web01.fireside.fm Thu, 09 Apr 2026 10:05:38 -0500 Fireside (https://fireside.fm) Topic Lords - Episodes Tagged with “Abby” https://topiclords.com/tags/abby Mon, 25 Aug 2025 00:00:00 -0700 Every week, Jim invites different friends to guest on Topic Lords and be excited about whatever they've been fixated on this week. en-us episodic The only place on the internet you can hear topics discussed! Jim Stormdancer Every week, Jim invites different friends to guest on Topic Lords and be excited about whatever they've been fixated on this week. yes Jim Stormdancer jim@goombas.org 305. Phlegmletting https://topiclords.com/phlegmletting ca88f96f-526e-4687-a21e-741578108617 Mon, 25 Aug 2025 00:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Abby and Sid. We discuss reading the diabetes manual, saying vegetables instead of cussin', Winston punching his tooth out, If I Ran the Circus (excerpt) by Dr. Seuss, and reminding yourself of all the PS2 games you hated. 1:16:09 yes Lords: * Abby * https://www.thespaceuk.com/shows/2025/abby-denton-my-favorite-loser * Sid * https://linktr.ee/beamsplashx Topics: * Reading about type 1 diabetes * Saying vegetables instead of cussin' * https://jp.itch.io/mr-friendly * Winston punched his tooth out * If I Ran the Circus (excerpt) * With the power of portable PS2 emulation, I can find out how many types of games I don't like anymore Microtopics: * My Favorite Loser. * Mistakes we always keep in the show because it's more fun that way. * How to plagiarize video using Da Vinci Resolve. * A tool that automatically turns any Youtube video into a series of screenshots with captions. * Your mom threatening to sell your copy of Sonic the Hedgehog when it's explicitly labeled "not for resale" * Explaining to your mom that they're not video games, they're computer games, and she explains that video is from the Latin for "to see" * Mom paying proper deference to your clever sass before grounding you. * They're called RPGs, Mother! * Reading just enough about diabetes to be unhelpful. * Reading the diabetes owners manual. * Your $200/month Glucagon habit. * The Quick Start Guide to Diabetes, which explains that ideally you'd do such and such for your diabetic child but you probably don't have health insurance so, uh, good luck! * WiFi 7 upgrading you to gay. * Recreational glucose monitors. * The new glucose tablets coming in metric and confusing everybody. * That time Solid Snake went hypoglycemic while being tortured and bit down on his fake tooth to release the glucose capsule. * We put sugar gel in you, Solid Snake! It's going to make you slightly loopy! * An accountant who likes jogging. * Nobody knows why women have a higher incidence of eating disorders. If only we could ask them * They made a cure to diabetes 30 years ago, but you have to become the President of the United States to get it. * If Diabetes is so good, why haven't they made a Diabetes 2? * The Quick Start Guide to Diabetes explaining that people with diabetes can talk over you in a funny voice and you're not allowed to do anything about it. * Fiddling with a bloodletting device in an antique store and accidentally letting nearly all of your blood. * Phlegmletters. * What part of the body hurts least to prick with a needle. (The balls.) (Of your feet.) * Code switching halfway through explaining how you like to cuss. * How to swear at someone using vegetables. * What a load of parsnips! * Brussels Sprouts patch notes. * Brussels Sprouts: Belgium's Great Shame. * Winnipeg Manitoba sprouts. * Walking up to a stranger on the street and saying "Hey! It's a load of parsnips!" when they don't even know how you feel about parsnips. * Veggie Tales: Christ Died for our Parsnips. * Finding hilarious jokes in the text but your Bible studies group doesn't think they're very funny at all. * Refusing to apologize about a joke because someone somewhere is going to get the joke. * Why they still play old cartoons when they have Dragon Ball Z now. * Trying to find the 90s show about a kid trapped in a sitcom neighborhood that a talking dog told Abby about. * A video game where instead of having to shoot people, you talk to people. * Mr. Friendly. * Running errands for the demons. * Demon acceptance. * Can you believe Satan? What will they come up with next? * Lucifer Twocifer: Bringer of the Deuce. * Embarking on a multi-year project to have the coolest most clever minced oaths because you refuse to have basic minced oaths. * Whether it's racist to call a safecracker a Yegg. * The funniest joke you heard when you were eight. * The hobo with excellent glycemic index who lives in your shed. * Trying cat insulin and promising to report back if you die. * Hyperdontia. * Accidentally swallowing a tooth and growing a tooth tree in your tummy. * Explaining to your kid who just swallowed a tooth that it's going to bite him on the butt on the way out. * Inventing an increasingly elaborate series of fairies that cover everything that can happen to your child's teeth * What kind of degree you need to become a tooth fairy. * Going to the dentist to do a bunch of drugs and get punched in the face. * The tooth fairy talking about switching careers. * Paying for PDFs to print and put under your child's pillow when they lose a tooth. * Trying to pay a mortgage on a tooth fairy's salary nowadays. * What you're going to make Mr. Sneelock do. * A hoodwink who can't wink good. * If only we could talk to the LAPD. * Looking up the IPA pronunciation of Truffula Trees. * Anticipating the day you'll finally get to say "what it is" * Reading The Lorax in a bad David Lynch impression. * Over Forty Years of Trusted Quality at Nature's Bounty. * Seeing yourself on video and realizing you've been on the autism spectrum the whole time. * Knowing your friend only has one joke and telling a whole shaggy dog story to set up the one joke, as a gift. * The zoomers that they have nowadays. * Hello, this is my Asian man voice. * Going around the circle and everybody doing their best Asian man voice, finishing with the guy you want cancelled the most. * Spending $150 trying to connect your PlayStation 2 to a modern television. * Exhorting people to read the jokes in your pinned tweets. * Importing PS3 games – or not importing them, which is cheaper. * All the things you could've done instead of shooting Shinzo Abe. * Playing Tenchu: Wrath of Heaven and trying to change the control scene to be more like Sekiro, even though you hated Sekiro. * Freaking out because you didn't have everything figured out by the time you're 24. * Playing Bumpy Trot with your weeb girlfriend. Lords:

Topics:

  • Reading about type 1 diabetes
  • Saying vegetables instead of cussin'
  • Winston punched his tooth out
  • If I Ran the Circus (excerpt)
  • With the power of portable PS2 emulation, I can find out how many types of games I don't like anymore

Microtopics:

  • My Favorite Loser.
  • Mistakes we always keep in the show because it's more fun that way.
  • How to plagiarize video using Da Vinci Resolve.
  • A tool that automatically turns any Youtube video into a series of screenshots with captions.
  • Your mom threatening to sell your copy of Sonic the Hedgehog when it's explicitly labeled "not for resale"
  • Explaining to your mom that they're not video games, they're computer games, and she explains that video is from the Latin for "to see"
  • Mom paying proper deference to your clever sass before grounding you.
  • They're called RPGs, Mother!
  • Reading just enough about diabetes to be unhelpful.
  • Reading the diabetes owners manual.
  • Your $200/month Glucagon habit.
  • The Quick Start Guide to Diabetes, which explains that ideally you'd do such and such for your diabetic child but you probably don't have health insurance so, uh, good luck!
  • WiFi 7 upgrading you to gay.
  • Recreational glucose monitors.
  • The new glucose tablets coming in metric and confusing everybody.
  • That time Solid Snake went hypoglycemic while being tortured and bit down on his fake tooth to release the glucose capsule.
  • We put sugar gel in you, Solid Snake! It's going to make you slightly loopy!
  • An accountant who likes jogging.
  • Nobody knows why women have a higher incidence of eating disorders. If only we could ask them
  • They made a cure to diabetes 30 years ago, but you have to become the President of the United States to get it.
  • If Diabetes is so good, why haven't they made a Diabetes 2?
  • The Quick Start Guide to Diabetes explaining that people with diabetes can talk over you in a funny voice and you're not allowed to do anything about it.
  • Fiddling with a bloodletting device in an antique store and accidentally letting nearly all of your blood.
  • Phlegmletters.
  • What part of the body hurts least to prick with a needle. (The balls.) (Of your feet.)
  • Code switching halfway through explaining how you like to cuss.
  • How to swear at someone using vegetables.
  • What a load of parsnips!
  • Brussels Sprouts patch notes.
  • Brussels Sprouts: Belgium's Great Shame.
  • Winnipeg Manitoba sprouts.
  • Walking up to a stranger on the street and saying "Hey! It's a load of parsnips!" when they don't even know how you feel about parsnips.
  • Veggie Tales: Christ Died for our Parsnips.
  • Finding hilarious jokes in the text but your Bible studies group doesn't think they're very funny at all.
  • Refusing to apologize about a joke because someone somewhere is going to get the joke.
  • Why they still play old cartoons when they have Dragon Ball Z now.
  • Trying to find the 90s show about a kid trapped in a sitcom neighborhood that a talking dog told Abby about.
  • A video game where instead of having to shoot people, you talk to people.
  • Mr. Friendly.
  • Running errands for the demons.
  • Demon acceptance.
  • Can you believe Satan? What will they come up with next?
  • Lucifer Twocifer: Bringer of the Deuce.
  • Embarking on a multi-year project to have the coolest most clever minced oaths because you refuse to have basic minced oaths.
  • Whether it's racist to call a safecracker a Yegg.
  • The funniest joke you heard when you were eight.
  • The hobo with excellent glycemic index who lives in your shed.
  • Trying cat insulin and promising to report back if you die.
  • Hyperdontia.
  • Accidentally swallowing a tooth and growing a tooth tree in your tummy.
  • Explaining to your kid who just swallowed a tooth that it's going to bite him on the butt on the way out.
  • Inventing an increasingly elaborate series of fairies that cover everything that can happen to your child's teeth
  • What kind of degree you need to become a tooth fairy.
  • Going to the dentist to do a bunch of drugs and get punched in the face.
  • The tooth fairy talking about switching careers.
  • Paying for PDFs to print and put under your child's pillow when they lose a tooth.
  • Trying to pay a mortgage on a tooth fairy's salary nowadays.
  • What you're going to make Mr. Sneelock do.
  • A hoodwink who can't wink good.
  • If only we could talk to the LAPD.
  • Looking up the IPA pronunciation of Truffula Trees.
  • Anticipating the day you'll finally get to say "what it is"
  • Reading The Lorax in a bad David Lynch impression.
  • Over Forty Years of Trusted Quality at Nature's Bounty.
  • Seeing yourself on video and realizing you've been on the autism spectrum the whole time.
  • Knowing your friend only has one joke and telling a whole shaggy dog story to set up the one joke, as a gift.
  • The zoomers that they have nowadays.
  • Hello, this is my Asian man voice.
  • Going around the circle and everybody doing their best Asian man voice, finishing with the guy you want cancelled the most.
  • Spending $150 trying to connect your PlayStation 2 to a modern television.
  • Exhorting people to read the jokes in your pinned tweets.
  • Importing PS3 games – or not importing them, which is cheaper.
  • All the things you could've done instead of shooting Shinzo Abe.
  • Playing Tenchu: Wrath of Heaven and trying to change the control scene to be more like Sekiro, even though you hated Sekiro.
  • Freaking out because you didn't have everything figured out by the time you're 24.
  • Playing Bumpy Trot with your weeb girlfriend.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Lords:

