Lords:

• Gary
  • http://duckfeed.tv/
  • https://www.patreon.com/duckfeedtv/
  • https://twitter.com/garybuh
• Brayton
  • Bogwater convention coming to your town soon!

Topics:

• Spirit Halloween's Youtube Channel
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3PL2DxHye4
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJIbE6_Lt2w
• A drug you never want to try
• This list of people's favorite mugs, and how to generalize it
  • https://twitter.com/AnnaHollinrake/status/1382392715074211849
  • https://twitter.com/waxpancake/status/1385291669801631744
• Devo - Theme from Doctor Detroit
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_A8Xe9M0NY
  • Unedited (syncable) commentary: https://youtu.be/QIK-ngWWhhs
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqnPciNhQXU
• Mechanics or features of a game that the game doesn't tell you about
• Which undead would you most like to become? Lich? Ghoul? Skeleton? Ghost? Zombie? Wight? Revenant?

Microtopics:

• What a .tv TLD indicates.
• Brayton's Bubbly Bog Water.
• Airdropping incredibly earthy mineral water directly to your house.
• Using the wrong musical sting.
• The gas station that functions both before and after noon.
• Drinking water out of a beer bong.
• The algorithm providing a solid recommendation for once.
• Going into Spirit Halloween and asking for something in an underfed Michael Myers.
• Giving out vaseline for Halloween.
• The truth according to vaseline.com.
• Whether vaseline meets FDA requirements for human consumption and whether that qualifies it as a foodstuff.
• Blooming your own onions at home so you can stop going to Outback every weekend.
• All the other things you could bloom with your new onion bloomer.
• A good way to go into a fugue state and have something on in the background while you're doing something else.
• A redditor who went missing after acquiring some Datura seeds.
• A recreational drug for which the lethal dose varies significantly from person to person.
• Deciding whether to join a cult based on whether you hallucinated the cult leader high fiving Aquaman or selling celebrity maps under a bridge.
• The serial rooster on the box of corn flakes who's roosting every time you see him.
• The rooster jumping off of the Corn Flakes box, grabbing the butcher knife, and giving you career advice.
• Explaining that cocaine isn't addictive and you would know because you do it every day.
• Scrolling through a Twitter thread about people's favorite mugs to see all the great mugs.
• Perusing the multivarious ways a person can like a mug.
• The East Berlin traffic light man.
• A trivet in your grandpa's kitchen that says Joint-S.T.A.R.S. and depicts a star firing a lightning bolt at a tank, and whether your grandpa is secretly an anime villain.
• A dragon clutching the world in its hands with an American flag pattern on its spread wings.
• The patriotism dragon.
• Our favorite mugs.
• Going on Twitter to relax.
• Whether a big enough knife counts as a sword.
• Devo Vevo.
• Dan Aykroyd speed walking while people make fun of him for the entire duration of the film.
• Mark Mothersbaugh jogging in a sealed garbage bag so he can quickly lose enough weight to qualify for his intended Devo weight class.
• The belt from the 1920s that jiggles you.
• Recording a commentary on a Dan Aykroyd movie as part of your podcast about Binding of Isaac collectibles.
• Replacing every transition wipe in Star Wars with Mark Mothersbaugh floating across the screen.
• The illusion of intentionality.
• A beat poet playing a bass constructed out of a bass drum
• Our favorite fake lap steel guitar solos and what synthesizers they were played on.
• The geniuses at genius.com having absolutely nothing to say about Devo's Theme to Doctor Detroit.
• The Charmin Bear's mom's opinions on ass wiping.
• A Transmissible Toilet Paper Disease That Affects Only Bears.
• Rubber Krulwich.
• Jogging and Pimps: the Doctor Detroit Story.
• One of those Doctor Detroit marriages you always hear about.
• The Curse of Doctor Detroit.
• Flying out of a still frame of a hot dog.
• Mark Mothersbaugh wearing an inflated bodysuit so that his silhouette matches Dan Aykroyd's when they speed walk together.
• Going to the area labeled "combat zone" in hopes of finding someone to shoot.
• Hiding aliens in your space game and never telling anybody about them.
• Hiding a main quest in your space game and never telling anybody about it.
• Getting a gamer treat for peeking into corners.
• How Portal should've warned you about its unusually high fall damage on the box.
• The pros and cons of being a lich.
• Whether April would stick around if Jim turned into a lich.
• Dying at Chuckie Cheese and being stuck there as a ghost forever.
• Whether being a zombie secretly feels awesome.
• The tragedy of Quake's wireheading grunts.
• Dying on the subway and having to listen to buskers for eternity.
• The parable of the good lich and the good billionaire.

