melissa Etheridge except with blueberries. * A mask that covers your eyes but plays a tone in your ears based on the distance of the closest object in front of each eye. * Watching the entire movie inside the Wikipedia page for the movie. * Embedding Myst in Wikipedia. * Putting on your business card that the Frog Fractions Wikipedia page is rated "GA" for "good article." * Plugging the Wikipedia article for Frog Fractions into GPT-2 and learning facts about future sequels. * Insect-inspired robots. * People asking what your robot design is for and always saying "search and rescue" and everybody believing you even though search and rescue people never use robots. * Making robots that are too small to get military funding because they can't carry a payload. * Taking an ultrasound of a fly while it's flying. * Inventing the idiom "cheap as a moth." * Harvesting antennae from dead moths and attaching it to your circuit board with Bio Gel and your circuit board has a sense of smell until the antenna rots away an hour later. * Moths not having a circulatory system but they do some stuff with liquids. * Whether or not Jim's wife needs an army of robot bugs for her park ranger crew. * Your life goal being to annoy your neighbors with the self-replicating robot mosquito you invented. * Smearing bio gel on you battery connectors and then inserting any foodstuff into the battery compartment. * Putting flies on leashes. * A robot-fighting praying mantis with a perfect record. * The mantis refusing to fight any given robot more than once. * Oops, All Biogel. * Enjoying looking at all your little dinosaur poops. * Eating alphabet soup consecutively and sending a photo of the toilet to your message recipient. * Discovering your superpowers at a baby food tasting party. * Eating baby food for the first time and vienna sausages bursting from every pore. * Identifying a strange substance by putting it in your mouth. * Tasting the ash of a cremated person and pooping out their face, then applying the electricity and they come back to life. * Not discovering that you love writing dialog trees until you're 41. * Making a mixtape of Nintendo DS ROMs for your partner. * Writing a dialog tree into a stressful email so you get all the future stressful emails out of the way too. * Your girlfriend reading your dialog tree linearly so she thinks you want to break up, get married, have a baby, and move to Pittsburgh. * Gmail basically being a dialog tree nowadays. * The Gmail Labs feature that predicts the three suggested responses that your recipient will see, so you can rewrite your email until they only get three variations of "Wow, what a great email!" * Ostensibly being a comedy writer but laughing harder at dialog written by an algorithm. * Japanese people making an acknowledgement noise for every word you say, and feeling way too validated. * Reading RPG-style text and imagining somebody making a grunting noise every time a letter appears. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

  • Not caring if you're duplicating thought work that was done by a ton of people forever ago because you're having a good time.
  • Correction on Japanese crop microbiome.
  • The PXL-2000 camcorder
  • This is the first Wikipedia page for a movie that has the entire movie embedded in the page:
  • Search and rescue as an excuse for robotics research.
  • What if poop worked like, you ate dinosaur chicken nuggets, you got dinosaur poops.
  • It's annoying that it took me so long to realize I love writing dialog trees.

Microtopics:

  • Thinking that other people have had sex, when they haven't.
  • Making a very good one about fried green boys.
  • The dominant recessive two alleles punnett square stuff.
  • All the mystery flowers that have been reproducing willy nilly.
  • Finding out about Redstone and reinventing computing from scratch.
  • Whether figuring out all the crafting shapes is a good part of Minecraft.
  • Waking up in an abandoned cryogenics facility and enjoying the plastic bag upgrade tree.
  • Waking up in an abandoned cryogenics facility but there's lots of fish sticks so you just eat fish sticks.
  • Whether fish sticks are frozen fish or are born sticks.
  • Making a stick into a spear by holding it in your hand.
  • A shopping cart breaking into almost enough pieces to make a new shopping cart.
  • The soul of the shopping cart ascending into heaven so you have to play a fishing minigame to get it back.
  • A good starter project where after your finish it there are birds in it right now.
  • Beginner knowledge work projects feeling useless because somebody already wrote the program you just wrote.
  • 3D printer projects resulting in a physical artifact even when there's an error.
  • Constantly being annoyed that you're not a scientist in the 1300s.
  • How Tycho Brahe was the "greatest naked eye astronomer" because he owned a sextant and had a bunch of spare time that he spent looking up.
  • An "octant" possibly being 33% more than a sextant but nobody on the podcast is sure.
  • Trying to figure out what "congresstant" means.
  • Japanese far right nationalists being terrified of Koreans touching their rice.
  • Hearing a Japanese person say a fact about Japan and just assuming that it's true.
  • Wes Anderson accidentally validating far right Japanese nationalists by putting their caricatures of a foreigner in Isle of Dogs.
  • Watching Japanese television because your Japanese isn't good enough to tell who's being a far right douchebag.
  • Muting a TV show and procedurally generating subtitles whenever someone speaks.
  • Localizing an anime without knowing what characters were originally saying.
  • Sitting there with your 2020 sensibilities going "oh my god."
  • Saving video to audio cassette.
  • The camera that filmed the two minute performance art scene in Richard Linklater's Slacker.
  • Not having time to watch Monty Python movies but hanging eventually internalizing the whole oeuvre from when fans quote it.
  • Picking a movie and having to communicate only in lines from that movie for the rest of your life.
  • Looking for the movie with the most words in it but Google only wants to tell you the movie with the most f-words in it.
  • Not having seen Casino but deciding to say only things that they say in Casino from now on.
  • According to this one web page Jim found, Team America World Police only having 1600 words in it.
  • Hearing a line from Casino and immediately forgetting it.
  • Singing Come to my Window by Melissa Etheridge except with blueberries.
  • A mask that covers your eyes but plays a tone in your ears based on the distance of the closest object in front of each eye.
  • Watching the entire movie inside the Wikipedia page for the movie.
  • Embedding Myst in Wikipedia.
  • Putting on your business card that the Frog Fractions Wikipedia page is rated "GA" for "good article."
  • Plugging the Wikipedia article for Frog Fractions into GPT-2 and learning facts about future sequels.
  • Insect-inspired robots.
  • People asking what your robot design is for and always saying "search and rescue" and everybody believing you even though search and rescue people never use robots.
  • Making robots that are too small to get military funding because they can't carry a payload.
  • Taking an ultrasound of a fly while it's flying.
  • Inventing the idiom "cheap as a moth."
  • Harvesting antennae from dead moths and attaching it to your circuit board with Bio Gel and your circuit board has a sense of smell until the antenna rots away an hour later.
  • Moths not having a circulatory system but they do some stuff with liquids.
  • Whether or not Jim's wife needs an army of robot bugs for her park ranger crew.
  • Your life goal being to annoy your neighbors with the self-replicating robot mosquito you invented.
  • Smearing bio gel on you battery connectors and then inserting any foodstuff into the battery compartment.
  • Putting flies on leashes.
  • A robot-fighting praying mantis with a perfect record.
  • The mantis refusing to fight any given robot more than once.
  • Oops, All Biogel.
  • Enjoying looking at all your little dinosaur poops.
  • Eating alphabet soup consecutively and sending a photo of the toilet to your message recipient.
  • Discovering your superpowers at a baby food tasting party.
  • Eating baby food for the first time and vienna sausages bursting from every pore.
  • Identifying a strange substance by putting it in your mouth.
  • Tasting the ash of a cremated person and pooping out their face, then applying the electricity and they come back to life.
  • Not discovering that you love writing dialog trees until you're 41.
  • Making a mixtape of Nintendo DS ROMs for your partner.
  • Writing a dialog tree into a stressful email so you get all the future stressful emails out of the way too.
  • Your girlfriend reading your dialog tree linearly so she thinks you want to break up, get married, have a baby, and move to Pittsburgh.
  • Gmail basically being a dialog tree nowadays.
  • The Gmail Labs feature that predicts the three suggested responses that your recipient will see, so you can rewrite your email until they only get three variations of "Wow, what a great email!"
  • Ostensibly being a comedy writer but laughing harder at dialog written by an algorithm.
  • Japanese people making an acknowledgement noise for every word you say, and feeling way too validated.
  • Reading RPG-style text and imagining somebody making a grunting noise every time a letter appears.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

  • Not caring if you're duplicating thought work that was done by a ton of people forever ago because you're having a good time.
  • Correction on Japanese crop microbiome.
  • The PXL-2000 camcorder
  • This is the first Wikipedia page for a movie that has the entire movie embedded in the page:
  • Search and rescue as an excuse for robotics research.
  • What if poop worked like, you ate dinosaur chicken nuggets, you got dinosaur poops.
  • It's annoying that it took me so long to realize I love writing dialog trees.

Microtopics:

  • Thinking that other people have had sex, when they haven't.
  • Making a very good one about fried green boys.
  • The dominant recessive two alleles punnett square stuff.
  • All the mystery flowers that have been reproducing willy nilly.
  • Finding out about Redstone and reinventing computing from scratch.
  • Whether figuring out all the crafting shapes is a good part of Minecraft.
  • Waking up in an abandoned cryogenics facility and enjoying the plastic bag upgrade tree.
  • Waking up in an abandoned cryogenics facility but there's lots of fish sticks so you just eat fish sticks.
  • Whether fish sticks are frozen fish or are born sticks.
  • Making a stick into a spear by holding it in your hand.
  • A shopping cart breaking into almost enough pieces to make a new shopping cart.
  • The soul of the shopping cart ascending into heaven so you have to play a fishing minigame to get it back.
  • A good starter project where after your finish it there are birds in it right now.
  • Beginner knowledge work projects feeling useless because somebody already wrote the program you just wrote.
  • 3D printer projects resulting in a physical artifact even when there's an error.
  • Constantly being annoyed that you're not a scientist in the 1300s.
  • How Tycho Brahe was the "greatest naked eye astronomer" because he owned a sextant and had a bunch of spare time that he spent looking up.
  • An "octant" possibly being 33% more than a sextant but nobody on the podcast is sure.
  • Trying to figure out what "congresstant" means.
  • Japanese far right nationalists being terrified of Koreans touching their rice.
  • Hearing a Japanese person say a fact about Japan and just assuming that it's true.
  • Wes Anderson accidentally validating far right Japanese nationalists by putting their caricatures of a foreigner in Isle of Dogs.
  • Watching Japanese television because your Japanese isn't good enough to tell who's being a far right douchebag.
  • Muting a TV show and procedurally generating subtitles whenever someone speaks.
  • Localizing an anime without knowing what characters were originally saying.
  • Sitting there with your 2020 sensibilities going "oh my god."
  • Saving video to audio cassette.
  • The camera that filmed the two minute performance art scene in Richard Linklater's Slacker.
  • Not having time to watch Monty Python movies but hanging eventually internalizing the whole oeuvre from when fans quote it.
  • Picking a movie and having to communicate only in lines from that movie for the rest of your life.
  • Looking for the movie with the most words in it but Google only wants to tell you the movie with the most f-words in it.
  • Not having seen Casino but deciding to say only things that they say in Casino from now on.
  • According to this one web page Jim found, Team America World Police only having 1600 words in it.
  • Hearing a line from Casino and immediately forgetting it.
  • Singing Come to my Window by Melissa Etheridge except with blueberries.
  • A mask that covers your eyes but plays a tone in your ears based on the distance of the closest object in front of each eye.
  • Watching the entire movie inside the Wikipedia page for the movie.
  • Embedding Myst in Wikipedia.
  • Putting on your business card that the Frog Fractions Wikipedia page is rated "GA" for "good article."
  • Plugging the Wikipedia article for Frog Fractions into GPT-2 and learning facts about future sequels.
  • Insect-inspired robots.
  • People asking what your robot design is for and always saying "search and rescue" and everybody believing you even though search and rescue people never use robots.
  • Making robots that are too small to get military funding because they can't carry a payload.
  • Taking an ultrasound of a fly while it's flying.
  • Inventing the idiom "cheap as a moth."
  • Harvesting antennae from dead moths and attaching it to your circuit board with Bio Gel and your circuit board has a sense of smell until the antenna rots away an hour later.
  • Moths not having a circulatory system but they do some stuff with liquids.
  • Whether or not Jim's wife needs an army of robot bugs for her park ranger crew.
  • Your life goal being to annoy your neighbors with the self-replicating robot mosquito you invented.
  • Smearing bio gel on you battery connectors and then inserting any foodstuff into the battery compartment.
  • Putting flies on leashes.
  • A robot-fighting praying mantis with a perfect record.
  • The mantis refusing to fight any given robot more than once.
  • Oops, All Biogel.
  • Enjoying looking at all your little dinosaur poops.
  • Eating alphabet soup consecutively and sending a photo of the toilet to your message recipient.
  • Discovering your superpowers at a baby food tasting party.
  • Eating baby food for the first time and vienna sausages bursting from every pore.
  • Identifying a strange substance by putting it in your mouth.
  • Tasting the ash of a cremated person and pooping out their face, then applying the electricity and they come back to life.
  • Not discovering that you love writing dialog trees until you're 41.
  • Making a mixtape of Nintendo DS ROMs for your partner.
  • Writing a dialog tree into a stressful email so you get all the future stressful emails out of the way too.
  • Your girlfriend reading your dialog tree linearly so she thinks you want to break up, get married, have a baby, and move to Pittsburgh.
  • Gmail basically being a dialog tree nowadays.
  • The Gmail Labs feature that predicts the three suggested responses that your recipient will see, so you can rewrite your email until they only get three variations of "Wow, what a great email!"
  • Ostensibly being a comedy writer but laughing harder at dialog written by an algorithm.
  • Japanese people making an acknowledgement noise for every word you say, and feeling way too validated.
  • Reading RPG-style text and imagining somebody making a grunting noise every time a letter appears.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 36. Look at an Octopus While You Shower https://topiclords.com/look-at-an-octopus-while-you-shower 7e278179-f2ed-41b4-a7a7-5a7187f5570c Mon, 29 Jun 2020 08:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer The show we recorded live at Duckfest 2020! Lords: Jenni and April. We discuss befriending ravens, replacing taxes with a PVP mobile game, consenting on behalf of your clone, ways to die in a puzzle game, sea monster bathroom bathroom decorations, wrangling badgers, babies climbing on furniture, and the White-Spotted Clearwing. 51:14 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) This is the show we recorded live at Duckfest 2020! http://duckfeed.tv/duckfest Lords: * Jenni is reachable at jenni@jennipolodna.com. * Chris is making cooking videos at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRsnCRAIi-VsRPPX4AtzVGQ/ * April is @aprilsaur on Twitter. Topics: * Befriending ravens * Just Say No. https://www.reddit.com/r/Ornithology/comments/29y31o/idliketobefriendsomelocalravensbutshould/ * What if part of the government apparatus was a PVP mobile game & billionaires willingly sent in tax dollars in exchange for units to pwn everyone else but the game was balanced so they only had a tiny edge? * Clone ethics: can you consent on behalf of your clone? What about a different person with the same name as you? * Larry asks: "Best ways to meet your own death as part of a puzzle or game" * Carnivorous mushroom death at 0:58. https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=58 * My sister is doing her bathroom sea-monster themed; does anyone have unsolicited recommendations for sea monster bathroom amenities? * The badger story. * How do we survive from when we learn to climb on the furniture to when we get scared of climbing on the furniture? * The white-spotted clearwing * https://www.instagram.com/p/CBYeqqgAdrp/ Microtopics: * Plugging an activity nobody but you can do. * Eating trash out of the dumpster and fighting over dead skunk carcasses. * Recognizing jerks and being rude to them. * Feeding tiny bento boxes to nearby ravens. * Mobbing random strangers to demand a tiny bento box. * The ravens constantly pooping on your shoulders but it's ok because it's just your work shirt. * Meeting your shitting on things quota. * Befriending Odin's ravens and becoming Odin. * Being the one who operates firearms in this relationship. * Replacing taxes with a mobile game targeted at Elon Musk. * Elon Musk being defeated at a PVP mobile game by a seven year old in a Tinkerbell outfit and deciding he doesn't like the game any more so the company forms a team whose only job is to lose to Elon Musk. * Creating a GoFundMe to pay your rent while you save the world. * Whether Jenni is the raven or the game designer in her relationship. * Sharing DNA implying shared consent. * Explaining parents. * How consent works with conjoined twins. * All three hosts having a different interpretation of the listener's question. * Puzzles created in the before-times where if you solve them you see the face of god and then die. * Cool ways to die in video games. * A game that is great for people who have a lot of free time and don't have a child. * Requesting ideas for sea monster themed bathroom decorations and getting answers six months after you finished remodeling you bathroom. * A plunger shaped like a tentacle where the plunging part is just a huge suction cup. * All of your failings as a wife being forgiven by your ability to use a firearm. * Not knowing how to safely use a gun so you just kick it down the hill. * Guarding the coast from sea monsters but not being allowed to talk about it. * A shower curtain shaped like an octopus so you can paint a negative space octopus out of water all over the bathroom. * Failing to plan your sister's bachelorette party and she's still waiting to get married eight years later. * A COVID-19 Zoom Bachelorette Party eight years in the making. * Having a Mukbang instead of a bachelorette party. * Whether or not a pirate is a sea monster. * Marrying an indie game developer for the money. * Messaging your future husband on OkCupid because he thinks about Arnold Schwarzenegger wiping his ass a lot. * Being a piler of things. * Owing your wife a game about trolls but first having to train your son to be a game artist. * Skipping a step and having your child draw directly on the fridge. * Being asked to do something about the badger bothering people on the beach and making a joke about the badger badgering people. * The consequences of your county's limited animal control budget. * A badger hiding underneath the bench in the changing room. * Catching a badger with a dog catching stick even though it's not a dog at all. * Having a badger at the end of a stick. * What they call closets in the park district. * Riding in the back of a pickup truck wrangling a badger between your legs. * Carrying around a rattlesnake from a picnic area by putting it in a garbage bag and the snake repeatedly biting through the bag with venom dripping through the holes. * Restraining a snake inside your esophagus until you're ready to release it. * Latin being way older than the girl scouts. * Moving a snake with a steam shovel. * Only moving snakes where if you accidentally slice them in half they become two snakes. * A toddler smashing a drinking glass on the kitchen floor and saying "mess!" * Your child's milestones coming with commensurate levels of danger. * Hitting the ground with 1/10ths of the force as your dad when you fall. * Talking only about animals on this episode and the animal expert heckling you from the Discord. * The glass-like quality of a White Spotted Clearwing becoming revealed against the dappled light of the forest understory. * Making sure your transparent wings don't reflect light by covering them with nanopillars. * The butterfly not getting a cut of your profits from the invention you based on its wing design. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