Topics:

  • Reading about type 1 diabetes
  • Saying vegetables instead of cussin'
  • Winston punched his tooth out
  • If I Ran the Circus (excerpt)
  • With the power of portable PS2 emulation, I can find out how many types of games I don't like anymore

Microtopics:

  • My Favorite Loser.
  • Mistakes we always keep in the show because it's more fun that way.
  • How to plagiarize video using Da Vinci Resolve.
  • A tool that automatically turns any Youtube video into a series of screenshots with captions.
  • Your mom threatening to sell your copy of Sonic the Hedgehog when it's explicitly labeled "not for resale"
  • Explaining to your mom that they're not video games, they're computer games, and she explains that video is from the Latin for "to see"
  • Mom paying proper deference to your clever sass before grounding you.
  • They're called RPGs, Mother!
  • Reading just enough about diabetes to be unhelpful.
  • Reading the diabetes owners manual.
  • Your $200/month Glucagon habit.
  • The Quick Start Guide to Diabetes, which explains that ideally you'd do such and such for your diabetic child but you probably don't have health insurance so, uh, good luck!
  • WiFi 7 upgrading you to gay.
  • Recreational glucose monitors.
  • The new glucose tablets coming in metric and confusing everybody.
  • That time Solid Snake went hypoglycemic while being tortured and bit down on his fake tooth to release the glucose capsule.
  • We put sugar gel in you, Solid Snake! It's going to make you slightly loopy!
  • An accountant who likes jogging.
  • Nobody knows why women have a higher incidence of eating disorders. If only we could ask them
  • They made a cure to diabetes 30 years ago, but you have to become the President of the United States to get it.
  • If Diabetes is so good, why haven't they made a Diabetes 2?
  • The Quick Start Guide to Diabetes explaining that people with diabetes can talk over you in a funny voice and you're not allowed to do anything about it.
  • Fiddling with a bloodletting device in an antique store and accidentally letting nearly all of your blood.
  • Phlegmletters.
  • What part of the body hurts least to prick with a needle. (The balls.) (Of your feet.)
  • Code switching halfway through explaining how you like to cuss.
  • How to swear at someone using vegetables.
  • What a load of parsnips!
  • Brussels Sprouts patch notes.
  • Brussels Sprouts: Belgium's Great Shame.
  • Winnipeg Manitoba sprouts.
  • Walking up to a stranger on the street and saying "Hey! It's a load of parsnips!" when they don't even know how you feel about parsnips.
  • Veggie Tales: Christ Died for our Parsnips.
  • Finding hilarious jokes in the text but your Bible studies group doesn't think they're very funny at all.
  • Refusing to apologize about a joke because someone somewhere is going to get the joke.
  • Why they still play old cartoons when they have Dragon Ball Z now.
  • Trying to find the 90s show about a kid trapped in a sitcom neighborhood that a talking dog told Abby about.
  • A video game where instead of having to shoot people, you talk to people.
  • Mr. Friendly.
  • Running errands for the demons.
  • Demon acceptance.
  • Can you believe Satan? What will they come up with next?
  • Lucifer Twocifer: Bringer of the Deuce.
  • Embarking on a multi-year project to have the coolest most clever minced oaths because you refuse to have basic minced oaths.
  • Whether it's racist to call a safecracker a Yegg.
  • The funniest joke you heard when you were eight.
  • The hobo with excellent glycemic index who lives in your shed.
  • Trying cat insulin and promising to report back if you die.
  • Hyperdontia.
  • Accidentally swallowing a tooth and growing a tooth tree in your tummy.
  • Explaining to your kid who just swallowed a tooth that it's going to bite him on the butt on the way out.
  • Inventing an increasingly elaborate series of fairies that cover everything that can happen to your child's teeth
  • What kind of degree you need to become a tooth fairy.
  • Going to the dentist to do a bunch of drugs and get punched in the face.
  • The tooth fairy talking about switching careers.
  • Paying for PDFs to print and put under your child's pillow when they lose a tooth.
  • Trying to pay a mortgage on a tooth fairy's salary nowadays.
  • What you're going to make Mr. Sneelock do.
  • A hoodwink who can't wink good.
  • If only we could talk to the LAPD.
  • Looking up the IPA pronunciation of Truffula Trees.
  • Anticipating the day you'll finally get to say "what it is"
  • Reading The Lorax in a bad David Lynch impression.
  • Over Forty Years of Trusted Quality at Nature's Bounty.
  • Seeing yourself on video and realizing you've been on the autism spectrum the whole time.
  • Knowing your friend only has one joke and telling a whole shaggy dog story to set up the one joke, as a gift.
  • The zoomers that they have nowadays.
  • Hello, this is my Asian man voice.
  • Going around the circle and everybody doing their best Asian man voice, finishing with the guy you want cancelled the most.
  • Spending $150 trying to connect your PlayStation 2 to a modern television.
  • Exhorting people to read the jokes in your pinned tweets.
  • Importing PS3 games – or not importing them, which is cheaper.
  • All the things you could've done instead of shooting Shinzo Abe.
  • Playing Tenchu: Wrath of Heaven and trying to change the control scene to be more like Sekiro, even though you hated Sekiro.
  • Freaking out because you didn't have everything figured out by the time you're 24.
  • Playing Bumpy Trot with your weeb girlfriend.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 241. Brad Garrett Must Eat! https://topiclords.com/brad-garrett-must-eat 2cc2c8a9-12d7-49ff-a017-9b3f5ee0b121 Mon, 03 Jun 2024 00:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Abby and Pat. We discuss the pear scene, capsule machines vs. claw games, designing UIs for TV, and This be the Verse, by Philip Larkin. 59:11 yes Lords: * Abby * https://www.hollywoodfringe.org/projects/10813 * Pat * https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/hyperheartcom/gotchacards Topics: * The pear scene * Capsule machines vs. claw games * Designing UIs for TV * This be the Verse, by Philip Larkin * https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48419/this-be-the-verse Microtopics: * My Brother the Car. * A card game that is not totally random. * Deciding to focus on something else in 2020. * Rock Paper Scissors vs. Rock Scissors Paper. * Which of the twins to take a kidney from * Committing to a bit that breaks the rhythm of what people expect you to say. * Making a game where people get crushed by debt but making it fun. * Everybody Loves Raymond. * Sitcoms that have plenty of opportunity to disappoint you. * A show that lives and dies in the performance. * Nine years to stop trying. * The most profitable sitcom of all time. * Adapting Raymond. * Ray Romano explaining the concept of having parents to a puzzled audience. * The kind of argument where both people make sense and are both trying to be nice. * Trying to be nice but failing. * 'Til Death. * The demeanor of a revenant. * Whether Brad Garrett listens to this show. * Hitting 100 episodes and going into syndication. * Musicians needing a body that can strike. * Writing an increasingly ludicrous sitcom for an audience of nobody. * A son who is always on the wacky tobacky. * A sitcom husband who notices that his wife has been recast and realizes he's on a sitcom. * Continuing to give Brad Garrett chances to star in sitcoms because he's so tall. * A sitcom that made you feel seen. * The workplace sitcom vs. the domestic sitcom. * Aimlessness in a post-Seinfeld era. * Abed Ghaith's striptease. * Is that Abed Ghaith's penis in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? * Claw game skill issues. * A billionaire trying to figure out how best to do good in the world and who decides to operate several generous claw machines. * Decorating a desk space with a pocket full of miniature delights. * Mona Lisa Breakdancing. * The rice cooker that King Piccolo was trapped in. * Rubik's Cube but all the faces are Mahjong tiles. * The coolest and most popular racial atrocity. * Ramen Man vs. Kikko Man. * A bowl of ramen in the shape of a tube. * Homer Simpson: visual ripoff of Kinnikuman. * Seeing an aquarium fish that looks just slightly too human. * Reading a book about bugs and itching like mad. * Worrying that you are ruining eyes for yourself. * Famous JAV title "Reincarnated as a Spider" * Conveying the idea of receiving a DM on social media to a television audience. * My face in a tube dot com. * Saying "youshmoob" really fast and hoping nobody notices. * Wanting to put a Russian Roulette scene in your TV show but being unable to negotiate the rights to Russian Roulette from ELORG so you need to hire Alexey Pajitnov to design a replacement game. * A joke that is very funny when you explain it but impossible to convey in any known medium. * The flag that says "bang!" * The Joker not being confident enough in his jokes so he has to use laughing gas. * Silent Comedy Joker has to work a bit harder. * Naming a difficulty level after a pop culture allusion to babies. * The ending of a Clockwork Orange in the UK depicting the protagonist as deciding to renounce violence and become a better person, but in the US they omitted that chapter because it's unrealistic. * The UK edition of A Clockwork Orange depicting the protagonist renouncing violence and becoming a better person so he joins the police force, whereas in the US edition the protagonist decides to remain brutal and violent so he joins the police force. * Where's the bridge, Larkin? * This be the verse you grave for me. * Poets being jerks to all different kinds of people. * Kefka creating a tower of garbage in Final Fantasy while everyone tries to convince him it's worthwhile to have a family. * Which kids inspired Lord of the Flies. * Suggesting that your mom read Chainsaw Man Part 1 so that you can talk to her about grief. Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • My Brother the Car.
  • A card game that is not totally random.
  • Deciding to focus on something else in 2020.
  • Rock Paper Scissors vs. Rock Scissors Paper.
  • Which of the twins to take a kidney from
  • Committing to a bit that breaks the rhythm of what people expect you to say.
  • Making a game where people get crushed by debt but making it fun.
  • Everybody Loves Raymond.
  • Sitcoms that have plenty of opportunity to disappoint you.
  • A show that lives and dies in the performance.
  • Nine years to stop trying.
  • The most profitable sitcom of all time.
  • Adapting Raymond.