Support Topic Lords

Lords:

• Jenni is on an internet break but you can email her at jenni@jennipolodna.com.
• Gary is @GaryBuh on Twitter and does podcasts at the Duckfeed network. http://duckfeed.tv/

Topics:

• 1:41 How did people decide to eat certain vegetables, even though they don't look like food and sometimes taste like shit?
• 4:18 Stephen King writing about boners (there is a Tumblr)
  • https://stephenkingsboners.tumblr.com/
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerald%27s_Game#Plot
• 12:28 Airplane respiration strategies
  • https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2017/05/explore-transparent-plants/
• 16:45 Being resourceful when you don't have the correct tool. For example, I recently unblocked a toilet by using a mouse pad in place of a plunger.
• 23:28 Replacing combat in video games with other stuff to slow down the pacing
• 33:27 What age were you meaningfully aware of your mortality? Did something happen?
• 38:06 The MT-80s MIDI boom box
  • https://twitter.com/cabel/status/979097369936502785
  • https://vgmusic.com/
• 48:21 Things that you do so people will think you're an adult but you can't figure out if there's another purpose for doing them
• 55:10 You can only listen to one song for the rest of eternity, you don't get to pick. How much money would it take, what song is the worst.
  • Gunhouse trailer with the title screen jingle I was talking about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WB0yAm6iXEw
  • Here's a better trailer for a later version of Gunhouse, with better music FWIW: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzokB1821Mw
  • Tony Hawk's Two Second Music Loop https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uofB1_Y1gOk

Microtopics:

• Goin' Polodna.
• Goin' Polodna but bein' named Butterfield.
• Only car thieves remaining.
• Giving your guest a hard time for plugging something when you just asked them to plug something.
• Being inspired by an eggplant you once had.
• Stockholm syndrome but for vegetables.
• A color that doesn't exist on earth.
• Trying to cook every substance for every amount of time because you don't have Netflix.
• Laundering a horse through a book.
• The pe-noose.
• Trying to Google which Stephen King book had the necklace of penises.
• Deeming a penis to be a boner.
• Looking upon a pubic hair topiary and despairing.
• Sculpting the day your paramour will die into your pubic hair on the first date.
• Fred Meyer's daughter, J.C. Penney.
• Not having any particular insight into this boner blog.
• Being a little bit hornt up despite being trapped in a Fred Meyer by the murder frog outside.
• Whether or not "pud" is short for "pudding" or indeed anything.
• A zoetrope showing Goofy pulling down his pants every 7 seconds.
• A plexiglass box that is big enough for your head and a fern.
• Hacking the oxygen mask to come down when you just need a hit.
• Sprinkling some foliage on your head to make it look like the fern next to your head is just a lump on your face.
• Sticking your head in the fern box under the seat in front of you and painting your face on your pants so your butt can wear the oxygen mask.
• The tactile sensation of unclogging a toilet using a mouse pad.
• The best water level for plunging a toilet.
• Needing an articulated arm like Krang's to plunge the toilet from around the corner.
• Trying to guess the Game Boy games being used to prop up a projector.
• The Podcaster's Dilemma.
• Maligning the Final Fantasy Legend series.
• Deciding that your punishment will be a good night's sleep and a stern toothbrushing.
• Playing Final Fantasy Legend while you brush each other's teeth live on AGDQ.
• Asking a question that you'd already answered in a previous episode and just copy-pasting the answer from there.
• Not being in good enough shape to sleep everywhere.
• Ripping through the topics and needing to dip into the extended bucket.
• A gigantic bucket of shelf-stable potato soup that you save for the end times.
• Setting up a P.O. box so your listeners can send you a big pile of food and toy cars so you can not eat for a week and then eat an enormous megameal.
• A Visual Studio plugin that lets you play text adventures anyone while looking like you're at work.
• Pressing the boss key to hide that you're playing an ancient video game and your boss asking you why you're writing emails in Word Perfect 2.0.
• Having a child to reduce your mortality anxiety.
• Having a child so they can do the heimlich when you choke on a ham sandwich.
• Subtweeting your cat.
• Not being meaningfully aware of your mortality but still making decisions based on not dying.
• Overcorrecting and turning into a maudlin fucker.
• A boom box with a floppy drive playing canyon.mid.
• A product with no conceivable audience except the nerds who will think it's cool and nostalgic thirty years from now.
• Opening a cabinet and your coffee mug singing the Zelda "you found the thing" jingle.
• The intentionality of listening to music in the most inconvenient way possible.
• Listening to music and lighting random pieces of paper on fire.
• A very zinelike activity.
• Independent movie theaters all vanishing in an eyeblink.
• Filling the delivery tube with potato soup and sending it to the bank teller.
• Chuck E. Cheese classing it up with woodfired, chef-inspired pizza.
• Getting carryout from the Chuck E. Cheese and your chef-inspired pizza coming with a side of orange spider rings.
• Sleeping on a mattress on the floor for years until your new girlfriend insists you get a real bed.
• Putting a tennis ball on top of the screws you're supposed to attach the footboard to so you know where to park your keister.
• Your migrating bedframe, a keter-class problem in the bedroom.
• The one time it makes sense to have a strong opinion about someone else's bed.
• Wiping down the incision site because if you get an infection after you die it's just never going to heal.
• Only being allowed to listen to one song for the rest of your life.
• The one song you're allowed to listen to also replacing music you hear in your head or anything you sing.
• Trying to sing Happy Birthday to a co-worker but it always comes out as the chorus of "Selling the Drama" by Live.
• All music in the world being replaced by the Intel Inside jingle.
• The Zelda item noise secretly being the same as the Addams Family theme song.
• Going to a concert and suddenly the band can only play the song you are cursed with.
• The CIA discovering your musical curse and studying you on the dissection table like in Project ALF.
• $10 million per For Fighting.