This is the show we recorded live at Duckfest 2020! http://duckfeed.tv/duckfest

Lords:

Topics:

  • Befriending ravens
  • What if part of the government apparatus was a PVP mobile game & billionaires willingly sent in tax dollars in exchange for units to pwn everyone else but the game was balanced so they only had a tiny edge?
  • Clone ethics: can you consent on behalf of your clone? What about a different person with the same name as you?
  • Larry asks: "Best ways to meet your own death as part of a puzzle or game"
  • My sister is doing her bathroom sea-monster themed; does anyone have unsolicited recommendations for sea monster bathroom amenities?
  • The badger story.
  • How do we survive from when we learn to climb on the furniture to when we get scared of climbing on the furniture?
  • The white-spotted clearwing

Microtopics:

  • Plugging an activity nobody but you can do.
  • Eating trash out of the dumpster and fighting over dead skunk carcasses.
  • Recognizing jerks and being rude to them.
  • Feeding tiny bento boxes to nearby ravens.
  • Mobbing random strangers to demand a tiny bento box.
  • The ravens constantly pooping on your shoulders but it's ok because it's just your work shirt.
  • Meeting your shitting on things quota.
  • Befriending Odin's ravens and becoming Odin.
  • Being the one who operates firearms in this relationship.
  • Replacing taxes with a mobile game targeted at Elon Musk.
  • Elon Musk being defeated at a PVP mobile game by a seven year old in a Tinkerbell outfit and deciding he doesn't like the game any more so the company forms a team whose only job is to lose to Elon Musk.
  • Creating a GoFundMe to pay your rent while you save the world.
  • Whether Jenni is the raven or the game designer in her relationship.
  • Sharing DNA implying shared consent.
  • Explaining parents.
  • How consent works with conjoined twins.
  • All three hosts having a different interpretation of the listener's question.
  • Puzzles created in the before-times where if you solve them you see the face of god and then die.
  • Cool ways to die in video games.
  • A game that is great for people who have a lot of free time and don't have a child.
  • Requesting ideas for sea monster themed bathroom decorations and getting answers six months after you finished remodeling you bathroom.
  • A plunger shaped like a tentacle where the plunging part is just a huge suction cup.
  • All of your failings as a wife being forgiven by your ability to use a firearm.
  • Not knowing how to safely use a gun so you just kick it down the hill.
  • Guarding the coast from sea monsters but not being allowed to talk about it.
  • A shower curtain shaped like an octopus so you can paint a negative space octopus out of water all over the bathroom.
  • Failing to plan your sister's bachelorette party and she's still waiting to get married eight years later.
  • A COVID-19 Zoom Bachelorette Party eight years in the making.
  • Having a Mukbang instead of a bachelorette party.
  • Whether or not a pirate is a sea monster.
  • Marrying an indie game developer for the money.
  • Messaging your future husband on OkCupid because he thinks about Arnold Schwarzenegger wiping his ass a lot.
  • Being a piler of things.
  • Owing your wife a game about trolls but first having to train your son to be a game artist.
  • Skipping a step and having your child draw directly on the fridge.
  • Being asked to do something about the badger bothering people on the beach and making a joke about the badger badgering people.
  • The consequences of your county's limited animal control budget.
  • A badger hiding underneath the bench in the changing room.
  • Catching a badger with a dog catching stick even though it's not a dog at all.
  • Having a badger at the end of a stick.
  • What they call closets in the park district.
  • Riding in the back of a pickup truck wrangling a badger between your legs.
  • Carrying around a rattlesnake from a picnic area by putting it in a garbage bag and the snake repeatedly biting through the bag with venom dripping through the holes.
  • Restraining a snake inside your esophagus until you're ready to release it.
  • Latin being way older than the girl scouts.
  • Moving a snake with a steam shovel.
  • Only moving snakes where if you accidentally slice them in half they become two snakes.
  • A toddler smashing a drinking glass on the kitchen floor and saying "mess!"
  • Your child's milestones coming with commensurate levels of danger.
  • Hitting the ground with 1/10ths of the force as your dad when you fall.
  • Talking only about animals on this episode and the animal expert heckling you from the Discord.
  • The glass-like quality of a White Spotted Clearwing becoming revealed against the dappled light of the forest understory.
  • Making sure your transparent wings don't reflect light by covering them with nanopillars.
  • The butterfly not getting a cut of your profits from the invention you based on its wing design.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

This is the show we recorded live at Duckfest 2020! http://duckfeed.tv/duckfest

Lords:

Topics:

  • Befriending ravens
  • What if part of the government apparatus was a PVP mobile game & billionaires willingly sent in tax dollars in exchange for units to pwn everyone else but the game was balanced so they only had a tiny edge?
  • Clone ethics: can you consent on behalf of your clone? What about a different person with the same name as you?
  • Larry asks: "Best ways to meet your own death as part of a puzzle or game"
  • My sister is doing her bathroom sea-monster themed; does anyone have unsolicited recommendations for sea monster bathroom amenities?
  • The badger story.
  • How do we survive from when we learn to climb on the furniture to when we get scared of climbing on the furniture?
  • The white-spotted clearwing

Microtopics:

  • Plugging an activity nobody but you can do.
  • Eating trash out of the dumpster and fighting over dead skunk carcasses.
  • Recognizing jerks and being rude to them.
  • Feeding tiny bento boxes to nearby ravens.
  • Mobbing random strangers to demand a tiny bento box.
  • The ravens constantly pooping on your shoulders but it's ok because it's just your work shirt.
  • Meeting your shitting on things quota.
  • Befriending Odin's ravens and becoming Odin.
  • Being the one who operates firearms in this relationship.
  • Replacing taxes with a mobile game targeted at Elon Musk.
  • Elon Musk being defeated at a PVP mobile game by a seven year old in a Tinkerbell outfit and deciding he doesn't like the game any more so the company forms a team whose only job is to lose to Elon Musk.
  • Creating a GoFundMe to pay your rent while you save the world.
  • Whether Jenni is the raven or the game designer in her relationship.
  • Sharing DNA implying shared consent.
  • Explaining parents.
  • How consent works with conjoined twins.
  • All three hosts having a different interpretation of the listener's question.
  • Puzzles created in the before-times where if you solve them you see the face of god and then die.
  • Cool ways to die in video games.
  • A game that is great for people who have a lot of free time and don't have a child.
  • Requesting ideas for sea monster themed bathroom decorations and getting answers six months after you finished remodeling you bathroom.
  • A plunger shaped like a tentacle where the plunging part is just a huge suction cup.
  • All of your failings as a wife being forgiven by your ability to use a firearm.
  • Not knowing how to safely use a gun so you just kick it down the hill.
  • Guarding the coast from sea monsters but not being allowed to talk about it.
  • A shower curtain shaped like an octopus so you can paint a negative space octopus out of water all over the bathroom.
  • Failing to plan your sister's bachelorette party and she's still waiting to get married eight years later.
  • A COVID-19 Zoom Bachelorette Party eight years in the making.
  • Having a Mukbang instead of a bachelorette party.
  • Whether or not a pirate is a sea monster.
  • Marrying an indie game developer for the money.
  • Messaging your future husband on OkCupid because he thinks about Arnold Schwarzenegger wiping his ass a lot.
  • Being a piler of things.
  • Owing your wife a game about trolls but first having to train your son to be a game artist.
  • Skipping a step and having your child draw directly on the fridge.
  • Being asked to do something about the badger bothering people on the beach and making a joke about the badger badgering people.
  • The consequences of your county's limited animal control budget.
  • A badger hiding underneath the bench in the changing room.
  • Catching a badger with a dog catching stick even though it's not a dog at all.
  • Having a badger at the end of a stick.
  • What they call closets in the park district.
  • Riding in the back of a pickup truck wrangling a badger between your legs.
  • Carrying around a rattlesnake from a picnic area by putting it in a garbage bag and the snake repeatedly biting through the bag with venom dripping through the holes.
  • Restraining a snake inside your esophagus until you're ready to release it.
  • Latin being way older than the girl scouts.
  • Moving a snake with a steam shovel.
  • Only moving snakes where if you accidentally slice them in half they become two snakes.
  • A toddler smashing a drinking glass on the kitchen floor and saying "mess!"
  • Your child's milestones coming with commensurate levels of danger.
  • Hitting the ground with 1/10ths of the force as your dad when you fall.
  • Talking only about animals on this episode and the animal expert heckling you from the Discord.
  • The glass-like quality of a White Spotted Clearwing becoming revealed against the dappled light of the forest understory.
  • Making sure your transparent wings don't reflect light by covering them with nanopillars.
  • The butterfly not getting a cut of your profits from the invention you based on its wing design.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 31. seedhutch.horse https://topiclords.com/seed-hutch-dot-horse e9716878-f065-4728-a588-dc455c0e00e0 Mon, 25 May 2020 08:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords this week: Jenni and Chris. We discuss anxiety and OCD as culturally adaptive behaviors, asking your employer to pay you in Nook Miles, Animal Crossing speed runs, printing toilet paper at home, protecting your floppy disks from magnets, apocalypse gardening, Amazon taking Murder She Wrote away from us, and winding up with more social obligations than you had before quarantine. 54:57 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jenni is reachable at jenni@jennipolodna.com. * Chris is making cooking videos at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRsnCRAIi-VsRPPX4AtzVGQ/ Topics: * 2:42 Suddenly Anxiety and OCD are culturally adaptive behaviors. * 8:16 Opening negotiations with your real-life employer to get them to pay you in Nook Miles * 13:44 Animal Crossing speed runs * Animal Crossing 100% in 19h25m. https://www.speedrun.com/ac/run/y21ejk7z * Animal Crossing New Horizons All Debts in 1h52m. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdH-pj1ZUac * Super Mario Sunshine Lockout Bingo at AGDQ 2019 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ch3eSzem1v4 * Animal Crossing Lockout Bingo. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hhgu-fObME * 20:23 Gary asks: "Printing Toilet Paper at Home" * How to make paper out of blue jeans. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPdZPvMVMZk * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ChankDiesel * 26:54 Owning 5.25" floppies & suddenly having to be aware of magnets again as a threat in your life * Masquerade. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masquerade%28book%29 * France's 25-year treasure hunt for a golden owl. https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-45005072 * 32:20 Apocalypse gardening and warlord potential * 37:52 Amazon took Murder She Wrote away from us * 47:07 Winding up with more social obligations than you had before quarantine Microtopics: * Being confident in your recording setup because you're too lazy to verify it. * The old lady who lives in your ductwork who you can't hear because she only shrieks exactly when you're talking. * Finding out about the apocalypse from a podcast recorded months ago. * The subtle distinction between self care and overeating. * Feeling better about your anxiety disorder because the world has gotten worse to meet your mood. * A behavior that looks maladaptive but must secretly be awesome because it has survived for millennia. * A poltergeist that keeps turning your stove off. * Worshipping gods that turn out to be evil aliens. * Trying to make "Christian Splinter Faiths" scan to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme. * Going for the cosmetic upgrade before the inventory upgrade and causing your partner physical pain. * Clearcutting the entire island you're visiting because when you leave it will cease to exist. * Harvesting trees in a checkerboard pattern because they grow better that way. * A financial startup specializing in converting British pounds to Nook miles. * Putting pounds and dollars in the same bank account and they crossbreed while they're in there. * 100%-ing Animal Crossing as fast as possible. * Speed runs that are entertaining to describe but not to watch. * Bingo races as the improvisation-heavy antidote to rote speed runs. * Forcing Caleb Hart to livestream Mega Man X any time anyone listens to this episode. * Feeding toilet paper into your inkjet printer to create a cool pattern to wipe your ass with. * Using Silly Putty to copy the stock market info from the newspaper. * Not being able to print toilet paper with your 3D printer, but printing a bidet instead. * Running out of toilet paper and 3D printing corn husks. * Buying the Taco Bell Grande Meal to eat the beans out of the burrito and then wiping your ass with the corn tortilla and wax paper wrapper. * Skipping a step and putting the burrito right in the toilet. * Introducing an awesome person to your friend and then ruining them in the very next sentence. * The outside of the printer paper protecting you from the horrifying inside of the toilet paper. * Pulping spare blue jeans to manufacture your own artisanal toilet paper. * Figuring out how to put your front yard in your back yard to hide it from the HOA. * Reporting your neighbor to the HOA for weeds in the middle of a global pandemic. * Getting notices from the HOA that you need to power wash your driveway and power washing the words "fuck you" into it. * Confusing Day of the Dead and Cinco De Mayo because they both happen in the same year. * An object you need to keep safe from magnets. * Advice on dealing with floppy disks in the Year of our Lord 2020. * Something in France that hasn't been found yet. * A Wikipedia list of things that have not been found in France. * Burying a microtransaction-heavy game in the desert and hoping the person who finds it is a whale. * Throwing a microtransaction-heavy game into the ocean and it traveling back in time and Captain Ahab hears about it and becomes obsessed with finding the whale who owns it. * Trying to think of a really big expensive home and your brain coming back with "a bucket!" * The train stopping slightly and thinking "maybe society is breaking down" and then the train starting again and thinking "I guess I'll just go to my boring job." * Part of you wanting to live in interesting times and be part of historical events. * Bringing your axe made out of a sharpened hubcap to work because Phil's allowed to bring his Leatherman. * Not being able to train to be a warlord in the post-apocalypse because during the apocalypse all the MMA gyms are closed. * Realizing that Amazon Prime Video doesn't have Murder She Wrote any more and wanting to just burn it all down. * The magical time in your life when you thought Netflix's selection of streaming video would only keep getting bigger. * Conflating Murder She Wrote with the Golden Girls. * Deadpanning ridiculous things that happen in St. Olaf, Minnesota. * Angry texts from your mom about how you ruined Murder She Wrote by telling her about the theory that Jessica Fletcher is a serial killer. * A big city businesswoman looking to take over her parents' failing Christmas ornament shop. * CG compositing Christmas ornaments into the background of every shot of Golden Girls. * Everybody playing online games all the time now because their extrovert friends have figured out the Internet. * Extroverts agreeing to watch speed runs with you because they're desperate to talk to anybody. * Finding an eight hour smooth jazz video and eventually realizing it's two minutes of smooth jazz looping for eight hours. * Trying to solve playing music with friends over the Internet. * Solving the problem of jamming with friends over the Internet by only playing music with precogs. * Sticking it to the HOA by dressing up as a weed and when they come by to report you, jumping out and yelling "I'm no weed, I'm a guy!" Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Being confident in your recording setup because you're too lazy to verify it.
  • The old lady who lives in your ductwork who you can't hear because she only shrieks exactly when you're talking.
  • Finding out about the apocalypse from a podcast recorded months ago.
  • The subtle distinction between self care and overeating.
  • Feeling better about your anxiety disorder because the world has gotten worse to meet your mood.
  • A behavior that looks maladaptive but must secretly be awesome because it has survived for millennia.
  • A poltergeist that keeps turning your stove off.
  • Worshipping gods that turn out to be evil aliens.
  • Trying to make "Christian Splinter Faiths" scan to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme.
  • Going for the cosmetic upgrade before the inventory upgrade and causing your partner physical pain.
  • Clearcutting the entire island you're visiting because when you leave it will cease to exist.
  • Harvesting trees in a checkerboard pattern because they grow better that way.
  • A financial startup specializing in converting British pounds to Nook miles.
  • Putting pounds and dollars in the same bank account and they crossbreed while they're in there.
  • 100%-ing Animal Crossing as fast as possible.
  • Speed runs that are entertaining to describe but not to watch.
  • Bingo races as the improvisation-heavy antidote to rote speed runs.
  • Forcing Caleb Hart to livestream Mega Man X any time anyone listens to this episode.
  • Feeding toilet paper into your inkjet printer to create a cool pattern to wipe your ass with.
  • Using Silly Putty to copy the stock market info from the newspaper.
  • Not being able to print toilet paper with your 3D printer, but printing a bidet instead.
  • Running out of toilet paper and 3D printing corn husks.
  • Buying the Taco Bell Grande Meal to eat the beans out of the burrito and then wiping your ass with the corn tortilla and wax paper wrapper.
  • Skipping a step and putting the burrito right in the toilet.
  • Introducing an awesome person to your friend and then ruining them in the very next sentence.
  • The outside of the printer paper protecting you from the horrifying inside of the toilet paper.
  • Pulping spare blue jeans to manufacture your own artisanal toilet paper.
  • Figuring out how to put your front yard in your back yard to hide it from the HOA.
  • Reporting your neighbor to the HOA for weeds in the middle of a global pandemic.
  • Getting notices from the HOA that you need to power wash your driveway and power washing the words "fuck you" into it.
  • Confusing Day of the Dead and Cinco De Mayo because they both happen in the same year.
  • An object you need to keep safe from magnets.
  • Advice on dealing with floppy disks in the Year of our Lord 2020.
  • Something in France that hasn't been found yet.
  • A Wikipedia list of things that have not been found in France.
  • Burying a microtransaction-heavy game in the desert and hoping the person who finds it is a whale.
  • Throwing a microtransaction-heavy game into the ocean and it traveling back in time and Captain Ahab hears about it and becomes obsessed with finding the whale who owns it.
  • Trying to think of a really big expensive home and your brain coming back with "a bucket!"
  • The train stopping slightly and thinking "maybe society is breaking down" and then the train starting again and thinking "I guess I'll just go to my boring job."
  • Part of you wanting to live in interesting times and be part of historical events.
  • Bringing your axe made out of a sharpened hubcap to work because Phil's allowed to bring his Leatherman.
  • Not being able to train to be a warlord in the post-apocalypse because during the apocalypse all the MMA gyms are closed.
  • Realizing that Amazon Prime Video doesn't have Murder She Wrote any more and wanting to just burn it all down.
  • The magical time in your life when you thought Netflix's selection of streaming video would only keep getting bigger.
  • Conflating Murder She Wrote with the Golden Girls.
  • Deadpanning ridiculous things that happen in St. Olaf, Minnesota.
  • Angry texts from your mom about how you ruined Murder She Wrote by telling her about the theory that Jessica Fletcher is a serial killer.
  • A big city businesswoman looking to take over her parents' failing Christmas ornament shop.
  • CG compositing Christmas ornaments into the background of every shot of Golden Girls.
  • Everybody playing online games all the time now because their extrovert friends have figured out the Internet.
  • Extroverts agreeing to watch speed runs with you because they're desperate to talk to anybody.
  • Finding an eight hour smooth jazz video and eventually realizing it's two minutes of smooth jazz looping for eight hours.
  • Trying to solve playing music with friends over the Internet.
  • Solving the problem of jamming with friends over the Internet by only playing music with precogs.
  • Sticking it to the HOA by dressing up as a weed and when they come by to report you, jumping out and yelling "I'm no weed, I'm a guy!"

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Being confident in your recording setup because you're too lazy to verify it.
  • The old lady who lives in your ductwork who you can't hear because she only shrieks exactly when you're talking.
  • Finding out about the apocalypse from a podcast recorded months ago.
  • The subtle distinction between self care and overeating.
  • Feeling better about your anxiety disorder because the world has gotten worse to meet your mood.
  • A behavior that looks maladaptive but must secretly be awesome because it has survived for millennia.
  • A poltergeist that keeps turning your stove off.
  • Worshipping gods that turn out to be evil aliens.
  • Trying to make "Christian Splinter Faiths" scan to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme.
  • Going for the cosmetic upgrade before the inventory upgrade and causing your partner physical pain.
  • Clearcutting the entire island you're visiting because when you leave it will cease to exist.
  • Harvesting trees in a checkerboard pattern because they grow better that way.
  • A financial startup specializing in converting British pounds to Nook miles.
  • Putting pounds and dollars in the same bank account and they crossbreed while they're in there.
  • 100%-ing Animal Crossing as fast as possible.
  • Speed runs that are entertaining to describe but not to watch.
  • Bingo races as the improvisation-heavy antidote to rote speed runs.
  • Forcing Caleb Hart to livestream Mega Man X any time anyone listens to this episode.
  • Feeding toilet paper into your inkjet printer to create a cool pattern to wipe your ass with.
  • Using Silly Putty to copy the stock market info from the newspaper.
  • Not being able to print toilet paper with your 3D printer, but printing a bidet instead.
  • Running out of toilet paper and 3D printing corn husks.
  • Buying the Taco Bell Grande Meal to eat the beans out of the burrito and then wiping your ass with the corn tortilla and wax paper wrapper.
  • Skipping a step and putting the burrito right in the toilet.
  • Introducing an awesome person to your friend and then ruining them in the very next sentence.
  • The outside of the printer paper protecting you from the horrifying inside of the toilet paper.
  • Pulping spare blue jeans to manufacture your own artisanal toilet paper.
  • Figuring out how to put your front yard in your back yard to hide it from the HOA.
  • Reporting your neighbor to the HOA for weeds in the middle of a global pandemic.
  • Getting notices from the HOA that you need to power wash your driveway and power washing the words "fuck you" into it.
  • Confusing Day of the Dead and Cinco De Mayo because they both happen in the same year.
  • An object you need to keep safe from magnets.
  • Advice on dealing with floppy disks in the Year of our Lord 2020.
  • Something in France that hasn't been found yet.
  • A Wikipedia list of things that have not been found in France.
  • Burying a microtransaction-heavy game in the desert and hoping the person who finds it is a whale.
  • Throwing a microtransaction-heavy game into the ocean and it traveling back in time and Captain Ahab hears about it and becomes obsessed with finding the whale who owns it.
  • Trying to think of a really big expensive home and your brain coming back with "a bucket!"
  • The train stopping slightly and thinking "maybe society is breaking down" and then the train starting again and thinking "I guess I'll just go to my boring job."
  • Part of you wanting to live in interesting times and be part of historical events.
  • Bringing your axe made out of a sharpened hubcap to work because Phil's allowed to bring his Leatherman.
  • Not being able to train to be a warlord in the post-apocalypse because during the apocalypse all the MMA gyms are closed.
  • Realizing that Amazon Prime Video doesn't have Murder She Wrote any more and wanting to just burn it all down.
  • The magical time in your life when you thought Netflix's selection of streaming video would only keep getting bigger.
  • Conflating Murder She Wrote with the Golden Girls.
  • Deadpanning ridiculous things that happen in St. Olaf, Minnesota.
  • Angry texts from your mom about how you ruined Murder She Wrote by telling her about the theory that Jessica Fletcher is a serial killer.
  • A big city businesswoman looking to take over her parents' failing Christmas ornament shop.
  • CG compositing Christmas ornaments into the background of every shot of Golden Girls.
  • Everybody playing online games all the time now because their extrovert friends have figured out the Internet.
  • Extroverts agreeing to watch speed runs with you because they're desperate to talk to anybody.
  • Finding an eight hour smooth jazz video and eventually realizing it's two minutes of smooth jazz looping for eight hours.
  • Trying to solve playing music with friends over the Internet.
  • Solving the problem of jamming with friends over the Internet by only playing music with precogs.
  • Sticking it to the HOA by dressing up as a weed and when they come by to report you, jumping out and yelling "I'm no weed, I'm a guy!"