  • Ray Romano explaining the concept of having parents to a puzzled audience.
  • The kind of argument where both people make sense and are both trying to be nice.
  • Trying to be nice but failing.
  • 'Til Death.
  • The demeanor of a revenant.
  • Whether Brad Garrett listens to this show.
  • Hitting 100 episodes and going into syndication.
  • Musicians needing a body that can strike.
  • Writing an increasingly ludicrous sitcom for an audience of nobody.
  • A son who is always on the wacky tobacky.
  • A sitcom husband who notices that his wife has been recast and realizes he's on a sitcom.
  • Continuing to give Brad Garrett chances to star in sitcoms because he's so tall.
  • A sitcom that made you feel seen.
  • The workplace sitcom vs. the domestic sitcom.
  • Aimlessness in a post-Seinfeld era.
  • Abed Ghaith's striptease.
  • Is that Abed Ghaith's penis in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
  • Claw game skill issues.
  • A billionaire trying to figure out how best to do good in the world and who decides to operate several generous claw machines.
  • Decorating a desk space with a pocket full of miniature delights.
  • Mona Lisa Breakdancing.
  • The rice cooker that King Piccolo was trapped in.
  • Rubik's Cube but all the faces are Mahjong tiles.
  • The coolest and most popular racial atrocity.
  • Ramen Man vs. Kikko Man.
  • A bowl of ramen in the shape of a tube.
  • Homer Simpson: visual ripoff of Kinnikuman.
  • Seeing an aquarium fish that looks just slightly too human.
  • Reading a book about bugs and itching like mad.
  • Worrying that you are ruining eyes for yourself.
  • Famous JAV title "Reincarnated as a Spider"
  • Conveying the idea of receiving a DM on social media to a television audience.
  • My face in a tube dot com.
  • Saying "youshmoob" really fast and hoping nobody notices.
  • Wanting to put a Russian Roulette scene in your TV show but being unable to negotiate the rights to Russian Roulette from ELORG so you need to hire Alexey Pajitnov to design a replacement game.
  • A joke that is very funny when you explain it but impossible to convey in any known medium.
  • The flag that says "bang!"
  • The Joker not being confident enough in his jokes so he has to use laughing gas.
  • Silent Comedy Joker has to work a bit harder.
  • Naming a difficulty level after a pop culture allusion to babies.
  • The ending of a Clockwork Orange in the UK depicting the protagonist as deciding to renounce violence and become a better person, but in the US they omitted that chapter because it's unrealistic.
  • The UK edition of A Clockwork Orange depicting the protagonist renouncing violence and becoming a better person so he joins the police force, whereas in the US edition the protagonist decides to remain brutal and violent so he joins the police force.
  • Where's the bridge, Larkin?
  • This be the verse you grave for me.
  • Poets being jerks to all different kinds of people.
  • Kefka creating a tower of garbage in Final Fantasy while everyone tries to convince him it's worthwhile to have a family.
  • Which kids inspired Lord of the Flies.
  • Suggesting that your mom read Chainsaw Man Part 1 so that you can talk to her about grief.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • My Brother the Car.
  • A card game that is not totally random.
  • Deciding to focus on something else in 2020.
  • Rock Paper Scissors vs. Rock Scissors Paper.
  • Which of the twins to take a kidney from
  • Committing to a bit that breaks the rhythm of what people expect you to say.
  • Making a game where people get crushed by debt but making it fun.
  • Everybody Loves Raymond.
  • Sitcoms that have plenty of opportunity to disappoint you.
  • A show that lives and dies in the performance.
  • Nine years to stop trying.
  • The most profitable sitcom of all time.
  • Adapting Raymond.
  • Ray Romano explaining the concept of having parents to a puzzled audience.
  • The kind of argument where both people make sense and are both trying to be nice.
  • Trying to be nice but failing.
  • 'Til Death.
  • The demeanor of a revenant.
  • Whether Brad Garrett listens to this show.
  • Hitting 100 episodes and going into syndication.
  • Musicians needing a body that can strike.
  • Writing an increasingly ludicrous sitcom for an audience of nobody.
  • A son who is always on the wacky tobacky.
  • A sitcom husband who notices that his wife has been recast and realizes he's on a sitcom.
  • Continuing to give Brad Garrett chances to star in sitcoms because he's so tall.
  • A sitcom that made you feel seen.
  • The workplace sitcom vs. the domestic sitcom.
  • Aimlessness in a post-Seinfeld era.
  • Abed Ghaith's striptease.
  • Is that Abed Ghaith's penis in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
  • Claw game skill issues.
  • A billionaire trying to figure out how best to do good in the world and who decides to operate several generous claw machines.
  • Decorating a desk space with a pocket full of miniature delights.
  • Mona Lisa Breakdancing.
  • The rice cooker that King Piccolo was trapped in.
  • Rubik's Cube but all the faces are Mahjong tiles.
  • The coolest and most popular racial atrocity.
  • Ramen Man vs. Kikko Man.
  • A bowl of ramen in the shape of a tube.
  • Homer Simpson: visual ripoff of Kinnikuman.
  • Seeing an aquarium fish that looks just slightly too human.
  • Reading a book about bugs and itching like mad.
  • Worrying that you are ruining eyes for yourself.
  • Famous JAV title "Reincarnated as a Spider"
  • Conveying the idea of receiving a DM on social media to a television audience.
  • My face in a tube dot com.
  • Saying "youshmoob" really fast and hoping nobody notices.
  • Wanting to put a Russian Roulette scene in your TV show but being unable to negotiate the rights to Russian Roulette from ELORG so you need to hire Alexey Pajitnov to design a replacement game.
  • A joke that is very funny when you explain it but impossible to convey in any known medium.
  • The flag that says "bang!"
  • The Joker not being confident enough in his jokes so he has to use laughing gas.
  • Silent Comedy Joker has to work a bit harder.
  • Naming a difficulty level after a pop culture allusion to babies.
  • The ending of a Clockwork Orange in the UK depicting the protagonist as deciding to renounce violence and become a better person, but in the US they omitted that chapter because it's unrealistic.
  • The UK edition of A Clockwork Orange depicting the protagonist renouncing violence and becoming a better person so he joins the police force, whereas in the US edition the protagonist decides to remain brutal and violent so he joins the police force.
  • Where's the bridge, Larkin?
  • This be the verse you grave for me.
  • Poets being jerks to all different kinds of people.
  • Kefka creating a tower of garbage in Final Fantasy while everyone tries to convince him it's worthwhile to have a family.
  • Which kids inspired Lord of the Flies.
  • Suggesting that your mom read Chainsaw Man Part 1 so that you can talk to her about grief.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 220. An Oral History of Men Riding Cats https://topiclords.com/an-oral-history-of-men-riding-cats d8100dc3-f66e-4c27-b313-0d4979a2b12c Mon, 08 Jan 2024 00:00:00 -0800 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Abby and Michael. We discuss when podcast ads don't play, Lobsang Rampa, recoloring your teeth, "I've Been Writing You A Poem," by Abby Denton, and rideable cats. 1:08:00 yes Lords: * Abby * https://abbydenton.podbean.com/ * Michael * https://www.tinybarbarian.com/ * https://dawnoftimecomics.com/ Topics: * That moment when the podcast ads don't play * Lobsang Rampa * I had a dream where I needed to recolor my teeth. Why don't video game character creators support this? * "I've Been Writing You A Poem," by Abby Denton * Cats you can ride, pre-He Man Microtopics: * Cyber Cafe. * Tiny Barbarian DX. * An exciting new way to give me money. * The gamut of barbarian sizes. * Learning the power of chat from Alan Partridge. * A podcast deciding that you're not worth advertising to. * Launching into the jokes and the fiending. * 99% Inaudible. * Elvira's lawful good rival. * Sugarhill Oiljack. * Roundtree's fruit pastilles. * A more colorful playful treat time. * The comic book guy sizing you up and stapling appropriate ads into the comic you're buying. * Finding out a lot of very interesting information about Texas Railroad Commissioner and forgetting it all immediately. * Page after page of ads and then a back cover. * A hardcore Bush-era ad explaining that Klonoa's gonna kill your mom. * Two Dollar Groos. * Writing a fan letter to the guy who letters Groo the Wanderer. * Groo ASMR on GrooTube. * A man in the 50s. (And the 60s.) * A plumber from London who found success writing books about Tibetan mysticism. * What English sounds like to an Italian speaker. * Prisencolinescionalciusol. * Lobsang Rampa getting an extra bump from people misspelling Danganronpa. * Painting your teeth mother of pearl. * The Xbox 360s mii knockoffs. * Breath of the Wild's NPC faces. * Mr. Potato Head Plug and Play Mouth. * Mainly a tooth-oriented game. * Dentists wearing a back sack over their head. * How dentures happen. * Insulin price caps. * Explaining to the nice lady who works at the grocery store that the company she works for is monstrous. * Trashy people in all walks of life. * Why shouldn't I be able to give Bayonetta missing teeth? * Post-hoc nightmares where they only upset you after you wake up. * The bladder comes to me, I don't go to the bladder. * Changing the scansion on the fly. * Writing a poem for a relative who won't appreciate it. * Whether children only like 3D animation now. * Whether it's cheaper to do 3D or 2D animation. * Wanting to play with the person you see even though they can't step out of the phone. * People who love being perceived. * This poem's threen. * Vamping about an ambiguous number because of diabetes. * Feeling shaky even though you are not shaking. * Fat cats in Washington and what they're sitting on. * Two people in the universe with perfectly incompatible needs. * The only member of your family who didn't go into the hard sciences. * The giant cats in Tom and Jerry going their weird shifting their muscles walk. * A mockery of a crown. * There he is; the poopy man. * Thinking of a man riding on a cat. * The Lure of the Basilisk. * The Gandalara Cycle. * Teleport vs. New Body. * A big cat-riding opportunity. * Riding around on a cat made of pure vinyl. * How did Cringer get like that, Prince Adam? * Little jokes you do with your partner. * Wingor, Trunkor and Unkor. * She-Ra taking it back from the boys. Lords:

Topics:

  • That moment when the podcast ads don't play
  • Lobsang Rampa
  • I had a dream where I needed to recolor my teeth. Why don't video game character creators support this?
  • "I've Been Writing You A Poem," by Abby Denton
  • Cats you can ride, pre-He Man

Microtopics:

  • Cyber Cafe.
  • Tiny Barbarian DX.
  • An exciting new way to give me money.
  • The gamut of barbarian sizes.
  • Learning the power of chat from Alan Partridge.
  • A podcast deciding that you're not worth advertising to.
  • Launching into the jokes and the fiending.
  • 99% Inaudible.
  • Elvira's lawful good rival.
  • Sugarhill Oiljack.
  • Roundtree's fruit pastilles.
  • A more colorful playful treat time.
  • The comic book guy sizing you up and stapling appropriate ads into the comic you're buying.
  • Finding out a lot of very interesting information about Texas Railroad Commissioner and forgetting it all immediately.
  • Page after page of ads and then a back cover.
  • A hardcore Bush-era ad explaining that Klonoa's gonna kill your mom.
  • Two Dollar Groos.
  • Writing a fan letter to the guy who letters Groo the Wanderer.
  • Groo ASMR on GrooTube.
  • A man in the 50s. (And the 60s.)
  • A plumber from London who found success writing books about Tibetan mysticism.
  • What English sounds like to an Italian speaker.
  • Prisencolinescionalciusol.
  • Lobsang Rampa getting an extra bump from people misspelling Danganronpa.
  • Painting your teeth mother of pearl.
  • The Xbox 360s mii knockoffs.
  • Breath of the Wild's NPC faces.
  • Mr. Potato Head Plug and Play Mouth.
  • Mainly a tooth-oriented game.
  • Dentists wearing a back sack over their head.
  • How dentures happen.
  • Insulin price caps.
  • Explaining to the nice lady who works at the grocery store that the company she works for is monstrous.
  • Trashy people in all walks of life.
  • Why shouldn't I be able to give Bayonetta missing teeth?
  • Post-hoc nightmares where they only upset you after you wake up.
  • The bladder comes to me, I don't go to the bladder.
  • Changing the scansion on the fly.
  • Writing a poem for a relative who won't appreciate it.
  • Whether children only like 3D animation now.
  • Whether it's cheaper to do 3D or 2D animation.
  • Wanting to play with the person you see even though they can't step out of the phone.
  • People who love being perceived.
  • This poem's threen.
  • Vamping about an ambiguous number because of diabetes.
  • Feeling shaky even though you are not shaking.
  • Fat cats in Washington and what they're sitting on.
  • Two people in the universe with perfectly incompatible needs.
  • The only member of your family who didn't go into the hard sciences.
  • The giant cats in Tom and Jerry going their weird shifting their muscles walk.
  • A mockery of a crown.
  • There he is; the poopy man.
  • Thinking of a man riding on a cat.
  • The Lure of the Basilisk.
  • The Gandalara Cycle.
  • Teleport vs. New Body.
  • A big cat-riding opportunity.
  • Riding around on a cat made of pure vinyl.
  • How did Cringer get like that, Prince Adam?
  • Little jokes you do with your partner.
  • Wingor, Trunkor and Unkor.
  • She-Ra taking it back from the boys.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Lords:

Topics:

  • That moment when the podcast ads don't play
  • Lobsang Rampa
  • I had a dream where I needed to recolor my teeth. Why don't video game character creators support this?
  • "I've Been Writing You A Poem," by Abby Denton
  • Cats you can ride, pre-He Man

Microtopics:

  • Cyber Cafe.
  • Tiny Barbarian DX.
  • An exciting new way to give me money.
  • The gamut of barbarian sizes.
  • Learning the power of chat from Alan Partridge.
  • A podcast deciding that you're not worth advertising to.
  • Launching into the jokes and the fiending.
  • 99% Inaudible.
  • Elvira's lawful good rival.
  • Sugarhill Oiljack.
  • Roundtree's fruit pastilles.
  • A more colorful playful treat time.
  • The comic book guy sizing you up and stapling appropriate ads into the comic you're buying.
  • Finding out a lot of very interesting information about Texas Railroad Commissioner and forgetting it all immediately.
  • Page after page of ads and then a back cover.
  • A hardcore Bush-era ad explaining that Klonoa's gonna kill your mom.
  • Two Dollar Groos.
  • Writing a fan letter to the guy who letters Groo the Wanderer.
  • Groo ASMR on GrooTube.
  • A man in the 50s. (And the 60s.)
  • A plumber from London who found success writing books about Tibetan mysticism.
  • What English sounds like to an Italian speaker.
  • Prisencolinescionalciusol.
  • Lobsang Rampa getting an extra bump from people misspelling Danganronpa.
  • Painting your teeth mother of pearl.
  • The Xbox 360s mii knockoffs.
  • Breath of the Wild's NPC faces.
  • Mr. Potato Head Plug and Play Mouth.
  • Mainly a tooth-oriented game.
  • Dentists wearing a back sack over their head.
  • How dentures happen.
  • Insulin price caps.
  • Explaining to the nice lady who works at the grocery store that the company she works for is monstrous.
  • Trashy people in all walks of life.
  • Why shouldn't I be able to give Bayonetta missing teeth?
  • Post-hoc nightmares where they only upset you after you wake up.
  • The bladder comes to me, I don't go to the bladder.
  • Changing the scansion on the fly.
  • Writing a poem for a relative who won't appreciate it.
  • Whether children only like 3D animation now.
  • Whether it's cheaper to do 3D or 2D animation.
  • Wanting to play with the person you see even though they can't step out of the phone.
  • People who love being perceived.
  • This poem's threen.
  • Vamping about an ambiguous number because of diabetes.
  • Feeling shaky even though you are not shaking.
  • Fat cats in Washington and what they're sitting on.
  • Two people in the universe with perfectly incompatible needs.
  • The only member of your family who didn't go into the hard sciences.
  • The giant cats in Tom and Jerry going their weird shifting their muscles walk.
  • A mockery of a crown.
  • There he is; the poopy man.
  • Thinking of a man riding on a cat.
  • The Lure of the Basilisk.
  • The Gandalara Cycle.
  • Teleport vs. New Body.
  • A big cat-riding opportunity.
  • Riding around on a cat made of pure vinyl.
  • How did Cringer get like that, Prince Adam?
  • Little jokes you do with your partner.
  • Wingor, Trunkor and Unkor.
  • She-Ra taking it back from the boys.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 111. Put It in a Vice and Squish It https://topiclords.com/put-it-in-a-vice-and-squish-it 04663495-2420-454d-a3d7-1dc4fc916028 Mon, 06 Dec 2021 08:00:00 -0800 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Erica and Abby. We discuss scale modeling hacks, why nobody should live here, anal sampling mechanism, The Emperor of Ice Cream, and Andrei Tarkovsky: game designer. 1:06:54 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Erica * Abby Topics: * Scale modeling hacks for broke hobbyists * Nobody should live here redux: nobody should live here either * Anal Sampling Mechanism * Wallace Stevens - The Emperor of Ice Cream * https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45234/the-emperor-of-ice-cream * Andrei Tarkovsky, game designer * https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyzFSsNQYoXBo4zjmTmncoA * https://www.youtube.com/c/SulMatul Microtopics: * Photoshopping your co-guest's face onto a platypus or maybe it's a beaver. * Wanting to depict someone as having a really excellent body without knowing what that means to them, so you photoshop a swimming trophy into their hands. * The claw beavers use to comb oil into their fur. * An after-dinner lemon. * Memorably embarrassing yourself as a mnemonic aid. * Playing along with someone's schemes to get them to leave you alone. * A cool hacker whose anti-establishment principles drive her to pirate every episode of Digimon. * Differentiating between the real world and the cyberpunk dystopian future by the number of Digimon available. * Painting the peg of a loose action figure joint with clear nail polish so the peg gets a little thicker. * The downtown Los Angeles Gundam shop. * Not being permitted, socially, to carry around clear nail polish, so you get a flask and write "man juice" on it and pour the nail polish in. * Man Juice, For Men Only. * Finding a vice big enough to squish an entire city block. * Desperately searching for how to do something and finding a single forum post from fifteen years ago, with a single reply from the same poster saying "never mind, figured it out." * Appealing to 60 year old men who need something to put in their basement. * When tour wife and kids leave you and your turkey sandwich is dry and lonely. * Ancient web forums that aren't getting any more radicalized because nobody is posting there any more. * The scum of mold you get on top of your pickling brine. * How Koreans deal with moldy kimchi. * Transcending all human notions of gender by both using blush to make your Gundam model look muddy and using a soldering iron to make it look like it has bullet holes. * The ways The T-1000 is female-coded, actually, e.g. taking on a child care role, but the filmmakers clothe the robot in a masculine skin for some reason. * A beaver with a swimming trophy who doesn't want to go in the lake because it's too cold. * Eating your lemons and sitting in the dark of the lodge, as the winter will soon be over. * Whether beavers get pruny. * Why and how to get pruny. * Animals that have hands. * Otter brains: too bigs for their skulls. * Finding out what animals have in store for us. * Living in a town built over a big bubble of petroleum and your neighbor's yard having the cutest little oil derrick. * Rinsing off with distilled water after you shower so you don't get a rash. * Living in a town that has no social scene so on Saturday night you and your friends go downtown and try to track down where that shrimp smell is coming from. * Gas fields flaring all around the city. * A combined oil derrick/Bitcoin mining rig that you can plug right into the ground and forget about. * The ability to voluntarily control defecation. * The sixth sense that's just in our butts. * Taking care of you butt consciousness. * Shitting your pants once and upending all of science. * Whether anyone poops in Rain World. * A cat who is also a slug who is also trapped on the Wheel of Samsara. * Reading a poem and refusing to click on the poem guide that explains what the heck it means. * Approaching poems as inscrutable puzzle boxes where you have to crack the code to even figure out what the hell they're talking about. * Approaching making art as aN opportunity to bore the shit out of your friends and family. * Pulling the theme of a story like a string and the entire story falls open like a sack of grain. * Demanding more delicious curds and dawdling wenches at your funeral. * Needing a weird cow to anchor your painting of a grassy field. * Whether the crowd-pleasers actually have something there. Something other than all the money, I mean. * Making a funny reference to a contemporary TV commercial in your poem about a funeral. * The King of Carrot Flowers. * Busy wrists make for busy minds. * Stanislaw Lem's "Solaris" as the basis for every video game except for Rain World. * Stalker and S.T.A.L.K.E.R. * The mysteries of The Zone and why it exists. * The Emperor of Ice Cream of Tarkovsky movies. * Experiencing what is like to live in a non-functional economy. * Being in the company of a doctor piloting someone through a pandemic-ridden city. * Stand-Up Tragedy. * The cheapest way to fame. * Renaming your PhD thesis "Anal Sampling Mechanism" so your advisor will finally look at it. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

  • Erica
  • Abby

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Photoshopping your co-guest's face onto a platypus or maybe it's a beaver.
  • Wanting to depict someone as having a really excellent body without knowing what that means to them, so you photoshop a swimming trophy into their hands.
  • The claw beavers use to comb oil into their fur.
  • An after-dinner lemon.
  • Memorably embarrassing yourself as a mnemonic aid.
  • Playing along with someone's schemes to get them to leave you alone.
  • A cool hacker whose anti-establishment principles drive her to pirate every episode of Digimon.
  • Differentiating between the real world and the cyberpunk dystopian future by the number of Digimon available.
  • Painting the peg of a loose action figure joint with clear nail polish so the peg gets a little thicker.
  • The downtown Los Angeles Gundam shop.
  • Not being permitted, socially, to carry around clear nail polish, so you get a flask and write "man juice" on it and pour the nail polish in.
  • Man Juice, For Men Only.
  • Finding a vice big enough to squish an entire city block.
  • Desperately searching for how to do something and finding a single forum post from fifteen years ago, with a single reply from the same poster saying "never mind, figured it out."
  • Appealing to 60 year old men who need something to put in their basement.
  • When tour wife and kids leave you and your turkey sandwich is dry and lonely.
  • Ancient web forums that aren't getting any more radicalized because nobody is posting there any more.
  • The scum of mold you get on top of your pickling brine.
  • How Koreans deal with moldy kimchi.
  • Transcending all human notions of gender by both using blush to make your Gundam model look muddy and using a soldering iron to make it look like it has bullet holes.
  • The ways The T-1000 is female-coded, actually, e.g. taking on a child care role, but the filmmakers clothe the robot in a masculine skin for some reason.
  • A beaver with a swimming trophy who doesn't want to go in the lake because it's too cold.
  • Eating your lemons and sitting in the dark of the lodge, as the winter will soon be over.
  • Whether beavers get pruny.
  • Why and how to get pruny.
  • Animals that have hands.
  • Otter brains: too bigs for their skulls.
  • Finding out what animals have in store for us.
  • Living in a town built over a big bubble of petroleum and your neighbor's yard having the cutest little oil derrick.
  • Rinsing off with distilled water after you shower so you don't get a rash.
  • Living in a town that has no social scene so on Saturday night you and your friends go downtown and try to track down where that shrimp smell is coming from.
  • Gas fields flaring all around the city.
  • A combined oil derrick/Bitcoin mining rig that you can plug right into the ground and forget about.
  • The ability to voluntarily control defecation.
  • The sixth sense that's just in our butts.
  • Taking care of you butt consciousness.
  • Shitting your pants once and upending all of science.
  • Whether anyone poops in Rain World.
  • A cat who is also a slug who is also trapped on the Wheel of Samsara.
  • Reading a poem and refusing to click on the poem guide that explains what the heck it means.
  • Approaching poems as inscrutable puzzle boxes where you have to crack the code to even figure out what the hell they're talking about.
  • Approaching making art as aN opportunity to bore the shit out of your friends and family.
  • Pulling the theme of a story like a string and the entire story falls open like a sack of grain.
  • Demanding more delicious curds and dawdling wenches at your funeral.
  • Needing a weird cow to anchor your painting of a grassy field.
  • Whether the crowd-pleasers actually have something there. Something other than all the money, I mean.
  • Making a funny reference to a contemporary TV commercial in your poem about a funeral.
  • The King of Carrot Flowers.
  • Busy wrists make for busy minds.
  • Stanislaw Lem's "Solaris" as the basis for every video game except for Rain World.
  • Stalker and S.T.A.L.K.E.R.
  • The mysteries of The Zone and why it exists.
  • The Emperor of Ice Cream of Tarkovsky movies.
  • Experiencing what is like to live in a non-functional economy.
  • Being in the company of a doctor piloting someone through a pandemic-ridden city.
  • Stand-Up Tragedy.
  • The cheapest way to fame.
  • Renaming your PhD thesis "Anal Sampling Mechanism" so your advisor will finally look at it.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