Support Topic Lords

Lords:

• Ryan Ike is a composer at @RyanIkeComposer. Where The Water Tastes Like Wine is now available on Switch!
• Gary Butterfield is a podcaster at @GaryBuh (terfieldPodcaster). He will be torturing himself for your entertainment from Dec 20-23. http://duckfeed.tv/duckstream/

Topics:

• 4:45 How long do you spend on media you don't like before giving up?
• 19:05 What if food screamed when you ate it??
  • Barbershop performers usually sing major 7th chords in just intonation. For all the gushing over it in the citations, to my ear the "comparison with equal temperament" at the bottom of the page just sounds grossly out of tune. 31 cents flat, yuck. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harmonic_seventh_chord#Barbershop_seventh
• 26:46 The SP-1200 and other fetishized creative tools.
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E-mu_SP-1200
  • Making beats with the SP-1200. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npkxjOTkZBM
  • "'You feel the power in the click,' PewDiePie proclaims while taking his new gaming mouse for a test drive." https://manofmany.com/featured/pewdiepies-camera-desk-setup-gear-money
• 35:12 If you had anything close to Kojima's level of auteur power in your field, what would you do with it?
• 45:05 How would you be useful in a post-apocalypse?
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunbar%27s_number
• 53:30 Why can't we run in a non-athletic setting?

Microtopics:

• Introducing yourself like a Pokemon.
• Graduating to being level two e-friends.
• The Spider-Man channel, the Ice Man channel, and the Firestar channel.
• Consuming things between now and when you die.
• Making game as if people have nothing to do but play your game.
• Being okay with never consuming the art you purchase.
• Min-maxing your enjoyment you have before you become a pile of inanimate carbon.
• Checking in on The Ice Man Christmas Spectacular and it's already snowing.
• Failing to explain the Battle of the Bulge.
• The intended cadence of using two question marks.
• Topic Joker's Trick.
• Associating the sound of screaming with everything tasty.
• String cheese yelling "string cheese" as you eat it to raise string cheese awareness.
• Everyone remembering where they were when food started screaming.
• Deaf people all remembering when they got Subway and learned to hear.
• David Fincher's Seven 2: Ate.
• The wailing of the ghosts of Hades echoing through Hamilton Middle School.
• The screaming and eating minutes.
• The horrible price of being a Topic Lord.
• All the layers of your sandwich singing like a barbershop quartet.
• Humanity learning to photosynthesize.
• The glucose in an IV drip whispering the time you'll die as it goes into your vein.
• Mailing your representative to ask them to vote no on the Screaming Food Act.
• The totemic power of a sampler with 256k of ram.
• PewDiePie endorsing a particular brand of streaming microphone.
• Making a cooking knife made out of dinosaur bones.
• Recording a song with Kurt Cobain's guitar.
• Recording a song with a guitar made from Kurt Cobain's body.
• A rock legend being bone-morphed into a Stratocaster.
• Being totally down with your bones used for something cool.
• Being a Topic Knave.
• Being called a genius until it breaks you.
• Being confused about whether a boat is a fortunate or unfortunate boat.
• Putting together a team to make the game to match your vanity soundtrack.
• Making a soundtrack you could paint on the side of a van.
• Auteur power inevitably turning you into a monster, and choosing to lean into that.
• Living with the comfort hose pointed at your face.
• Having no knees and a lot of money.
• Eating yourself because you are among the 1% most self-actualized.
• Dancing in a cage for a warlord because nobody needs your chiptune cover of Carry On My Wayward Son after the screaming vegetables cause World War 3.
• Getting real good at the spoons because pianos are too heavy.
• Accidentally starting fires with your thick prescription glasses.
• Murdering every Applebee's employee so you're the best chef in your future village.
• Being good with children even though you hate them.
• Terrifying passers-by because you just wanted to get your shopping done faster.
• Running to catch your yogurt like it's a bus.
• Onlookers wondering why you're always breaking up with Janine every time they see you.
• Thinking you're going to get a free sample but instead getting a sales pitch.
• Talking into a celery stalk to get out of an awkward situation.

Support Topic Lords