Support Topic Lords

]]> 29. Respect the Hustler, Not the Hustle https://topiclords.com/respect-the-hustler-not-the-hustle 83877e09-d0e3-4268-936c-20b04cbb566b Mon, 11 May 2020 08:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords this week: Jenni and Gary. We discuss deciding to eat vegetables, Stephen King writing about boners, airplane respiration strategies, resourcefulness when you don't have the right tool, becoming aware of your mortality, the MT-80s MIDI boom box, doing things because you assume it's what other adults do, and being cursed to listen to only one song for eternity. 1:03:41 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jenni is on an internet break but you can email her at jenni@jennipolodna.com. * Gary is @GaryBuh on Twitter and does podcasts at the Duckfeed network. http://duckfeed.tv/ Topics: * 1:41 How did people decide to eat certain vegetables, even though they don't look like food and sometimes taste like shit? * 4:18 Stephen King writing about boners (there is a Tumblr) * https://stephenkingsboners.tumblr.com/ * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerald%27sGame#Plot * 12:28 Airplane respiration strategies * https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2017/05/explore-transparent-plants/ * 16:45 Being resourceful when you don't have the correct tool. For example, I recently unblocked a toilet by using a mouse pad in place of a plunger. * 23:28 Replacing combat in video games with other stuff to slow down the pacing * 33:27 What age were you meaningfully aware of your mortality? Did something happen? * 38:06 The MT-80s MIDI boom box * https://twitter.com/cabel/status/979097369936502785 * https://vgmusic.com/ * 48:21 Things that you do so people will think you're an adult but you can't figure out if there's another purpose for doing them * 55:10 You can only listen to one song for the rest of eternity, you don't get to pick. How much money would it take, what song is the worst. * Gunhouse trailer with the title screen jingle I was talking about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WB0yAm6iXEw * Here's a better trailer for a later version of Gunhouse, with better music FWIW: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzokB1821Mw * Tony Hawk's Two Second Music Loop https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uofB1Y1gOk Microtopics: * Goin' Polodna. * Goin' Polodna but bein' named Butterfield. * Only car thieves remaining. * Giving your guest a hard time for plugging something when you just asked them to plug something. * Being inspired by an eggplant you once had. * Stockholm syndrome but for vegetables. * A color that doesn't exist on earth. * Trying to cook every substance for every amount of time because you don't have Netflix. * Laundering a horse through a book. * The pe-noose. * Trying to Google which Stephen King book had the necklace of penises. * Deeming a penis to be a boner. * Looking upon a pubic hair topiary and despairing. * Sculpting the day your paramour will die into your pubic hair on the first date. * Fred Meyer's daughter, J.C. Penney. * Not having any particular insight into this boner blog. * Being a little bit hornt up despite being trapped in a Fred Meyer by the murder frog outside. * Whether or not "pud" is short for "pudding" or indeed anything. * A zoetrope showing Goofy pulling down his pants every 7 seconds. * A plexiglass box that is big enough for your head and a fern. * Hacking the oxygen mask to come down when you just need a hit. * Sprinkling some foliage on your head to make it look like the fern next to your head is just a lump on your face. * Sticking your head in the fern box under the seat in front of you and painting your face on your pants so your butt can wear the oxygen mask. * The tactile sensation of unclogging a toilet using a mouse pad. * The best water level for plunging a toilet. * Needing an articulated arm like Krang's to plunge the toilet from around the corner. * Trying to guess the Game Boy games being used to prop up a projector. * The Podcaster's Dilemma. * Maligning the Final Fantasy Legend series. * Deciding that your punishment will be a good night's sleep and a stern toothbrushing. * Playing Final Fantasy Legend while you brush each other's teeth live on AGDQ. * Asking a question that you'd already answered in a previous episode and just copy-pasting the answer from there. * Not being in good enough shape to sleep everywhere. * Ripping through the topics and needing to dip into the extended bucket. * A gigantic bucket of shelf-stable potato soup that you save for the end times. * Setting up a P.O. box so your listeners can send you a big pile of food and toy cars so you can not eat for a week and then eat an enormous megameal. * A Visual Studio plugin that lets you play text adventures anyone while looking like you're at work. * Pressing the boss key to hide that you're playing an ancient video game and your boss asking you why you're writing emails in Word Perfect 2.0. * Having a child to reduce your mortality anxiety. * Having a child so they can do the heimlich when you choke on a ham sandwich. * Subtweeting your cat. * Not being meaningfully aware of your mortality but still making decisions based on not dying. * Overcorrecting and turning into a maudlin fucker. * A boom box with a floppy drive playing canyon.mid. * A product with no conceivable audience except the nerds who will think it's cool and nostalgic thirty years from now. * Opening a cabinet and your coffee mug singing the Zelda "you found the thing" jingle. * The intentionality of listening to music in the most inconvenient way possible. * Listening to music and lighting random pieces of paper on fire. * A very zinelike activity. * Independent movie theaters all vanishing in an eyeblink. * Filling the delivery tube with potato soup and sending it to the bank teller. * Chuck E. Cheese classing it up with woodfired, chef-inspired pizza. * Getting carryout from the Chuck E. Cheese and your chef-inspired pizza coming with a side of orange spider rings. * Sleeping on a mattress on the floor for years until your new girlfriend insists you get a real bed. * Putting a tennis ball on top of the screws you're supposed to attach the footboard to so you know where to park your keister. * Your migrating bedframe, a keter-class problem in the bedroom. * The one time it makes sense to have a strong opinion about someone else's bed. * Wiping down the incision site because if you get an infection after you die it's just never going to heal. * Only being allowed to listen to one song for the rest of your life. * The one song you're allowed to listen to also replacing music you hear in your head or anything you sing. * Trying to sing Happy Birthday to a co-worker but it always comes out as the chorus of "Selling the Drama" by Live. * All music in the world being replaced by the Intel Inside jingle. * The Zelda item noise secretly being the same as the Addams Family theme song. * Going to a concert and suddenly the band can only play the song you are cursed with. * The CIA discovering your musical curse and studying you on the dissection table like in Project ALF. * $10 million per For Fighting. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Goin' Polodna.
  • Goin' Polodna but bein' named Butterfield.
  • Only car thieves remaining.
  • Giving your guest a hard time for plugging something when you just asked them to plug something.
  • Being inspired by an eggplant you once had.
  • Stockholm syndrome but for vegetables.
  • A color that doesn't exist on earth.
  • Trying to cook every substance for every amount of time because you don't have Netflix.
  • Laundering a horse through a book.
  • The pe-noose.
  • Trying to Google which Stephen King book had the necklace of penises.
  • Deeming a penis to be a boner.
  • Looking upon a pubic hair topiary and despairing.
  • Sculpting the day your paramour will die into your pubic hair on the first date.
  • Fred Meyer's daughter, J.C. Penney.
  • Not having any particular insight into this boner blog.
  • Being a little bit hornt up despite being trapped in a Fred Meyer by the murder frog outside.
  • Whether or not "pud" is short for "pudding" or indeed anything.
  • A zoetrope showing Goofy pulling down his pants every 7 seconds.
  • A plexiglass box that is big enough for your head and a fern.
  • Hacking the oxygen mask to come down when you just need a hit.
  • Sprinkling some foliage on your head to make it look like the fern next to your head is just a lump on your face.
  • Sticking your head in the fern box under the seat in front of you and painting your face on your pants so your butt can wear the oxygen mask.
  • The tactile sensation of unclogging a toilet using a mouse pad.
  • The best water level for plunging a toilet.
  • Needing an articulated arm like Krang's to plunge the toilet from around the corner.
  • Trying to guess the Game Boy games being used to prop up a projector.
  • The Podcaster's Dilemma.
  • Maligning the Final Fantasy Legend series.
  • Deciding that your punishment will be a good night's sleep and a stern toothbrushing.
  • Playing Final Fantasy Legend while you brush each other's teeth live on AGDQ.
  • Asking a question that you'd already answered in a previous episode and just copy-pasting the answer from there.
  • Not being in good enough shape to sleep everywhere.
  • Ripping through the topics and needing to dip into the extended bucket.
  • A gigantic bucket of shelf-stable potato soup that you save for the end times.
  • Setting up a P.O. box so your listeners can send you a big pile of food and toy cars so you can not eat for a week and then eat an enormous megameal.
  • A Visual Studio plugin that lets you play text adventures anyone while looking like you're at work.
  • Pressing the boss key to hide that you're playing an ancient video game and your boss asking you why you're writing emails in Word Perfect 2.0.
  • Having a child to reduce your mortality anxiety.
  • Having a child so they can do the heimlich when you choke on a ham sandwich.
  • Subtweeting your cat.
  • Not being meaningfully aware of your mortality but still making decisions based on not dying.
  • Overcorrecting and turning into a maudlin fucker.
  • A boom box with a floppy drive playing canyon.mid.
  • A product with no conceivable audience except the nerds who will think it's cool and nostalgic thirty years from now.
  • Opening a cabinet and your coffee mug singing the Zelda "you found the thing" jingle.
  • The intentionality of listening to music in the most inconvenient way possible.
  • Listening to music and lighting random pieces of paper on fire.
  • A very zinelike activity.
  • Independent movie theaters all vanishing in an eyeblink.
  • Filling the delivery tube with potato soup and sending it to the bank teller.
  • Chuck E. Cheese classing it up with woodfired, chef-inspired pizza.
  • Getting carryout from the Chuck E. Cheese and your chef-inspired pizza coming with a side of orange spider rings.
  • Sleeping on a mattress on the floor for years until your new girlfriend insists you get a real bed.
  • Putting a tennis ball on top of the screws you're supposed to attach the footboard to so you know where to park your keister.
  • Your migrating bedframe, a keter-class problem in the bedroom.
  • The one time it makes sense to have a strong opinion about someone else's bed.
  • Wiping down the incision site because if you get an infection after you die it's just never going to heal.
  • Only being allowed to listen to one song for the rest of your life.
  • The one song you're allowed to listen to also replacing music you hear in your head or anything you sing.
  • Trying to sing Happy Birthday to a co-worker but it always comes out as the chorus of "Selling the Drama" by Live.
  • All music in the world being replaced by the Intel Inside jingle.
  • The Zelda item noise secretly being the same as the Addams Family theme song.
  • Going to a concert and suddenly the band can only play the song you are cursed with.
  • The CIA discovering your musical curse and studying you on the dissection table like in Project ALF.
  • $10 million per For Fighting.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Goin' Polodna.
  • Goin' Polodna but bein' named Butterfield.
  • Only car thieves remaining.
  • Giving your guest a hard time for plugging something when you just asked them to plug something.
  • Being inspired by an eggplant you once had.
  • Stockholm syndrome but for vegetables.
  • A color that doesn't exist on earth.
  • Trying to cook every substance for every amount of time because you don't have Netflix.
  • Laundering a horse through a book.
  • The pe-noose.
  • Trying to Google which Stephen King book had the necklace of penises.
  • Deeming a penis to be a boner.
  • Looking upon a pubic hair topiary and despairing.
  • Sculpting the day your paramour will die into your pubic hair on the first date.
  • Fred Meyer's daughter, J.C. Penney.
  • Not having any particular insight into this boner blog.
  • Being a little bit hornt up despite being trapped in a Fred Meyer by the murder frog outside.
  • Whether or not "pud" is short for "pudding" or indeed anything.
  • A zoetrope showing Goofy pulling down his pants every 7 seconds.
  • A plexiglass box that is big enough for your head and a fern.
  • Hacking the oxygen mask to come down when you just need a hit.
  • Sprinkling some foliage on your head to make it look like the fern next to your head is just a lump on your face.
  • Sticking your head in the fern box under the seat in front of you and painting your face on your pants so your butt can wear the oxygen mask.
  • The tactile sensation of unclogging a toilet using a mouse pad.
  • The best water level for plunging a toilet.
  • Needing an articulated arm like Krang's to plunge the toilet from around the corner.
  • Trying to guess the Game Boy games being used to prop up a projector.
  • The Podcaster's Dilemma.
  • Maligning the Final Fantasy Legend series.
  • Deciding that your punishment will be a good night's sleep and a stern toothbrushing.
  • Playing Final Fantasy Legend while you brush each other's teeth live on AGDQ.
  • Asking a question that you'd already answered in a previous episode and just copy-pasting the answer from there.
  • Not being in good enough shape to sleep everywhere.
  • Ripping through the topics and needing to dip into the extended bucket.
  • A gigantic bucket of shelf-stable potato soup that you save for the end times.
  • Setting up a P.O. box so your listeners can send you a big pile of food and toy cars so you can not eat for a week and then eat an enormous megameal.
  • A Visual Studio plugin that lets you play text adventures anyone while looking like you're at work.
  • Pressing the boss key to hide that you're playing an ancient video game and your boss asking you why you're writing emails in Word Perfect 2.0.
  • Having a child to reduce your mortality anxiety.
  • Having a child so they can do the heimlich when you choke on a ham sandwich.
  • Subtweeting your cat.
  • Not being meaningfully aware of your mortality but still making decisions based on not dying.
  • Overcorrecting and turning into a maudlin fucker.
  • A boom box with a floppy drive playing canyon.mid.
  • A product with no conceivable audience except the nerds who will think it's cool and nostalgic thirty years from now.
  • Opening a cabinet and your coffee mug singing the Zelda "you found the thing" jingle.
  • The intentionality of listening to music in the most inconvenient way possible.
  • Listening to music and lighting random pieces of paper on fire.
  • A very zinelike activity.
  • Independent movie theaters all vanishing in an eyeblink.
  • Filling the delivery tube with potato soup and sending it to the bank teller.
  • Chuck E. Cheese classing it up with woodfired, chef-inspired pizza.
  • Getting carryout from the Chuck E. Cheese and your chef-inspired pizza coming with a side of orange spider rings.
  • Sleeping on a mattress on the floor for years until your new girlfriend insists you get a real bed.
  • Putting a tennis ball on top of the screws you're supposed to attach the footboard to so you know where to park your keister.
  • Your migrating bedframe, a keter-class problem in the bedroom.
  • The one time it makes sense to have a strong opinion about someone else's bed.
  • Wiping down the incision site because if you get an infection after you die it's just never going to heal.
  • Only being allowed to listen to one song for the rest of your life.
  • The one song you're allowed to listen to also replacing music you hear in your head or anything you sing.
  • Trying to sing Happy Birthday to a co-worker but it always comes out as the chorus of "Selling the Drama" by Live.
  • All music in the world being replaced by the Intel Inside jingle.
  • The Zelda item noise secretly being the same as the Addams Family theme song.
  • Going to a concert and suddenly the band can only play the song you are cursed with.
  • The CIA discovering your musical curse and studying you on the dissection table like in Project ALF.
  • $10 million per For Fighting.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 24. So Horrible and Yet So Tiny https://topiclords.com/so-horrible-and-yet-so-tiny c0c7d795-b66b-4830-a20d-700200aeb0dd Mon, 06 Apr 2020 08:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords this week: Tyriq and Jenni. We discuss Hot Topic, toe picks, topical medication, Topic (the candy bar), Test Of Proficiency In Korean, and Topic Records. 1:01:45 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jenni is on an internet break but you can email her at jenni@jennipolodna.com. * Tyriq is @fourbitfriday on Twitter and elsewhere, and is making Catacomb Kids. https://www.ckgame.net/ Topics: * 2:13 Hot Topic * "Peaches, meet your fate!" https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/blna2q/hottopicemployeesofredditwhatareyour/emqprnc/ * 8:28 Toe picks * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=456TYtCggc * Mike Vallely yells at Tony Hawk about pressure flips. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQCe6guSOOM * A more detailed take on what happened with inlining and the X-Games. https://www.reddit.com/r/rollerblading/comments/1jpost/whyhasntrollerbladingcomebacktothexgames/cbhemrd/ * 22:15 Topical medication * 30:42 Groke asks: "My friend (who is completely unaware of this podcast and did this apropos of nothing) emailed the Mars chocolate company to find out why the Topic candy bar has that name. 'Dear Mr Smith, Thanks for getting in touch about our MARS product. The Topic bar has been a firm favourite since it's introduction in 1962, unfortunately over time the origin of how the Topic chocolate bar came to be called Topic has been lost and now it has become a mystery that we are still trying to discover. If you need any more information, please let us know.'" * 34:45 Test of Proficiency in Korean * Nifflas's braille labeling purchase snafu. https://twitter.com/Nifflas/status/1230232736734031878 * Constructed scripts. https://www.omniglot.com/conscripts/english.htm * Nicaraguan sign language. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NicaraguanSign_Language * 49:36 Topic Records Microtopics: * Listening to a lot of dolphin podcasts. * Discussing only topics on the Topic Special. * Belching instead of answering the question. * Your project going well lately and being slightly less afraid that it's going to be awful. * A store that isn't in your local mall so you have to drive half an hour to the cool mall. * Being afraid cool teenagers will stare you down and you'll evaporate on the spot. * A store selling pop culture stuff you've actually heard of. * Not having a Hot Topic story but telling one you read on the Internet. * An anime version of Ben Stiller's character from Reality Bites. * The Hot Topic in Ben Stiller's thought bubble that you can only shop at if Ben Stiller thinks of you. * All food vanishing from the world because Ben Stiller has thought of it all and it's trapped in his mind. * All the wiki pages that popped up for the movie Primer. * Having sorted the spreadsheet and being unable to un-sort the spreadsheet. * Thinking toe picks are a gross hygiene thing but actually they're for doing a triple lutz. * Amputee guitarists who are pretty proficient at foot guitaring. * Skates with four wheels in a rectangle being way less cool than skates with four wheels in a row because that's what girls do. * Ice skates being harder to turn in than inline skates, because they cut a groove in the surface. * Turning on the toe pick. * Sucking at tourism because nothing interests you. * Changing the subject to Tony Hawk's Pro Skater. * Which indie game developers were previously pro inline skaters. * Mike Vallely storming off angrily at the concept of doing pressure flips. * A kickflip except you don't make the ollie motion with your front foot, you just kick the tail down and scoop it forward with your rear foot. * Tony Hawk being cool and teaching you vert tricks and Mike Vallely refusing to talk to anyone who isn't a skateboarder. * Skateboarders getting petty and insecure and getting inline skating removed from the X-Games. * Completing the entire gap checklist in Tony Hawk 2 and putting it on your resume. * Dropping the franchise completely after Tony Hawk 2 because the Playstation 1 version of Tony Hawk 3 doesn't have female custom skaters. * The mission in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2 where you follow a homeless person around Venice Beach and harass him until he leaves town. * Ollie the Magic Bum getting good at skateboarding so he can exact revenge. * A full-contact, Tony-Hawk-And-Bully-Had-A-Baby roller derby game. * Punxsutawney Phil looking down and seeing poop and so there'll be six more weeks of poop. * Having to shove pills down a cat's throat twice a day for the rest of her life. * Giving away your spare geckos and explaining to the recipient that they eat sunlight. * A gecko eating another gecko like a corncob because they're not social animals after all. * Three creatures each nesting-dolled in the mouth of another creature. * The vet seemingly not knowing about lizards shedding when they put the cast on the lizard. * The gecko still being alive so you're doing okay at pet ownership. * Hiring a nurse that is also a gecko to take care of your gecko injections. * A mystery that we are still trying to discover. * Even the manufacturer not knowing why the candy bar is called Topic. * Inventing the jaw that can take the smallest possible bite. * Marzipan but with almonds. * Not liking how they pronounce "urinal" in the UK. Not liking it at all. * Things taking a dark turn and someone turning up dead. * Not going out of your way to inform people that your product's name is shockingly racist. * Preferring the language proficiency test that is more similar to Skee-Ball. * Changing the subject to Tony Hawk's Pro Skater again. * Wanting to feel sick about everything and doing all the missions at "sick" difficulty. * Doing a few missions at "sick" difficulty and deciding that's enough sick for you. * The Korean alphabet having been invented by a dude who thought ideograms were a bad idea. * Borrowing ideograms from Chinese and then later going back for more. * Nifflas inventing his own alphabet so doesn't have to hide his notes when he DMs. * The process of training yourself to read your weirdo moon-man alphabet. * Wanting to get into Lojban. * Liking a phrase as much as Tolkien likes "cellar door." * Inventing the language that magic is spoken in. * Inventing a language for your game and demanding your players become fluent in it. * The Nicaraguan school for deaf children doing a terrible job at teaching deaf children, but the children inventing Nicaraguan Sign Language. * Collecting your paycheck for doing nothing. * A corpus of industrial folk songs. * Yelling "peaches meet your fate!" and making the chainsaws kiss. * Mother-32 needing an offering of your hair every morning. * The composition process you enjoy most not leading to the kind of music you enjoy most. * Not wanting to make prototypes in the final medium because working in the final medium is a pain to work in. * GML being the wax and 6502 assembly being the marble in this analogy. * Live streaming video to the Apple II. * Having time for hobbies because you quit Twitter. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Listening to a lot of dolphin podcasts.
  • Discussing only topics on the Topic Special.
  • Belching instead of answering the question.
  • Your project going well lately and being slightly less afraid that it's going to be awful.
  • A store that isn't in your local mall so you have to drive half an hour to the cool mall.
  • Being afraid cool teenagers will stare you down and you'll evaporate on the spot.
  • A store selling pop culture stuff you've actually heard of.
  • Not having a Hot Topic story but telling one you read on the Internet.
  • An anime version of Ben Stiller's character from Reality Bites.
  • The Hot Topic in Ben Stiller's thought bubble that you can only shop at if Ben Stiller thinks of you.
  • All food vanishing from the world because Ben Stiller has thought of it all and it's trapped in his mind.
  • All the wiki pages that popped up for the movie Primer.