  • Erica
  • Abby

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Photoshopping your co-guest's face onto a platypus or maybe it's a beaver.
  • Wanting to depict someone as having a really excellent body without knowing what that means to them, so you photoshop a swimming trophy into their hands.
  • The claw beavers use to comb oil into their fur.
  • An after-dinner lemon.
  • Memorably embarrassing yourself as a mnemonic aid.
  • Playing along with someone's schemes to get them to leave you alone.
  • A cool hacker whose anti-establishment principles drive her to pirate every episode of Digimon.
  • Differentiating between the real world and the cyberpunk dystopian future by the number of Digimon available.
  • Painting the peg of a loose action figure joint with clear nail polish so the peg gets a little thicker.
  • The downtown Los Angeles Gundam shop.
  • Not being permitted, socially, to carry around clear nail polish, so you get a flask and write "man juice" on it and pour the nail polish in.
  • Man Juice, For Men Only.
  • Finding a vice big enough to squish an entire city block.
  • Desperately searching for how to do something and finding a single forum post from fifteen years ago, with a single reply from the same poster saying "never mind, figured it out."
  • Appealing to 60 year old men who need something to put in their basement.
  • When tour wife and kids leave you and your turkey sandwich is dry and lonely.
  • Ancient web forums that aren't getting any more radicalized because nobody is posting there any more.
  • The scum of mold you get on top of your pickling brine.
  • How Koreans deal with moldy kimchi.
  • Transcending all human notions of gender by both using blush to make your Gundam model look muddy and using a soldering iron to make it look like it has bullet holes.
  • The ways The T-1000 is female-coded, actually, e.g. taking on a child care role, but the filmmakers clothe the robot in a masculine skin for some reason.
  • A beaver with a swimming trophy who doesn't want to go in the lake because it's too cold.
  • Eating your lemons and sitting in the dark of the lodge, as the winter will soon be over.
  • Whether beavers get pruny.
  • Why and how to get pruny.
  • Animals that have hands.
  • Otter brains: too bigs for their skulls.
  • Finding out what animals have in store for us.
  • Living in a town built over a big bubble of petroleum and your neighbor's yard having the cutest little oil derrick.
  • Rinsing off with distilled water after you shower so you don't get a rash.
  • Living in a town that has no social scene so on Saturday night you and your friends go downtown and try to track down where that shrimp smell is coming from.
  • Gas fields flaring all around the city.
  • A combined oil derrick/Bitcoin mining rig that you can plug right into the ground and forget about.
  • The ability to voluntarily control defecation.
  • The sixth sense that's just in our butts.
  • Taking care of you butt consciousness.
  • Shitting your pants once and upending all of science.
  • Whether anyone poops in Rain World.
  • A cat who is also a slug who is also trapped on the Wheel of Samsara.
  • Reading a poem and refusing to click on the poem guide that explains what the heck it means.
  • Approaching poems as inscrutable puzzle boxes where you have to crack the code to even figure out what the hell they're talking about.
  • Approaching making art as aN opportunity to bore the shit out of your friends and family.
  • Pulling the theme of a story like a string and the entire story falls open like a sack of grain.
  • Demanding more delicious curds and dawdling wenches at your funeral.
  • Needing a weird cow to anchor your painting of a grassy field.
  • Whether the crowd-pleasers actually have something there. Something other than all the money, I mean.
  • Making a funny reference to a contemporary TV commercial in your poem about a funeral.
  • The King of Carrot Flowers.
  • Busy wrists make for busy minds.
  • Stanislaw Lem's "Solaris" as the basis for every video game except for Rain World.
  • Stalker and S.T.A.L.K.E.R.
  • The mysteries of The Zone and why it exists.
  • The Emperor of Ice Cream of Tarkovsky movies.
  • Experiencing what is like to live in a non-functional economy.
  • Being in the company of a doctor piloting someone through a pandemic-ridden city.
  • Stand-Up Tragedy.
  • The cheapest way to fame.
  • Renaming your PhD thesis "Anal Sampling Mechanism" so your advisor will finally look at it.

Support Topic Lords

]]> 92. Tomb of the Spider-Men https://topiclords.com/tomb-of-the-spider-men 47a7f971-f4e9-45a5-b790-e27f6606215e Mon, 26 Jul 2021 08:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords this week: Abby and John B. We discuss the 1998 Tips & Tricks Magazine Video Game Codebook, Grease 2 and the 60s Superman musical, Tower of Druaga, and Cibo Matto - Sugar Water. 1:00:01 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Abby * https://twitter.com/mizabitha * http://abbydenton.podbean.com/ * John B * https://twitter.com/YouOldSoAndSo Topics: * The 1998 Tips & Tricks Magazine Video Game Codebook, a Larry Flynt publication that is not porn but, in a certain sense, is not unlike porn * Why grease 2 is the best superhero musical; a mild defense of the 60s superman musical * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNXbdLDZLKM * Tower of Druaga * Cibo Matto - Sugar Water * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EN9auBn6Jys * Unedited (syncable) commentary: https://youtu.be/qgqxxX_yLfo * https://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/02/17/68-michel-gondry/ Microtopics: * The illustrious Abby Denton. * A shambles. * Locking your Twitter so nobody knows what you're doing in there. * Making a whole video game magazine out of just the good parts of video game magazines. * Publishing a series of short stories by formatting them like cheat codes and then submitting them to Tips & Tricks magazine. * Nostalgia for when most of your perception of the gaming world came from tiny screenshots in magazines. * A book that is a bunch of fake games and paragraphs about them. * A duck riding a skateboard. * Making a book out of a Twitter thread. * Reading about video games in magazines probably being the optimal experience actually because most games were terrible. * Game Master Anthony's birthday party. * Street Fighter 2, the last game in the Street Fighter series. * NBA Jam arcade as proof that cheat codes are compatible with microtransactions. * Renting a game just to prove to your friend that the cheat code they heard about doesn't actually work. * WWF Attitude. * Enjoying the bouquet of Uniracers. * A certain quality of gibberish. * Publishing a fake cheat code in the annual Tips and Tricks monster issue to convey the location of your drug drop. * Putting Roll back in the Marvel vs. Capcom series. * A very mild defense. * Superman fighting a gang of Chinese acrobats portrayed by white heroin addicts. * Mafiosos cha-cha-ing around the room and chanting "Curtains for Superman!" * The only Superman story where kryptonite never appears. * An evil psychoanalyst defeating Superman by convincing him he's just a regular guy. * Why can't the strongest man in the world be the happiest man in the world? * Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark. * Dorky British guys trying to impress Michelle Pfeiffer. * Giving a three year old a DVD of Grease 2 for her birthday. * Everything are an opera. * Just barely losing the Nobel Prize for thirty years in a row. * Japanese arcade note-sharing culture. * If Atari 2600 Adventure has a dozen Easter eggs as obscure as its hidden room, and they were all necessary to finish the game. * One thing the NES is good at. * The Gilligan's Island game for NES. * Gilligan's Island for NES being rated only .1 star out of five less than Sonic CD. * Game Center CX. * The time you could explore Namco Museum. * Bubble Bobble. * Hiding a bunch of stuff in your indie game inspired by Frog Fractions but nobody ever finds it because nobody cared enough about your game. * Spelunky 2. * Your stuff per second rate. * Nightmare of Druaga. * How to know if you have a friend. * A Brian De Palma split screen dream. * Waking up with sugar on your head. * Michel Gondry's music video ouevre. * I, Palindrome, I. * A team of compositors working for six months to bring your one-second idea to fruition. * Hitting someone with your car and then following them down the street yelling at them. * A reverse strip club where the performers are moving backwards in time. * Practicing how to put a reverse-causality shirt on. * A complete understanding of why Miho Hatori is going to bed with a sugar head. * Teaching your son how to yawn. * Playing Doctor Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine with your tiny, tiny feet. * Jerks welcome! Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • The illustrious Abby Denton.
  • A shambles.
  • Locking your Twitter so nobody knows what you're doing in there.
  • Making a whole video game magazine out of just the good parts of video game magazines.
  • Publishing a series of short stories by formatting them like cheat codes and then submitting them to Tips & Tricks magazine.
  • Nostalgia for when most of your perception of the gaming world came from tiny screenshots in magazines.
  • A book that is a bunch of fake games and paragraphs about them.
  • A duck riding a skateboard.
  • Making a book out of a Twitter thread.
  • Reading about video games in magazines probably being the optimal experience actually because most games were terrible.
  • Game Master Anthony's birthday party.
  • Street Fighter 2, the last game in the Street Fighter series.
  • NBA Jam arcade as proof that cheat codes are compatible with microtransactions.
  • Renting a game just to prove to your friend that the cheat code they heard about doesn't actually work.
  • WWF Attitude.
  • Enjoying the bouquet of Uniracers.
  • A certain quality of gibberish.
  • Publishing a fake cheat code in the annual Tips and Tricks monster issue to convey the location of your drug drop.
  • Putting Roll back in the Marvel vs. Capcom series.
  • A very mild defense.
  • Superman fighting a gang of Chinese acrobats portrayed by white heroin addicts.
  • Mafiosos cha-cha-ing around the room and chanting "Curtains for Superman!"
  • The only Superman story where kryptonite never appears.
  • An evil psychoanalyst defeating Superman by convincing him he's just a regular guy.
  • Why can't the strongest man in the world be the happiest man in the world?
  • Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark.
  • Dorky British guys trying to impress Michelle Pfeiffer.
  • Giving a three year old a DVD of Grease 2 for her birthday.
  • Everything are an opera.
  • Just barely losing the Nobel Prize for thirty years in a row.
  • Japanese arcade note-sharing culture.
  • If Atari 2600 Adventure has a dozen Easter eggs as obscure as its hidden room, and they were all necessary to finish the game.
  • One thing the NES is good at.
  • The Gilligan's Island game for NES.
  • Gilligan's Island for NES being rated only .1 star out of five less than Sonic CD.
  • Game Center CX.
  • The time you could explore Namco Museum.
  • Bubble Bobble.
  • Hiding a bunch of stuff in your indie game inspired by Frog Fractions but nobody ever finds it because nobody cared enough about your game.
  • Spelunky 2.
  • Your stuff per second rate.
  • Nightmare of Druaga.
  • How to know if you have a friend.
  • A Brian De Palma split screen dream.
  • Waking up with sugar on your head.
  • Michel Gondry's music video ouevre.
  • I, Palindrome, I.
  • A team of compositors working for six months to bring your one-second idea to fruition.
  • Hitting someone with your car and then following them down the street yelling at them.
  • A reverse strip club where the performers are moving backwards in time.
  • Practicing how to put a reverse-causality shirt on.
  • A complete understanding of why Miho Hatori is going to bed with a sugar head.
  • Teaching your son how to yawn.
  • Playing Doctor Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine with your tiny, tiny feet.
  • Jerks welcome!

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • The illustrious Abby Denton.
  • A shambles.
  • Locking your Twitter so nobody knows what you're doing in there.
  • Making a whole video game magazine out of just the good parts of video game magazines.
  • Publishing a series of short stories by formatting them like cheat codes and then submitting them to Tips & Tricks magazine.
  • Nostalgia for when most of your perception of the gaming world came from tiny screenshots in magazines.
  • A book that is a bunch of fake games and paragraphs about them.
  • A duck riding a skateboard.
  • Making a book out of a Twitter thread.
  • Reading about video games in magazines probably being the optimal experience actually because most games were terrible.
  • Game Master Anthony's birthday party.
  • Street Fighter 2, the last game in the Street Fighter series.
  • NBA Jam arcade as proof that cheat codes are compatible with microtransactions.
  • Renting a game just to prove to your friend that the cheat code they heard about doesn't actually work.
  • WWF Attitude.
  • Enjoying the bouquet of Uniracers.
  • A certain quality of gibberish.
  • Publishing a fake cheat code in the annual Tips and Tricks monster issue to convey the location of your drug drop.
  • Putting Roll back in the Marvel vs. Capcom series.
  • A very mild defense.
  • Superman fighting a gang of Chinese acrobats portrayed by white heroin addicts.
  • Mafiosos cha-cha-ing around the room and chanting "Curtains for Superman!"
  • The only Superman story where kryptonite never appears.
  • An evil psychoanalyst defeating Superman by convincing him he's just a regular guy.
  • Why can't the strongest man in the world be the happiest man in the world?
  • Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark.
  • Dorky British guys trying to impress Michelle Pfeiffer.
  • Giving a three year old a DVD of Grease 2 for her birthday.
  • Everything are an opera.
  • Just barely losing the Nobel Prize for thirty years in a row.
  • Japanese arcade note-sharing culture.
  • If Atari 2600 Adventure has a dozen Easter eggs as obscure as its hidden room, and they were all necessary to finish the game.
  • One thing the NES is good at.
  • The Gilligan's Island game for NES.
  • Gilligan's Island for NES being rated only .1 star out of five less than Sonic CD.
  • Game Center CX.
  • The time you could explore Namco Museum.
  • Bubble Bobble.
  • Hiding a bunch of stuff in your indie game inspired by Frog Fractions but nobody ever finds it because nobody cared enough about your game.
  • Spelunky 2.
  • Your stuff per second rate.
  • Nightmare of Druaga.
  • How to know if you have a friend.
  • A Brian De Palma split screen dream.
  • Waking up with sugar on your head.
  • Michel Gondry's music video ouevre.
  • I, Palindrome, I.
  • A team of compositors working for six months to bring your one-second idea to fruition.
  • Hitting someone with your car and then following them down the street yelling at them.
  • A reverse strip club where the performers are moving backwards in time.
  • Practicing how to put a reverse-causality shirt on.
  • A complete understanding of why Miho Hatori is going to bed with a sugar head.
  • Teaching your son how to yawn.
  • Playing Doctor Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine with your tiny, tiny feet.
  • Jerks welcome!

Support Topic Lords

]]> 48. Long Furby https://topiclords.com/long-furby 6057f430-b9c3-4cfa-b271-96b569b965ca Mon, 21 Sep 2020 08:00:00 -0700 Jim Stormdancer full Jim Stormdancer Lords: Abby and John. We discuss A-Life and V-Pets, San Diego, Bloodlust Software, and a found-footage style web series depicting a creature lurking at the edge of the frame in a series of porn videos. 1:08:32 yes Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Abby * https://twitter.com/mizabitha * http://abbydenton.podbean.com/ * John * https://twitter.com/YouOldSoAndSo Topics: * A-life and v-pets of the late 90s: why did they die, where do we see them today (pokemon go, etc) * Nano Pets commercial with catchy jingle: https://youtu.be/RKIwHHMVmQ?t=298 * The only Wappy dog review on Metacritic: https://www.pocketgamer.com/articles/047860/wappy-dog/ * Stack Up video by Jeremy Parish: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cb8RHzSW2yo * Stack Up in WarioWare, Inc.: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WBXh5cLJt4 * A Long Furby: https://twitter.com/LongFurby/status/1002690751988453379 * Another Long Furby: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/long-furby-wife-guy * Furby source code: http://www.seanriddle.com/furbysource.pdf * DadDoes review of Wappy Dog: http://www.daddoes.com/3912/wappy-dog-review/ * San Diego, CA * Everything John forgot to mention: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SanDiegoCounty,California * Torrey Pines State Natural Reserve®: https://torreypine.org/ * Geisel Library: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GeiselLibrary * San Diego Zoo Safari Park: https://www.sdzsafaripark.org/ * International Cottages at Balboa Park: http://www.sdhpr.org/ * Salty licorice/salmiak: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saltyliquorice * I have many friends, and am very popular, and awesome, and rumors about my smell are greatly exaggerated- John. * San Onofre Nuclear Generating Station: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SanOnofreNuclearGeneratingStation * San Diego depicted in the 1998 Midway arcade game California Speed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8lSX1aUHQw * Hotel del Coronado: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HoteldelCoronado * “Nobody’s perfect.”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mHhr-aaLnI * Harmony Gold’s most popular move in years: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qk3p6hIdVeM * Send your Robotech questions and comments to: https://twitter.com/marwilliamson * California is on fire; get in the van, loser, we’re all moving to Pittsburgh. * Bloodlust Software and the 90s indie game scene * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rf5KIss6csA * https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/9a48z3/the-story-of-nesticle-the-ambitious-emulator-that-redefined-retro-gaming * Not A Butt Face asks: "Marble Hornets Sex Tape ie. A Found Footage Style Webseries but the footage being sifted through is on Sex Tapes and just out of frame or partially obscured is a lurking unknown creature. Could this ever work?" Microtopics: * Being a cyborg and being out of the closet. * Doing standup comedy in an empty room. * Figuring out the best way to get a podcast onto your phone. * Kevin Spacey ruining your podcast. * A 20th-anniversary digital Tamagotchi. * F2P Tamagotchi all getting horrible pain disorders that demand you pay daily microtransactions or they just scream all day. * A large company that operates suspiciously. * Reading a lot of Newsweek in grade school. * Getting high on your own supply of Newsweek. * An eight year old wearing a blazer with elbow pads picking up a Newsweek at the book fair to read about Tamagotchi. * Shaking the Chao garden to make the Chao fight. * Whether or not Nintendogs go to heaven. * Neglecting your real dog because you have an exciting new virtual dog. * Sickening podcast guests with your Pokemon Go strategies. * The sensor on Wappy Dog's tail that only exists so it can get upset that you pulled its tail. * That one banger on the Wappy Dog OST. * Your Robotic Operating Buddy's ability to pick up discs of a certain size and move them in an arc around itself. * Playing Stack Up over Skype and having to call your friend and have him reset the puzzle whenever ROB fucks up and drops the pieces on the floor. * The baffling absence of YouTube videos of Gizmo Furby interacting with Yoda Furby. * Steven Spielberg patrolling the internet for videos of Gizmo Furby talking to Yoda Furby and shutting them the heck down because that's not canon. (George Lucas is fine with it.) * A village of Furbies living on after the extinction of the human race. * Yes! Dad does! * Wappy Dog being immortal, but if he did die somehow he'd go straight to hell. * Pikachu turning to the player and asking "who was the last person you kissed?" * Trying to make a game that creates the same reaction in every player. * Confusing Yoot Saito and Noob Saibot. * Playing SimCity 2000 on a Game Boy Advance. * Becoming a chef so that you can figure out why burritos are better in San Diego than anywhere else in the world. * A library raised up in little feet with a swirly tail called The Spang-Dangler Building. * A library that looks like a big concrete tree. * A library that looks like a space invader. * Discovering Finnish Salty Licorice and finally not having to share your candy with your friends. * Lurking in the floorboards so that you can visit your introvert friend without them noticing. * Those big concrete nipples on Camp Pendleton. * Driving from Camp Pendleton to Mexico in less than a minute and then turning around and driving across an aircraft carrier. * Doctor Seuss's favorite San Diego hangouts. * Whether Jack Lemmon likes it hot in the ending of Some Like It Hot. * Taking part in the panda breeding program in the 70s. * Not knowing what the San Diego Convention Center looks like outside of Comic Con and just assuming it's always swarming with nerds. * None of the speakers showing up for the big Robotech panel at Wondercon so the marketing director steps up with PowerPoint presentation describing Robotech merch. * Everyone losing their shit over Robotech skate decks. * Singing and dancing when the sky turns black. * Trying to hide violence from children so the children rebel by celebrating violence as much as possible. * A full-featured Mortal Kombat clone developed by two high school students. * Whether One Must Fall stands up. * Choosing to release the first free-and-good-enough NES emulator and calling it NESticle. * How the mouse pointer for NESticle was actually a severed hand, and only the Windows icon was a scrotum. * Keeping your emulation legit by deleting your ROMs every 24 hours. * The only place the long-rumored SNESticle was ever released. * How early SNES emulators didn't handle transparency so you had to manually toggle the cloud layer in order to see anything. * Shock value Flash cartoons before and after 9/11. * A gif of a plane crashing into Oprah. * Going into work each day with the intent of trying to get fired. * Who today is carrying on the Bloodlust Software ethos. * Making the same ultra-violent video game as everyone else but adding narration explaining that "violence is bad and this game is important." * A hyper-detailed art style evocative of biology and gross innards without actually depicting any gore. * A tasteful logo that represents a butt pooping. * A barely-visible monster lurking in the background of every video uploaded to Pornhub. * Porkin' Across America. * Finding people who were already going to make a series of sex tapes and offering to lurk in the background in your Slenderman costume. * Training a neural network to insert Slenderman into the background of every movie. * Writing erotic House of Leaves fan fiction and waiting for the Internet to discover and reenact it. * An art critic giving your life a B+. Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Being a cyborg and being out of the closet.
  • Doing standup comedy in an empty room.
  • Figuring out the best way to get a podcast onto your phone.
  • Kevin Spacey ruining your podcast.
  • A 20th-anniversary digital Tamagotchi.
  • F2P Tamagotchi all getting horrible pain disorders that demand you pay daily microtransactions or they just scream all day.
  • A large company that operates suspiciously.
  • Reading a lot of Newsweek in grade school.
  • Getting high on your own supply of Newsweek.
  • An eight year old wearing a blazer with elbow pads picking up a Newsweek at the book fair to read about Tamagotchi.
  • Shaking the Chao garden to make the Chao fight.
  • Whether or not Nintendogs go to heaven.
  • Neglecting your real dog because you have an exciting new virtual dog.
  • Sickening podcast guests with your Pokemon Go strategies.
  • The sensor on Wappy Dog's tail that only exists so it can get upset that you pulled its tail.
  • That one banger on the Wappy Dog OST.
  • Your Robotic Operating Buddy's ability to pick up discs of a certain size and move them in an arc around itself.
  • Playing Stack Up over Skype and having to call your friend and have him reset the puzzle whenever ROB fucks up and drops the pieces on the floor.
  • The baffling absence of YouTube videos of Gizmo Furby interacting with Yoda Furby.
  • Steven Spielberg patrolling the internet for videos of Gizmo Furby talking to Yoda Furby and shutting them the heck down because that's not canon. (George Lucas is fine with it.)
  • A village of Furbies living on after the extinction of the human race.
  • Yes! Dad does!
  • Wappy Dog being immortal, but if he did die somehow he'd go straight to hell.
  • Pikachu turning to the player and asking "who was the last person you kissed?"
  • Trying to make a game that creates the same reaction in every player.
  • Confusing Yoot Saito and Noob Saibot.
  • Playing SimCity 2000 on a Game Boy Advance.
  • Becoming a chef so that you can figure out why burritos are better in San Diego than anywhere else in the world.
  • A library raised up in little feet with a swirly tail called The Spang-Dangler Building.
  • A library that looks like a big concrete tree.
  • A library that looks like a space invader.
  • Discovering Finnish Salty Licorice and finally not having to share your candy with your friends.
  • Lurking in the floorboards so that you can visit your introvert friend without them noticing.
  • Those big concrete nipples on Camp Pendleton.
  • Driving from Camp Pendleton to Mexico in less than a minute and then turning around and driving across an aircraft carrier.
  • Doctor Seuss's favorite San Diego hangouts.
  • Whether Jack Lemmon likes it hot in the ending of Some Like It Hot.
  • Taking part in the panda breeding program in the 70s.
  • Not knowing what the San Diego Convention Center looks like outside of Comic Con and just assuming it's always swarming with nerds.
  • None of the speakers showing up for the big Robotech panel at Wondercon so the marketing director steps up with PowerPoint presentation describing Robotech merch.
  • Everyone losing their shit over Robotech skate decks.
  • Singing and dancing when the sky turns black.
  • Trying to hide violence from children so the children rebel by celebrating violence as much as possible.
  • A full-featured Mortal Kombat clone developed by two high school students.
  • Whether One Must Fall stands up.
  • Choosing to release the first free-and-good-enough NES emulator and calling it NESticle.
  • How the mouse pointer for NESticle was actually a severed hand, and only the Windows icon was a scrotum.
  • Keeping your emulation legit by deleting your ROMs every 24 hours.
  • The only place the long-rumored SNESticle was ever released.
  • How early SNES emulators didn't handle transparency so you had to manually toggle the cloud layer in order to see anything.
  • Shock value Flash cartoons before and after 9/11.
  • A gif of a plane crashing into Oprah.
  • Going into work each day with the intent of trying to get fired.
  • Who today is carrying on the Bloodlust Software ethos.
  • Making the same ultra-violent video game as everyone else but adding narration explaining that "violence is bad and this game is important."
  • A hyper-detailed art style evocative of biology and gross innards without actually depicting any gore.
  • A tasteful logo that represents a butt pooping.
  • A barely-visible monster lurking in the background of every video uploaded to Pornhub.
  • Porkin' Across America.
  • Finding people who were already going to make a series of sex tapes and offering to lurk in the background in your Slenderman costume.
  • Training a neural network to insert Slenderman into the background of every movie.
  • Writing erotic House of Leaves fan fiction and waiting for the Internet to discover and reenact it.
  • An art critic giving your life a B+.