  • Having sorted the spreadsheet and being unable to un-sort the spreadsheet.
  • Thinking toe picks are a gross hygiene thing but actually they're for doing a triple lutz.
  • Amputee guitarists who are pretty proficient at foot guitaring.
  • Skates with four wheels in a rectangle being way less cool than skates with four wheels in a row because that's what girls do.
  • Ice skates being harder to turn in than inline skates, because they cut a groove in the surface.
  • Turning on the toe pick.
  • Sucking at tourism because nothing interests you.
  • Changing the subject to Tony Hawk's Pro Skater.
  • Which indie game developers were previously pro inline skaters.
  • Mike Vallely storming off angrily at the concept of doing pressure flips.
  • A kickflip except you don't make the ollie motion with your front foot, you just kick the tail down and scoop it forward with your rear foot.
  • Tony Hawk being cool and teaching you vert tricks and Mike Vallely refusing to talk to anyone who isn't a skateboarder.
  • Skateboarders getting petty and insecure and getting inline skating removed from the X-Games.
  • Completing the entire gap checklist in Tony Hawk 2 and putting it on your resume.
  • Dropping the franchise completely after Tony Hawk 2 because the Playstation 1 version of Tony Hawk 3 doesn't have female custom skaters.
  • The mission in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2 where you follow a homeless person around Venice Beach and harass him until he leaves town.
  • Ollie the Magic Bum getting good at skateboarding so he can exact revenge.
  • A full-contact, Tony-Hawk-And-Bully-Had-A-Baby roller derby game.
  • Punxsutawney Phil looking down and seeing poop and so there'll be six more weeks of poop.
  • Having to shove pills down a cat's throat twice a day for the rest of her life.
  • Giving away your spare geckos and explaining to the recipient that they eat sunlight.
  • A gecko eating another gecko like a corncob because they're not social animals after all.
  • Three creatures each nesting-dolled in the mouth of another creature.
  • The vet seemingly not knowing about lizards shedding when they put the cast on the lizard.
  • The gecko still being alive so you're doing okay at pet ownership.
  • Hiring a nurse that is also a gecko to take care of your gecko injections.
  • A mystery that we are still trying to discover.
  • Even the manufacturer not knowing why the candy bar is called Topic.
  • Inventing the jaw that can take the smallest possible bite.
  • Marzipan but with almonds.
  • Not liking how they pronounce "urinal" in the UK. Not liking it at all.
  • Things taking a dark turn and someone turning up dead.
  • Not going out of your way to inform people that your product's name is shockingly racist.
  • Preferring the language proficiency test that is more similar to Skee-Ball.
  • Changing the subject to Tony Hawk's Pro Skater again.
  • Wanting to feel sick about everything and doing all the missions at "sick" difficulty.
  • Doing a few missions at "sick" difficulty and deciding that's enough sick for you.
  • The Korean alphabet having been invented by a dude who thought ideograms were a bad idea.
  • Borrowing ideograms from Chinese and then later going back for more.
  • Nifflas inventing his own alphabet so doesn't have to hide his notes when he DMs.
  • The process of training yourself to read your weirdo moon-man alphabet.
  • Wanting to get into Lojban.
  • Liking a phrase as much as Tolkien likes "cellar door."
  • Inventing the language that magic is spoken in.
  • Inventing a language for your game and demanding your players become fluent in it.
  • The Nicaraguan school for deaf children doing a terrible job at teaching deaf children, but the children inventing Nicaraguan Sign Language.
  • Collecting your paycheck for doing nothing.
  • A corpus of industrial folk songs.
  • Yelling "peaches meet your fate!" and making the chainsaws kiss.
  • Mother-32 needing an offering of your hair every morning.
  • The composition process you enjoy most not leading to the kind of music you enjoy most.
  • Not wanting to make prototypes in the final medium because working in the final medium is a pain to work in.
  • GML being the wax and 6502 assembly being the marble in this analogy.
  • Live streaming video to the Apple II.
  • Having time for hobbies because you quit Twitter.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Listening to a lot of dolphin podcasts.
  • Discussing only topics on the Topic Special.
  • Belching instead of answering the question.
  • Your project going well lately and being slightly less afraid that it's going to be awful.
  • A store that isn't in your local mall so you have to drive half an hour to the cool mall.
  • Being afraid cool teenagers will stare you down and you'll evaporate on the spot.
  • A store selling pop culture stuff you've actually heard of.
  • Not having a Hot Topic story but telling one you read on the Internet.
  • An anime version of Ben Stiller's character from Reality Bites.
  • The Hot Topic in Ben Stiller's thought bubble that you can only shop at if Ben Stiller thinks of you.
  • All food vanishing from the world because Ben Stiller has thought of it all and it's trapped in his mind.
  • All the wiki pages that popped up for the movie Primer.
  • Having sorted the spreadsheet and being unable to un-sort the spreadsheet.
  • Thinking toe picks are a gross hygiene thing but actually they're for doing a triple lutz.
  • Amputee guitarists who are pretty proficient at foot guitaring.
  • Skates with four wheels in a rectangle being way less cool than skates with four wheels in a row because that's what girls do.
  • Ice skates being harder to turn in than inline skates, because they cut a groove in the surface.
  • Turning on the toe pick.
  • Sucking at tourism because nothing interests you.
  • Changing the subject to Tony Hawk's Pro Skater.
  • Which indie game developers were previously pro inline skaters.
  • Mike Vallely storming off angrily at the concept of doing pressure flips.
  • A kickflip except you don't make the ollie motion with your front foot, you just kick the tail down and scoop it forward with your rear foot.
  • Tony Hawk being cool and teaching you vert tricks and Mike Vallely refusing to talk to anyone who isn't a skateboarder.
  • Skateboarders getting petty and insecure and getting inline skating removed from the X-Games.
  • Completing the entire gap checklist in Tony Hawk 2 and putting it on your resume.
  • Dropping the franchise completely after Tony Hawk 2 because the Playstation 1 version of Tony Hawk 3 doesn't have female custom skaters.
  • The mission in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2 where you follow a homeless person around Venice Beach and harass him until he leaves town.
  • Ollie the Magic Bum getting good at skateboarding so he can exact revenge.
  • A full-contact, Tony-Hawk-And-Bully-Had-A-Baby roller derby game.
  • Punxsutawney Phil looking down and seeing poop and so there'll be six more weeks of poop.
  • Having to shove pills down a cat's throat twice a day for the rest of her life.
  • Giving away your spare geckos and explaining to the recipient that they eat sunlight.
  • A gecko eating another gecko like a corncob because they're not social animals after all.
  • Three creatures each nesting-dolled in the mouth of another creature.
  • The vet seemingly not knowing about lizards shedding when they put the cast on the lizard.
  • The gecko still being alive so you're doing okay at pet ownership.
  • Hiring a nurse that is also a gecko to take care of your gecko injections.
  • A mystery that we are still trying to discover.
  • Even the manufacturer not knowing why the candy bar is called Topic.
  • Inventing the jaw that can take the smallest possible bite.
  • Marzipan but with almonds.
  • Not liking how they pronounce "urinal" in the UK. Not liking it at all.
  • Things taking a dark turn and someone turning up dead.
  • Not going out of your way to inform people that your product's name is shockingly racist.
  • Preferring the language proficiency test that is more similar to Skee-Ball.
  • Changing the subject to Tony Hawk's Pro Skater again.
  • Wanting to feel sick about everything and doing all the missions at "sick" difficulty.
  • Doing a few missions at "sick" difficulty and deciding that's enough sick for you.
  • The Korean alphabet having been invented by a dude who thought ideograms were a bad idea.
  • Borrowing ideograms from Chinese and then later going back for more.
  • Nifflas inventing his own alphabet so doesn't have to hide his notes when he DMs.
  • The process of training yourself to read your weirdo moon-man alphabet.
  • Wanting to get into Lojban.
  • Liking a phrase as much as Tolkien likes "cellar door."
  • Inventing the language that magic is spoken in.
  • Inventing a language for your game and demanding your players become fluent in it.
  • The Nicaraguan school for deaf children doing a terrible job at teaching deaf children, but the children inventing Nicaraguan Sign Language.
  • Collecting your paycheck for doing nothing.
  • A corpus of industrial folk songs.
  • Yelling "peaches meet your fate!" and making the chainsaws kiss.
  • Mother-32 needing an offering of your hair every morning.
  • The composition process you enjoy most not leading to the kind of music you enjoy most.
  • Not wanting to make prototypes in the final medium because working in the final medium is a pain to work in.
  • GML being the wax and 6502 assembly being the marble in this analogy.
  • Live streaming video to the Apple II.
  • Having time for hobbies because you quit Twitter.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 11. The Unfriendly Potty Tries To Put It Back https://topiclords.com/the-unfriendly-potty-tries-to-put-it-back 242536bd-0a49-44e0-9264-79b2f4997af6 Mon, 06 Jan 2020 08:00:00 -0800 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords this week: Jenni and Jay. We discuss getting immersion in a language when you don't know any native speakers, scars that mean your mouth is too small, food when you're expecting different food, paying to pee on road trips in Germany, Thomas Dolby's early 90s online music service, and being ok with admitting when you don't know something. 1:10:42 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords this week: * Jenni is let's-playing Flower Sun and Rain with Riff: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDmj6Kt5pg&list=PLQqCGkS4_4YvUIsmDBnd5vX8W1Fme6vu * Jay is late! Topics: * 2:07 Trying to get immersion in a language when you don't know any native speakers & you're not in the country. * Look at that horse. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5woNs9WRE * 13:52 If you have scars on the inside of your cheek along where your teeth meet, that means your mouth is too small. * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lineaalba(cheek) * Mold-a-rama: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mold-A-Rama * 18:45 When you're not expecting food. * 20:38 Road trips in Germany: paying to pee, no tourist traps. (Though public transport owns for non-leisure trips.) * 31:18 Thomas "Dolby" Robertson's early 90s online music service. * Manufacture of cheddar cheese: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ManufactureofCheddarcheese * Who coined the term "world wide web"? https://www.quora.com/Who-coined-the-term-world-wide-web * 39:07 Being ok with admitting it when you don't know about something. * Quantum suicide and immortality. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantumsuicideandimmortality * One Terabyte of the Kilobyte Age. https://blog.geocities.institute/ Microtopics: * Ostensibly being in a hotel to stop an act of terrorism but first having to get someone's mojo back. * A portable computer that you call Catherine. * A time loop, here on Topic Lords. * Quitting that owl. Telling that owl where he can shove his heroin. * Duo Lingo being named after its founder and enforcer, Duo. * Gamification ruining your productivity because you can't help but care about these poorly-designed leaderboards. * This being a video games podcast now, I guess. * Putting in the effort to suck at a game so you can get more out of it. * Doing a couple squats and all the monsters dying and feeling like a badass because of all your gains. * Guessing that a higher intensity means a higher ratio of reps to jogging. * Guessing that lowering the workout intensity will increase your heart rate. * Squatting and catching the coins. * Being surprised that legal let them put squats in the workout game beacuse you can super fuck up your knees by doing squats wrong. * Learning Japanese so you can watch anime while also keeping an eye on that spider. * Asking your co-lord to stereotype an entire species. * Asking your co-lord about the personality of a spider when you made the spider up in this scenario. * Doing the equivalent of the look at the horse thing. * Explaining funny Youtube videos to each other. * A half hour of getting head massages and trying to make a face as if you're enjoying the head massage. * The mind whisk not working when you do it to yourself but a vibrating one might. * Not wanting to swear around clean boys. * Salvaging a terrible kale broccoli smoothie by adding rum. * Frying your terrible kale broccoli smoothie into falafels. * The only memory you have of a dentist being him telling you that you have a tiny mouth. * Not brushing your teeth or going to the dentist for four years. * Jim's good dentist costing twice as much as every other dentist and only being a 12-hour drive away. * The seam on a molded toy where the mold came together. * Knowing what the other person is talking about if it's the same thing that you were just talking about. * Going to the bank and giving them all your change and them giving you back half a black crayon and a couple of flatten pennies with dinosaurs on it and a lego. * Withdrawing all your money from the bank in black crayons. * Putting down the other half of your hot pepper bacon jam and peanut butter sandwich and later taking a bite, forgetting about the hot pepper bacon part. * A prank show that swaps out your half a sandwich with a different half a sandwich. * Getting food poisoning because someone on a podcast from the future gave you a bad recommendation and you paused it before hearing them say they were only kidding. * Searching for Jim Stormdancer who gave you a food poisoning recommendation on a time looped podcast but no results come back because that's not their name yet. * Realizing at the last second that a delicious gulp of Dr. Pepper is actually milk, then it turning out to actually be iced tea. * Beverageception. * How we all left fifty glasses of water in our room in case the aliens invade because that's a normal thing. * Milk not coming out of your glass when you try to drink because it's yogurt now. * Combination sleep mask and headphones. * Turning twenty half-full cans of Dr. Pepper into ten full cans of Dr. Pepper. * Not being able to take the last sip of anything because that sip is tainted. * Convincing yourself that if you just take a smaller sip it won't be the last sip. * Having five euros worth of pee vouchers because nobody actually accepts your pee vouchers. * Not having any concept of what it's like to drive without seeing tourist traps. * Figuring out what the German equivalent of Elvis is and instantly becoming a millionaire. * Starting to optimize your bathroom trips because now there's a currency involved. * The friendly potty making things weird. * The unfriendly potty trying to put it back. * Getting the smallest piece of chocolate imaginable at the end of your chocolate museum tour. * Helping the prince and his dragon friend make some chocolate shoes after the dragon accidentally melts the previous pair of chocolate shoes and melts them. * Brushing up on your chocolate trivia so you can get the sticker that says "Chocolate Genius." * Hiring a writer and telling them "it's a kingdom, and it's chocolatey -- go!" * Trying to convince museum attendees that you aren't exploiting laborers even though there are pictures of exploited laborers right there. * Theatrically fiddling with your synthesizers at because Channel 9 news is here. * Naming yourself after a music technology company because you also do music technology. * Missing an opportunity to name yourself after cheese. * Cheddars that have not undergone the cheddaring process. * Mistaking Thomas Dolby for Thomas Colby and cheddaring him but not getting cheddar for some reason. * Going grocery shopping with your mom and asking her for a candy bar and an Internet World Magazine. * Sticking with Gopher VR because the World Wide Web will never replace Telnet. * The term "World Wide Web" having been coined by Joseph McCarthy to describe Soviet influence in America. * Nodding along but feeling bad about not being able to connect with these people because you're 15 and don't know anything. * Being proud of not knowing about something. * Choosing to not be around people who make fun of you. * Programming being excellent practice for humility because you're demonstrably wrong all the goddamned time. * Wishing that you wanted to go outside more. * Synthesizer enthusiasts knocking over your trash can to look for patch cables. * Living on a canal and seeing a bunch of cool sea creatures all the time. * Spraying tap water into the canal to attract manatees and every one of them having propeller scars. * Watching shuttle launches from your back yard. * Slipping on frozen sprinkler water and somehow not hitting your head on your way down into the canal. * Every person ending up alone in the universe after everyone else has died. * Answering to Betty because you want to be polite and don't want to correct the person who thinks your name is Betty. * Betty Boop shooting to the top of the list of people you don't want to be confused with. * Being confused about whether Betty Boop is supposed to be sexy or a dog or both. * Betty Boop's apparent sexiness being like reading Shakespeare and not knowing what moiety means. * Judging somebody by the trucks you've seen with bootleg stickers of them on the back. * A bumper sticker of John Calvin peeing on whatever he doesn't like. * Inventing your own web safe palette. * Floyd-Steinberg fans high-fiving each other. * Good lording all around! Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords this week:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Ostensibly being in a hotel to stop an act of terrorism but first having to get someone's mojo back.
  • A portable computer that you call Catherine.
  • A time loop, here on Topic Lords.
  • Quitting that owl. Telling that owl where he can shove his heroin.
  • Duo Lingo being named after its founder and enforcer, Duo.
  • Gamification ruining your productivity because you can't help but care about these poorly-designed leaderboards.
  • This being a video games podcast now, I guess.
  • Putting in the effort to suck at a game so you can get more out of it.
  • Doing a couple squats and all the monsters dying and feeling like a badass because of all your gains.
  • Guessing that a higher intensity means a higher ratio of reps to jogging.
  • Guessing that lowering the workout intensity will increase your heart rate.
  • Squatting and catching the coins.
  • Being surprised that legal let them put squats in the workout game beacuse you can super fuck up your knees by doing squats wrong.
  • Learning Japanese so you can watch anime while also keeping an eye on that spider.
  • Asking your co-lord to stereotype an entire species.
  • Asking your co-lord about the personality of a spider when you made the spider up in this scenario.
  • Doing the equivalent of the look at the horse thing.
  • Explaining funny Youtube videos to each other.
  • A half hour of getting head massages and trying to make a face as if you're enjoying the head massage.
  • The mind whisk not working when you do it to yourself but a vibrating one might.
  • Not wanting to swear around clean boys.
  • Salvaging a terrible kale broccoli smoothie by adding rum.
  • Frying your terrible kale broccoli smoothie into falafels.
  • The only memory you have of a dentist being him telling you that you have a tiny mouth.
  • Not brushing your teeth or going to the dentist for four years.
  • Jim's good dentist costing twice as much as every other dentist and only being a 12-hour drive away.
  • The seam on a molded toy where the mold came together.
  • Knowing what the other person is talking about if it's the same thing that you were just talking about.
  • Going to the bank and giving them all your change and them giving you back half a black crayon and a couple of flatten pennies with dinosaurs on it and a lego.
  • Withdrawing all your money from the bank in black crayons.
  • Putting down the other half of your hot pepper bacon jam and peanut butter sandwich and later taking a bite, forgetting about the hot pepper bacon part.
  • A prank show that swaps out your half a sandwich with a different half a sandwich.
  • Getting food poisoning because someone on a podcast from the future gave you a bad recommendation and you paused it before hearing them say they were only kidding.
  • Searching for Jim Stormdancer who gave you a food poisoning recommendation on a time looped podcast but no results come back because that's not their name yet.
  • Realizing at the last second that a delicious gulp of Dr. Pepper is actually milk, then it turning out to actually be iced tea.
  • Beverageception.
  • How we all left fifty glasses of water in our room in case the aliens invade because that's a normal thing.
  • Milk not coming out of your glass when you try to drink because it's yogurt now.
  • Combination sleep mask and headphones.
  • Turning twenty half-full cans of Dr. Pepper into ten full cans of Dr. Pepper.
  • Not being able to take the last sip of anything because that sip is tainted.
  • Convincing yourself that if you just take a smaller sip it won't be the last sip.
  • Having five euros worth of pee vouchers because nobody actually accepts your pee vouchers.
  • Not having any concept of what it's like to drive without seeing tourist traps.
  • Figuring out what the German equivalent of Elvis is and instantly becoming a millionaire.
  • Starting to optimize your bathroom trips because now there's a currency involved.
  • The friendly potty making things weird.
  • The unfriendly potty trying to put it back.
  • Getting the smallest piece of chocolate imaginable at the end of your chocolate museum tour.
  • Helping the prince and his dragon friend make some chocolate shoes after the dragon accidentally melts the previous pair of chocolate shoes and melts them.
  • Brushing up on your chocolate trivia so you can get the sticker that says "Chocolate Genius."
  • Hiring a writer and telling them "it's a kingdom, and it's chocolatey -- go!"
  • Trying to convince museum attendees that you aren't exploiting laborers even though there are pictures of exploited laborers right there.
  • Theatrically fiddling with your synthesizers at because Channel 9 news is here.
  • Naming yourself after a music technology company because you also do music technology.
  • Missing an opportunity to name yourself after cheese.
  • Cheddars that have not undergone the cheddaring process.
  • Mistaking Thomas Dolby for Thomas Colby and cheddaring him but not getting cheddar for some reason.
  • Going grocery shopping with your mom and asking her for a candy bar and an Internet World Magazine.
  • Sticking with Gopher VR because the World Wide Web will never replace Telnet.
  • The term "World Wide Web" having been coined by Joseph McCarthy to describe Soviet influence in America.
  • Nodding along but feeling bad about not being able to connect with these people because you're 15 and don't know anything.
  • Being proud of not knowing about something.
  • Choosing to not be around people who make fun of you.
  • Programming being excellent practice for humility because you're demonstrably wrong all the goddamned time.
  • Wishing that you wanted to go outside more.
  • Synthesizer enthusiasts knocking over your trash can to look for patch cables.
  • Living on a canal and seeing a bunch of cool sea creatures all the time.
  • Spraying tap water into the canal to attract manatees and every one of them having propeller scars.
  • Watching shuttle launches from your back yard.
  • Slipping on frozen sprinkler water and somehow not hitting your head on your way down into the canal.
  • Every person ending up alone in the universe after everyone else has died.
  • Answering to Betty because you want to be polite and don't want to correct the person who thinks your name is Betty.
  • Betty Boop shooting to the top of the list of people you don't want to be confused with.
  • Being confused about whether Betty Boop is supposed to be sexy or a dog or both.
  • Betty Boop's apparent sexiness being like reading Shakespeare and not knowing what moiety means.
  • Judging somebody by the trucks you've seen with bootleg stickers of them on the back.
  • A bumper sticker of John Calvin peeing on whatever he doesn't like.
  • Inventing your own web safe palette.
  • Floyd-Steinberg fans high-fiving each other.
  • Good lording all around!

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords this week:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Ostensibly being in a hotel to stop an act of terrorism but first having to get someone's mojo back.
  • A portable computer that you call Catherine.
  • A time loop, here on Topic Lords.
  • Quitting that owl. Telling that owl where he can shove his heroin.
  • Duo Lingo being named after its founder and enforcer, Duo.
  • Gamification ruining your productivity because you can't help but care about these poorly-designed leaderboards.
  • This being a video games podcast now, I guess.
  • Putting in the effort to suck at a game so you can get more out of it.
  • Doing a couple squats and all the monsters dying and feeling like a badass because of all your gains.
  • Guessing that a higher intensity means a higher ratio of reps to jogging.
  • Guessing that lowering the workout intensity will increase your heart rate.
  • Squatting and catching the coins.
  • Being surprised that legal let them put squats in the workout game beacuse you can super fuck up your knees by doing squats wrong.
  • Learning Japanese so you can watch anime while also keeping an eye on that spider.
  • Asking your co-lord to stereotype an entire species.
  • Asking your co-lord about the personality of a spider when you made the spider up in this scenario.
  • Doing the equivalent of the look at the horse thing.
  • Explaining funny Youtube videos to each other.
  • A half hour of getting head massages and trying to make a face as if you're enjoying the head massage.
  • The mind whisk not working when you do it to yourself but a vibrating one might.
  • Not wanting to swear around clean boys.
  • Salvaging a terrible kale broccoli smoothie by adding rum.
  • Frying your terrible kale broccoli smoothie into falafels.
  • The only memory you have of a dentist being him telling you that you have a tiny mouth.
  • Not brushing your teeth or going to the dentist for four years.
  • Jim's good dentist costing twice as much as every other dentist and only being a 12-hour drive away.
  • The seam on a molded toy where the mold came together.
  • Knowing what the other person is talking about if it's the same thing that you were just talking about.
  • Going to the bank and giving them all your change and them giving you back half a black crayon and a couple of flatten pennies with dinosaurs on it and a lego.
  • Withdrawing all your money from the bank in black crayons.
  • Putting down the other half of your hot pepper bacon jam and peanut butter sandwich and later taking a bite, forgetting about the hot pepper bacon part.
  • A prank show that swaps out your half a sandwich with a different half a sandwich.
  • Getting food poisoning because someone on a podcast from the future gave you a bad recommendation and you paused it before hearing them say they were only kidding.
  • Searching for Jim Stormdancer who gave you a food poisoning recommendation on a time looped podcast but no results come back because that's not their name yet.
  • Realizing at the last second that a delicious gulp of Dr. Pepper is actually milk, then it turning out to actually be iced tea.
  • Beverageception.
  • How we all left fifty glasses of water in our room in case the aliens invade because that's a normal thing.
  • Milk not coming out of your glass when you try to drink because it's yogurt now.
  • Combination sleep mask and headphones.
  • Turning twenty half-full cans of Dr. Pepper into ten full cans of Dr. Pepper.
  • Not being able to take the last sip of anything because that sip is tainted.
  • Convincing yourself that if you just take a smaller sip it won't be the last sip.
  • Having five euros worth of pee vouchers because nobody actually accepts your pee vouchers.
  • Not having any concept of what it's like to drive without seeing tourist traps.
  • Figuring out what the German equivalent of Elvis is and instantly becoming a millionaire.
  • Starting to optimize your bathroom trips because now there's a currency involved.
  • The friendly potty making things weird.
  • The unfriendly potty trying to put it back.
  • Getting the smallest piece of chocolate imaginable at the end of your chocolate museum tour.
  • Helping the prince and his dragon friend make some chocolate shoes after the dragon accidentally melts the previous pair of chocolate shoes and melts them.
  • Brushing up on your chocolate trivia so you can get the sticker that says "Chocolate Genius."
  • Hiring a writer and telling them "it's a kingdom, and it's chocolatey -- go!"
  • Trying to convince museum attendees that you aren't exploiting laborers even though there are pictures of exploited laborers right there.
  • Theatrically fiddling with your synthesizers at because Channel 9 news is here.
  • Naming yourself after a music technology company because you also do music technology.
  • Missing an opportunity to name yourself after cheese.
  • Cheddars that have not undergone the cheddaring process.
  • Mistaking Thomas Dolby for Thomas Colby and cheddaring him but not getting cheddar for some reason.
  • Going grocery shopping with your mom and asking her for a candy bar and an Internet World Magazine.
  • Sticking with Gopher VR because the World Wide Web will never replace Telnet.
  • The term "World Wide Web" having been coined by Joseph McCarthy to describe Soviet influence in America.
  • Nodding along but feeling bad about not being able to connect with these people because you're 15 and don't know anything.
  • Being proud of not knowing about something.
  • Choosing to not be around people who make fun of you.
  • Programming being excellent practice for humility because you're demonstrably wrong all the goddamned time.
  • Wishing that you wanted to go outside more.
  • Synthesizer enthusiasts knocking over your trash can to look for patch cables.
  • Living on a canal and seeing a bunch of cool sea creatures all the time.
  • Spraying tap water into the canal to attract manatees and every one of them having propeller scars.
  • Watching shuttle launches from your back yard.
  • Slipping on frozen sprinkler water and somehow not hitting your head on your way down into the canal.
  • Every person ending up alone in the universe after everyone else has died.
  • Answering to Betty because you want to be polite and don't want to correct the person who thinks your name is Betty.
  • Betty Boop shooting to the top of the list of people you don't want to be confused with.
  • Being confused about whether Betty Boop is supposed to be sexy or a dog or both.
  • Betty Boop's apparent sexiness being like reading Shakespeare and not knowing what moiety means.
  • Judging somebody by the trucks you've seen with bootleg stickers of them on the back.
  • A bumper sticker of John Calvin peeing on whatever he doesn't like.
  • Inventing your own web safe palette.
  • Floyd-Steinberg fans high-fiving each other.
  • Good lording all around!