Support Topic Lords

]]> Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Being a cyborg and being out of the closet.
  • Doing standup comedy in an empty room.
  • Figuring out the best way to get a podcast onto your phone.
  • Kevin Spacey ruining your podcast.
  • A 20th-anniversary digital Tamagotchi.
  • F2P Tamagotchi all getting horrible pain disorders that demand you pay daily microtransactions or they just scream all day.
  • A large company that operates suspiciously.
  • Reading a lot of Newsweek in grade school.
  • Getting high on your own supply of Newsweek.
  • An eight year old wearing a blazer with elbow pads picking up a Newsweek at the book fair to read about Tamagotchi.
  • Shaking the Chao garden to make the Chao fight.
  • Whether or not Nintendogs go to heaven.
  • Neglecting your real dog because you have an exciting new virtual dog.
  • Sickening podcast guests with your Pokemon Go strategies.
  • The sensor on Wappy Dog's tail that only exists so it can get upset that you pulled its tail.
  • That one banger on the Wappy Dog OST.
  • Your Robotic Operating Buddy's ability to pick up discs of a certain size and move them in an arc around itself.
  • Playing Stack Up over Skype and having to call your friend and have him reset the puzzle whenever ROB fucks up and drops the pieces on the floor.
  • The baffling absence of YouTube videos of Gizmo Furby interacting with Yoda Furby.
  • Steven Spielberg patrolling the internet for videos of Gizmo Furby talking to Yoda Furby and shutting them the heck down because that's not canon. (George Lucas is fine with it.)
  • A village of Furbies living on after the extinction of the human race.
  • Yes! Dad does!
  • Wappy Dog being immortal, but if he did die somehow he'd go straight to hell.
  • Pikachu turning to the player and asking "who was the last person you kissed?"
  • Trying to make a game that creates the same reaction in every player.
  • Confusing Yoot Saito and Noob Saibot.
  • Playing SimCity 2000 on a Game Boy Advance.
  • Becoming a chef so that you can figure out why burritos are better in San Diego than anywhere else in the world.
  • A library raised up in little feet with a swirly tail called The Spang-Dangler Building.
  • A library that looks like a big concrete tree.
  • A library that looks like a space invader.
  • Discovering Finnish Salty Licorice and finally not having to share your candy with your friends.
  • Lurking in the floorboards so that you can visit your introvert friend without them noticing.
  • Those big concrete nipples on Camp Pendleton.
  • Driving from Camp Pendleton to Mexico in less than a minute and then turning around and driving across an aircraft carrier.
  • Doctor Seuss's favorite San Diego hangouts.
  • Whether Jack Lemmon likes it hot in the ending of Some Like It Hot.
  • Taking part in the panda breeding program in the 70s.
  • Not knowing what the San Diego Convention Center looks like outside of Comic Con and just assuming it's always swarming with nerds.
  • None of the speakers showing up for the big Robotech panel at Wondercon so the marketing director steps up with PowerPoint presentation describing Robotech merch.
  • Everyone losing their shit over Robotech skate decks.
  • Singing and dancing when the sky turns black.
  • Trying to hide violence from children so the children rebel by celebrating violence as much as possible.
  • A full-featured Mortal Kombat clone developed by two high school students.
  • Whether One Must Fall stands up.
  • Choosing to release the first free-and-good-enough NES emulator and calling it NESticle.
  • How the mouse pointer for NESticle was actually a severed hand, and only the Windows icon was a scrotum.
  • Keeping your emulation legit by deleting your ROMs every 24 hours.
  • The only place the long-rumored SNESticle was ever released.
  • How early SNES emulators didn't handle transparency so you had to manually toggle the cloud layer in order to see anything.
  • Shock value Flash cartoons before and after 9/11.
  • A gif of a plane crashing into Oprah.
  • Going into work each day with the intent of trying to get fired.
  • Who today is carrying on the Bloodlust Software ethos.
  • Making the same ultra-violent video game as everyone else but adding narration explaining that "violence is bad and this game is important."
  • A hyper-detailed art style evocative of biology and gross innards without actually depicting any gore.
  • A tasteful logo that represents a butt pooping.
  • A barely-visible monster lurking in the background of every video uploaded to Pornhub.
  • Porkin' Across America.
  • Finding people who were already going to make a series of sex tapes and offering to lurk in the background in your Slenderman costume.
  • Training a neural network to insert Slenderman into the background of every movie.
  • Writing erotic House of Leaves fan fiction and waiting for the Internet to discover and reenact it.
  • An art critic giving your life a B+.

Support Topic Lords

]]>