Support Topic Lords

]]> 6. hotcoldman@hotcoldmail.com https://topiclords.com/hot-coldman-at-hot-coldmail-dot-com 2aec344d-ea36-4e34-acb4-37f8c9ea9f51 Mon, 02 Dec 2019 08:00:00 -0800 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords this week: Jenni and Chris. Topics discussed: other cultures' produce, the secret origin of the warp pipe, Jim's kid, Unreal Engine 0 a.k.a. ZZT, how creative work looks exactly like being a layabout, revenge food, and the "only" comma. 1:07:13 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords this week: * Jenni is on Twitter as @horsewizrd and wants you to back Aaron Reed's Subcutanea: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/subcutanean-a-novel-where-each-copy-is-different#/ * Chris is a social media ghost. Topics discussed: * 1:46 There are SO MANY VEGETABLES when you peek outside cultural silos. SO MANY that we don't use or know about. * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddha%27shand * 8:25 Concrete pipes stacked in vacant lots becoming the warp pipe. * I Am Error, by Nathan Altice: https://mitpress.mit.edu/contributors/nathan-altice * The Surprising History of the Warp Pipe: https://reichanjapan.wordpress.com/2016/02/24/the-surprising-history-of-the-warp-pipe/ * The Enigma of Amigara Fault: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gyo#%22TheEnigmaofAmigaraFault%22 * 16:45 Recurring segment: Jim's Baby Thigh Thickness Watch? * 23:48 ZZT * The Museum of ZZT: https://museumofzzt.com/ * Jim's interview at the Museum of ZZT: https://museumofzzt.com/article/201/an-interview-with-jim-crawford-frog-fractions-2-and-zzt * Where Are The Cowboys??? https://museumofzzt.com/file/w/Cowboys.zip * Funny Kumquat: https://funnykumquat.blogspot.com/2011/10/jokes.html * Shrek Retold: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI * Star Wars Uncut: https://vimeo.com/34948855 * "Our future selves are strangers to us." https://slate.com/technology/2017/04/why-people-are-so-bad-at-thinking-about-the-future.html * 41:16 Creative work (writing especially) looks like you're doing nothing, from the outside, a lot of the time. True for other creatives? * 47:23 Food As Revenge * Revenge Bento: http://www.iromegane.com/entertainment/foods/the-japanese-wives-revenge-bento-after-the-fight-shikaeshi-bento/ * 53:01 The "Only" comma * https://www.arrantpedantry.com/2019/10/24/the-only-comma-pt-1/ * Hups! https://en.bab.la/dictionary/finnish-english/hups * ANUG: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acutenecrotizingulcerativegingivitis Microtopics: * False promises about updating a podcast in-place. * Finding a creepy lemon hand in the Safeway lying there like a monkey's paw. * Finding citrus fruit in the toilet. * Finding talking fruit in the toilet. * Whether the toilet is a dish or a soup. * Accidentally paying $11 for cashew milk. * Asking the cashier to remove a weird squash. * Distracting the cashier with pictures of missing nuts. * The nut abduction clinic. * A grape that you have to peel like a shrimp. * A grape that is constantly pooping itself. * Writing grants for prawn farmers. * Draining the entire pond to grab all the prawns. * Sound re-use in Super Mario Bros. * Tropes that are boring in Japan but still interesting in other cultures. * King of the Hill being a relatable honor story about a salaryman. * Misutā Supākoru. * Imitation concrete pipes that won't roll over and crush you. * Being too socially inept to realize you're being excluded. * Trying to kill half your friends but only in retrospect. * The Goat Simulator stage of baby development. * The Goat Simulator stage of game development. * Being at the pinnacle of your child body. * Realizing halfway through the creative process that you should've been writing a novel. * Dying and giving a soliloquy about so dying representative democracy. * Having pages of justification for why you're covered with nipples. * The story about missing cowboys actually being about North Korea. * Not wanting to share your kumquat jokes. * Explaining a meme from 2010 to your grandchildren. * Sisqo playing a love interest dentist. * Replacing the love interest in the sequel. * Hangover 2 just having another hangover in it. * Making friends with Mexican paramilitary organizations to save the world. * Raising your child on a diet of guns and kung fu before the government takes him away. * The most woke Shrek movie. * Deciding whether you want to hear "All Star" literally all the time. * Moving pieces of paper around and not being sure you're making anything better. * Being yelled at by your sister to wash potatoes faster. * Your yelling sister following you from job to job. * A sandwich being well beyond your cognitive load. * Ordering a viking at Subway. * Eating the devil given physical form every Wednesday for lunch. * Writing summoning words in your sandwich order. * Thinking of the exact same demon as your guest lord. * Writing an entire sentence with no commas at all because commas make you pretentious. * Putting a period in your minimalist font because you have to be able to refer to "Dr. Awesome." * Agreeing that "UPS" is a one-syllable word. * That one Finnish word that Jim still uses regularly. * Singing "Finnish Affectation" to the tune of "Wave of Mutilation" * Legislature that would force corporations to pay ongoing rent for the space their jingles take up in your brain. * Getting scurvy to cure your trench mouth. * Trading your oral health for the opportunity to make weird troll games for a living. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords this week:

Topics discussed:

Microtopics:

  • False promises about updating a podcast in-place.
  • Finding a creepy lemon hand in the Safeway lying there like a monkey's paw.
  • Finding citrus fruit in the toilet.
  • Finding talking fruit in the toilet.
  • Whether the toilet is a dish or a soup.
  • Accidentally paying $11 for cashew milk.
  • Asking the cashier to remove a weird squash.
  • Distracting the cashier with pictures of missing nuts.
  • The nut abduction clinic.
  • A grape that you have to peel like a shrimp.
  • A grape that is constantly pooping itself.
  • Writing grants for prawn farmers.
  • Draining the entire pond to grab all the prawns.
  • Sound re-use in Super Mario Bros.
  • Tropes that are boring in Japan but still interesting in other cultures.
  • King of the Hill being a relatable honor story about a salaryman.
  • Misutā Supākoru.
  • Imitation concrete pipes that won't roll over and crush you.
  • Being too socially inept to realize you're being excluded.
  • Trying to kill half your friends but only in retrospect.
  • The Goat Simulator stage of baby development.
  • The Goat Simulator stage of game development.
  • Being at the pinnacle of your child body.
  • Realizing halfway through the creative process that you should've been writing a novel.
  • Dying and giving a soliloquy about so dying representative democracy.
  • Having pages of justification for why you're covered with nipples.
  • The story about missing cowboys actually being about North Korea.
  • Not wanting to share your kumquat jokes.
  • Explaining a meme from 2010 to your grandchildren.
  • Sisqo playing a love interest dentist.
  • Replacing the love interest in the sequel.
  • Hangover 2 just having another hangover in it.
  • Making friends with Mexican paramilitary organizations to save the world.
  • Raising your child on a diet of guns and kung fu before the government takes him away.
  • The most woke Shrek movie.
  • Deciding whether you want to hear "All Star" literally all the time.
  • Moving pieces of paper around and not being sure you're making anything better.
  • Being yelled at by your sister to wash potatoes faster.
  • Your yelling sister following you from job to job.
  • A sandwich being well beyond your cognitive load.
  • Ordering a viking at Subway.
  • Eating the devil given physical form every Wednesday for lunch.
  • Writing summoning words in your sandwich order.
  • Thinking of the exact same demon as your guest lord.
  • Writing an entire sentence with no commas at all because commas make you pretentious.
  • Putting a period in your minimalist font because you have to be able to refer to "Dr. Awesome."
  • Agreeing that "UPS" is a one-syllable word.
  • That one Finnish word that Jim still uses regularly.
  • Singing "Finnish Affectation" to the tune of "Wave of Mutilation"
  • Legislature that would force corporations to pay ongoing rent for the space their jingles take up in your brain.
  • Getting scurvy to cure your trench mouth.
  • Trading your oral health for the opportunity to make weird troll games for a living.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords this week:

Topics discussed:

Microtopics:

  • False promises about updating a podcast in-place.
  • Finding a creepy lemon hand in the Safeway lying there like a monkey's paw.
  • Finding citrus fruit in the toilet.
  • Finding talking fruit in the toilet.
  • Whether the toilet is a dish or a soup.
  • Accidentally paying $11 for cashew milk.
  • Asking the cashier to remove a weird squash.
  • Distracting the cashier with pictures of missing nuts.
  • The nut abduction clinic.
  • A grape that you have to peel like a shrimp.
  • A grape that is constantly pooping itself.
  • Writing grants for prawn farmers.
  • Draining the entire pond to grab all the prawns.
  • Sound re-use in Super Mario Bros.
  • Tropes that are boring in Japan but still interesting in other cultures.
  • King of the Hill being a relatable honor story about a salaryman.
  • Misutā Supākoru.
  • Imitation concrete pipes that won't roll over and crush you.
  • Being too socially inept to realize you're being excluded.
  • Trying to kill half your friends but only in retrospect.
  • The Goat Simulator stage of baby development.
  • The Goat Simulator stage of game development.
  • Being at the pinnacle of your child body.
  • Realizing halfway through the creative process that you should've been writing a novel.
  • Dying and giving a soliloquy about so dying representative democracy.
  • Having pages of justification for why you're covered with nipples.
  • The story about missing cowboys actually being about North Korea.
  • Not wanting to share your kumquat jokes.
  • Explaining a meme from 2010 to your grandchildren.
  • Sisqo playing a love interest dentist.
  • Replacing the love interest in the sequel.
  • Hangover 2 just having another hangover in it.
  • Making friends with Mexican paramilitary organizations to save the world.
  • Raising your child on a diet of guns and kung fu before the government takes him away.
  • The most woke Shrek movie.
  • Deciding whether you want to hear "All Star" literally all the time.
  • Moving pieces of paper around and not being sure you're making anything better.
  • Being yelled at by your sister to wash potatoes faster.
  • Your yelling sister following you from job to job.
  • A sandwich being well beyond your cognitive load.
  • Ordering a viking at Subway.
  • Eating the devil given physical form every Wednesday for lunch.
  • Writing summoning words in your sandwich order.
  • Thinking of the exact same demon as your guest lord.
  • Writing an entire sentence with no commas at all because commas make you pretentious.
  • Putting a period in your minimalist font because you have to be able to refer to "Dr. Awesome."
  • Agreeing that "UPS" is a one-syllable word.
  • That one Finnish word that Jim still uses regularly.
  • Singing "Finnish Affectation" to the tune of "Wave of Mutilation"
  • Legislature that would force corporations to pay ongoing rent for the space their jingles take up in your brain.
  • Getting scurvy to cure your trench mouth.
  • Trading your oral health for the opportunity to make weird troll games for a living.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 1. The Shoulderblade Is a Girl https://topiclords.com/the-shoulderblade-is-a-girl eb5f0c01-22c3-412d-b35b-a50f06636f06 Mon, 28 Oct 2019 08:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords this week: Jenni Poloda and Jay Tholen. We discuss the regretting the ukulele, stripper karaoke, spaghetti eating hacks, the problem with German donuts, drying a wet phone, and fine-tuning spicy food. 59:18 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jenni does stuff at http://www.jennipolodna.com/ * Jay worked on Hypnospace Outlaw. http://www.hypnospace.net/ Topics: * 0:38 Jay is frustrated that he learned to play the ukulele rather than any other fretted instrument. * (I actually meant Super Mario Bros. 3 world 1. Here are the chords: 000x 0000 0002 0000 000x 0000 0002, then barre up to 222x, etc.) * Somewhere Over the Rainbow ukulele cover by Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwoʻole. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1bFr2SWP1I * 11:16 Jenni attended a Stripper Karaoke performance. https://www.devilspointbar.com/stripparaoke * A dial tone is 350hz and 440hz, very close to F4 and A4. * 19:26 Jim discovers how to make spaghetti edible. * The only evidence I could find that Japanese alphabet soup might exist: https://i.imgur.com/tDWu43P.png * 22:44 There are no yeasty donuts in Germany, only cake donuts. * London cab drivers need to memorize the entire city: https://www.npr.org/sections/parallels/2015/10/21/450235327/londons-cabbies-say-the-knowledge-is-better-than-uber-and-a-gps * 31:02 Jenni discovers how to make chicken wings edible * Pad thai was standardized by the Thailand government as the official Thai dish for westerners: https://www.scmp.com/lifestyle/food-drink/article/3007657/history-pad-thai-how-stir-fried-noodle-dish-was-invented-thai * 45:43 Jim talks about fixing a wet phone * TekDry possibly saved my phone: https://www.tekdry.com/ * 49:02 Jenni figures out how many peppers is too many peppers, but the jury is still out on how many is just enough. * The old process for measuring scoville was to dilute it until testers said "this isn't hot" and then report the dilutedness. Now they use science. https://www.thespruceeats.com/hot-chile-peppers-scoville-scale-1807552 Microtopics: * Not remembering the name of your own show. * Cursing oneself by learning the wrong skill. * Looking like a huge lumberjack playing a tiny instrument. * Enjoying music wrong. * Never asking for advice because you know people will tell you it's a bad idea. * The mythical non-portable ukulele. * Confusing Prog Rock and Prague Rock. * Punting a conversation to later because you can't brain right now. * Off-season Cirque du Soleil performers normalizing strip club culture. * Having just the right stripping outfit for someone's karaoke choice. * Why singing for the Rock Band high score doesn't sound like good singing. * Waking up your partner to join your loud video game. * Calling your partner to ask to make a dial tone together. * Everyone agreeing on the worst pasta shape. * Getting into a spaghetti situation. * Inventing short spaghetti. * Earning your satiation with the gamer's pasta. * Soup screaming at you if it doesn't like you. * Figuring out how to type during a podcast. * Donuts being slightly shiny to fool you. * Germans presenting Americans with fake donuts to collect their tears. * Swimming the English Channel in hopes that they have real donuts there. * Memorizing every street in London because cab drivers aren't allowed to use Mapquest. * Not feeling like any more of a monster than usual. * Eating a taco above another taco to grow its powers. * Taco Bell provocateurs rewriting history. * Going to a sushi restaurant when you don't like fish. * Insisting your wife only speak to you in German. * Not learning the local language because watching Netflix is easier. * Impressing people by setting the bar extremely low. * Being the only adult at the kid's table. * Dropping your phone in a freshwater vs. a saltwater toilet. * Using magical beams to get the water out. * Apologizing for your router. * The clerk knowing you eat Hot Cheetos just by looking at you. * Shaming customers into ordering the mild. * Moving to a country where everyone else is as spice-intolerant as you are. * Confusing being spicy and being spicy. * Tactically voting each other off the podcast. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Not remembering the name of your own show.
  • Cursing oneself by learning the wrong skill.
  • Looking like a huge lumberjack playing a tiny instrument.
  • Enjoying music wrong.
  • Never asking for advice because you know people will tell you it's a bad idea.
  • The mythical non-portable ukulele.
  • Confusing Prog Rock and Prague Rock.
  • Punting a conversation to later because you can't brain right now.
  • Off-season Cirque du Soleil performers normalizing strip club culture.
  • Having just the right stripping outfit for someone's karaoke choice.
  • Why singing for the Rock Band high score doesn't sound like good singing.
  • Waking up your partner to join your loud video game.
  • Calling your partner to ask to make a dial tone together.
  • Everyone agreeing on the worst pasta shape.
  • Getting into a spaghetti situation.
  • Inventing short spaghetti.
  • Earning your satiation with the gamer's pasta.
  • Soup screaming at you if it doesn't like you.
  • Figuring out how to type during a podcast.
  • Donuts being slightly shiny to fool you.
  • Germans presenting Americans with fake donuts to collect their tears.
  • Swimming the English Channel in hopes that they have real donuts there.
  • Memorizing every street in London because cab drivers aren't allowed to use Mapquest.
  • Not feeling like any more of a monster than usual.
  • Eating a taco above another taco to grow its powers.
  • Taco Bell provocateurs rewriting history.
  • Going to a sushi restaurant when you don't like fish.
  • Insisting your wife only speak to you in German.
  • Not learning the local language because watching Netflix is easier.
  • Impressing people by setting the bar extremely low.
  • Being the only adult at the kid's table.
  • Dropping your phone in a freshwater vs. a saltwater toilet.
  • Using magical beams to get the water out.
  • Apologizing for your router.
  • The clerk knowing you eat Hot Cheetos just by looking at you.
  • Shaming customers into ordering the mild.
  • Moving to a country where everyone else is as spice-intolerant as you are.
  • Confusing being spicy and being spicy.
  • Tactically voting each other off the podcast.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Not remembering the name of your own show.
  • Cursing oneself by learning the wrong skill.
  • Looking like a huge lumberjack playing a tiny instrument.
  • Enjoying music wrong.
  • Never asking for advice because you know people will tell you it's a bad idea.
  • The mythical non-portable ukulele.
  • Confusing Prog Rock and Prague Rock.
  • Punting a conversation to later because you can't brain right now.
  • Off-season Cirque du Soleil performers normalizing strip club culture.
  • Having just the right stripping outfit for someone's karaoke choice.
  • Why singing for the Rock Band high score doesn't sound like good singing.
  • Waking up your partner to join your loud video game.
  • Calling your partner to ask to make a dial tone together.
  • Everyone agreeing on the worst pasta shape.
  • Getting into a spaghetti situation.
  • Inventing short spaghetti.
  • Earning your satiation with the gamer's pasta.
  • Soup screaming at you if it doesn't like you.
  • Figuring out how to type during a podcast.
  • Donuts being slightly shiny to fool you.
  • Germans presenting Americans with fake donuts to collect their tears.
  • Swimming the English Channel in hopes that they have real donuts there.
  • Memorizing every street in London because cab drivers aren't allowed to use Mapquest.
  • Not feeling like any more of a monster than usual.
  • Eating a taco above another taco to grow its powers.
  • Taco Bell provocateurs rewriting history.
  • Going to a sushi restaurant when you don't like fish.
  • Insisting your wife only speak to you in German.
  • Not learning the local language because watching Netflix is easier.
  • Impressing people by setting the bar extremely low.
  • Being the only adult at the kid's table.
  • Dropping your phone in a freshwater vs. a saltwater toilet.
  • Using magical beams to get the water out.
  • Apologizing for your router.
  • The clerk knowing you eat Hot Cheetos just by looking at you.
  • Shaming customers into ordering the mild.
  • Moving to a country where everyone else is as spice-intolerant as you are.
  • Confusing being spicy and being spicy.
  • Tactically voting each other off the podcast.

Support Topic Lords

]]>